So here I am.
All set up in my new domain.
I am safe......I think.
Has everyone found me?
Everyone, mostly except the ones I was hiding from. Thats just what I was trying to achieve!
I never wanted to move my blog. Never wanted to 'run' Even with that anonymous fuck out there.
I am not worried about anonymous nearly as much as M&K. Sometimes anonymous comes up with some thought provoking, although, hurtful, shit!
*just a hint....i get the point without the cold hurtful words*
most importantly I have given up my last window to Mike Braun. He can';t check in anymore.
I have mixed feelings on that of course. but in order to keep on the upward path of healing and letting go.....I had to make the next step.
i am riddled with questions every morning that I want to ask him.
What did you do with those pictures i sent?
who told you about my thing? were we honestly never friends? You never loved Charley? What about when you told me you loved me?
Really was it just sex? I really meant nothing to you? did you really think I was a horrible parent? You hurt my feelings with the parenting carp that you said in that letter. The girlfriend. The engagement. Why didn't you ever tell me so many things to my face? Why always e-mail? Why.........
there's of course more. But thinking about it takes me there and its a place I don't want to go to so I won't.
i am getting stronger and stronger each day.
sometimes i go back a step, but thats okay. SF is there and she is helping keeping me moving forward.

Now here's something that may seem like not a huge thing to you. However, very big for me.
I was lonely last night.
That is a big deal.
I don't know if I can explain why. But feeling lonely was way better than all the other I have been feeling for the last forever months.
Lonely.
Still a sucky awful feeling......but better than before so thats Great as far as I'm concerned.
so Kim.
What has happened to her?
Well.......
She chose the other side.
The ex-wife comes from a lot of money. She than married into a lot of money. She is most infuential and has stuff. Kim finds all that much more attractive than anything I have to offer. She went for quantity not quality as far as friendships go. she had been checking in on my blog as well. so I have put a stop to that too. I want all ties to Mr. Braun cut.
She knew that by furthering a relationship with the woman would rip my heart out. yet she did it anyway.
i know that if I confront her I could say some things that would hurt her pretty bad. However, I am a bigger person. I don't want to purposly cause her that kind of pain. i mean how awful.
yet she was taht awful to me.
i don't need people like that in my life. And then for me to not even be worth enough to confront about it!!!
I alwasy refer to Muck. she and i have been thru a Heck of a lot with each other. yet she has always meant enough to me to confront and I her. There have been times when we have gone months without speaking. yet in the end I love her and will stand by her no matter what.
Thats what my love is. And its nice to know or to think.......thats what her love is too.
we mean enough to one another to fight!
i know it sounds funny, but its true.


So My Vegas trip in October may not happen.
i am sad.
My mom announced to me a cuple weeks ago that she may need to go stay at my brothers cause of the baby they are having.
sister-in-law has colitis and the pregnancy will more than likely get rough in the end.
I'm pissed about it of course because sister-in-law has a mother and a step mother and a sister.
Anyhow, unless I can find someone else to take charley for the 4 days that I'm gone.......take her to school ect.
The other thing was that I had planned to go with kim.
i mean not that I totally won't go by myself and still have the best time ever........
anyhow.......
i better run.
My brain is working a mile a minute right now on all the reasons why I should mail a letter to Mike.
so its best to step away from the keyboard.

So........Blog On dudes!