Today I meet with the Dr to find out why my tit was recalled.
Yesterday I had another squishing at the hospital - another picture just in case the first one was truly a mistake. Today I go and the doctor will tell me what they found if anything.
I am sure it was just a blur or a bad picture. I know I breathed when I wasn't supposed to, that probably screwed it up the last time. Me not being able to take direction properly - UGH!
So today, in a couple hours, I go brave the insanity that is the hospital parking lot to find out why my left breast had an abnormality in it.
I am concerned. I have not allowed myself to get lost in thought of the "what if's" So the fear has not grown. The anxiety is manageable. I am not allowing myself to be scared. I will go alone to this appointment. I thought about asking Mountain to come with me. I thought about asking The Queen ...... but I decided this is no big deal. I will go alone. I can't waste time on being worried. Even though it seems in the back of my head ....... I am terrified.
What is my Plan B? I always have a Plan B. I don't this time. Turns out, in order to have a Plan B you have to allow yourself to go down the path of "what if" in order to build a Plan B. Since I have not allowed myself to do that......... no Plan B.
As I write this, I am feeling the anxiety grow. I am totally unprepared for this appointment.
A "what if" just popped in to my head - I will not type it out. If I put it down in words, it becomes real. A real "what if". I hate surprises - I hate not being prepared. I hate not thinking of Every Angle, Every possible way something can play out.
I have not googled anything to do with breast cancer. I don't want to know anymore details than I already know from those who have gone down the road ahead of me.
I am a busy woman these days. Quit my job - I signed all my paperwork at the new job yesterday. I start in a week today! I don't have anymore time than I have spent typing this out dwelling on my left tit. We are having a few friends over SAturday to celebrate Canada's birthday - i need to get ready for that. My garden is a mess, the house needs to be tidied. I have projects that I want to start. It's The Queen's day off today. We have mother daughter stuff to do. Mostly just staring at each other ..... but I look forward to that. Going to an appointment focused on my left tit is not how I wanted to spend these last days off in June.
The thing is ..... when I found out my uncle had the brain tumour at Christmas, then my dad with his prostate, I said to myself..... 2017 will be the year of Cancer ...... I just never thought it would include me.
Blog On Dude
Yesterday I had another squishing at the hospital - another picture just in case the first one was truly a mistake. Today I go and the doctor will tell me what they found if anything.
I am sure it was just a blur or a bad picture. I know I breathed when I wasn't supposed to, that probably screwed it up the last time. Me not being able to take direction properly - UGH!
So today, in a couple hours, I go brave the insanity that is the hospital parking lot to find out why my left breast had an abnormality in it.
I am concerned. I have not allowed myself to get lost in thought of the "what if's" So the fear has not grown. The anxiety is manageable. I am not allowing myself to be scared. I will go alone to this appointment. I thought about asking Mountain to come with me. I thought about asking The Queen ...... but I decided this is no big deal. I will go alone. I can't waste time on being worried. Even though it seems in the back of my head ....... I am terrified.
What is my Plan B? I always have a Plan B. I don't this time. Turns out, in order to have a Plan B you have to allow yourself to go down the path of "what if" in order to build a Plan B. Since I have not allowed myself to do that......... no Plan B.
As I write this, I am feeling the anxiety grow. I am totally unprepared for this appointment.
A "what if" just popped in to my head - I will not type it out. If I put it down in words, it becomes real. A real "what if". I hate surprises - I hate not being prepared. I hate not thinking of Every Angle, Every possible way something can play out.
I have not googled anything to do with breast cancer. I don't want to know anymore details than I already know from those who have gone down the road ahead of me.
I am a busy woman these days. Quit my job - I signed all my paperwork at the new job yesterday. I start in a week today! I don't have anymore time than I have spent typing this out dwelling on my left tit. We are having a few friends over SAturday to celebrate Canada's birthday - i need to get ready for that. My garden is a mess, the house needs to be tidied. I have projects that I want to start. It's The Queen's day off today. We have mother daughter stuff to do. Mostly just staring at each other ..... but I look forward to that. Going to an appointment focused on my left tit is not how I wanted to spend these last days off in June.
The thing is ..... when I found out my uncle had the brain tumour at Christmas, then my dad with his prostate, I said to myself..... 2017 will be the year of Cancer ...... I just never thought it would include me.
Blog On Dude
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