Party's GAtherings

Tis' the season.

mine and Charlotte's birthday is coming. Nov. 7th. Got hers pretty much planned. It'll be fairly simple. WEnt to the dollar store and picked up make-up colours i don't already have. Tacky over dangly earrings, hair things. sister is letting us borrow her strobe light and disco ball, black-lite too I hope. I have the 7 girls invited to come for 5PM. We can get started on hair and eat and.......just go from there. I am not doing goody bags this year. They can keep the tacky earrings they wear and the hair things. That'll be their goody! I just can't afford it. as it is, the Pizza will be paid for by uncle Visa. Man I hope I can go back to work soon.

(been Looking for a desk reception job. I've tossed a couple resumes out. We'll see what happens. If I can get a desk job now, I can go back to work right away! but if I am looking at a being on my feet job or restaurant - its gonna be awhile :(

So we are celebrating Charley's 11th year on Nov. 6th. I wanted to leave the SAturday open cuz it is my 40th after all and I keep trying to think of inexpensive ways to celebrate my day. Cause I want to Celebrate! but we'll see. It might just end up being a dinner out with man and kid. Which is fine too! I like McDonalds! but I wanted that night open if I so chose to do whatever I wanted.

I have started my Christmas baking!

this is the first year I will be doing Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner. Mom & Dad are going to my brothers. So I will have Sister and Wood and Mountains family. Hopefully his Mom will come! She NEVER leaves the island. but we are hoping she will and come spend Christmas with us here. His dad will be here and his familyless friend, Mr. Dude. I am excited! I love to put a party together, feed people. I Love to Feed people!

There are only so many days left till Christmas! Charley and I won't be seeing the Nutcracker this year. (we've seen it every year since she was 2) I had thought we'd see another theatre production.........I have to weigh out the importance and the future and........is there soemthing else we can do taht will mean as much and 'do' for this year. It'll be good. Maybe we'll do the christmas lights tour instead!

Aaahhh silver linings are so sparkly sometimes!

Blog On!

I'm doing Christmas!

This year is the first year I am doing Christmas. So we have invited Mountains mom to come over from the island to celebrate it with us.

PYREX WARNING

got this in an E-mail from my mom. she knows of the TWICE over the last couple months that this has happened. The food that was lost. The glass in my legs and feet. The near miss of Mountains eye........I won't use what I have left for cooking anymore.

I thought it was something I was doing - apparently its not

For those of you still baking and cooking in the newer pyrex, you will be interested in reading.

Got any new Pyrex dishes in your cooking utensils? This is a must read.

I Checked at Wall Mart and all the warnings are there.

About 5:30 PM there was a loud bang from the oven. Sylvia opened the oven door and the Pyrex dish had shatt ered into a million pieces. The roast beef (our first in many months) was peppered with small shards of very sharp glass. Normally,I am quick to inform Sylvia she did something stupid. However,this time she was nowhere near the stove when it blew. I shoveled the glass and the now mashed potatoes into a bucket with two putty knives. I then sucked the remains with the shop vac. I let everything cool down and then scrubbed the oven with Simple Green and some hot soapy water. It took over an hour to clean up the goo. Upon completion I ran the oven empty to see if the temperature controller was working okay. I suspected the oven got too hot and the dish simply blew. This was not the case however. The oven came up to temperature and cycled normally. We threw a disgusting frozen pizza in the oven and it cooked okay.

What is going on?

I Googled exploding Pyrex dishes and got ten million hits.
Exploding Pyrex is very common.

Here is the story.

A long, long time ago in a country we all know and love was a
company named Corning. They made Pryex dishes. The material they used is called borosilicate glass. This stuf f is indestructible.
But like everything else, the Bottom Liners had a great idea: sell the technology to another company. The Chinese discovered that using soda lime glass was almost as good as borosilicate glass and a lot cheaper. Today, Wal-Mart is the lar gest distributor of Pryex products. Corning not only sold the technology to a company called World Kitchen, they also sold the rights to the original Pyrex logo. Seamless. The consumer will never know.

Now it seems people are getting hurt using soda lime Pyrex. We
were lucky because the dish broke while the oven was closed and the damage was limited to the oven cavity. Others have been less fortunate. Some dishes explode when they are lifted from the heating rack in the oven with devastating results. Some people are heavily scarred. World Kitchen is in denial. They say that the dishes are another brand, not theirs. Contrary to their denials the victims usually have more than one of these dishes and the Pryex logo is clearly visible.

If you buy a Pryex dish beware. The label on the front says oven safe, freezer safe, microwave safe. The instructions on the back tell another story. You cannot move a soda lime Pyrex dish from the freezer to the oven and expect it to survive. The fine print goes on and on about what you are not allowed to do with the Pyrex dish. The fine print has prevented World Kitchen from being sued becaus e they have warned the consumer that their Pyrex dishes are junk from the get go. And they are the same price as the original Corning dishes. What a bunch of losers we all are for buying this crap.

What to do?

If you own borosilicate Pryex dishe s no fear. They have to be more than 25 years old to be sure they are indeed Corning dishes. I am not sure if the old Pryex dishes have anything stamped in them that indicates they are made by Corning. You may continue to use the soda lime dishes for holding stuff. Just do not attempt to roast or microwave with them as the hazard is very clear.

The reason the soda lime dishes let go is that over time they
develop micro-cracks. Once a few micro-cracks are present and once some liquid finds its way into the cracks you have the bomb situation. The liquid is like shoving a crowbar in the dish and pulling it apart. Super heated liquids expand rapidly and it is the super heated liquids that force the soda lime glass to shatter into tens of thousands of shards.

Since Corning no longer makes Pyrex and Sylvia proudly holds a
large collection of the soda lime Pyrex, we decided that one bomb in the kitchen is enough. The Pyrex dishes will go bye-bye in this week’s trash. I do not know what we will use for cake and pie dishes going forward . If you have some suggestions we are listening.

I strongly urge you not to use the soda lime Pyrex for the oven, stovetop or microwave. The slightest invisible crack is all it takes to have a mess and a possible injury.

As to World Kitchen: them and their cheap dishes. In case
you are wondering: World Kitchen is not a USA company.


You are not going to believe this. Last week it happened to me!!!!! I put a Pyrex casserole dish in my microwave with a little butter in the bottom to warm. It was not in there more than 10 to 15 seconds at the most when it exploded like a bomb in a million pieces all over my microwave. I mean exploded. Unbelievable! I googled and found thousands of other cases, but no where to call to complain (I wonder why). It was a cranberry colored 9X13 microwavable (supposedly) dish. I will never buy Pyrex again. We are just lucky it was contained in the micro, but still had a huge mess. I am going to forward your message to get the message out. I have had this dish for several years. It was cranberry and it had a plastic lid that you could cover it with to take places or put in the fridge. It’s my last Pyrex. There were people that had them explode as they removed them from the oven, on the table, where glass flew all over the kitchen and ruined floors, etc.

Painting

I wanted yellow walls in my kitchen, but alas. I must come to terms with the fact that pale yellow walls will clash with my kitchen counters. *sigh*

I'll have to take a pic and post it.

i need colour help............

Discipline

yesterday morning - trying to get Charlotte out the door. It was a good morning. we don't generally have the same issues we did in elementary. WE actually have an easier nicer time getting ready so much earlier than we ever did for elementary school. Wierd I know! but this morning......i walked past her room to see she was still just sitting there. ARG! so I remind her to get her socks on.....her room is disgusting! as she is fumbling around trying to find socks, she can't find any, i have the time to really soak up the disgusting room.

clothes as a carpet, not one surface without stuff on it, used kleenex on the floor, hamper turned on its side, dishes, bed covers all a kimble and the topper......a smelly pig cage and Hay - Yes Hay covering EVERYTHING! (typical pre-teen room really) however........... I lose it. Go into the loud voice of GET YOUR SOCKS ON and MAYBE IF YOUR ROOM WAS MORE ORGANIZED YOU'D BE ABLE TO FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

I only just went in a few weeks ago and cleaned it myself. It killed me, it hurt, so I ended up spending 2 1/2 days instead of one! I removed stuff and then for it to look.........

she starts yelling back and being incredibly mouthy. So I go to slap her across the face. She said soemthing that was WaaaaaY out of line - now I missed, which was fine cuz I didn't really aim all to good anyhow. i don't want to smack my kid. But she, She fought Back! She fought back in such a way that she didn't miss!

As I quickly responded and showed her I am bigger and much, much stronger and I missed on Purpose........ i held my anger back. I held her little wrists together cutting the circulation off and stared into her dilated pupils, you will Not Ever hit me Again! Do you understand?!

So is this the direction its going in? What are my next years going to be like? She will be 11 in a few weeks.

Our evening went fine as I explained to her at the dinner table, Mountain present, what was going to happen now. I told Mountain, she was responding in the same way she was being treated. he was furious, saying she needs a spanking. Good thing he wasn't home. ( I had explained all of this earlier to him when she wasn't around), that he can't spank her. First of all, she stopped responding to spanking YEARS ago. Second, he is a man and she is nearly 11 starting puberty, third, you are Not her blood. and If she goes to school and mentions it - it could be construed as assault.

So i calmly told her as long as her room looks like that I don't want to see it. Her door can stay closed and she can stay in there. Grounded? no. She can come out any time she wants, but she doens't get to do anything in the rest of the house....like watch T.V. I told her if she wants me to kiss her good night her bedroom door has to be able to be open or I won't be come in.

She made some comment about how I dont care. I looked her in the eye and said no. Its not that I don't care. It's that I care too much. Mountain and I worked really hard to give you the room you wanted. I worked really hard a few weeks ago to organize it and when I see how it looks........it hurts me. It hurts my heart. So don't care? no Charlotte. I have to make myself not care, I have to work at it, cuz my demon is just that; I care so much it consumes me. So keeping your door closed and not getting on you about your room is my way of protecting my heart.

I told her I guess its time for me to realize that if you choose to live like that i guess you're old enough to decide, but I don't have to see it.

she cleaned her room right after supper last night

Whisky & Auggy

my girl cat is a slut!

she keeps trying to "nurse" off the boy cat's Penis

WHAT THE HELL!

cut it out you guys!!

A Rusty Screw

No I am not talking about old sex

I am referring to how my body feels today.

Like when you twist something metal only to find out its rusted in places, so it moves and then doens't so much. Then it moves slowly till you hit a good spot again and it feels like its fine, then back to the rusty spot and you have to force it........

yah - thats how my body feels today

Spine - back - pelvis

I'll bundle myself up in something warm that'll help I am sure

Blog On

no more physio

so I haven't been to physio in a week.

My pelvis is achy and for some wacked out reason my neck and left shoulder are pinchy. Did I sleep funny?

I need to be stretched.

I am actively looking for job options to serving. very little standing or walking....hmmmm

In Exactly 1 month .............. ONE Month ............... 1 month today -

I turn 40!

forty - FFfORTY!!

mine birthday is comink!

What doing

HELP

I need inexpensive Ideas for Charley's 11th birthday that is a month away!!

last year it was the pool.

the year before that - disaster

i had thought a Costume party on Halloween would be cool, but 2 of her friends are stealing her thunder.

my brain hurts too much to be creative...........

I need some sex

why do I feel Freaked out?

Hi Krisit,
Sorry I have not responded until now. I was out of the office for a
couple of days and have returned to find Dr. ********'s report. I will
be sending Dr. ******** a copy and will need to set up an appointment
with you so we can review it further. Are you available next Thursday,
October 8th, I am available in the morning or afternoon, whatever works
better for you. Let me know, thanks.

Lisa P******

Review it with me? Why does she need to review it with me? Is she gonna tell me the doctor found Cancer? ACK!

this better not be a sick I feel coming on!

better be the weather change -

Krazy Hair Day

sent Charley to school with KraZy hair cause it was KraZy Hair day.

nope.

Its tomorrow.

EI vs ICBC

if I have to pay back everything I get for wage loss from ICBC to EI what was the point of applying and putting myself through the stress?

this is goofy!

What a stupid system!

TheTide has Turned

Well, here we go!

spoke with Mountain this evening about the job thing.  What can I do?

Right now i am still broken.  But I can't stand not working.  Its making me crazy! 

I can't go back into the restaurant biz at this time cuz i am still most broken.  So I have to do something else.  or maybe if I can go back it's only part-time?  

I'll do soemthing else?  Maybe look into  a casual on-call thing.  Doens't pay the bills. Ummmm.......dive into something else that has no future, but pays my mortgage?    By the time I am able to friggin do soemthing physical its going to be Christmas(if I am lucky) and all the jobs  will be gone.  This is the time of fall hiring!  I'm gonna miss out!  I know i still need to be resting, but I want to be doing something with my time.  Somehting more.  I want to work

School?  Retraining?  how do I pay my bills while I do that?  Courses start again in January.

i need the support at home

Anyhow, while we were discussing my options.........he is going to move in.

We are going to go out tomorrow and price sheds.  We need another shed in order for a move like this to happen.  he was out today organizing and re-organizing the shed we already have.....trying to figure out where we can fit more in.  Where he can fit more in.  Its too small

So thats it blogger dudes.  Hopefully by my birthday he will be here.

There are some big adjustments ahead.

Living with him?  Can I do it?

I need A job

I am desparately trying to figure out somehting I can do for a job.

I mean - if i get better enough to get back into the restaurant biz will I find another gig as good as i had?  Probably not.  So that either means two jobs or one part-time night one.  Night isn't the End of the world, but working 5 days a week to 10/11 and probably starting somewhere about 6PM if I am lucky.  Will put strains on my family that I am not so sure about.  Weekends won't exist anymore and that will put a lot of strain on Mountain.  *sigh*

so i could do something else?  But what?  I could retrain.  I'd like to take the insurance brokers course - do autoplan?  They make decent money.  But the course is a thousand dollars.  Its 10 weeks which is fine, but a Thousand bucks?  Yikes.  So there are other things i have thought of doing, but they require my to be able to lift and walk and be on my feet.........at this point I jsut can't.  I am still too broken.  

but I need to do soemthing!

been thinking about maybe selling candles - PartyLite?  that and SexToys?  along with maybe tupperware too?  I could be the sales consultant of everything!  I am desperate to do soemthing to pay my way.  If I sold for 3 companies?  Did home parties for 3 things?  Could it work?  Would it work?  I could make my own hours - kinda.  incorporate it all into one thing..........

i am just brainstorming.

Trying to figure out what i need and what my family needs and what i am capable of doing and what options are there for me and.........

any suggestions?  HELP

Kitties

what is the fascination with Auggy's balls Whisky?

Stop licking them!!!  its gross.

to top it off, Auggy is in puberty.  So he has discovered his penis.  He is not so sure what to do with it yet......but I'm sure he is figuring it out.  He is 6 months, the vet figures, next week.  he is getting snipped!

and She needs to stop being such a little slut with the constant blow-jobs!  No wonder he's realized he has a penis.  Poor guy is gonna end up with blue-balls!  I keep having to separate them.

Jeepers!

my biggest concern, and the reason I've never been big on boy cats, is the spraying.  Wanna avoid that at all costs.  Cause if that starts...............

Christmas

Got News from Mountains work -

this years Christmas party is on Granville Island.

they are putting us up in the hotel there and the dinner will be a boat cruise.

Guess I better start scouting for my dress now so that I can jump on it when it goes on sale before the Christmas rush!

maybe?

so the doctor stands behind you

Stares at your behind

and then says, "bend over, as far as you can"

then holds on to your hips

is it medical or is it really just for them?

Crosswalks

this is something that frustrates me......

people that stand at the crosswalk button and keep pushing it.

Now, all a crosswalk button does is make sure the hand is replaced by a little person when the traffic light turns.  it doesn't make the traffic Light turn any faster.  So by standing there pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.......Dumb

the only time that doesn't apply is at a pedestrian light.

my fav is when I've watched a pedestrian push the button, stand, wait for the light to turn......and then they go!  even though the little hand is up!  Obviously not paying attention, thinking that the button is broken.  No.  NO its not.  The walk guy is not up for a reason.  The cars have the left arrow and now you, the pedestrain that Thinks they have the right of way.......has Fucked up traffic!

In the city, there aren't any buttons.  Walk signs and hand signs are all automatic.  yet you still get the last scenario happening.  

When you are in a car you don't follow the traffic lights for the cars in other lanes or going the opposite direction do you?  so why would you do that as a pedestrian?

In Vegas - cars have the right of way.  They are incredibly respectful to the rights of the pedestrian.  However, if you step off that curb when your light is not telling you to do so............you get run over and the driver is saved the same consequences he might see here.

Blog On

I feel like i am Slowly melting

I WANT THIS NONSENSE TO STOP!

I WANT TO BE BETTER!

I WANT TO BE WORKING!

Shots

I've been a respponsible mom.  I've had Charley shot every time she was supposed to.  Even opted to get the chickenpox vaccine when she was 2!

but what was in those shots.  Although I  was responsible, i don't know what I gave her.  

now I'm a bad mom.

this permission form has come home.

please date and sign for each vaccine.  OH Shit!

Hepatitis B - Meningoccal C conjugate vaccine - chicken pox - HPV

duh.  I dunno.

I'm sure a few of those are supposed to updated......the HPV we have opted out of all together.

do you know what was in the 'booster' your kid got before they were a year?

Hmmmmm.

Sister

It started off innocent enough. Nice actually.

Sister helping with the SAxophone dilemma.  Found us one for 200bux.  donating her trumpet so i can sell it......Then yelling at me.

If you recall, it has always been the plan for us to have 2 kitties.  The SPCA thing was going to be the way - but soooo expensive.  We ended up with Auggy quite by accident. We decided after him that we weren't getting another one unless it was being given away.  As it so happens, a girlfriend of mine sent out the beacon, I answered.  Yes! we would Love to have another kittie!

We now have a second baby.  

Sister comes.  Meets Whiskers and then asks me if I am self destructing?

Yah, maybe a little i admit.  Thinking this is a conversation going in a different direction.  Teh Understanding Sister that I can share some of my fears with.......

nope - 

Doesn't she remember supporting us with the whole getting 2 kitty's plan?  Almost getting them for us a only just couple short months back.  Now all of a sudden........

So I say yah, maybe getting another cat that we have to get shot and fixed is not the brightest thing I have ever done.  However.......

I've/we've also not done a whole lot to give us pleasure over the last few months.  So Mntn and I talked about it.  Having babies grow up together is important to us.  We probably won't have a blessing of human baby, so........

She lites into me about getting this second cat.  i have a mortgage to pay.  I know - I havn't NOT paid it yet.

She starts yelling at me about how I should be working.

What?  i Can't work.  I can't walk all day.  So do something else she screams.  7-eleven has great benefits.

What?  I am off work due to doctors orders.

You look fine to me.  

You should be doing somehting!

What?  are you implying that I am faking?

my husband got ran over last weekend at the derby and he went to work on Monday.

Great!  Good for him.  I did too - for 3 months till I couldn't anymore.  I AM BROKEN!!

 i go to physio 3 times a week and the doctor, my leg is not in a good way.  Joints rubbing against each other......this is not good.  I keep busy with being a stay at home mom.  Baking, getting supper on the table each night.  Being on top of the homework being a mom to a budding pre-teen.........

She starts implying that I am lazy.  That I am living off the system.  That I could be working.

Yes, I could be working, but not at this time.  There's a lot going on.......ICBC stuff.  Doctors.....I've been keeping my eyes open........why am i defending myself?

I still just don;t even know what to think even now.  It was all so very wierd.  I start to get angry now.  My tone changes.  How dare you Missy!  I have always worked.  i am NOT lazy.  I am NOT living off the system.   i am living off Mntn!  If I could work through this i would be.  Oh yah thats right, I already tried to!  My body Stopped.  There are some moments when i can't get up from sitting, or i have to force my leg forward to even take a step.  Other times i am ok  When I only have to walk or stand for a few minutes at a time.

i yell back at her - I worked till 3 weeks before my due date when i was pregnant.  As a matter of fact i went back to work casually 3 months after she was born.  I had a car accident and I have worked.  I worked every day.  I worked so much in fact that I may have serious permanent damage to my hip joint.  I have a lot of decisions to make in the next while.  I have to re-train. Find another job.  Something i can't do till I can sell myself.  Walking into my first day on the job and falling over isn't the way to keep it.

I realize I won't be able to do that job anymore.  I'm gonna try, but realistically - I'm done.  Knowing whats going on inside my body.....I am trying my damndest to keep my spirits up.

I've been on an interview.  I've even applied to do this at home thing from my computer. (just heard from them friday i have to do a follow up)

i am looking.  I am trying.  I AM NOT LAZY!!  

I want to throw-up knowing the debt I am creating by not working.  I am sick about it.  However, all i can do is concentrate on healing.  Being able to walk is important.  

Mntn went and bought groceries for us yesterday, he will be picking up freezer stuff today.

how dare you come into my house and accuse me of being whatever it was or is that you think i am doing.

I have debt that is maybe not all you think it is Sister nor did I ask for you're advice or your help.  You offered and i will gladly take it!  your not giving me the SAx.  We are paying for it!  I am selling YOUR trumpet and giving you the money for it!!.........don't project your anxiety about money and stress on me.  I've go all my own thanks!

I'm doing my own little freak out dance once a week!

I know you sell cell phones.  i also know what you make.  I also know how close you and hubby are to losing that house any moment!

My boyfriend, that doens't even live here, is supporting us right now.   Where do you think to 200bux for the Sax is coming from?   For all you know he is taking care of the vet stuff!  Which he is!

Just becasue my car wasn't totaled.  i am not in a cast.  Does not mean I am not truly injured!!

I was more surprised than anybody to realize that i was actually really hurt in this accident.

she ended up tossing a bunch of Fff's at me, telling me she just wants to take me and shake me and walking out my front door.  I was left standing there dumbfounded as to what The Hell just Happened!

she was basically calling me a loser that is milking the system.

I am still dumbfounded and don't know.  Going over it in my head.  it was so wierd and ridiculous.  i just don't understand what prompted her to attack me like that.

Even if i was going back to work and was pronounced healed......my official 6 weeks isn't up till 22nd, Tuesday!  So she was just .......I am still just blown away and have no idea what to think.

...........

Blog On

My Sister

i am sobbing and crying

her babies are fine.  she is fine

she hurt me - i am sad - this is real.  I am hurt.

yes I know i need to work!  Yes!  I know I need a job!  Yes i know i have bills and a mortgage and......I am not doing this on purpose or because I wan to or becasue of anything she might be thinking in her swollen pregnant head of hers.

Get it Sister!

I am to emotional.

I am thinking of deletion

Paid off Doctor?

ICBC is sending me to one of THEIR doctors

Cat Litter

so I got a cat just over a month ago.

He had Crystal litter at the pet store, so we kept it the same so's not to confuse him.

I had said that once he was used to knowing where his shit house is I would be switching to clay.

Mountain said no.  he likes the Crystal stuff.

Fine.  Than you can buy it and you can dig through his shit every night and clean it out!  Ok, says he.

He's done it a total of 3 times. (and I am sure thats one more credit than he deserves)

I potty trained my kid cause I don't like cleaning up shit.  I'm not thrilled at all about cleaning up after my cat!

digging around in a cat box finding all the treasures he has left there for me while i hold a cloth over my face - not my idea of a party.

Besides the fact that this clumping, crystal magnificent invention for cat lovers everywhere is Ridiculously expensive!  I end up tossing it after a week anyhow cuase it reeks! 

so back i go to clay.  It can be changed every Sunday.  I will be happy. 

Blog On

Money Issues CAuse Stress

After sitting in the EI office for an hour today without anything to read or look at, I had to think.  Boy did I think.

Mountain is stressed too.

He is really pulling out the punches right now and filling in the financial holes of my life.  Seriously, he doens't have to do that.  We are not married.  He doens't live here.  Charley is not his.

yes he is committed to me.  yes he wants to marry me, so he takes it on.  but Realy, he could just walk away.  Or be an Asshole as I know of so many others and not help at all.

He vented cause he is stressed to.  Realizing that running this household IS a lot of work.  REalizing all that i DO do.  Biting down into it and now chewing.  This is a huge responsibility.  Huge.  I knew it was more than he thought it was.

Yes.  The grass needs to be cut once a week.  When the sun shines there is yard work to do.  The sheets get changed every saturday.  The tub needs to be scrubbed once a week.  Dinner gets made every day and we need food to cook with so that that happens.

As he starts to feel to financial pull the thoughts crossed his mind of moving in.  We wanted to wait, but may not be able to.  As he thought about it, he realized, there just isn't room for any of his stuff.  I mean his clothes even.

I only just recently went through my closet and my dresser and managed to get rid of more.  He now has a wee space in the closet and a drawer in my dresser.  When he bitched at me the other day - i pointed that out to him and said. 'what have you done to get ready for this?'

but he wants to keep everything.

Tough Shit!

don't you think I wanted to keep everything too!  I moved out of that house 2 yrs ago and got rid of stuff I never wantd to say goodbye to.  My Nana's hutch, that I had planned to strip and paint.  Gone.  A wardrobe, gone.  My Brand new dryer that still had warranty - gone.  Dishwasher only a year old - Gone.  Kitchen chairs - gone ect. ect.  I worked hard for those things.  gone, gone, gone.  but i had to downsize considerably to fit in this house.  and I am still doing it!

so I know the realization hit him.  He didn't mean to make me feel bad. He was feeling overwhelmed.  Especially when I can't help.  I mean, evrything is really falling on his shoulders.  

We will make it.

On the up side - I think I've figured out the band issue.

I gotta close my eyes a lot and just keep faith through all this accident injury crap!

Gotta concentrate on getting better.  It'll come.  it'll come.

Blog On

HELP!!

found out that to rent a Saxophone so Charles can be in the band is gonna be somewhere in the neighborhood of 40bux a month to rent!

Fudge.  What am I going to do?  Tell her no band?

Feeling Bad

Thanks for making me feel bad Mountain.

I have worked really hard to get here.  I have lived off a low income for all my working years.  Struggled through bills and debt.  In the years before Charley working 2 jobs back to back jsut to make ends meet.  Saved my cash and struggled to make payments on furniture/appliances in my home.  I have been humbled many times just to live.  I've not done many things that my other girlfriends do.  I have a mortgage that I am struggling to keep paid as I struggle through not being able to work and live off what little income i have coming in during this hopefully, short phase of my life.  I have tried to make career changes unsuccessfully over the years only to yet try again. (keeping my fingers crossed).  I have made a home for Charley and i, thinking I made the best decision I could for us at that time 2 years ago.

now i sit here thinking - did I.

I know this house is small.  Its only big enough for  for very little furniture.  I know I have to organize and downsize even more.  I am home these days and I can't do it cause of my injuries.  All I can do is sit and look at all the things I could do to make it work.   I try, but i am limited.  I work with what I have.  I know I have made some bad decisions, but at least I made some.

Come up with a solution Mountain.  you don't like it and have every criticism, than do something about it.  Why is it up to me?  I don't have any means to make things change right now.  Living in 900 sq. ft.  isn't my idea of heaven either, but i am making the best of it.  

We have a yard.  We have a warm home.  We have food, clothing.

how many women can say they bought a house,  on their own, on a waitress salary?

Blog on

Why do you download my pics?

I know 1 of you, but the other??

leaves me feeling ookey

Intense

WoW!

very intense morning.  Holy smokes.  Hope I did ok

School

First day of middle School tomorrow!

Yikes!  are we ready?

????

oh for Frig's sake?

I thought I was getting better!!!

physio indoors and then 25 minutes straight walking in 2 sets - YES!  

bit stiff in the hip I very happy!

Oh bonunger 

i want a face lift

LooK! its me

Off he goes for his Shop -

blog on

Pyrex is My Enemy - Supper exploded AGAIN!!!!

its hard to see the glass all over the floor, but it was there.  Shot into my foot.    dAmn it!  that was a delicious chicken with fresh tomatos and cheddar.  Ymmmm!  it was hard not to take the chance and eat it anyhow - we ordered pizza - it wasn't the same

Weddings are Fun

ran into - The Queen's, birth fathers ex-childhood/girlfriend/sweetheart.

follow?

sketchy

it was good.  She was upfront and dove right in.  asked about the Queen and her ex-boyfriend Charley's birthfather - role.

life is a Funky  ride isn't it?

the word is a small place

Blog On!

Mine - No MINE!

and so it begins.  Boss man claiming that the plant I just took home to repot as his.  Nope.  Sorry.  its mine.  Him wanting me to bring it back.  Sorry.  Got my reciept.

all started cuz Queen and I went in.  A plant I just nursed back to health that looked gorgeous - nearly dead! I can't believe it!  I've only been gone 2 weeks!  other plants of mine turning yellow.  What the F are you guys not doing to them?!!  window ledges filthy.  bits of food....ugh

whatever, i have my reciepts.  I'll take what i want of mine when the time comes.

Insulted is how I feel  

Vacation Time is Here!

Yippee!

Mountains Vaca time starts today at exactly 3:30!  in the three years we've been togethr this is the first time we've had vaca time togethr!  its very exciting.  We will probably be sick of each other at the end of the 2 weeks.  But thats ok.  We'll get over it.

went to my doc yesterday and he says my hips are FINALLY stabilizing.  i am not out of the woods yet and I am not to be to cocky about it.  I checked with him again about us going away.  He said - GO!!!  you need this.  You will be uncomfortable, but you need to go for your own sanity!  Just keep stretching and doing physio, get the foamy you will be fine.   Get away.  Get away from this accident and enjoy much needed family time.  Sometimes thats the best medicine of all!

so I have lots of errands to complete today. Its a cooler day so i hope to get errands done and get baking happening.  treats for the trip! if not, its not the end of the world.  Wedding tomorrow.  Hope i fit into the dress I have picked out of my closet.  I can't afford to buy anything new so this dress better do it or I will be going in my  bathing suit!  I'm just excited to be able to get dressed up and do my hair and all that fun stuff.   Its even a reason to wear fake eyelashes!  LOVE IT!!!

Here's a thought - i wonder how I will do in heels?  Hmmm.  I'll be sitting all night anyhow.  I'll have to make sure I walk in arm and arm with Mountain.  He can hold me up and no one will know.

Off I go then!

Blog ON!  

Sauna Pants are Amazing in this Lovely Lovely Heat!

core work

30+ weather

and sauna pants make me a sweaty happy  core tightening girl!

Off I go to do crunches on my Noodle!

I Love how Deep My Silver Lining is!!!!

Self Check-out lanes at WAl-Mart are gone?

how out of the loop am I?!!

Sleeping in the Playhouse Will Fix Everything!

My FAvorite girl asked me to have a sleepover with her in her house.

sore, depressed and beaten down emotionally i looked at her little face.  I felt my mood change.  That's exactly what I need!

So out we went.  she had it all set-up.  Quite comfy actually.  Pillows everywhere.  All the extra blankets were laid out on the floor so it acted like a cushion.  So cozy!  If my back and spine weren't so sore to start with it would have been a pretty almost decent sleep.

We chatted about stuff.  and to my amazement I felt myself drifting off rather quickly.

I guess I was just exhausted from the HUGE adrenalin of the day.

I woke several times in the night.  Boy my back friggin hurts!  Maybe I should go in?  Nope.  My girl asked me to sleep out here with her!  I will do just that!  im not gonna let some accident ruin this special time.  I mean - how often do you get asked on a date like this and she is growing so fast - it may be the last time!  I'm staying and I am just gonna find a Way to deal with the pain!!

Charley and I haven't been or done any of the things we would normally have done this summer.

I keep saying 'no'  scared of the pain or the repercussions -

so I stayed.  I kept thinking I would hear Mountain get up and go to work and then i would go in and have coffee with him.  I thought maybe he would come out.

I watched the sun stream through the windows and I watched as it moved as the morning went on.  I would fall back to sleep and wake again the sun couldn't reach the window anymore.  I better get up and see what time it is.  Surely Mountain must be up.  He has been staying more and more.  Getting used to being here on more of a full-time basis. (but thats another post)

Yup!  up and gone!  Coffee in the pot.  Bed made.  Its 8:30AM!  Holy Carp!

Auggy greeting me.  So happy I am here!  I took him out to the house to wake sleeping beauty.

so although i sit here typing and my spine is stupid painful - it was good.  I needed that.  I had funny, funny dreams.  I was in England last night meeting Mntns Sister, my Nana was alive and there......Elaine from  Seinfeld.....yah funny dreams.

As I lay there in the wakeful moments of the middle of the night and morning.

  I will have to suck it up and swallow my pride as I did 11 years ago when I was pregnant with Charley.  I will use my mortgage insurance.  That's what its there for too!  We will go to Barkerville and I will make it happen!  not ridiculous plans.   

Like i said before, its not a cruise or a trip to Disneyland - its a family road trip.  Not PILES of dollars -  just a hill.  Just gas money and camp-site money, not the end of the world!  and Mountain is footing half!

I spoke to ICBC  They won't let me fall to the wolves.  i will get the foamy my Dr suggested for the camping trip.  I'm gonna need it.   That was a good thing to learn now before the trip.   I will get back on the phone today and see if I can save 10 dollars on my shaw - phone/internet/cable package.   Perhaps cancel something???

Already cut off my cell phone last month

i will do my best to keep things going cut corners, but not so many that we are miserable.  Mountain and The Queen don't deserve to be miserable too.  Not taht I do either, but there are some  things I get to do alone and misery is one of them.  I won't bring them down anymore than I already have becasue of it!

and lots of Self - talk

lots of uplifting words from myself, friends.  

positive.  

it could be worse.  It really could be much, much worse.

It will be ok.  It will be ok.  It will be ok

its just - I run a household.  On my own.  Mortgage, house insurance, life insurance ect.  Lots of things I CAN'T cut back - to suddenly have 1/4 of my income - 

Okay.  Enough of that! Woa.  almost went to the bad place again!  

Blog On!

am i gonna need to go on welfare?

i'm am freaking out!  not at all well.  Sick, to my stomach.  Guilt!  Guilt!  Guilt!

I am pissed off and I am so hoping this all comes out in the wash!

DAMN IT!  I NEED TO BE WORKING!

STUPID ACCIDENT.  STUPID. STUPID. STUPID

it'll be ok.  it'll be ok.  it'll be ok.  

positive self talk will make it better?

the Shop

guess the call came.

not sure when, but I heard about it last night.

has he seen that child this summer?

NOPE

but he's heard from Leah, when she has wanted somehting.  There was the incident a few weeks ago.  There was the wierd babysitting call early July late June??  I don't document like I used to so now all i have are angry memories without the dates I so need.  anyhow, Shopping time is here and she called.  he of course Jumps.  I've said put on the brakes.  Please don't buy ALL her clothes.  Please jsut do the shop just with the kid.

there was no more discussion.

I would like to see him just hand her some cash or a gift card and be done with it.  Tea can do a fashion show for him after.  The same as what Charley does.  Or maybe, get her school supplies list and go do that with her and treat her to a nice lunch after.

but I bet I know how Leah expects this to pan out.

They all shop together.  All day. like a cute little family He spends piles of money and she spends nothing.

What am i going to do about it?  Besides act like a 12 year old cuz that seems to be the only thing that works.........not sure.  Refuse to ride in his car again because she has tainted it for me?  call social services on her?  Tell him he can't come over for awhile?  Just not sure.

Hopefully I won't have to think of antyhing that I feel i have to do.  Hopefully he see's how she uses him.  she is creating a monster in her daughter.  If he doens't put the brakes on now......well its almost too late.  Tea already treats him that way.  UGH!  its jsut a living nightmare for me!

blog On

You gotta love how inadequate my parents manage to make me feel.

mmmhmmmm.  Uh huh.  Frig!  I need to just keep my mouth shut and then i don't get the responses I hate to hear so much

holiday?

our First family holiday together - We are going!

I won't allow this stupid accident or the fact that Uncle Visa has to pay for the whole thing.  We will have a fantastic time and make grand memories for us all!  I will pack a foamy to put on top of the air mattress just like the doctor said!  I will stretch and exercise and be uncomfortable, but we deserve this FAmily vacation.  We have been looking forward to it all year!  I won't let them down.  If I have to sleep in the car - I won't let them down!

Blog On!

HAHAHAHA!!

as it turns out - i am dumb

pay-day was last week!  I am confused cause of time off and I didn't pick up my cheque and.......

so anyhow, i will wait till next week for my last cheque and hopefully my ROE papers.

Although, while I was there i heard a rumour about myself.

Did you know i am resigning?

I didn't either.

Neat!

ROE

so today is pay day at work.

i head in after physio to pick up the last cheque I'll be getting for awhile from that place.  Leaves me feeling a bit sick to my stomach.  He is to have my ROE papers ready stating that I am off due to medical reasons.  Why do I have this sinking feeling that it won't be done??

My birthday is coming in less than 3 months

I'm already getting depressed

DAting?

my 10 year old has asked me how old she needs to be till she can date?

WHAT!

What a Diet

Being on sick leave now means,  i  don't have any snacky type foods in my house.  Well I have some but we are now rationing them, cuz really.......i don't know When I will have extra money again.

 I am doing my physio exercises once in the AM and once before bed.  My Tummy is going to be so toned!  Holy CArp!

Although a freakin' scary Painful diet that I wouldn't recommend for anybody, I bet i look amazing in 6 weeks!

I am looking up Medical EI and it is pissing me off

told work yesterday that I was going to need to take some serious time off.  I feel awful about it.

but i am NO good to anyone like this.

i hurt all the time.  That relapse of last week really scared me.  Stepping, and without any warning, my leg just not being there!

I onloy worked thursday and friday of this past and I left on Friday in pain.

After doing so well and really believing I was gonna be able to do a ful shift by the end of the month and then BAM! no reason.  no warning.

I feel bad to let my co-workers down.  

I feel awful that this might just mean my job........

but I HAVE to heal.

Muscles, torn, stretched, ripped - take longer to heal than bones - but you get more understanding and recognition of injury with a cast.

so tomorrow i go in and then after work I will go see my doctor and see what and how long he says.

Therapist said 7 to 10 days minimum. and Thats just to rest it so the swelling goes down and the pain subsides a bit.

I LOVE my job.  I hate this.

everything happens for a reason. 

1 door closes another 1 opens

Blog On

RCMP Respond

They went.

I got an email

i called.

immense sobbing.  He is ok. and he is not.  he assured me he will not hurt himself.

i am glad I called the cops

How do I Reach Back?

Hi Kristi,

Here's my email address if you wanted to add it to your contacts.- tonyf70xxxxxxt or anthony_afxxxxxx.  

To tell you the truth Kristi, I am extremely depressed. I miss Lucy more than I ever thought I would. I want to be with her so very bad. I feel her spirit in me and that brings me comfort. I sometimes talk to her at her memorial at the cemetery and at home.

I cannot return to the beach where I scattered her ashes. There were even little fragments of bones in the ashes, my Lucy bones. It's so very painful to think of that.

I'm not happy here on earth anymore, I have no desire to be here and absolutely no will to live. I don't go anywhere and I can't get out of bed. I have no one. I'm ready to go whenever God is ready to take me home. I think I'll be with Jesus & Lucy sooner than I think.

I wonder why God didn't take me when Lucy died. I wanted to go with her then. Oh well, it's gunna be very soon now, I can feel it, I can't wait to be there with my Love, Lucy.

You'll read all the details of whats been happening here in the letter I sent to you. Should be there by Tuesday. I'm glad to hear you are still with Lyle and that Charlotte is growing up so well & healthy.

Don't worry about me, I still have my precious little kitty-Lu and my Mom calls sometimes. And I'll be in a better place soon enough, I'm sure.

Take care, you've always been a great friend, a little harsh at times, but it's been great knowing you.

 

Bye for now,

Tony.

I received this last night.  I haven't heard from Super Tony in awhile.

He lost his wife last summer to Cancer.  She's had it since they were married and they'd been married at least 7 years.  It wasn't a surprise that she died.  But it was to him.  

She'd started 4 or so years ago with a tumour in her uterus as big as a football.  she had everything removed.  Uterus ovaries total and complete hysterectomy.  It was very sad.  She was only 21.  She went through extensive treatments.  Then they found more cancer - it never stopped.  The cancer wanted her.  In the end she was riddled with it in every part of her body.  Bones, brain, skin, she was never going to make it.

 They'd gone through that thing that I can't remember the name of now, that families go through to prepare you for the inevitable.  

They and he had been through lots of death counseling before the day came and after.  yet he was completely surprised the day she died.  Utter shock!

The letters I had gotten from him a few weeks before had been about how how she was getting better.  Even though the doctors had told them both that she was gonna die and would maybe not make it through the month.  He's even mailed me from the place that i can't remember the name of, that families stay.  its like the final stop.  When you hear the name you'll know what I'm talking about and everyone knows thats it.  Its just time to wait for the end.  

But not Tony.  I've never experienced such complete denial before.  Compete ignoring of the obvious.  I felt bad for him and annoyed at the same time.  I wanted to help him through her departure, but he was never letting her depart.  Now I get this coded letter.  Do i contact the police and put him on suicide watch?  He is on the Island.  

There is a point where positive thinking is great, but sometimes,  no matter how positive you are, reality - i don't know.

What would you do if you got this letter? 

Time for a Bra

July 26th 2009

After being at the waterslides the day before I realized it was time to do the shop.

not that she is bouncing or huge or really even all that noticeable.  Just the roundness in that area that makes you look and think - is that?  is she?  But in a wet tank top -

Mountain and i couldn't say anything as she ran up to us, wet, after being in a pool close to where we were sitting.

she ran away and I blankly look at him.  Did he notice? "i think she needs a new tank top for her bathing suit"

"oh yah!"  he says. WE stare at each other not knowing what to say.  Just a blank look on both our faces.  

So the next day off we went for the mother daughter bra shop.  We went to my favorite store, Wal-Mart.  We went in and went to the kids section where the socks and underwear are.  I was talking to her and asking colors, holding them up.  "MOM!!!!"  I soon realized it had become that kind of moment.  I had forgotten.  The embarrassment.  So I held it up again really close to her.  She turned and pretended not to know me looking at the T-Shirts on the next rack.

Ahhh.  Well that was fun for a brief moment.  Then I decided not to embarrass her further.  People would walk by doing their own shop and i would play along with her and turn to look at the T-Shirts in the next rack too.  Finally we'd selected a few different sizes and styles to try on.

In to the change room I hobbled with my 10 year old daughter desperately trying to hide her selection as we walked.  I could see her scanning around, trying to get to the change room as quick as she could.  What if Someone from School saw Her?!!

In we went.  She was eager to try on her first bra.  hiding herself from me as she changed.  (odd i thought)  With each bra I asked her to put her hands in the air and bend over.  Checking material and straps.  How far do they ride up? do they ride up?  how are the seams - bulky?  smooth?  

We settled on 2 "Smart" sports bras in white size small.  They are more like really short tight tank tops.  

"mom, we HAVE to go through the self check-out!"

I grin to myself.  "of course Charlotte"

Our girl is Growing up

My Job

SAw my doctor again today.

i'd only just seen him last thursday, the relapse.

the thing that sucks about the relapse, besides the immense pain, was that it had only been 2 days before that I had told a co-worker I thought I might be able to return to my full shift by Friday!

than of course Friday came and i couldn't even take tables.  Stood in the bar blinded and dizzy with pain.  Fell down in the kitchen trying to get up the back stairs.  Pulled my arm muscle on the way down as I tried to stop myself by grabbing onto the door handle.  Mitch just looking at me.  Not even for a moment stopping to ask if he can help.  Even one of the kitchen staff coming up to ask if I need help as I sat there on the stair in tears from the pain instantly turning into embarrassment.

I wnet in on Saturday,  Mountain by my side to tell him I wouldn't be in till Thursday.  Doctors orders.  The clinic doctor that is.

So now today I saw my doctor yet again.  He is concerned.  The lumps have gone down, but they are still there.  What do I want to do?  He will support me medically no problem, I am clearly not healing in a timely manner.  Torn muscles take longer to heal than broken bones.  but He can't support me financially.  Medical leave is not going to give me much.  Mountain has said he will support us.  Do I care if I lose my job anymore?  No.  Not so much.  I don't want to work for someone so unsympathetic.  Do I whine too much?  Thats possible.  He doesn't seem to take my injuries seriously.......

do I want Mountain to take on this responsibility?  I don't know.  Losing my Independence?  do I want to wimp out, give in and show weakness?  no.  Not to anybody.  Do I want to be ok?  YES!  I wanted to, was looking forward to Barkerville.  Doc says go.  DAd says I'm a fool if i do.  I don't know.  I don't want to screw up my claim anymore than i already have.   But I don't want my family to suffer through summer and the things we haven't been able to do or won't be able to do......

so Doc says try work again.  Keep taking it easy.  And if it happens again (the relapse)I'm off.  3 time down, I'm down.  He says i didn't do anything.  These things happen.  Relapses happen.  Was it trying to swim in the pool?  WAs it being intimate?  was it walking in my yard?  don't know.  Coulda been as simple as jamming on the brakes in my car when I was driving to work.

I am confused and lost.  I don't even know what the question was anymore

Gearing up For Battle

I am getting ready for the School Shop Battle.

the One with Mountain and his cute little shop with his other family.

there was an incident this weekend and I am still boiling beneath the surface.  and Now all I can think about...............

August

I needed fish food.

No don't go to Wal-Mart.  I can't walk from the car inside.  My hip is Killing me! I know, there is a littel place just around the corner.  I don't have to walk hardly at all.  Lets go there!

In we went.  

And out we walked just over an hour later with the newest member of our family!

Meet August - better known as Auggy or Gus depending on who's talking to him.  Or if he is in trouble  

As far as we can figure he is approximatly 5/6 months old.  He is a tabby siamese cross.

and How ironic - we walked in the door with him and my message light on my answering machine was blinking.  It was the lady from VOKRA letting me know our application for adoption had been accepted.

All we went in for was Fish Food!  Honest!  it was a accident!

Our New addition

Holy Pain Batman!