1, 2, 3

When is it that you realize you drink too much?

Who is it that tells you?

is it yourself. the voice inside your head that tells you to put that bottle there and this bottle here ......

is it your husband

is it your child

is it your family

what about your friends

what if you know but really just don't want to stop forever because you remember what it was ike before. That was worse than it is now. Is it? thinking back. Is it?

Remember the nights alone. The social evenings out (not). The clumsy. Yup - you can tell when I am sober. Can't form a sentence without stumbling over words and trip over my own feet.

but ..........

Fraud

I have a girlfriend who has lied and made bad decisions her whole life. Over the last few years it has all been catching up to her.

Now her latest web of lie's may land her in jail for tax fraud.

She's been living with her boyfriend for at least 10 years. She's been claiming single the whole time. Someone reported her and she has just lost her monthly disability check. They are investigating her. That is the quick version. I am sick for her when I think about it.

I think about the bill I got a few months ago for Child Tax and GST becaseu now I am married - and that was only a few months. Hers ............ and she was collecting for 3 kids!

The scenario's that are going on in my head from this are making me dizzy.

So ungood

Tax fraud is huge - the government doesn't like that

WTF TEACHERS!

cut and pasted this off the net -

BCTF leave proposals include an increase in preparation time (non-teaching time for lesson preparation) to 25 per cent of a teacher's assignment.

There would be two additional days for report cards. Each teacher would receive one hour per student for preparing interim reports.

There is a logic there which recognizes that a teacher's work is not confined to the classroom, although somebody else would have to be paid to be in the classroom and no professional's work is ever done within fixed hours.

But there's more. Up to 10 days of paid leave would be granted for the death of a friend or any relative plus two days for travel.

Eight days per year of paid discretionary leave would also be available.

Sick days could be claimed at the rate of two per month (now 1.5) plus five days per year for chosen professional activities and five more days of paid leave to meet responsibilities for care, health or education of a child or "any other person."

Sick leave alone, without any increase, is already an enormous unfunded liability that sits like the proverbial tectonic fault line under the shaky surface of all school district budgets.

Here's the problem. A teacher who takes all their sick leave (plus any of the other proposed leaves) each year, would theoretically be out of the classroom for many days each year, during which time the employer would, again, presumably pay a second teacher to do the same job.

There's a proposed provision for 26 weeks of fully paid leave for direct or indirect compassionate care to (and I quote) "any person." That would be 130 more days with the same job being paid twice.

A teacher who chose to take the 26 weeks (130 days) of "fully paid leave per year for direct or indirect compassion-ate care to any person," plus all the other leaves could theoretically be on leave for more days than there are in the 190-day school year.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Many+teachers+uncomfortable+with+their+union+demands/588113

8/story.html#ixzz1oOez7iGp

I think i want a divorce

New Routine

I've said it before and I will say it again.

This time we are doing it a bit different. I have decided to try something I've never done before, meal replacement. The chicks on all those commercials do it. So I have signed up for the 90 day challenge with Body by Visalus. We'll see how it goes. So far I have learned soemthing I suspected all along, my family makes me fat. Especially the husband part of it. Its how we eat. I cook always healthy foods, but somewhere along the way, I have added a potato, purchased a bigger cut of meat, needed more pasta to complete the casserole - do you follow. Then if, I say IF there are leftovers, for some reason, they must get find their way in to my lunch. Because Of course, I need to eat lunch/dinner at work and NO food should go to waste.

Well now - I am hoping with this new job, that a new healthier routine will be found.

I make a shake in the morning, have it through-out the morning, through first coffee. Currently, my lunch break is at 12:30 - so left overs I can have. Only a little bit though. Just because the thing I take it in is so big does not mean it has to be full. (its a mind thing) and just because I brought it, does not mean i have to finish it. Old school parenting of finishing what you take - eat it or it will go to waste, echos through my head on a constant. Thanks mom and dad. Then second coffee, more shake. Then home to have a 6:30 dinner! it can work right? if I feel the need to snack before my 9:30 bedtime, popcorn or rice cakes are always my go to.

As this routine takes on a life of its own, maybe a quick work out can happen in the AM?

i have a dream of being able to walk to work once the weather gets better and I am not driving Daughter to school. If I could walk 3 days a week - that would be just what I need to get that slowing metabolism up.

So in theory, i can do this - it will be good - it will work and I can find a happiness with my body again. Be comfortable in my skin? what a wonder that would be after so, so long

Onward and Upward!

New Job

It was an accident. I wasn't looking. The wind literally blew me in ..........

I felt so dirty when I left his office. Like I'd cheated on my husband. but I was safe, cause I was going to Disneyland. He couldn't contact me and by the time I got home he would have forgotten about me?

I realized, while in California, I need this. I need to go after this. My family needs me. Look at the Fucked up dynamics going on between my daughter and him. Me and him. My daughter and I! What the Hell!

This stops now! This stops here. Granted, 13 is what it is, but I see shadows of things ..........

the next day after the plane landed I called .........

I start my new job February 15th!

No More Nights! Never On Sunday! or Holidays! and a pepper of Saturdays through out the year!

YaY!

and we are off!!!

California - Disneyland - here I come!!!!

Charley started a period last night - I have been on and off weirdAss spotting and Husband is gonna try to quit smoking ..............

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

It's gonna be Awesome!

reaching a goal

So we tell our kids they can be whatever they want to be. You hear it all over here and there - you can reach it if you want it bad enough. If you have a goal, you have to work towards it to get there.

okay ................

I want to win 10 million in the lottery. I would like to be a millionare. I buy tickets every week. Do I need a lucky penny? to give the guy a noogie for luck each time i purchase? rub the machine in its private parts before it chooses my numbers? How do you work towards a goal like that?

Le Brea Tar Pits! The Brown Derby! Graumans! Hollywood boulevard! the stars - the sign the Wax Museum! i gotta clear my camera memory card

ACK!

Getting Ready for Disneyland

Of course I am going to get my period before I go on this marvy vacation.

Why Not!

It's like the land of miniature, in this house. Little tubes of toothpaste, shampoo, sunscreen lining the counters getting ready to be packed away. I even found travel sized eye juice! Picked up a new camera because my other new camera is too big and difficult to use. No i still haven't figured it out yet. Got a pair of cargo pants today with a little button so that they can be capri's. Good don't have to pack pants now! Just a couple of dresses and I am good! Still mulling over renting a car to drive south to Seaworld ...... I'll see how I feel about the 6 lane highway when I see it.

Long day of travelling ahead of us. Leave here about 11:30 - hopefully get across the border without a problem. Then to Mucks. Load up and she is taking us to the airport. The website said to be there 2 hours ahead ........ so we are aiming to be at Bellingham Airport for 2. We land at LAX at 7PM that evening! ACK!

I am thinking we will be checked in to our room at the Ramada Maingate by 9:30PM. Get ourselves settled and then EAT! We are gonna be starved I am sure. Maybe we are lucky enough to see the fireworks from our hotel?? Maybe a swim in the pool or the hot tub. Maybe straight to bed for our early rise of excitement to stand at the gates of the 'Happiest Place On Earth' waiting for them to let us in.

It's been 80+ there all week! Looking forward to sun.

Can't wait for Hollywood and Universal studios. The beach. Tour after tour to see things we've never seen before. I plan to ride rides that go high in the sky even! I want to try it, do it, and see it all!

I checked the Disneyland Maintenance list - sadly - the Matterhorn and the Haunted Mansion will close January 9th for 3 weeks of maintenance. :(

I also found out that all the Christmas fun is still going, but its last day is January 8th! BLAST!

However, it is Disneyland so it will still be magical no matter what! WooHoo! So excited.

3 more sleeps!

Pets and Family

What is it with people giving away their pets?

I just don't get it. First I heard of one that had a baby and the cat was having an issue. Then I hear of another that has found out there is an allergy in the house. SO!!

My husband and my kid push me to over in to depression, but i don't get rid of them! Yet. They are family. As are my kitties. They are a commitment. You figure it out, don't you? Is it a death thing? Death is another deal all together, a deal breaker. Nope, not for either situation.

Although, Mine could be, so hey.......................

"Anyone want a barely used husband and a slightly turned teenager - I'll take your best offer"

Merry Christmas

Gifts For Men

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope.

Figuring it out

Had an epiphany the other day.

I can not get a car in the spring as I had planned. I will be losing part of the income I have grown to count on over the past 13 years. Because I am now status - married - This I knew and have been trying to prepare myself for, but the bulb went on while I was thinking about the spring and affording a car payment. That is my car payment and it will be gone after this tax season. As a matter of fact - when I shared this with a girlfriend, she told me I might just end up with a bill! I need to phone them ASAP. My thoughts were that it is based off your last years income tax, going from July to July, I should be good. However, I might not be either. Shit and Fuck!

However, as I scrolled through the Family Maintenance website, looking for any hope of support from there (he is in owing status) i stumbled across links. Links that took me other places saying that if your last court order was before 2006 it could be easily upgraded because the *new* pay scale came out! So even though he is in arrears ......... this would work very well in Charlotte's favor, eventually.

Now speaking of Charlotte, she needs her mummy home in the evenings. Working like I do into the nights and missing out on EVERY Saturday for the last year has taken its toll on her. she needs me here. I am trying to figure out how to make that happen. An opportunity was presented to me yesterday to work for a company where I would be off at night. Only work to the latest, 5:30. Still doesn't get me home after school like she needs, but not working till 8 is better. Having Saturdays off is better. I will Never get that where I work now. So I don't have a resume, but I think I will wander down and just see. You never know. I was also told that their benefits package is waaaay better than the one I have now. Which would also be good. We are in desperate need of dental. Change is hard for me, but I am a mom first and The Queen needs the change. I will try to locate my big girl panties this morning.

Disneyland is fast approaching. I have been wondering about shuttles and tours and i guess I better make sure we are not stuck at LAX. I have been told that there are shuttles there. but don't i need to reserve them? I am not good with the not having a solid plan, so I think i will look into that today too.

Lots to figure out and my mind is so scattered.

Boop Boop!

I am up!

I am happenin'

It is December 8 2011 holy Carp! time just goes doens't it?

i am tired and my tummy feels queasy, but it is a good day so far. That makes me feel good.

What is with the tum tum?

I think i felt a weeee bit of excitement for Christmas this morning. this is Good! I like it! Wrapped some prezzies for the boys and I enjoyed it! this is also good. Looked at my tree and thought it was pretty. Another good thought. Think I might wear bells today ........... another Kristi Christmas thing! this is good. So good!

Am I on the upswing of the downswing I've been on? I sure as heck hope so. Looking forward to my happy moods to make an appearance. Energy. Oranges. Positive outlook!

YaY!

Just Close My Eyes

So tired - the lung thing is going along. The butterfly lungs have subsided and the cough is soooo much less. I have a fancy inhaler that makes my lips sore and tastes a little weird. What is up with the random nausea? and So So tired. I think the tired part is the depression. If I could just close my eyes and go to sleep for a bit .......... My tired would be better and my tummy too I think!

Took today off and managed to get more baking done this AM, more laundry, clean parts of the kitchen/livingroom, catch up on Costco shopping and had a girlfriend over for early morning coffee. Now on to wrapping a couple more gifts, cooking supper and getting ready for The Queen's Christmas concert that is tonight.

Maybe that's why i am so sleepy at 3 in the afternoon?!!

Back to the doc tomorrow - he wants me to be able to blow 500 instead of the 340 i did last week. Ahhhhh the life of a sick girl!

I am really beginning to believe that I am quite mentally insane and that is my biggest issue

Blog On Dudes!

Christmas 2

Okay - so I am trying my damndest to get into this Christmas thing.

Holy Carp - I am behind on everything and anything that has to do with the season! This is soooo not like me. I AM depressed. Shit! it snuck up on me.

Well time to turn it around - hope I can do it.

Can we back up a week so I can catch up on the baking, shopping, decorating and visiting??

WoW! that blanket sure covered me. Hope it stays receded. I can still see its satin fringe, but at least it is not up over my head.

Today the Tree and I will attempt to locate some decorations that seem to be MIA. Bring on the carols please.

WooHooo - tis the season to be jolly! So lets get on it!

This Christmas

I have decked my halls - but it's just not the masterpiece of Christmas it normally is and I kinda don't care. What is going on with me?

My Wedding

It was days before my wedding - so much to do - so much to do.

My daytimer a mess of appointments and 'things to do'

Every moment of every day had something penciled or penned or scribbled in.

so much scheduling in fact, that I had my showers written in or I'd miss out on having one!

Besides the 'wedding stuff' I was preparing for my MIL to stay with us. The house and the yard have to be as close to perfect as I can get. Did I mention my MIL is staying with us? The British were coming as well. Thank goodness we managed a room for them up the street in a friends condo. Bless you Terry. However, that still left filling the freezer and the fridge with foods that would be easy for guests to help themselves. As i was going to be too busy to hostess. Getting the front room - with all its bins - organized enough for company. Labelling bin after bin. Labeling booze. Printing and planning and typing details. I've got to narrow this schedule down - it's too wordy! Should I label the linens too? My photo list! No it's okay - Steph will go over it. She'll catch anything you miss.

The British finally arrive. I am organizing the booze and the pop in the shed after allowing my scheduled shower go over time. Tape and sharpie in hand. The British arrive an hour and a half early. ACK!!!! My hair still in a towel, mascara all over my face ........

I need to print out the itinerary for Ali. Only half of it prints. WHAT?!!!

My printer is broken. Ahhhhhhh! Shit - I had revised the hall layout. The Music for Kodi to keep Sylvain in line. My speech. I need to fine tune and print my speech!

Well shit

Just let it go Kristi - you gotta let it go -

Let's back up a few days -

It's Saturday, July 23rd. My last hours of work before my "holiday" starts at 5PM. Well for me - my holiday had already started. My mind drifting off to the things that need to be done in the next 6 days. Trying hard to focus on ICBC as I dealt with clients and their questions. My mind losing focus and thinking of all the small details that I had to organize for the week ahead. I need to label the wine. What should be on the tables and what should be in the bar. Label the game wine. Finish off the gift baskets. The music - make sure Sylvain knows what is going on. I need to encourage Lyle to get that coconut cut so that it has enough time to dry out. The glasses need to be finished so that I can add the jewels I want to add to them. Now he wants me to go to Fort Langley with him to help him get his hat?!! Doesn't he realize how booked my days are this next week. Monday is my home day to get the house in order. Clean the bathroom, get laundry cleaned and put away, vacuum, do the guest food shop, liquor store, wash the car and make sure its clean, check her engine (she's been making a clicking sound) weed the garden - I want to impress my MIL. I have told him all the things that need to get done, hoping that he will take some of it on. Begging inside my head that he takes some of it on. Even if he would just do the laundry? I suggested for him, if he has time while I am at work today, to cut the lawn and get the yard ready for his family that is arriving.

Not to mention I have and had told him weeks ago to figure out his hat thing. They have hats at Sears I inform him. I'm sure there must be other places in the mall that have some. Do some research. Go looking. He is waiting for Moores to re-order his hat in the right size. It's okay if you don't have a hat I say. It's really not the end of the world. He insists that he has a hat. It's a week before the wedding and he will wait untill Moore's calls him. Okay, we can go looking quickly through the mall on Sunday, after we go for our pedi's, and see if we can find a hat. No he says.

Moore's is not calling. Now he wants to go with Charlotte and I to the fancy hat shop in Fort Langley to find a Fedora. I'm sure you can find one in Abby I urge. Nope - he doesn't want to look here, he wants to go to Fort Langley. You can go without me I suggest. Charlotte knows where it is. Forget it - I won't go then is his response.

*sigh* I look at my day timer and pencil in "Go to Fort Langley for hat" on Monday the 25th square. I remind myself that Charlotte is on summer vacay too. We will go through a couple shops while we are there. I will make it a good day and push back the thoughts of what I need to be getting done for a couple hours. Charlotte Loves Wendall's book store on the corner, it will be nice to share that with Lyle.

I am at work, at my desk, trying so hard to input information. I find myself taking such a long time as my mind drifts off again ........... What if it does actually rain? I need a plan B. It's a sunny day, Rain is in the forcast for the week.

I get to Leave! The clock has not hit 5PM yet. It is 15 min early and Ange has said I can start my vacation now.

I've already started my vacation.

Home I go to find the yard not done, his dirty car and dinner waiting for me to make it

i pour myself a glass of wine - YaY Holiday

Recovery Road

Well 3 days ago I started my fancy meds. Took it before dinner and then after dinner I promptly threw everything up!

BOOKED!!!!

You Only Live Once

So - since my car accident - i started thinking about the fact that things can change in an instant. I was on my way to work - and my whole life changed at a red light. So I started thinking about things differently.

Now since this lung thing, i am yet again taking that next step and thinking about things differently.

I have been planning a trip. Yup - was gonna just do it for Charley's birthday, but decided that I would rather do it as a family. Been waiting for my raise to come into affect. Good to be able to pay for things right? Was looking at doing it for New Years, however, things are sooooo booked. So I have been researching and found that it is better on the pocket book to do it the second week in January. Of course, I am still researching. Going to go in to work and see if my boss can help me as I am new at doing this sort of thing.

I could be dead, so this needs to happen. My girl deserves it. So do I and so does husband!!!

So we will be broke and our house down payment money might get used a bit. This is the only life we have.

Disease and Pestilence

Saw my doc today. He confirmed what I already had known - I do not have cancer.

What do i have?

Still not sure.

Sick. I am sick and have been for most of the year. In my lungs. It flares because it has set up shop. Is it pneumonia sick? not sure of that either. Infection. It is infection sick. Pneumonia is the only kind I know, but for now, it is that which can not be named!

I have homework from the doctor. It's pretty special. The next time I cough up a lugy, I have to put it in the fancy orange lidded cup he gave me and hustle it off to the lab where they can have the pleasure of testing it. Lucky - lucky lab.

I got a nice new orange inhaler too!(steroids) New fancy attachments for both my blue and my orange inhaler. WoW - Christmas must have come early. As well as it looks like another Xray requisition to go fill.

So - i have heard from a couple people now a *sigh* well good its not cancer.

Really, good its not cancer? well good - you are not dying. Really, how do you know I am not?

They cut cancer out. They radiate it. They chemo it. They know what they are fighting and "they" seem to work really fast with soemone that has it.

Lung infection? not so much. Who says this is not going to kill me? I feel like total poo most days of the week.

I've been doing some googling - lung infections, disease, drug resistant pneumonia .......... not such a great read.

Oh did I mention - after I take the lab their special surprise, I get to start taking a drug that is going to KILL - KILL - All the bacteria in my body. Both good and bad. This is certainly to be the bestest treat ever. No dudes in my body to fight with other dudes during the cold and flu season.

So basically I am a rat. Carrying sickness in my lungs and passing it to everyone I talk to. So they get a cold or a horrible sick too. Just maybe lucky enough to not get it in their lungs. Of course then changing it just that little bit and passing it back to me so the dudes in my lungs can party. Making it so that I lay here wondering, is it bad enough to go to the hospital now??

But you know me, always like to share.

the toss up - Cancer or Sick - either one sucks. It just sounds more impressive when you mention cancer. They give more badges out for cancer survivors. They even have a whole clothing line dedicated to it! but poor lonely Lung disease ......... no glory. It just leaves you weak, hospitalized, drug addicted and tired.

What I have learned - stripy or spotted socks always make people smile.

Gaining Control

Well - I've had it. Little by little over the last 5 years I've been giving up control.

Control of my life, my home, my body, my kid .......... 4 days ago, I decided to start taking it back!

Starting with kid. She is failing in school. Which means, I am failing her here at home. Our routine's have gone to shit and I've allowed it. All for the sake of building a family with a man. I have let things go so that he can have some say. So that he can bring some of his ideals to the table. So that he can be a part of, what is, Charlotte and I.

I have allowed myself to become 20lbs over a comfortable weight for myself. Although, I am sure at least 5 of that is 40+ wieght that was bound to happen - the rest is comfort wieght. Sure the accident didn't help. That was a nice 10lbs - however - i know what I have done. Now it is time to attempt to undue it! I may not get very far especially now since I enjoy food soooooo much and have turned into quite the gourmet cook. Even with this nice lung issue I have, i am going to count calories this time instead of sugar. As well as start walking as much as I can. Maybe back to the mall in the AM like I did a couple years ago to get my hip working?

No matter what I do, I have to stay focused and not let certain things creep in.

I am sure part of my control lacking is what is helping this infection breed and live in my lungs too! I am weak minded and weak physically. Time to health up.

Why Did I Get Married is the Question -

What is the Answer?

Lung Thing

I called again to the doctors yesterday. Finally the results are in! you would think "YaY"

not so much. Nothing abnormal the receptionist tells me. Okay - Great. I had already established that in the own head. Abnormal BTW is what they call Cancer. Yet there is soemthing there. Not a big deal though? I have an appointment to go over the results with my doctor on Monday.

So for how I was feeling on Sunday and then again yesterday. The breathing, like the worst asthma ever, is it actually just - "the worst asthma ever" So much so that it shows up on an Xray?

Is it just scar tissue then? Is it leftover infection?

Why is my hearing still down? Why do i hear trickling in my ear canal? Why do I soemtimes just get so freeking tired?

My kidneys are okay. Is it my liver? have i managed to 'medicate' myself to the point that I have pooched my liver, lungs and hearing? Those 'ever readies' that I used to see tumbling out of the FVI and come to me for food, day after day kept going. The street people ......... I am, have not 'coped' that much in the last 5 years have I? That hard?

If its still left over infection, what will they do for me? Chronic pnuemonia doesn't sound like its got too many fantastic cures from what I've read. It actually sounds almost worse than cancer? and why the EFF are my ears still plugged?! has time and genetics finally caught up with me. Is my hearing just - gone?

We need to move - i think there is mould in this house that is affecting me. I am also allergic to faaaaaar more than I ever have been before. And weird things. Its this house -

Time to sell

Working Nights

Well - my time for working nights is coming to a close.

My little girl is needing my home. Not sure what I will be able to do about that.

The nights I am not here and the saturdays are really starting to show.

Her schoolwork is suffering terribly. Mountian is here and does a fine job, but she needs her mummy.

What do I do? Days are not really an option. The hours available would be 10-6, but I guess if that's what I have to start doing ..........

being home after 6 is better, but I still miss the crucial dinner with family.

Maybe once i am back to 3 days off in a row again it will get better for her?

This working for a living is Bullshit!

November 7

13 years ago on this date my beautiful baby girl came into this world and saved my life

When?

When did I stop being happy.

I've had times when I've noticed I am not happy, but now I realize ....... i am not happy most of the time. When did that happen?

I've been so busy being broken and then struggling to get funding to go to school. Then busy in school. then busy with a new job. then busy planning a wedding ............... and the whole time ........... i wasn't happy. My core being isn't happy.

What the Hell happened and when?

CT Scan

Well I went

Took husband and daughter. Made it a fun family event! Bad solemn memories are just not really nice to reflect on. So we went. We laughed about the hospital cieling fan - damn I wish I'd brought my camera. I'm sure it must have been some kind of medical device to keep track of .......... soemthing? but it was positioned like a fan. Blades, skinny like dowling with red tips. I found it most amusing.

I prepared and took all my jewelry off and placed it in the baggy I brought. Then she came and gave me my gown. I only had to undress my top! kept my jeans on and my shoes! Charlotte remarked about how cool I looked. She is a good daughter.

then it was time to go in.

It wasn't a tube at all. More like a giant, white cheerio.

as I laid down I couldn't help but see the odd resemblance to the Stargate. Am I going to end up in a parallel universe?

Stupid sign that says "don't look directly at the laser"

Laser? I didn't know there was one! I wonder where it is ..................

Stupid sign

The nice young girl put my IV in as I laid there getting instruction from the young man about how to breath and what all the light up pictures mean.

Okay! practice run! the thing I am lying on starts to slide my body into the Cheerio. In the center of the Cheerio is a dark ring with what must be the Laser! of course I stared at it. I was trying to figure out if it was the laser. The ring started whirring and circling my body. I had to breath in and hold it while the Cheerio turned stargate. I closed my eyes and exhaled, part of me thinking when i open my eyes maybe I really will be somewhere else? It could happen right?

They come back in and have me raise my right arm up as she puts the dye in my veins. A strange warmth races thru my body. Did I just pee myself? Oh frap - its in my throat. Warmth, swelling? this is mildy unpleasant. I think I might like to throw up. Yikes, my eyeballs feel weird. Yow - into the Cheerio I go again. Breath in, hold it. My crotch is so hot - what the hell is this stuff they shot into me? Is this how a heroin addict feels? I could see why they would go back to it. Its pretty wild - not for me - but wild all the same. Seriously, did I pee myself?

I check out my feet. Yup, there they are. The Stargate is whirring around me. I wonder if I am supposed to be staying still. Maybe I should stop tapping my feet the the song I've decided to listen to in my head.

That's it! We're done! In they come to unhook me. Yikes! the young girl has been replaced with an older version. I think I did go to another universe -

I can get up and leave. The young guy asking if I could hear him talking to me and if it was clear or not.

I thank them - It's been a pleasure!

Driving home, i think I'm a bit high. Is that from the dye or the anxiety. This is very strange. I quite honestly don't think i should be driving. Mntn doesn't offer to take over. I pick up a bottle of wine - i dont like this feeling I have. I need to feel something I can understand better.

Sad that my pee didn't glow. I had hoped it would. and boy did I ned to pee!

So I will find out in a week what the Cheerio revealed inside my body.

I am sure it's just infection that won't go away. I wonder what they will do for it? Feeling like poo is not my favorite thing. The on and off again exhaustion is just irritating. Good days are really good. Bad days .......... i find medicating myself through those days works wonders.

my poor little eggs are so radiated now...............and i burst in to tears ..............

Things in My Head

When you think about life - your life - I mean Really think about it, what things pop in to your head?

With this recent lung thing I've thought a lot about things. Things that pick my butt that stick in my head and don't go out. (still working on my wedding post) I think about passing people in my life. X-lovers and friends. Some to make amends with others ......... just a wondering aobut them.

i think about my life now and the things i tell myself I will do later. Or wouldn't it be cool if I did that or took Charlotte there, or eventually it will happen. WEll soemtimes eventually doesn't come. It needs to happen now. Be in the plan for Now. Take place really close to Now.

Got my applications for my upgrades to Life Insurance all looked after last week. They will be poking at m doctor for stuff. CArp! Gotta get this all looked after before my next birthday and before there is a definant diagnosis of the nothing in my lung! I have to make sure Charlotte is looked after.

Then while thinking of life insurance, the questions of beneficiary comes up. Mountain.

I was getting set to get the house in his name as well. To make him the beneficiary of my insurance to look after Charlotte .......... The realization for me that if I die next week, that woman and her kid will float back in to his life. That she will have her hand on his wallet and take all that I leave him. He will give it without thinking because that's what he does. He will be distraught and alone and will put his head on her shoulder without giving it a thought. She will take advantage of his emotions and weasle her way in. She will take from Charlotte. Charlotte will not get what is rightfully hers. Charlotte will suddenly come second.

No i do now trust or believe that will not happen.

So what am i doing then? So what am I doing here then .............

I think I've made a mistake

Dreams

Funny how the mind works.

my dreams were so busy last night. I was going under the knife. YiKes! Getting a kidney transplant. Holy Carp - where did that come from!?!! I ran away in my dream after saying good bye to family and friends that had come to the hospital with me for support. I ran away in my dream because I decided I didn't need the operation. There was nothing wrong with my kidneys.

I woke this morning and have decided there is nothing wrong with my lungs!

No, that doens't mean I m going to run away from the CT scan. I am still going. What it means is that I am getting out of the mindset that there is something in there, pneumonia or disease to worry about. That its merely scar tissue from the many times I've been sick.

That's it. Nothing else.

I am tired and run down because I do so much in a day. My mind is always think, think, thinking ......... that can exhaust a person!

So I am fine because I have decided so.

Blog on!

It's a Date

my CT scan is scheduled.

Next Friday the 21st i go in yo LMH.

I am tired - going to bed - Blog on Dudes

Health

I got to my doc's yesterday for our appointment.

Blood work is my first chore. He wants my kidneys tested. Says its to be sure I will be okay for the CT scan if they need to do imaging. but I don't know. I started reading about the creatinine tests and kidney functions......

The thing in my lung is smaller than it was in July. This is good! Cancer doesn't make it a habit of shrinking.

He didn't offer up and ideas or thoughts to what it might be. I suggested my theory on antibiotic resistant pneumonia - he nodded in agreeance - could be. If it is that, they will have to put me in conscience sedation and go into my lung. None of that sounds nice. However, the theory that it is pneumonia would explain why I am sooo tired a lot. My confusion that i get. The coughing up stuff. The dizziness, night sweats and the general feeling like poo most of the time.

Am I scared? DAmn Rights! Its been there for quite awhile now. This is not good. It can make itself acute if it so chooses. With the rainy cold damp weather coming I am more than a little worried.

So I am a sick girl

I talked to him about the period that has been missing since July. The hot flashes - his response - 'you're only 41!!!' Thanks, I am aware

I told him

Xray

I went for my follow up Xray last week ....... finally.

i was supposed to go right after the wedding. Of course I didn't. Scared that there would be soemthing there. i procrastinated for 2 months. I set up an appointment for next tuesday with the doc as he is away this week. The day after Thanksgiving. I figured I would hit all the birds - talk to him about the xray, about my hot flashes, my wierd sugar levels, how exhausted I've been ... about my wedding ...........

The doctors office just called. He wants to see me ASAP. He wants to send me for a CT scan. I reminded them of my already appointment for next Tuesday.

I am scared - what will they find?

Blog sweet Blog oh how I've missed thee -

so many words and phrases, stories running thru my mind and not the time to sit and sort through this hazy brain of mine. The story of my wedding only just started ........

and on to life we go. Yet - i feel such a strong pull to finish .............

it will come, it will come.

Life just keeps on going and my mind fills with other things.

STAY TUNED - - - THERE IS A POST COMING ........

just being a married woman is all ......................

WHO'DA THUNK IT?

A Moment on Wedding Eve

Well Dudes - here I am.

Getting married tomorrow. Holy Carp!!!

Everything that is will be.

So many 'of course' things and scenarios happening before my wedding. Cuz why wouldn't they. I am good with that. Can't change it. So I just gotta roll with it.

Married is a forever thing. We have our arguments and our issues and our baggage. Gladly enough, we work through them and are still working through them. And it is good.

why is it good? because it is progressive. I love him and more than that - I like him. He is my partner for life, till death do us part, forever. I am glad.

My dear friend prayed with me, for me ove the phone today - and it was good. i was better. Seriously! Better. Had horrible heart beat anxiety, losing my mind into crazy. He did that - i went for my mani and I am better ------ ------- -=------

well my moment was interupted. Its time for me to go. I will be back as a Mrs.

Blog on Dudes.

Of Course

so Yes - its wedding week.

WoW - my wedding week. My wedding day! This is crazy. I have soooooo so much to reflect on and say about that. however, there is not much time for such things. Easy venting is faster. And fast is what I am doing these days. Time ...... well I aint got it!

So my wedding week - Wow - here it is. True to Kristi fashion, nothing gets to be easy. My car got backed into yesterday. An old reminder has popped up after ???? years. Are those zits on my chin. Dont' get those anymore. I have a sore throat. The weather is the Total shitz. Now my cat has a swollen head! Which means a definant vet visit tomorrow.

Ahhhhh - wedding week

Jeepers

So my Sister wacked out on me on Tuesday. Why it was her problem, I'll never know. Freeking out about my bartender. My bartender that happens to be her friend .

She had said in an email that she would be good to be there early to set up. 10AM - when suddenly, she forgot. So the Bartender texted Sister. Big mistake. Sister starts freeking out aobut where is she gonna go all day after set-up. And why does she have to be there so early ect. ect.

Well first of all, Sister its not your business and doesn't concern you. Ms. Bartender is more than welcome to come back to my house to get herself ready. This i have already conveyed to her. If you don't want her at your house, then just tell her that. No she is not paying for ice and I Never said she was going to have to. She can get most of her ice from Stephie's restaurant. She and Steph spoke of this at the stag. No she doesn't HAVE to be there that early - i can easily ask soemone else to set up her bar and chill all the wine. Its not the end of the world. I jsut need to know if she is still a hand with decorating. I have lots to decorate and set - up, but more is good. The sooner everyone is out of the hall the better. The groom needs to done by noon in order to be able to get himself ready for his own wedding. Being done at Noon gives him an 1 1/2hrs to decompress, eat lunch and get himself pretty. That's actually not a long time. So 2 hours to set up - deal with any issues at the hall - or fine tune any decoration dilemma's is plenty of time with a good team. So mind your own business Sister and stop borrowing trouble.

Now my MIL - she has not and was not truthful about her intentions. So the British have flown over to Vancouver, then flown to Campbell River to visit, then come here. Ma Never ever had any intentions of leaving the island any earlier than THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING!!!

Sis'inlaw has managed to budge her to Wednesday. The British had intended to come over on Monday - we had plans for the whole week! We are all pissed. Had Ma been honest, the British could have flown in to Vancouver - gotten a room there and enjoyed the city for a few days, gone to 'visit' ma, then come oever for the wedding. MNTN is so upset by his mother. Her selfishness. The British came for His wedding!

Ahh well - so now I have a few more days to be ready before the house guests arrive. Guess that's not so bad. Just sucks that it eats up the only visiting day. So, so crazy back to back busy by wednesday of next week.

WEll now that I've vented i feel good.

off I go to weddingweddingweddingweddingweddingweddingwedding.........

numbers are dropping

so the gramma fell off her scooter, into a sign. Fractured her vertabrae. Fractured her eye socket. More than likely won't be coming to the wedding. Which then leaves me to wonder how Teaghan will get there?

my Aunt and Uncle from the Kootenays have just pulled out as well. He had surgery on his hand and the stitches opened up.

My wee niece has split with her beau so is now coming alone.

Very glad they have all let us know. Waaaay better than just not showing up. I hope i can still adjust my numbers with the caterer????

Although, the voices in my head is telling me soemthing about the gramma. Reminding of the fear I had already anticipated where that was concerned. ERG! ERG! SHUT IT!

my DJ

My DJ

my french friend that I worked with at Miller's. Giving me the gift of music for my wedding. I am so grateful. He asked for lists - i sent them. Programs - I sent them.

last night, i mailed him a change and asked his opinion ............

Huh? was his response.

HUH! HUH! - he didn't know what I was talking about. He hadn't paid attention to ANYTHING I'd sent him! I got on the phone and called him to calmly talk to him about the music. To talk to him about the rehearsal at my parents.

Oh My Gosh!!!!

he went off about how he can do all acoustic. Then he went off about how he will just set up in one central place so he doens't have to move his stuff for the reception.

Ummmmm ............... THE CEREMONY AND THE RECEPTION AREN'T EVEN IN THE SAME TOWN!!!!!!

He goes on to one of my song choices saying oh the one by Stevie Wonder and starts singing it.

Yes that's the song, i say to him, but I want the one by Harry Connick.

oh but this one by Stevie Wonder is so good.

NO! I don't want Stevie Wonder!!! I want Harry Connick!

Isn't this other song sung by Bing Crosby?

yes - but I don't want that version.

but Bing is so smooth .........

NO! I DON'T WANT BING'S VERSION!!!!

OMG! I am Not a Bridezilla - but seriously - I can see how it happens. I have been planning this for a year. I have researched the music I want. I have been thinking about that aisle walk forever. Don't Eff this for me Frenchman! and then he forgot that he agreed to sing at the reception. Hadn't even seen the program. OMG! I sent it twice!

serenity now serenity now

BLOG ON!

okay - its official - i am in a wedding haze

got the liqour license today. Muck came and we put our brains together at the hall. I's gonna be good. She's on it. but I am afraid I am petering out. can't wrap my brain around house stuff anymore. Work stuff. and the Wedding stuff .......... i am jsut not sure what the next step is.

Guess get the booze???

I think everyone knows what they are doing.

Linens are confirmed.

Food is confirmed. Got rings, marriage license and tuxes.

the decor is painted. just need to do a few glasses ........ songs are chosen ........ honeymoon dress is in the cleaners ....... gotta get a honeymoon nightie. Need to purchase good make up as I am doing my own - lancome here i come!

gotta go to aircare and clean the fish tank - maybe steam my carpet in the livingroom ....... buy more toilet paper and grocery shop for the guests that are going to be here in less than 2 weeks!

What else? What else?

organize and label all the wedding bins!!! Yes!

okay - i need a bath to relax me. My Alvin is starting to hurt

Finalizing

The numbers are in!

i finalized my linens on monday.

been touching base and finalizing stuff with my chair cover angel, my Xtremely pregnant about to pop any moment florist, in the midst of cofirming the menu and numbers there ...... got the rehearsal all set for time's ..... remembered to invite the commissioner. ACK!

Got my paperwork for the liquor license , gonna do the event insurance myself at work ....... got my honeymoon dress in the car waiting till i can get it to the cleaners to get it pressed.

Still gotta get a lil'sumthin' from la senza. Met Leah's mother ..................... yeah it happened. Getting raffle baskets togehter and ready ........... no more drink tickets ..............cash at the bar. Still working on speeches and a list for Carolyn for pics ................ got my make up consult this sunday ......... still trying to figure out nails and feet .......... made appointments but i am not sold .......... now its on to getting the house ready for company. ACK! My Mother In Law is staying here! for a Week! then after that - my Father In Law is staying here while we honeymoon!! so the house really needs to be together, organized and user friendly.

Can you think of anything i might have missed?

no Seriously - can you? I could use the input.

Blog on

Getting Worried

so the pnuemonia that is in my lungs is not cleared up yet.

Been on 3 antibiotics, 2 x-rays, my family doc requested to see me. I have to go for more x-rays between the wedding and the honeymoon. Unless i get sick again before that, and then he wants me in his office ASAP. He is talking CT scan. I stopped my last round of meds sunday and the coughing is and has started up again today. I'm sure I will be in his office this time next week ......... yeah, i am scared. I am trying really hard to not be. To not think about it, but its hard not to when it just doens't get better. I quite smoking years ago because I didn't want to leave Charlotte. I have had the occasional cigarette with Mntn over the last 5 years ....... i hate it and I regret it. He needs to quit. I jsut gotta make it to the wedding -

What is in my lung?

its my left upper lobe, the same spot the pnuemonia has gone every time. Maybe its just the mass scarring?

If there is still soemthing on the x-ray at the end of the month, i have to go for a CT scan.

Yeah - i am scared

She Wants to What?

Leah's mom called Mntn just after supper tonight.

She wants to come over.

i said pardon?

yes - that's right - she wants to come over for a visit? Ummmm what?!! Get to know ME before the wedding. HuH!? Last I checked you had No relation to mntn.

Is this a weird request or is it just me??

sick girl

It looks like i am a very sick girl. On more meds. Feel so tired. Off for more xrays this morning and I'd rather just be in bed. Why can't he just get up the first or second time the alarm goes off?

Do we really have to hit snooze 7 times?

so i sit. Looking a the clutter and mess. 3 weeks and my mother-in-law will be here. Then my father in-law will be staying here to house sit while we go on our honeymoon. I really have to get things more user friendly in my house before I leave it. HOw bout' non-dusty. That would be good too.

Mntn did my stone path yesterday. It's a bit thicker than I thought it would be, but I like it. It looks very pretty and I know exactly where I want another one!

Still need all the decor glass painted. I suppose it can wait. Hopefully we will get some days of sun in a row soon and then it can get done.

The Queen finishes school this week. Wow, grade 8. I have taken the next day off and plan to do a nice day with her. Lunch and window shopping. We haven't done it for so long. I work Canada day. Time and a half is good yah? Got a few days for unaccounted Charlotte ........ we'll figure it out. I hear she has a date with her Auntie Shari for one of them.

Went to mom's yesterday to survey the wedding space .......

got the low down on how Sandy was killed.

how awful - poor little puppy must've been in such pain. The hoof marks from the doe carved out in the ground. Wee Sandy was under that? She didn't stand a chance. Broke her back protecting my mom. That deer was coming for her! Charlotte can never just go down and play at the river now. None of us can really without a rake or soemthing. Or in a group ........ although i must admit, i am a little worried about my wedding day and being attacked by a deer. She has a baby and has clearly made her home along the creek and the river. Which is fine, however, when you go around attacking your neighbors...........your neighbors tend to not like you and want you to go away! I wonder where she got pushed out from? The unit has been in that home since 83' Its only been the last few years that deer have been spotted and up on their front lawn ...... eating the rosebushes ...... berries ect. They must follow the creek. They would have to - the property has a barbwire fence! But like I said - we can all live together - as long as she stops being freeky

So these new meds I am on make my skin light sensitive. I am tired. Really tired. Don't know if its from the drugs or the sick. Then on top of all that - Allergies! I have an inhaler now, so this is good. but I don't want to take anything else cuz I don't want it to mix with the other stuff I am taking and kill me. There will be no Marilyning or Jacksoning in this house

so 4 weeks to go and I feel pretty pooey. Yeah thats the other thing the pills do.

So I will no doubt lose wieght from the pooing but have amazing abs from the coughing!!!

Here comes the Bride!

wedding Fast Approaching

Wow, here I am 35 days before my wedding day. I jsut am so in awe. I'm really here. Really, its MY turn to walk down the aisle as a bride. I still have so much to do. But what is it???

Tone my muscles. I have 35 days I can do that. Lose weight? no - I'll screw my dress up. Already lost 13lbs. I can afford to lose one more inch and that's it. so tone it is.

Gotta go on a cleanse. Although - been eating spinach salad the last couple days and I think its giving me this allergic reaction i appear to be having. So today I will stay away from it and if I clear up for tomorrow .................

I serieously won't be eating the day before my wedding. I don't need to have some kind of effed up allergic, hayfever reaction. Pills don't help when its food or drink related.

Well off I go to work my 2lb wieghts!

Blog on

Last Minute Things?

Soooooo - Womens - what sort of last minute things I should be doing for my wedding??????

Nails the day before - Check

Pedi the week before - Check

Eyebrow dying 2 weeks before - check

What Else! What Eles???? my mind is blank!

guesss I should book in liquor store shopping oh and Frap! Still noting to wear on my honeymoon to my wedding bed!!!! ACK! but still those things --- meh - they will happen. but things that I might not be thinking of ........... help!

is it possible I have thought of everything?!

What the Hell!

please help - Please start listing. Oh, My speech of thank you's! There's one!

seriously - my mind has gone so blank

Adoption

yup - i am tnhinking about it. Even googled it

my heart is aching to raise another child. He wants one of his own. I more than understand.

Yet, he is n't doing anything about it.

Already been deemed his problem not mine, yet here we are .... treading water. my waterm however, will run out. Like a roulette wheel or a clock that you don't know how old the batteries are .......... and after the research I;ve done myself ...... serious miracle if I get pregnant. HIs sperm are allergic to each other.

Adopting might not be the end of the world???

Riots in Vancouver

Wow - Anyone else feel like the police were truly not prepared for what happened last night?

a Riot either way was inevitable. You could feel it building. I am cities away and could feel it building. Then for it to go on and on and on as it did. Holy Carp! numerous car fires. Paper boxes and mailboxes being used as kindling. I called Charlotte out to watch. People standing around being entertained and taking their memorabilia shots instead of doing something about it and leaving. I'd say the social media had something to blame for this.

I can't help but wonder, while watching the group of people move their violence from one block to the next, didn't it on some level in their brains occur to them this was wrong. Breaking windows, looting, starting fires in the street does not a good party make. Most of them young 20 somethings. Most of them men. Who brought these people up?

Were their parents at home watching them ham it up for the camera or answer their tweets as the moment happens.

It was like watching a movie. Like those movies you see where they blew up the bridges to Manhatten or LA and the crazies were all left to feed off each other. The decent trapped people being airlifted out.

What the Hell happened out there?

Booze, testosterone, emotions, strenght in numbers and the full moon.

Some young men trying to find their way out of a downtown city that they don't know. Finding that skytrain had been shut down and who know where a bus or cab might be. Nearly innocents trapped in the chaos. Not knowing that there are bridges, that if they could get to them, they would be able to get out of the trouble. Others working and living watching their neighborhoods and belongings be destroyed at their feet below.

Its hard to concentrate or think about the win of a team that worked just as hard to get there as ours did. Their excitement and pride being ripped a apart and shit on by Vancouverites. Young men, with their hands cocked up in the popular sideways peace sign or fingering that I've never understood. Baseball caps on crooked. Don't you know you look like an moron? Yet there they are posing for the many, many TV units and IPhones and camera's. The fire is not big enough, so let's add another jersey.

The police seemingly to stand back and allow more and more looting to happen. Ordering the fire dept to leave the scene, for their own safety, when the rioters started throwing debris at them. I say turn the hoses on them!!!

I watched till midnight. I could not stop. So I suppose on some level I am no better than the people on the streets still taking pictures and posing with their friends in front of the riot police. The riot police that are men and women just like our selves. Probably scared and unsure of the career they have just chosen.

Could more have been done? I think so. Firehoses, beanbags teargas I feel all should have been used more. The physical presence and force of the police obviously not phasing this crowd.

WoW - i think that's all that is left - Wow

Oh Yah

I'm a prize. 45 days before my wedding day and I have pnuemonia and a black eye

Writing down The Stuff I have to do Yet helps.........

WoW - 8 1/2 weeks left. Is that right? Or perhaps, 2 months and 5 days. Or, 65 days. Or 1560 hours ............ Either way its YIKES!

My shower is this weekend. I am excited! Pampered Chef stoneware, here I come! New kitchen stuff is gonna be great. After the great Pyrex masacre I've needed all new casserole dishes and roasters and ........... cookie sheets would sure be nice. I've been eying up a covered roaster they have for awhile. That will be my gift to myself!

Tealight holders - ACK! i still need about 7. 8 for good measure I think. Of course I'll need the tealights to go in them. DAMN! Almost finished my shoes. Bought out Michaels a couple weeks ago. They said they were getting more in, they just havn't. So I went all the way to the Langley one.

Met with the marriage commissioner on the weekend. That was pretty awesome. She is just as awesome as I remember her 13 years ago. It will be wonderful to be married by the same woman that married my sister and her hubby. Our vows are done, now its just up to Mntn to get the marriage license.......

The program and the plan that I have for the day is pretty much done. Needs a wee bit of tweeking yet, but its basically done. 5 pages of - stuff - Still gotta finalize our music selection and get that off to Sylvain. Just waiting on Mntn for a few special choices......

The yard is shaping up. Got the flowers in. Mntn has the fence up. He just needs to power wash and we both need to tidy up a couple things and it should be good. Still have the front bed to do ...... but its good enough for now.

Meet with Larry the Cake Guy next week with my ideas. Hopefully he will be able to fulfill them.

Have a consult on Friday. The Queen goes for a thing today and then next week she is done. Dress fitting June 8 for the Queen.....still gotta get shoes for her and Sister. Still looking for a little somehting for my honeymoon and a big soemthing to wear out for dinner in Harrison. Still looking for earrings. Gotta pick up the clasps today. Buttons need to get done. House needs to be ready for Mountains stag next weekend. I need to download my music. Event insurance - i sell insurance I should be good. Liquor license. Bottle more wine. Write a speech. Air conditioner needs to be put in. Get ready for my camping stag. Get my hair cut. Worry about tanning. Clean out the spring flowers from the gardens. Organize the closet. Get my nails done. Get pedi's for Charlotte and I. The decor still has to all be painted ............ Wedding trivia needs to be thought of and printed. Dance practicing. Eyebrows ........... not so much huge stuff to do. Lots of little things. Lots of foot work. That's the part that sucks. The lots of foot work part. If I can finish my shoes today. then I can relax a bit and move onto getting the rest of the tealights ...... its coming. Its all coming and writing it down has helped me to feel better. The house has to be ready for guests. My mother in-law is coming to stay. ACK! as well as the British. FRAP! guess I should find a place for Charlotte while we are on our honeymoon!!!! I mean she can go to gramma's, but what fun is that? ERG!

Off I go then -

when we start having sex and drinking we stop knowing what is going on in our best friends life

RSVP

now my poor mummy is experiencing the same RSVP problem I am for my shower.

I'll be a Mrs so soon. YaY!!! can harldy wait to proclaim my forever in front of everyone. Its pretty cool.

Blog on! you know I will.............

Girls Night

My Mom has invited my Sister and I out for dinner. She wants to do a thing with just us. A girls evening. We've never done that before. How do I tell my mom I don't want to?

It'll break her heart

Marriage is forever, did you know that?

Cold feet - ever had them? What do you do?

Yikes

well that is enough of that!

I binged this weekend. On both food and drink. Holy Smokes - don't want to do that again. No more wine till ........... my shower? My stag? my wedding? I lost so many days. This is crunch time. Details that I have been putting off till closer to the wedding ..........Well guess what? IT'S CLOSER TO THE WEDDING!!!

2 mnths and 2 weeks my little counter says. And really --- i lose a couple weekends in there due to shower and stag .......... it sucks cuz there's not really anything i can delegate out either. Its all stuff I gotta do. Or Mountain. There is no place or room to just set stuff up and come back to it. ERG! the sun needs to come out! in among all of this wedding prep, my yard needs to get done! Where is the Sun?!!

And then trying to wrap my brain around the things I need to do ............ my shoes are half done, the program is half done, the party invites are half done, decor is half done, my hair is too long, we still need to meet with the marriage commissioner, i need to talk to my cake guy about my cake, we need to finalize our food, i need to get all the insurance and permits in place ............. I am sure there is more and i am just .............. 1 more batch of wine to bottle at the end of the month ............ still gotta pick up and finalize the booze for the wedding ......... how many bottles of each....... i need a couple days where i don't have house stuff and mom stuff and spouse stuff to deal with and interupt my day. I have to go back out to Turkeys and pick up my thing and while I am there I need to go to the linen rental place and finalize all of that. Take pics of what the table should look like so that my posse and the setup team have soemthing tangible to follow. this really sucks that I can't be there to set up the hall.

I need someone to help me stay focused.

and What is with people NOT RSVPing. Its making me crazy! just mail the special mailing address and let me know wheterh you are coming or not! Mail me personally. Just friggin let me know if you are coming or not. I'm gonna give them another month and if i havne't heard I will seek thme out and be real forward and just ask. HOw terrible is that!

I think its entirely possible that I am starting to get stressed out! Holy Shit!

I still need to find a honeymoon get-up and a nice dress to wear out for dinner with my husband to the copper room! FRAP!

Maybe on wednesday if the weather is crappy, I'll head out to langley and surrey to finish off the Turkeys and the wedding garb stuff ............

Where do i start? Aaaaahhhhhh

Bin Laden

at least we knew who the enemy was. Now .....................

There's a lot to be said for -- "keep your friends close and your enemies closer"