not so into it

I'm sure its a phase, but, I was just not all that interested in seeing Mountain this evening. Even last night I called out of habit. This money thing, the "issue"............
I tend to think a lot without.........certain brain disablers.
and I find I am asking myself a few questions lately.
The smoking REALLY bugs me.
Yes you all saw me lite up a few months ago. Soemthing I started cause it was so easy when its in your face and you've been drinking. Why Not! I used to. So I had quit for 7 years. I quit drinking too! What me go! Fuck it all! Anyhow....I friggin Hate it! I don't do it. I have when I've drank, but I seriously can't stand it. And if its not around me when I am having a glass of wine i don't even think about it. He was here walking thru my yard with me tonight, cigarette in hand. I couknd't stand it! Go Away.
And serioulsy, your friends.........
I think I will just go to bed before I say things i will regret. I have more to say but I think its possible I have PMS and in about a week I'll feel better. I guess if I don't...............

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Big Dreams - True Reality

Holy Carp he owes a lot of money!
in Stupid stupid places.
My dreams compared to his have always been touchable.

He wants a sports car. He wants to own acreage. At least a house. Won't even entertain the thought of a townhouse. Wants to build a fancy dancy shed out back. Lee VAlley Tools. Playland. Talks of family trips, Disneyland, England again......

Then there's buying Teaghan clothes, eating out all the time, a pack a day smokes!!

Are you kidding me!

Soemwhere in the back of my mind I thought maybe if we work really hard some of that might be attainable. I sure as Hell don't now!!!
I knew about the loan he'd taken out before we met. A consolidation loan to pay off credit. Did I know about the credit card? Yah. did I know how much? Na - ah. did I know about the others? Fuck No! Did I know about the overdraft? Nope! Did he learn his lesson the first time he fucked his credit up and is still paying for it after 3 YearS? APPARENTLY NOT!
Does he have ANYTHING to show for it?? NO!!!
I live check to check, but he lives .......... well its certainly NOT check to check. And beyond his means is giving him credit.
I feel as though the rug just got pulled out from me.
My little attainable dreams that I had that included him are not so touchable now. I am Pissed Off!
FUCK!

Amazing

As I was laying here last night with my grumbly tummy I was thinking.....
I am Going to be 39 this year! Holy carp! My life. What a wild trip and the things I have learned and been through. Stuff I have observed and learned from .... I'd like to go back to college and take more physcology courses ........ things I said years ago would happen, and they are and did. Why was I never good at math.
Charley is going to be 10! that is wild too. I was pregnant 10 years ago, yet I remember it like it was last year.
Mountain and I have nearly been together for 2 yrs! another Holy Carp! We met, July 1st weekend, but didn't start to unofficially date till September. Wild. It feels like we've only just met. Where with other relationships I was counting the months and grasping at them to give my relationship some kind of worth. Yet here we are. 2yrs later. Bizaare.
On july 16th it will be a year since the day I was given notice at my other house and thus began the 3 week whirlwind of moving and purchasing my first home! WoW! i never could have done it without Mountain. he has been such an amazing help in my life with things. I am so glad the pole removed itself far enough so that I could see past it to him. just wish we didn't have the issue But other than that.....we get along Fantastic! I guess without the "issue" it would be perfect. And you know what they say .... if something seems to good to be true - it probably is! Hmmm. I could still do without it though.
Anyhow ..... its time to get ready for the Amazing Day above ground I have started here!

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Busy Weekend

Fabulous busy weekend.
Charley was amazing aT her piano recital. She got a 90.6! Thats great. She came home with a proud grin and a trophy in her hands to place next to last years on the top of the piano. We had sandwiches, tea and dessert with the grand parents when we got back here. It was a nice visit. Mountain had done his part and helped by cutting the lawn and weed eating the corners. Grandad even walked thru my yard!! that is HUGE! He enjoyed it thoroughly.
The next day was Hanky Panky.
The ladies got here and the sun came out. I can never hear too many compliments on my yard and home. Things are a bit spotty after that. Somehow and for some reason I thru my ring in the livingroom and now I can't find it. My ass was touched, groped and grabbed more than it has been in ages. Than Charley came home. She's been on a date with Mountain. They went to the mall, for dinner and than to Michaels. When all of a sudden.....sick.....tummy, sick, poo, it was awful. We figured it had to have been what she ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Poor little thing. Well I don't think it was. Got the call had to get her early from school and than be with her. I missed work.. DAmn! but it turned out to be a good thing. My tummy has decided to revolt as well. I spent some time on the bathroom floor and I am not feeling all that hot now.
So OSF is safe. I think we are just sick. Who'da thunk it!

WoW!

Imagine ..... working full-time. Only seeing your kid in the evenings after 6 mon-fri. And then shipping it off EVERY weekend to either your mother or the man you are using for free babysitting. Amazing!

Being a parent is sooo hard. *insert extreme sarcasm here*

a Bottle?

I'm goin' along....makin' cookies..cleaning my house...getting ready for the next 2 days of entertaining I am doing.....BAM!....
I drank the whole bottle???? What The F!

Mountain can Be so Ignorant

He
and then he
and so what if
I'm sorry but
ARE You NeW!!
I can't read this!!! What the F - Troop!!

Entertaining Is Friggin Expensive!!!

I'm working on my menu for both days.
I'm trying to keep it simple, but Holy Shit! and you don't want it sooo simple its boring.
My Grandad is missing his Lunch on SAturday to come to the recital. So I gotta feed him something substantial. And the next day my Hanky deal is right during the supper hour so I can't starve these darling Panky starved, drunk girls.
I can;'t afford to entertain like this!
What the Hell was i thinking?
and why does this keep double spacing! What The Hell!

How did This Happen?

i am freakin busy every weekend!
My summer is already planned out!
Holy Heck and Dina!

Berry fest is in a month. Oh what a Joyous Gong-show that is guaranteed to be.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it will be better than I think it is going to be.
But as it stands right now........we are understaffed and that is just the beginning.

Leah has come up with a plan for playland that just ........... its almost nice, till you look just below the surface. (She can't afford it) I'll get into that another time.

This weekend is Piano recital Saturday, family lunch. Sunday is Ladies day! Hanky Panky with more than I thought coming so that should be fun. so I am getting ready and making food and............it turns out its one of the girls' birthdays! So there will fersure be a Safeway Cake! I'll take pictures. Mountain and The Queen will go on a date so we have privacy.
Of I go to build stuff for the weekend!

Blog On!

It must Have Been an UFO!!! pronounced Ooofoe

Came home on Thursday to this.
The Crack house was gone! Also known as Appliance man.
an UFO must have sucked it up into its belly. It even took some of the Grass!
WOA!!!

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Watch out for Ooofoes!

Welfare Week...Crack Haven

I say....gather them all up. Put them on an island or behind a really really high electric fence with access to the crack and meth they soo crave. They'll kill themselves off. The ones that want actual help can raise a white flag and be airlifted to Re-hab.

yah I'm cold

just remember ................. my Sister was a Cracker not too many years ago .......... and still struggles .............

Crack Island is the way to Go!

Carp!

how is it possible, after getting rid of Sooo much when we moved 8 months ago, that I still have piles of Carp???
Actually its not me. Its my room-mate, The Queen!
She keeps growing so I have all these stupid shoes that don;'t fit her anymore laying about. Toys, friggin Dress-up! Barbies, drawing crap, books, stuffies, clothes...........
i havn't had the chance since moving in to go thru my room and organize it! I'm so busy every weekend doing house chores and then her room and now outside and.............Aaaaaahhhh!
I need days off during the week, when no one is here, I don't have to pick anyone up or feed them or ANYthinG for anyhone else!!! i want to lock myself in my room and be left alone for a whole day.

Missing her Great Gramma

Charley has been having a rough time. More attitude at home. it has leaked into school. She's been acting out.

She misses her Great Gramma

i have been encouraging her to talk about it more here at home. Last night I went in to check on her like I do after she's gone to bed.
There she was, half asleep, with a pic out of her personal photo album.
Great Gramma was on her bedside table. Along side another pic of Great Grandad. she looked up when i came over to her and the tears started. So we cried together.


My poor little munchkin. Death is so hard. I've been trying to help her channel her grief, talk about it and cry when she needs to.

She had a special relationship with her Great Gramma and it was sooo very special! For that I am glad. It hurts for her as it does for me. but this is her first death. I hope i can guide her thru it in a healthy way this first time so she can be okay for the others that are sure to follow. Something i never got or learned till much later in life. Dealing With Loss. Don't Ever just not do Step 1

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Horn Creek Park

Charley and I wnt on a walk yesterday and found the Bestest Pond Ever!
the walk was wonderful. Thru the bushes and trees, river.....
then we found the best Pond Ever nestled away.
There were a few ducks and a Turtle!
So today we took Mountain and Teaghan there. and today there were more ducks. The turtle and 3 Raccoons! How cool is that?!!
We stood and watched for a long time.
we came to find out there is actaully 3 turtles. WOA! Wild turtles in the city. I wonder if its the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles?!! Holy Moly!

oh and Yes.
WE ARE GOING TO MADONNA!!!
YaY!!!
It took forever to get thru online. I was actaully starting to get concerned. i got on Right at 10AM on the dot! and the minute searcher minder thing started at 2min. then jumped to 6 then back to 3 then up to 8 and then up to 9. it took forever........but there was no way i was giving up. I sat and clicked and waited. and when my 4 came up...........i didn't ask questions and I don't care where it is...........We Are going!!!
Muck, Myself, Kodi and Sister.
YeeeHaw!
I am so excited. and Sooo lucky to have gotten tickets. CAuse apparently they sold out! But I had mine by 10:15 SAturday Morning!

up at 5:30 AM

Yup. I was up at 5:30 this morning. Dozed a bit till my alarm went off at 5:45AM
I was up making coffee. Brushing teeth, washing my face. i sat down in front of my computer at 6:03 with my cup of coffee. Only a sip out of it when the Madonna alert went off!
I dialed
and dialed
and dialed
Both phones going. I got thru!!! They were answering the phones. I was waiting for my ringing to stop and hear Nat say good morning.
DAmn! It wasn't me! but I stayed on with the ringing anyhow, cuz I wanted to know. I was 10. 10!!!!
so it went off again not long ago. so again I tried............
never got thru this time at all. POOOO!
so i will try a couple more times I hope before I have to truck my butt off to work. Hopefully one last time between 5 & 6 tonight.

Maybe I should call in sick....................

so i tweeked it a little and sent it off to the Paper.

Feeding?

the Church is feeding "homeless" people in the park!

Are you kidding me?!!

Do you feed a stray dog and not expect it to come back?
How about the squirrels in your back yard, until they multiply and take over?
What about the sweet raccoons, then suddenly your cat is gutted on your doorstep?

I ask...are you an addict?
Are you homeless or monitarialy handicapped?
Do you know these "homeless" personally?

Well, I am all of the above.

Sure. If you truly believe these people to be homeless, than by all means help them. You are kind and generous, but invite them to your church to do it. Or at least in the church parking lot. But please, Please stop enabling them.
Hunger pangs in their stomachs go a long way to help them SEEK re-hab.
If your neighbour decided to open his home to these people and feed them how would you feel having them next door? How would you feel knowing each day they would be passed out in his yard? Sometimes yours because they got lost? WAtching your wife in the yard? Your kids riding their bikes? They would be passing your house every day. What would your guests think? Would they come over? This is what is happening downtown.
These are not truly homeless people.
They are crack heads/addicts that have been thrown out by loving parents that thought they were doing the best they could. Or they have left their homes, foster homes, wives/husbands because of their habit.
These are people that have made the choice to be this way. Its merely a symptom of what is really wrong with them. Maybe it was a one time thing that became a lifetime. Still only a symptom as to why they even started. Whatever their own personal reasons....they still have to WANT to make a choice to be clean. There are beds. There is re-hab.
Trouble being....it is being taken advantage of by the ones that are not serious about getting clean. They are using and abusing it. Ever wonder why there are no pay phones or public washrooms?
These are not people that work hard, have a job, and just don't make enough to make ends meet!
Is the the church the beginning and end of the problem? No, but they aren't helping it.
Re-hab will only work for a small few of them that WANT to be helped. But I am sorry to say, 3/4 of these people don't want to be helped! They don't know they have a problem!!!
So bring them into the loving arms of the church. Provide them with a cup of coffee and cheerios a muffin. Witness to them. You will slowly weed out the ones that really need you. Those are the ones you are truly helping. Educate yourselves in the ways of re-habilitation/resources so that you can help them further. You are doing God's work and absolutely should be! All that is being asked of you is to do it in a more constructive way.
But Please don't encourage them in the park.
They linger. They loiter. They stick around because they are comfortable. Then they spread out and break into your homes, your cars, our stores. They spend their days drinking on the streets, harrassing shoppers, panhandling, stealing, shoplifting. Only to come "home" again to the park. Cause if the church deems it okay.......it must be.
You can't honestly be that blind to not know the power of the church community in this town. The addicts sure aren't. They also know your hearts are too big for your own good sometimes.
Do I have an answer as to what to do about these scabby, slobbery, smelly humans that walk the downtown streets of Abbotsford like something out of Resident Evil?
No. Not a good one. Not one that is very nice anyhow. I do however know that enabling bad behaviour only makes it continue more and allow the individual to feel "okay" with their behaviour.
So we start where we can. Please don't encourage them.
In AA, you don't allow people in the group to show up drunk. You start back at day 1 sobriety. There is no such thing as a "little" drink. Its total accountability.
When your child behaves in an indecent manor, do you turn a blind eye.
How many of you will go back to the same shop because you once got a good deal there? Or shop at a certain vegetable stand because they have the best fruit in the valley? Maybe go back to a coffee shop because the girl that served you was so nice? People are habit forming creatures. Lets give these people a healthier habit.
Would you allow your children to play in that park and talk to those people? Would you allow them to teach your kids by their actions? I applaud your good will! However, you are not seeing the negative ripple effects of your actions.
I will repeat myself one more time.
These "homeless" don't need your help. 3/4 of them are using you and laughing at your gullibleness all the way to their next hit or their next deal. As a matter of fact, some of them aren't even homeless!!! They just look like they are. How in touch are you with what you are doing? Do you actaully KNOW any of these people?
As I began with - would you continue feeding the stray dog and honestly not expect it to hang around?
Help them by doing it in God's house. The ones that truly need it will come.
Better yet, donate your coffee and cheerios to the food bank. Volunteer your services and time to the Salvation Army. Abby house! Triangle! There are a number of services that could use some help.
Do we need cheaper housing?
Of course!! Absolutley. Than maybe as a church, purchase a large home to house some of these people. Maybe a few apartments. Pointing fingers at what is not being done is easy. My finger is out there right now. If you know what the community needs than maybe as a church family you can go about providing it since you feel the "city" is not.
Educate yourselves in the help that IS out there not what isn't.

DIE!! you Slimy legless Bastards!!

WEnt out after supper to peek at my garden. Slug Bait bought at Home Depot this afternoon in hand.....
those Little Bastards ate my sunflowers!
Only a few, well 5, but Frig. Ate them right out of the safety cover of the seed that was still over the leaves that were trying to Burst forth! Reduced a couple petunias that I just planted sunday to chewed up leafless messes.
WEll i sprinkled that slug bait EVERYWHERE! Assholes! Mess with me will ya'
it was stuff made by Safer's, apparently safe for pets and children.....so Okay. I sprinkled it all over. I guess we will see.

I Played in Poo Dirt

This is what it looked like the day I took possesion........ Now - This......

WoW. I need another day off. I am tired. Besides the fact that I didn't get ANY of my house chores done. CaRP!

But its done.

The front is done. I had a vision and Mountain went about helping. I laid rock and built walls while he shoveled Poo dirt. Stomped it down, and then shoveled some more. We managed 3 levels. Grass seed is down. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but.....thank goodness for the rain! My right hand muscles are sore from all the rock picking up and placing. Building a 2 or 3 level rock wall is not easy. Who'd a thunk? We managed to use all the materials we already had. Poo Dirt was the only addition. Cool! Didn't cost me anything but that P.D. I got a CAlifornia Lilac planted in the front and a proper Lilac tree/bush in the back.

Those I did pick-up. But the rest.........

I have 2 rose bushes that have to go in. Mom has a Cala Lily, a Fuschia Bush, and Lavendar for me. The one thing I have to remember is spacing. I put a thyme plant in amongst the rocks and some other pretty little thing that I can't remeber the name of. I want to put thyme in between all the rocks on my rock path too.

Foxglove and Hollyhock are calling to me. Oh is that Lupin too!??

So the Lilac in the back is planted in hopes it will grow up in front of the Nieghbors Living room window to provide both of us some privacy. The window is on the side of the house and looks right into, or onto my little spot there. It won't get too tall so that is good. I'll just stay on top of it with the pruning so it actaully looks like a tree not a bush.

So now onto the back yard.

Our sitting space is done....pretty much. Now its onto the patio, pond, shed, Fence, and back stairs. Wowsers! our summer is laid out.

Sweet peas and Sunflowers are coming up nicely.

It'll be nice to show off my yard in a few weeks when some of the ladies come for some girl time, Hanky Panky Party. Forget the sex products! Let me show you my yard!

Mountain and I worked well together. It was so comfortable, so nice. I love building our yard together. I honestly can't believe how good it feels to have a partner. We only snapped at each other a little bit! Grumpy and hot. Charlotte buggin' Life Happens. I spent some time sitting with Charlotte. Our feet in the pond feeling the fish nibble at our toes talking about stuff.

It was a really great long weekend.

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DIRT

Rhodo i moved from the other place. Isn't it beautiful!

LoL!!!

Dirt, Dirt, Dirt, Dirt, Dirt, Dirt.........

Haven't secured the plan of what I am doing in that front bed yet. But whatever it is.......I'll be dirty. it even smells like poo! How awesome is that! Its good stuff. i got it.....2 yards for 30bux! Delivered and dumped. Its good to have friends. Now for the weekend workout.

Enjoy your long weekend.

You know what I'll be doing.

Blog On

I HAVE DIRT COMING TOMORROW!!

ITS GONNA BE ONE DIRTY WEEKEND!!

if you come by and you see me making dirt angels.............I'm sure you'll understand.........

good News

Grandad is Paying for Piano lessons!!
YaY! I am sooo happy. Charley is going to be super bitter, but thats fine.
I'm glad that he realized the relationship Nan and I had was NOT about money. He saw that when he was here for dinner the other night. While I held his hand and just let him cry. The others yelling at me to stop. He just lost his wife a couple weeks ago of 65 years! Let him have his pain!! so i did. and I listened and I waited and I held his hand......

I am having a hanky Panky party on June 8th. I figure it will be a nice Sunday afternoon with the girls. I'll feed you. I have freezies! haha

Muck got her House!!!
YaY. Hooray! I soo happy for her. Happy Mortgage Muck!

I like Happy!

HOT SUN 4 MAY LONG WEEKEND!!!!

I can't remember the last nice may long weekend we've had.

i can harldy wait!

BBQ Here we come!

The only plans we have is to be here and hang and work in the yard. Oh Wait! I was invited to Bert's. So I'll do that and give Mountain some free time. But other than that.....we will be here.

I have Freezies.........and a pond....I know. Its tempting. I alos have Frog tukes! Thats when the party really begins

my brain is going to explode!

My mind is being flooded with so many thoughts

being smart and making the 'right' decisions
or taking a chance

What do I want? I mean, i know what I want. but do I want it now?
How is it possible?
What if its not?!!!
What if I decide on it later and then.................nothing - too late.....
or - Too Late!

I;m on the fence between sensible and what most would say ..... stupid.
but my fence is being taken away from me and soon, so very very soon .... the choice will be made for me .......

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!

MADONNA IS COMING!!!!

TO VANCOUVER!!!

i am going! Who's coming with me?

tickets go on sale May 24th. the concert is Oct. 30th. Apparently they range in price from 75 - 350. Nothing will stop me from going! If i have to go alone Even.

i have been waiting since 1985 for this.

WOOOOOOOOHH!!!!!!

Hi Its Me Kristi!

Hey! FAcebook is working for me again. Don't know what happened there. But it was most pissing me off for a couple hours. I went to bed.

My period finally stopped after its 22 day run. Menopause is a Bitch!
The hot flashes are gonna be great when they start I just know it. i keep wondering how many eggs i have left. Sounds funny doens't it? but I wonder...I mean its not like I can just look in the fridge and count....how do you know? My mom had to have all her stuff removed when she was in her early 40's cause of the non-stop bleeding thing. I'm just not ready for that. I can't afford a week off work! LoL!
I had a stupid Migraine all day Friday caseu i was so low in iron, or protein, or something....... Finally had a burger and felt loads better. note to self - listen to cravings!

So along with the passing of Nana went the passing of Charlotte's piano lessons. This totally sucks! Grandad is Very tight with his money. And is not even up for discussion about it. Besides the fact that he is till super grieving the loss of his wife. but I havn't re-registered Lottie for next year becaseu I can't pay for it. Every time she sits to play I cry. This festival is not going to be the same without Nana sitting there on the edge of her seat. I will be sobbing the whole time. As I am sure so will my mom and especially my dad.

Mountain is going to the island to see his mommy this weekend for Mother's day! That will be nice. She lives tooooo far away. She needs to at least be on the mainland. But he is going to visit and spend some much needed time with her.

I have being doing good with the "Stopping" its good to talk about it. Once its out there it makes a difference for me. i haven't totally stopped cuz I don't want to, but I have managed to keep things in check and in control. I would still like to curb it more. I'll get there.

I've managed to lose wieght. Not a lot, but its slowly coming off. Watching what I eat and drink is making a Huge difference. I am also outside a whole lot now too. Gardening is a big calorie burner. Speaking of Gardening....I need drit for my front bed damn-it! I looked into Cannor nurseries......55bux to deliver and that doens't include the dirt! holy carp! I am researching....i'll find something else. My neighbor has a brother and a connection. We'll see.

This mothers day is goijng to be hard.
The head mother of our family only just left us.
My daddy doens't have a mommy anymore. After nearly 64 years of having one......
Poor daddy. Sister and I are having a do here SAturday night. Grandad will be here too. It'll be nice. Although the inside of my house needs some work cause I have been concentrating on the outside the last few weekends........another busy weeeknd this will be. Maybe I can sleep in on Sunday.........HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
thats ok.
it will be nice just me and the Queen. Maybe the rain will run away and I can enjoy my yard. Thats my fav thing. If we can have tea outside.......Perfect!

Anyhow must run.
Apparently I need to purchase A new bathing suit for Charley today for a swimming B-day party she is going to tomorrow night. Frig! Why do they always grow!

Blog On Dudes!

for some Fff'd up reason I can't get on Facebook!

I am so peeved

some server internet shit problem issue carp!

Grrrrr

Good Time

He did hear me!
He did!
He did!

it was a good visit. I could see how hard Mountain worked at being more concious of what he was doing and what was going on. He had both girls while I went to the Work Thing. Friggin work thing. Right in the middle of my perfect Sunday afternoon. Anyhow.........
It was good.

Baby Steps

from Puberty to MenoPause to .......

It was nice last SAturday when Muck came up.
Nana was dying and Muck came to be with the family.
Muck and I have been friends since we were 6. Thats 30 + years!!!
We sat outside in the dark with our wine staring at the pond.
It seems like yesterday we were sitting in my room in the closet with our wine contemplating boys. TAlking about when we are going to get our periods. Now here we are so many many years later talking about menopause and the unexpected changes that are happening to our bodies.
Life is truly a funky ride.

I'm cookin Roast for 4!

My Anger the Growing Monster

My Nan just died, but its funny how life goes on.
Through it all Mountain was wonderful. He held me when I cried and ended up with dashed plans cause we didn't know what was happening with Nana. It was cool. He went for the second weekend in a row, out to Chilliwack, to the grammas house to see his Tea. Taking her for lunch. Taking her for icecream.
Lord forbid that Leah ever just be alone with her daughter.
So last night when he announced that he was getting Tea this weekend........
no i didn't blow. But I could feel this rage inside me.
I asked why? Why do I feel like this?
Firstly I have this work thing I am supposed to go to on Sunday. ....Boss Mitch took my idea of a simple wine tasting presentation at the restaurant to ...... getting a limo, everyone pitching in 20bux, and going to the winery right after the restaurant closes on Sunday afternoon at 3pm. Its actaully a decent idea...but.....
WoW! Great! Thats 4 hours out of my Sunday I'm really not sure I am prepared to give up. Charley can go to a co-workers house....but its a school night. I'm not back till 7....routine.....bedtime.....and just leaving her at someones house that she's Never been to before for 4 hours is gonna be a problem. So that means leaving her here with Mountain. Fine.
Oh but now he'll have his precious Tea so he doens't know and what about getting her home and........
I'm like what the Fuck!
I'm jumping around alot. Does this make sense so far.
That furniture I bought a week ago is still sitting at the place. He can get his dad's truck, but it'll have to be early and be done cuz he has to pick up Tea so maybe I can find someone else........
Anyone have a truck and wanna lend me a hand?
I am also trying to figure out why this child and her presence has grown into such a complete piss me off thorn in my side!
If you'll remember the last time she was here there was no yes's. No routine. She outright insulted me and i nearly threw up watching Mountain "parent" her!
Fast Food for Breakfast lunch and dinner, wherever Tea wants to go and Whatever Tea wants to do is just not my vision of parenting. but Hey. Maybe I am just Too Old fashioned!
..............
so back to the simplistic problem of.....Tea is coming this weekend and why am I so angry. All he wants to do is see his girl. What is MY problem?
I will plan for dinner on Saturday at the normal time and Sunday I suppose I will go to the wine tasting and Mountain will just have to hang here with the girls till I get home. Simple enough.
They are coming into my life and I am the one including them.
I have not been inivited to be included in Their life.
If they don't like where they fit in then I guess they just gotta go.
and my anxiety about it is just that.......my anxiety.
Somehow I have to figure a way to calm this monster that is growing and let it go.
He has been so great. He's building the cabinet for Charlotte. He helps here at the house.
So what if every time we try to talk about anything in his life He Won't.
Like his mom on the island and what if
His dad in Chilliwack and What If
Us buidling a life together but only if its here and I am not included in decisions anywhere in his life. Its my problem and my anxiety.
Like my mom said.....if I want to make a big deal about it than I'll be saying goodbye to it. Is that what I want?
No.
this is the package she says. This is how he comes....with this baggage.

I am jsut so pissed.
Fuck. She hasn't even been here yet to do any of the shit I can't stand and I am already just so pissed off!
Its jsut got to stop.
These feelings of mine just have to Stop!
How do i let it go?
What is my problem?
Why am i so annoyed?
and who am I really mad at?

She will come. I will include her, like I always do as part of this unit of 4, and I will smile the whole time.

Nana's Obit

we all grieve in our own way....

Nan went with her pearls on. She was a Lady right till the end. A proper Little English Woman. She just went to sleep. It was very peaceful. She wasn't hooked up to anything. It was nice
She was elegant

None of us were there when she took her last breath. Which is just fine. Nana wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As you see.....you don't do that sort of thing in front of people....

For us.....Nana went for Pie and stayed to serve it.....


BTW......the title is a link to the obit itself. Please visit it...

nana is gone

so i peeled lots of potatos and Sister and Charley had to put skates on...........

we are on our way to Mom's..............

what do i do?

do i go back to mom's?
do I continue with my SAturday work - plans?
do I call and find out if she is still with us?
Why was I suddenly awake at 2:25AM? Is that when she passed......

Nana was peaceful when I was with her yesterday. They had left her pearl earrings in and her pearl necklace on.
Still a lady even while dying!
I spent 45 minutes alone with her. Mom & Dad took grandad and The Queen back to their house. I stayed till my Aunt and Uncle got there. I didn't want her to be alone......
Grandad just can't believe this is happening.
He doens't understand any of it. "it happened to sudden"
"maybe she'll recover"
"what am I going to do with all her things in the apartment"
"good thing I have a big family"
My dad went and spent the night there last night.

There was a funny moment at the hospital. Some of it you wouldn't understand if you have not met my family. My dad suddenly noticing that the front steering tires on Grandad's wheelchair are flat.
Whipping poor grandad out of his chair to sit in another. Virtually pulling the chair out from under him. I was holding him up. Good thing he's 95 and not all that heavy. Dad pulling out the pump that magically came out of the wheelchair itself...out of some hidy hole. Dad complaining the whole time about .... no wonder its been so hard to push...ect. ect. the pump not doing any good, but dad keeps trying. And complaining about that...."this is No DAmn Good!"
"look at them! They're flat! Completly flat! i bet the tubes are no more good. Dad can;t go in this chair."
my mom....."well you've been pushing him on flat tires this long...."
dad............."they're flatter now! I released the last of the air when i tried to pump it up!"
my mom...."well you could carry your dad out on your back"
me............."Maybe there is a pump here in the hospital somewhere you could borrow"
dad...........*sigh*"No Kristi"
Sister........"yah, cuz non of the tires here ever go flat"

My sister did tape it with her phone....it went on for quite some time...don't know how much of it she got.

At home dad had a lot to say about the Bloody dog and her dirty feet making the stairs to the upstairs dirty. "well we'll have to get that cleaned. I don't have time for that. Damn Bloody dog!" Everyhting is said with such anxiety and AAAAHHHHH. Like its the end of the world.
BTW - its not the dogs fault. first of all its not really a dog. Its a poodle. Second....my parents were the idiots that decided nearly white carpet all over the upstairs was the best idea ever. Third....I'm willing to bet it was dad's dirty feet!

Anyhow....we did laugh. Poor dad.
It is his mom that is passing away. Can't be easy. I know I dread the day I have to bury my parents. And Mountains parents are already in their 70's. He won't even entertain the thought of talking about what we are going to do. What plan? Is there a plan? he comes from meagher background. so there's no money for a home for them.......
i think about my own.......
boy i hope Charlotte gets a good job.

okay I gotta go phone my mom.

Enjoy the Sunny day All

my 90 year old Nana

this is what I know........

Nana went to bed Wednesday night and woke up on the floor Thursday morning. The firefighters; this part i don't understand. They live in VERY expensive assisted living. Why are there firefighters? There are trained nurses there and emergency call buttons all over the suite.....Anyhow, the firefighters came and put her back into bed. Grandad then called my dad and my uncle. They rushed over and called the ambulance that came and took Nana away.
Seems the bed was very wet, so they suspect she peed herself in the night. Nana was, like my mom said, in LaLa land.
I heard from mom last night. Nana has had a stroke. She is Not concious. She will hopefully have a room today. She squeezes moms hand when mom is talking and her eyelids flutter, but its so random its hard to know if she is responding to you or whatever is going on in her head. Mom says it doens't look good.
My mom has already buried 2 parents and has done this, so if she says it doesn't look good.........

Grandad is ok. He is scared and he misses her but he is ok. Grandad is 95.
Charlotte is terribly upset by all of this. She slept with me last night.
I am going to try to get off early today so i can go to the hospital.
I sent nana a postcard on Monday cause its hard to call. She is very deaf and has been really out of it the last while. So I hope she got it. Charley had done a card for her and we mailed that off last month.

She is 90. So this is okay. but if she's going to go she just needs to do it!
don't linger. Don't put yourself thru pain. She's been waiting to die for awhile now. We will all be sad and miss her. Especially Charley.

So now that my head is out of my Ass....this was just the little jolt i needed to get out of my funk

blog on
this was taken in February on their 65th wedding anniversary

...........nana is in hospital

Who Doesn't Love a Deal?

I walked in on a whim
Charlotte was at Piano
its a crummy old second hand store just around the corner from the Sound of Music and just down the block from my Restuarant.
And there it was.
A chest of drawers 8 drawers, no 11! Real wood! A 3 way mirror. The sticker said $269. I opened and closed the drawers. I've been getting real good at doing that after as many vanitys I've looked at over the last few months. they worked good. Mirror was clear. Its second hand. Could use a paint job. But $269.....is that just for the Drawers?
upon further inspection I find another tag. $229 for 5 pieces!
What!
I got the Chest of drawers. The mirror. The bed side table and the Head & foot board...after tax....no more than $260!!!!
Holy carp!
It needs to be sanded and restained. But whatever! Just for a drawer and mirror I've been looking at anywhere from 550 to 1000 and most of the time the cheaper ones haven't been real wood!
this is awesome! So now all Mountain has to do is borrow his dad's truck and find a friend.
What a great Deal!

What a Simply Gorgeous Day!

WoW!!

it is nice out there! So glad this is my short day. Maybe I can even get the BBQ working!
Mountain and I had such a good talk last night.
it needed to be longer....but thats ok. It was good. it was nice to be on the same page.
WEnt to work yesterday and Girl Boss has gone out and spent a pile of money to get rid of most of all that is mine. Mountain says to not take it personally. And I'm not. but I am hurt and insulted. Its good though. She is leaving her mark. She should have done it 18 months ago, but whatev. I'm just waiting now for her to oust all my plants too. That would suck. I have no place for those. Ceramic pots and nicnacs will find a home here.
So today is marvelous and sunny!
I can go stand in my yard and look at stuff. I love that!
Mountain has been working every day at the shelf/cabinet he is building in Charlottes room. It'll be done soon! He is doing such a good job. I can hardly wait to fill it up. Than i can get him to work on the stairs for the back door and next a new fence..........I am still busy moving rock. I have to figure out where to put some of it now. Running out of spots. Maybe a pile will do? Apparently, getting dirt delivered isn't as expensive as i had thought. So that makes me happy. I can just stand there and dig!
ok.
its track and Field day. Later dudes.

Enjoy the Sun!

SUPERSTORE GIVES YOU POINTS IN DOLLAR AMOUNTS WHEN YOU FILL UP WITH THEIR GAS! ITS LIKE FREE MONEY IN THE STORE!

I HEART SUPERSTORE

Snow in April?

this is Wild!

I mean they called for flurries.

I expected wee flakes mixed with rain. or whatever. I don't know.
Well these are huge beautiful fluffy Flakes falling from the sky ans sticking to my wicker patio set I just put out last weekend!!!
I am very unimpressed. I am worried about the few little geraniums I planted as well. Frig! and my Bobo is coming down this weekend to go bowling with us tomorrow night. Aahhhh!
Charlotte had Sunstroke not more than 5 days ago. I'm so confused. No wonder so many people are sick these days. Its like constantly going in and out of air-conditioning. Our bodies just don't know if they shoudl store up for winter or shed for summer!
How Bizaare!

Mountain is doing an amazing job at the shelves in Charlottes room. Of course now that the weather is wet he can't do anything. He was hoping to finish them this weekend. Charlotte is so excited too! Oh yes I will post pics! I am jealous for her room. If this weather keeps up I'll have to get that bathroom of mine done.
This will be an easier room I am sure. Keep your painting smock ready Liz-Bit, it could really happen this time!

Half my Make-up on

I had stuffed kleenex up my nose and was starting to put mascara on my watery eyes.
Charlotte laying in my bed, konked out. Mouth open, red, red cheeks. Carp! I know she still feels sick from yesterday, but I am hoping she can wake in a good mood and make it to school.
My arms and the backs of my legs are still sore from moving rock and Gardening all day SAturday. SAturday was a Gorgeous Hot Sunny day! Wierd to have one after it had been snowing just the week before.
Charlotte played ALL day with the neighbourhood kids.
She had her feet in the pond. Rode bikes. Had a water fight. All kinds of normal SAturday fun kid type stuff! Stuff we didn't do at the other house cuz there weren't any kids around and the road was so busy and.......basically, it sucked for kid type action and mindless kid fun.
I knew when she was passing out on the couch SAturday night after supper I hadn't done the norms....."get in the shade" "have some water" "here's a freezie" "lets get some sunscreen on you".........byt 3AM I was climbing into bed with my sick Daughter. She was burning up with fever. Tossing and turning. Her muscles ached. Her tummy didn't feel nice. i gave her Gravol, she promptly threw that up. I gave her more. That one stayed down and she fianlly slept comfortably.
All day yesterday she layed around. Ever so briefly getting some energy when one of the neighborhood kids came to call. Losing her strenght quick and coming in to lie on the couch. Feeling tired and cold she says. I give her soup and water.
Her cheeks are so red. Is that from the sun or is she that flushed?
So when I heard her voice behind me as she moaned while waking I knew she wasn't pretending.
The dreaded call to Boss Mitch. More calls to the 3 staff we have. Calling my mom to see if she can come for 2 hours so I can still cover at least lunch. (my mom can't drive cuz of her foot) BM calling back to say he figured it out. Alisha actually Answered her phone in the morning! What a miracle! Lunch is covered.
So now here I sit.
Missing my 7 hour work day. Missing my Monday tips! Thinking i better get a project underway today in order to make this day off worth while.
Charley is laying in her bed with Le Fleur and Rufus watching movies.
I better call daycare and let her know..........
I hope I don't get whatever she has. I'm hoping its still sun-stroke and not the flu that so many have been fighting.
i can't afford another day from work.

Blog On

I LIVED!!!!

the Amazements of living in a home that has not been a grow house at one time and there is no mold of any kind growing in it!!!

My allergies appear to be manageable!

at least they seem to be at the present time.

YAAAAAAEEEEEHHHHH!!!

Seriously. I truly did not expect to be able to get out of bed this morning, and I suppose there is always tomorrow......but today was awesome!
now if only i didn't feel so nauseous........

blog on Dudes!

I am Freakin' Out!

this weather is going to Kill me!!!

first hot sunny day since last october. Great. Had a marvelous day. Got lots done in the yard. But tomorrow........YIKRS!!!

its gunna cloud over and then rain!

Now for some of you its just a bummer that it rains again.
for me.............this is when hell of allergies to the Ffffff trees sets in.

those trees were so busy opening the leaves they have been wanting to open for weeks. So today, they worked over time gettin the job done! Great!
However, when it clouds over....it traps all the pollen they give off and those of us deathly allergic to All trees don't make it out of bed!
its the flu I tell you. Wipes me out. And its gonna suck Large Ranch Animals........

I"M FREAKIN OUT!!!!

hope I am wrong

I don't Think I can do It

before reading this - keep in mind I am venting and trying to organize my thoughts. Yes your thoughts and opinions can help. Just be reminded....I may not follow through....

My mind has been flooded with the thoughts of this step-child that is or isn't.
Is she considered a step-child when she isn' his?
He considers her his daughter. yet, he has no parental rights.
He doesn't make any decisions for her upbringing, nor is he allowed to.
He is a friend. An Uncle. A glorified babysitter. And I am being dragged along with Charlotte into this. I don't like it.
She runs by a different set of rules than Charlotte and he visibly treats them differently.
Will he ever consider Charlotte his daughter too?
What happens if he and I have a child of our own?
These 3 kids will be separate???
Not in my books!!!
Can I be a step-mother to a child that isn't even his!
He never knows when he is going to see her, therefore I never know when she is going to grace us with her presence.
Her mother is having a baby in the next few months.
The weekends Mountain doens't have Tea her mother has her over at her gramma's. How is this woman going to take care of 2 children when she can't even manage one on her own? Where is Tea going to fit in when niether one of these "parents" is allowing her to fit in anywhere? What am I getting myself into??
I have tried to fit her in here. He separates us at every turn. Or is it the mother......
sure blended families are hard. But this hard?
i don't agree with his parenting choices. Out for dinner at WEndy's SAturday night cuz Tea doesn't like Tuna Casserole. McDonald's for breakfast Sunday morning for whatever reason. Nope, doesn't want vegatable soup for lunch here casue she had only just had breakfast. No routine! Than she is hungry again for lunch at 4 when its going to be supper at 5:30! He never knows when to pick her up or take her home. And the mother can't ever call him becaseu she has a block on her phone for long distance! So the gramma calls him whenever the mother wants to talk to him and he has to call her back!
If I heard that kid ask me one more time on Sunday if she could have some Sprite i was going to let her watch me pour it down the drain!!!
Oh Tea stubbed her toe! Tears and wailing. Give me a Break!
Oh Tea wants to do this....so off they go. Oh Tea wants to do that...so off they go. She doens't want this...
he picked her up sometime around Noon on Saturday. I asked if he was coming back. He doens't know. depends on what Tea wants to do. I asked if i was cooking dinner for 2 or 4. He deosn't know. once again depending on what Tea wants. Charlotte was waiting for Tea all day. so when the phonecall came at 4:04 in the afternoon.....Tea had brought her bike you see and I guess decided at that time she wanted to ride bikes with Charlotte......I reluctantly said ok. I asked, "are you staying for supper then? Cause I'll be starting it soon"
i don't know. fuck me backwards!!!
He got to the house and i announced I was leaving. He can stay with the girls cause I have to leave or I will say and do a whole lot of things I will regret. So I leave.
I come back feeling a bit better about 20 min later.
I start supper. At last minute I decide to make a Big Tuna Casserole cuz Who the Fuck knows who I am feeding and this will feed all of us.
at about the 15 minute marker that it will be ready soon. I remind him, we are eating. Are you staying? I don't know, let me ask Tea. what! you have to Fucking kidding me! nope they aren't. She doens't like Tuna Casserole!
but she asks if she can come back after supper. I am quick to respond...maybe a little too quick....NO!
The next day I have a planned playdate....much needed...for Charlotte and her very dearest friend Jake. I have been telling him about this all week. I reminded him on the saturday. I even reminded him on the Friday when I found out he was getting Tea. This is a playdate for Charlotte and Jake I kept stressing.
Sunday rolls around and Mountain and Tea show up after their McDonalds breakie. I remind him once again that Jake is coming about 2PM. Jake gets here at 1:30 At 3 I have to actaully ask him to leave! Jake only has about an hour left with Charlotte. Mountain is all bent.
During this time I have been putting the final touches on Charlottes room so i don't have to deal with it again till the fall. Trying to get everything done around visits. 1 visit I had control over the other.........well lets just say the cieling still needs to be touched up and Mountain was quick to comment.
Of course I tried my hardest not to glare at him. How the Fuck do you want me to be in there when there are 2 little girls in there playing. Besides the part where you said you were going to build a cabinet and you have Yet to take any measurements!!!! I have told you the game plan all along! The room was to be done. the cabinet is part of it. Get on it!
I don't need your help. I am accepting it.
i can have and measure and buy somehting to go in that space. i can do it myself. But I am letting and happy to let you help. But all it is is words and I don't work that way!
he said about a month ago how he wants to work on having Tea here and building that family unit thing that I keep talking about. he wants her to feel like she has some foundation. Then he gets her and off he goes for his one-on-one time. Which would be fine if it was dinner. Like the special sushi thing they have done the last couple times. But he didn't feel like it this time. Holy Fuck! its not about you!!!
So it becomes a 2 day thing of whatever Tea wants Tea gets.
I said to him....what about the special one-on-one with Charlotte? When is taht? she sees me all the time he says. SO!!!
if you do it with one you have to do it with the rest. You are creating a separation. What happens when more babies come along? you gonna continue this pattern?
..................
i am peeved.
i am trying to get my anger out here so i don't carry it into conversation with him. Its jsut such a Fucked up Attitude. Am I wrong? I mean maybe I am talking out my ass just as much as he is?
Maybe I should jsut say that whenever he has Tea i don't see him?
I must say its my own fault for letting him just come with her whenever. I am letting That pattern happen too. I shuold have said no on the SAturday when he called so late in the day. That is my fault, i see it now.
He said he wasn't staying for dinner...I should have made a point of only making somehting for Charlotte and I instead of making the point of making enough for everyone. Also stupid. I am enabling his bad behaviour.
I see that now that I have typed this all out.
So maybe that is the answer. If he says this is whats happeneing I should hold him to it! That might be better than any conversation I have with him, since he doens't seem to "get" any of it.
Maybe the only conversation I will have is to ask him if he can make up a routine with Leah of when he has Tea.
And then I will apoligize for my attitude on Saturday & Sunday as I was frustrated with the lack of any kind of organization.
Carp!
I better go.
lots of words. lots of thoughts and I havne't even gotten ready for work yet and I ned to be there soon!

thanks for listening :)

She Fell and CAn't get Up!

My mom fell over yesterday afternoon!

she slipped in her socks on the stairs to the family room.
She yelled for my hard of hearing father who was in his office.
The dog was barking.
Dad finally came out to find out "what the Damn dog was making all the racket about" and found my mom lying on the floor. So much pain from her ankle she really wanted to throw- up ............... lots.
She rested for a few hours and then tried to get up to go to bed.
Once again ....... vomit pain.
So off they went to the hospital.
Its not broken. But she has a splint on that she is not allowed to take off till Thursday. When they might jsut x-ray again. I guess it was too swollen last night to see anything?
So mom is sitting.
DAd is taking care of her.
She did one of those old people things.
She's uber pissed cause she'[s been telling my grandparents, who are 90+ to be careful cuz if they fall.........
They've never fallen.
Poor Mommy!!

Where's red alert when you need it?

NOT INVITED

Sorry. but this was a planned playdate.
they haven't seen each other since New years and he had to share her then. Even as the surprise guest in November, he had to share her.
Sharing her this time is not part of the plan.
I reminded you over and over again that this was taking place.
Yet still I had to ask you to leave.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Tough that your girl was not included. I didn't know what was happening with you. With her. EVERYTHING is always up in the air when it comes to her.....
Maybe if you and the other could get it together and have a plan these things wouldn't happen. But I refuse to plan my "stuff" around maybe's and what if's with you and the other and this step-daughter any longer.
Are you staying for dinner? i odn't know
Are you coming by tomorrow? i don't know
What time are you picking her up? i don't know
When does her mom want her back? i don't know
(do you want to. Do you like. Wanna go see Charlotte)
Who's the friggin parent!! Make some decisions! Its not up to the Kid!!!
My house is unpacked.
No birthdays. Christmas is not right around the corner. My weeekends are mine. So i am making plans for them and enjoying some sitting on my Ass-Fat time.
Charlottes room is done except the closet and the cabinet. Not a worry.
I can get in my yard now and enjoy getting the front curbside pretty! Weather permitting.
My car is acting up (the transmission) not sure how much longer or if it will ever......just waiting on that one. But regardless. I love to get in the yard. I want to plan Much Needed playdates for Charlotte. She misses her posse.
Sometimes....the little sister is just not invited

The Book

this "talk" has really made some changes in my girl!

she is now washing her face every morning and night (something I told her to start doing months ago.) and she announced that she has joined the Cross Country Club at school (something else I suggested she do) but whatever it says in this Puberty Book that she got the other day has certainly motivated her. Now lets see if the school work stays on the up-swing, the room stays clean.... and I might have to take her Puberty Book, incase it in glass, and display it in the living room.

Okay. Off I go to get my daughter to school an hour early for Cross Country!

Blog On Dudes!

I'm getting some pretty nice visions for what I am going to do to my front bed!

I keep staring at it and staring at it.......rock and badness all over. But in my head its starting to come together. I'm gonna start at the very, very front and work my way back. Of course everything costs money. So it will be a slow process. I figure if I can get the front bed done and the New fence in by the end of summer I'm laughing.



Charley had "the talk" yesterday.

the health nurse came and herded all the girls together. Charlotte knew most of it, but the reinforcement was good.
"my mom didn't make all this stuff up!"
Its hard to watch your kids grow up.
I thought it was hard when I left her at daycare when she was 10 months old...When she took her first steps at 8 mnths.... when she stopped letting wash her hair at 14 mnths....first day at pre-school...first day of kindergarten...I sobbed at her first day of Grade 1! Now she is asking me for her 'own' soap to wash her face with and pads for ..... just in case...."it can happen at any time you know!"
She is 9 and not showing any signs that it could "happen at any time"...thank the Good Lord!
I am just grateful we have the open relationship we do.
She was so excited yet apprehensive to show me everything. She keeps asking questions, here and there. I am glad. I had so many questions after my Health nurse visit, but I didn't have that relationship with my mom. I am self taught. Or home was just not like the home I have here.
Thats kinda sad.
I am glad Charley and I can share and talk and be friends as well as mother and daughter. I set out to be that. To have that relationship when I gave birth. Its nice to know all the theories and things I figured would get me that have worked....so far.
There is and are still the teenage years.
Hell is on the way!