Update

So Grandad is Finally out of hospital.

my Aunt, Uncle, Mom and Dad have been touring homes for the past month.  Not that it makes a difference.  he gets placed where ever there is an opening.......

anyhow.....3 days ago there was an opening in the extendedcare right at the hospital.  he was moved.  that very day a space came up for him at his assisted care place!  only in the extended care wing.  AND a spot came up for him in a *new* place that is gov. funded.  Thats the one they chose.  The gov. funded one.  It has a resident dog.  He has his own room - so he gets some of his own things in it.  Which is good.

Did I tell you?  last weekend i was offered the living room suite?  I do like it.  Its from the 1940's.  It needs to be recovered, but I said yah.  WE could put it in Mntns storage till we could afford to recover it and get rid of my current stuff.  Then 2 days ago mom said "it needs to be gone this weekend"  This weekend!  Holy Carp!  WE were going to go thru mntns storage this weekend to see if we can fit it in there!

Anyhow.......Grandad seems to be doing ok in this place.  There are a lot of dementia patients.  Sucks for grandad cuz he is very near 96 and has all his marbles and they are good.  

So the first day was hard.  Hard on everybody.  But he and they and it seemed to be much better yesterday Mom said.

As far as the furniture goes.......we are not taking it anytime soon.  Mntn crushed his finger in the brake press at work yesterday!  he broke his ring finger above the knuckle in 12 spots.  Yup.  12!  it is gonna be some flat when the swelling goes down.  His pinky is all black.  His crushed finger exploded.  So the tip is munsched and the skin is split.  he won't be moving anything in his storage anytime soon.  Forget trying to lift a 1940's hide a bed couch!  he'll be off work for awhile too.  So no daycare for Charley!    Yaaaaaahhhhhh!  She'll be happy.

School of course is sucking for her again.

She just can't get that concentrating thing down.

I've changed her diet.  I've given her suplements.  I've taken T.V. away.  She just has issues.  Her mind is always racing.  So easily distracted.  She will NOT make it in middle school if she continues this way.  so now.......I think about my options.  keep her back a year - maybe being a year younger than a lot of the kids makes a difference?  or - medicating her ever so slightly.  I am very against ritalin.  However, if it makes the difference for her to be able and not to be able...........Mountain and I are still discussing it.  We don't want her to lose her spirit.  But she is struggling so much in the classroom and she is miserable because of it.  I'll be making an appointment with my doctor after her birthday next week.

So thats my update!

Madonna is tonight!  I am nervous.  Isn't that funny?  Why am I nervous?  anyhow.......

Blog On!

MADONNA!!!!!!

Woooooooooooooo

What its Like for a Girl

Its 4:00.  My bladder is full

In I go for the much anticipated Ultra-sound.

you know the one - you have to drink a million glasses of water so your bladder is so full to near bursting.  Than you lay on a table while the technician pushes and presses on your abdomen.

Click, beep, click.

Conversation about my period.  how fun.  She was a very nice little Asian lady.  Her scrubs were full of colour.  I love non-boring people.

"when was your last period?"

'ummmmm.  Friday and then it stopped, but it came back last night, i think its gone again'

"oh.  Can't make up its mind?  how annoying.  How was it?"

'Extremely painful!'

she keeps gliding the wand across my pee filled belly......

"Oh.  well Kristi I have to do another examination on you"

'Yah'

"you have a tilted uterus"

'yes'

"well in order to get the pictures I need i have to do a vaginal exam"

'Huh.  In my vagina?'

"yes.  Thats where it is"

'um, oh'

she proceeds to tell me to pee and how she's going to leave a gown for me on the bed.  "make sure it opens to the back.  Remove your pants and your panties"

no shit!  "i'll be back in a moment"

"make sure you lay on this"  she places an absorbant pad on the bed.  "just in case you are still having your period"

oh ick!  this is officially sucking!!@!

Needless to say......she came back and I was laying there......she pulled out the "tool"  It was like a big ridgeless dildo!  

"have you ever had a Pap?"

'yes'

"well, this is Nothing like that"

'LoL!!!'   I am so glad she had a sense of humour.  What happend after that was unpleasant.  She Covered it with KY and proceeded.

I lay there with this thing inside me....she moving it around.  Click, Beep, Click.

'can you tell me if everything at least looks normal?'

"we are not allowed to talk about what we see.  But I can tell you......."  she move the dildo around....."there is one ovary and there's the other"

'great.  they are where I last left them'

than I was done.

now my Uterus feels all huge.  I feel slightly violated.  At least she was a nice lady.

Has anyone else ever had an ultra-sound like that?  I had a very nice long hot shower when I got home.  

Blog On

 

my demon

we spend so much of our time trying not to or being or am i pregnant.

Think for just a moment.......you no longer can

Did he cum inside?  What about the timing? This is a bad choice? we are making a mistake? 

all of a sudden - he did and I did and ............... nothing

Nothing

NOTHING

nothing for 6 months

you stop thinking about whether you can afford it

you stop thinking about whether or not you can fit it in your life 

you stop wondering where it will sleep

you stop worrying about a logical plan

you stop worrying about timing, marriage, and what you "should" do

You stop thinking about if this is a smart thing to be doing

 you just want it and it is not happening.

you pee on a stick twice a month.

you Fuck when you are not "into it"

you feel broken

Now you count the days cuz you just spent 40+ bux on something that is supposed to tell if you are even ovulating.    What if you;re not.  What if you are truly done.  What if the choice isn;t yours any longer?

Than it shifts to him. He smokes too much.  He smokes up too much.  It is him.  It is him. I am angry with him!  I don't want ot be broken.  I don't want t be done.   I want to have a few years left to make my choices when the time is right.

but there it is.... time is not on my side in this.

6 months.   When I  saw my doc .... 

this is my inner demon.  I don't speak of it cuz i realize its not going to get a lot of support or understanding.

I know having a baby now,  in this home,  in our financial place is not the best choice or decision I ever could make.  However, time is not on my side.

like Shelley said ..... it will happen when it suposed to.  (not her words but close to it)

I am old.  I am 39.  yes Steph I know.  Special needs, I know.  Downs I know.

Lyle and I have talked about the amniocentisis ...... done too late to do anything about a pregnancy that you have already fought for.   So amnio, in your Ass.  I will take what I get and love it.

so for now......this is my demon that i  have kept hidden and quiet for months.  SAy waht you will.

I am not pregnant.

I am starting my countdown to stick peeing to learn if I am even in the running for ovulation.  

I am starting doc orders

I am broken and it feels like shit  

and the countdown to ovulation begins............

........again...........

New Addiction

ITunes!!!

I like them tooooo much.   ACK!!!

Change in the Weather

Its gotten Chill out there.

Ice on my car every morning.

I'm thiking about next year when we have Middle school to get to.  That will be a challenge for both of us to get up and out of the house an hour earlier.

Have I figured out what I am doing yet?  No.  Mountain has said he can pick her up and take on that role next year.  But even then ...... he's not done work till 3:30.

We'll figure it out.

Went to my very Fist PAC meeting last night.  It was interesting.  Yes I will try to go again.  I've never had anyone to be here with Charlotte before.  So I've never been able to go.  The years before that I worked every evening, so this was a treat for me.  I listened mostly.  I admired some of the work that a couple of the ladies put into different things.  I giggled at the ignorance of a lot of them.  I wondered how a stupid sign is going to help keep stupid parents from bringing their dogs onto to School property.  It was definantly interesting.  I'd like to be able to commit some time to something, but time for myself is already so rare.  We'll see.

Halloween is fast approaching.  So Is MADONNA - Exactly a week today!  Than 39

I've been concentrating so much on Charley's decade I forgot about my 39.  If I can afford to I'll take myself out for a nice dinner that weekend.  Or make myself something special at home that I don't usually make cuz the Jerks that are here don't like it.

Blog On Dudes!

Where is my Cape?

I can't find my Mumby Cape!  

ACK!!  this is terrible.  I used to keep it in my dress closet on one of the shelves above when I lived at the old house.  Now......who knows where it has been safely put in this new house!  Frig!  I only have a couple days to find it before the party.  I cna't go capeless!

tears

we have been missing Nana tonight

Grandad is still in hospital.  He won't be coming home.   Not to the home he knows.  Mom has asked if i want Nana's living room suite.  Grandad is waiting for a bed in extended care.....

he was thin when we saw him today.  He held me for a long time when I hugged him.  He just stared at Charley.  She is so big.  She is nearly 10

i miss Nana

YaY!!   I have secured the night of Nov 7 for my girls party at the wave pool!

now lets just hope I get kids showing up.  

my eyes are tired.  I got most of my projects done today.  by the time I realized Steph and I had a phone date Missed, it was 4PM!  Holy Carp!  sorry girl.  

my tummy is extra jiggly.  I fffffing hate it!  I been doing more sit-ups lately.  which is fine.  but its not burning the fat.  So its all just hangin out!  

Cardio is waht i need.  I know it.  However....knowing it and being able to get er' done is a whole other thing.  So for know I battle the Peri-menopause bulge.

and Food in your almost 39's seems to be so much tastier that it ever has been before!

I mean Pesto!!  how is it i have not ever come across this beast.  Did you know Pesto is even delish on rice cakes?

Of  I g then to partake of more green tea and something my mom suggested.....apple cider vinegar (forgot about that stuff!)

blog on

Neighbors?!

I pretty white staircase and 2 stacks of pallets have moved in next door!

This is as Far as I've Gotten on the B-Day plans

you might remember.....last year was an ABSOLUTE childs nightmare as far as birthdays go for Miss Charlotte.

So this year we are planning a pool party at the local WAve pool.  Hopefully the parents that don't know me, will feel more comfortable letting their kids come.

But boy is it adding up!  And Christmas is just around the corner!  Yikes!

$64 - covers 10 kids & 2 adults at the Wave pool for 2 hours.  Each kid over that is 2.75  Since I don't want a repeat of last year......invite WhomEver you want Charley!  So theres a good chance it could run me 100bux

I don't have all the details yet (they need to phone me back to confirm)  but I imagine I have to provide food and cake and stuff.

Pizza - $40

Cake -  $30

and she is allowed 2 friends to spend the night.  I may up that number depending on what happens.  (last year left some pretty deep scars for both of us)

PLUS goody bags!  Ack!!  Carp!  is still have to get her a present.

It better get busier at work pretty darn quick!  I need some cash and I need it now!

This is looking like a 200$ birthday and I would like to treat myself to a little sumpn too being my 39th.  What I don't know, but i like to have options.

Blog On Dudes!

Nauseous? Why?

Last week I suddenly woke in the middle night to throw up.  Felt fine when I went to bed and felt fine when I woke in the morning.

Now I am constantly nauseous.

I've stopped taking the Iron since last Friday.

I still feel tired.  My tummy feels Funky.  The very, very bottom of my tail bone aches every once in awhile.  No I am not pregnant.

I'd like to feel better.  I go for my ultra-sound on the 28th.  Don't think it'll come up with anything though.........

I just make sure I am always drinking water or de-caf tea.  Usually with lemon.  Keep hydrated.  But i don't feel nice

My Conclusion

So after venting about how nutty my Boss is getting I Sat down and thought about it.  Took myself out of being directly affected, and looked at it from a different perspective.

Yes - he is controlling.  Yes - he has backwards ideas about things.  Normally i can float thru such things.  They still affect me, but....well anyhow.  Its Gotten Worse!

he's gotten freakishly controlling and power trippy.

He's gone out and gotten his gun liscense.

He does nothing but talk about the economy, cuz he's freaked out!

His girlfriend, (my other boss.  the legal secretary)  has breast Cancer.  She just had it removed and they've found another fybroid.  

This is something He has NO control over.  

He doens't talk about it.

He doens't talk about her cancer, get emotional, or even take time off to be with her during the 2 surgeries she's had so far.

So the day after my Vent here about his insanity......i talked to both of them in the office.  Not as their employee, but as Kristi.  Someone thats had a breakdown.  Someone thats been burned out.  Someone thats watched her father go thru it too.

I told him It looks as though he might be burning out.  That there have been signs and that he needs to take some time off.  Not just the first week in January as that may be too late!  I suggested closing on Monday Nov 10 since we will already be closed Tuesday Nov 11(remembrance Day)  Not that I can afford days off......however.   BossGirl won't take time off without him and she needs to rest.

Her Boob got so infected with this last surgery.......

He needs time off to refelct and rest.

They are soooo joined at the hip.  if Mountain and I did as much together - he'd have a fork in his forehead Fersure!

Since - His whole attitude has changed.  Maybe he just needed to be told.  I don't know.  He's also stopped talking to me about the guns he's gonna get.  I went off on him about some personnel experiences the same day I had this other talk with him.  Only that happened in the kitchen when we were alone.  I was jut so tired of hearing about his guns and shooting and how no-ones gonna break into his store when the depression hits!

This isn't a movie You Freak!!!!

Anyhow.......

Blog On

They both laughed.  brushed it off and said they were fine.

Thanksgiving and Family  I Love it!!!

so I worked all weekend......no biggie

dinner at mom's last night with brothers and sisters

tonight.....dinner at my house with the Father-out-law.

my red-headed nephew is too cute for his own good.  Being raised by daycare and 2 parents that never raise their voice and always coddle him together thru EVERY and ANY issue he might have.  its kinda stomach turning to watch.  "now Jakey......"  how gross.  Even Charley had to leave the room.  and Boys o'boys did she have a lot to say about it this morning while we were having breakfast.........interesting.  I wondered if it was just Mountain and I with our 'attitudes' or not.  

Anyhow,  getting ready for Mntns daddy to come for Turkey Bird!

my house is a mess.....as I have worked and worked and worked all week and weekend.  But thats okay.  I have stopped for a moment to Blog and I will get right back to it!  How much laundry is possible in this house?!!   I am so Glad Mountain cut the lawn for me Saturday, cuz if I had to do it today.....I'd be some Choked.  Cutting the lawn in the pouring rain is NOT a grandious time!

Once again my new - New Mac is great.  the keyboard takes some getting used to.  Its so flat.  Haven't had much tim e to play since I replaced the system Thursday.  But I can tell you......it is different even from the turn-on!  I guess between Mountain and i and OUR dumbluck we will always get the Lemon before getting the good one.  LoL!!!  Thats ok.  At least we both know it!

Anywhoooo.....i should get back to the cleaning that is the next stop - my bathroom.

Happy Thanksgiving Blogger Dudes!

Hey and Remember - BLOG  ON!

a Couple More Mitch Miller Golden Nuggets

and I thought working for Baroni was hard.....

did you know?

just because it says in the menu that Breakfast is served till noon doesn't mean we, or rather he, accepts orders till then.  If he has lots of breakfast he will actually refuse to accept anymore orders.  Even if its 11:50AM!  He even reserved the right to veto at 11:55 the other morning just for the Hell of It.  He had NO other orders.  but just cuz he can, cuz he is the boss he said NO.  The people walked out.  His logic.....it wouln't have been ready by 12!  So how can it be served by Noon?!!!!  Are you Fucking Shitting me?!

So todays Nugget

 - if I or anyone of HIS staff is on any medication, no matter what it is.....be it even advil......its his business.

He is Officially Insane!

Holy Heck am I EVER breaking out.  What The Hell!!

so to add to my 3 weeks of beginning fall fury I now have to renew my liscense.  Great!  There's 75bux and time.  Looks like they have the same hours I do.  Perrrfect!

Charley has a Science Fair thing....when?  Not sure.  but she has one.

I have been thinking about Middle School.  Had thought for the last couple years she'd be going to Clayburn Middle.  It's a smaller school, which I like and has some Great arts programs; somehting she excells in!  but nnow I don't know.  

Where will she be after school?

I have to work.  Can I get one more year out of her current daycare?  and if I can, what happens after that?  she will only be 11 at home, if she can get here, alone till 5:30.  Even if she goes to a Middle school a few miles up the road....she will still be alone here.  

I am not cool with up the road cause its just down the street from the Mall and downtown and trouble.  The other school is further out.  Either way she would have to take the city bus home.  My thoughts have always been the more road blocks that are in the way to "hanging out"  the better.  but Now I find myself torn.  If she was on this side of town,  maybe she could walk the 40 minutes home on a nice day......but thats only 20 min from city central!  Crackers and twitchies.  Teenage "hanging out"  

This sucks!

i have 8 months to figure it out

hmmmmm

Well.  it shut down on my twice lat night for no apparent reason.  Hmmmmm.  I did a software update....visited the Apple site.....did I get a Lemon?  

we'll see.

its October!  Holy carp!  I have so much to do!  Charley's Birthday is in Exactly a month.  I gotta get a party planned.  WE have to get our pictures done.  Halloween i only a few weeks away!  I have 3 weekends.  I better get my shit toghter.  Thats not a lot of time.  Thanksgiving is this weekend and I am working.  Bleck!  All day Sunday.  but I get Monday off so that is nice.  I guess I better get in touch with Sears today to make a portrait date for next weekend.  Wow.  What is Charlotte going to be for Halloween?

Ack!  its my nephews 2nd birthday today!  I better phone him too.

holy Smokes a restful sleep much?  not last ngiht.  Looks like i woke with a bag full of anxiety to dig around in.  

well, i will have fun with that.  Thanks ladies for e-mailing me random.  I am still trying to figure out this address book thing.  What a pain.  Did i set it up wrong???  as soon as i mail somebody it remembers.  But there is no actual book or it seems way to add addresses withou0t mailing first.  How wierd.  I'll visit the support line about that now too.

Blog On Dudes!

I nevr realized how horribly Off my header for my blog is!

This PC is awesome.  Literally all I had to do was plug it in and she was ready to go.  The only program I have loaded up is my *new* printer.  Its different.

I can't find my addresses in my mailbox.  my contacts......i'll look again, but please mail me even if it blank so that i can get all my stuff in there.  e-mails that is.

Grandad has an infection in his tummy.

Mountain and I are celebrating 2 years together.

i am tired.  I need a sick day

blog on

Holy Moly!

I am on a New computer!!

this is so wierd.  Mountain bought me a Mac!

Gloria had anothr incident on Tuesday.  She is just old and had had bad things happen to her!  7 yrs for Windows is apparently amazing!

so now here I Am learning a whole new system.  I did make sure I mentioned how heavy and awkward it was to wear this monitor on my hand....but i will perservere.

Blog On!

Grandad?

just found out my Grandad apparently has internal bleeding.
they don't know where. They don't know why. They are doing a bunch of 'oscopies in both ends tomorrow to find out.
So far the theory is the meds have caused it.
his blood pressure is Real low.
I saw him last WEdnesday, i am glad.
i will see him tomorrow. Charlotte will miss piano. i pray for his pain to be minimal and for him to go quickly if this is his time. Same prayer I had for my cat! how funny is that? They're just about the same age too. LoL, maybe grandad is just badly constipated too!!! Sorry thats only half funny. I am worried and it hurts. I don't think he wants to be here anymore, he misses my Nana. We've jsut been without her since May. I will see. We will know more tomorrow.
My heart is achy right now and my eyes want to leak.

Blog On

Picked up the car.

Must say she is pretty. It was beautiful drive. Such a great day to go. We were home by 9 and exhausted. Mountain had to work Sunday too. Poor guy, and this week starts 10 hour days. HOw much does that suck! I am tired too. Hard time sleeping after we got back and last night.......well he was going to take us for a family drive thru the countryside when he got home from work. We got all ready......whomever owned the car in the past CUT the seatbelts out of the back. Wo we didn't all get to go. Poo! I was looking forward to it! But he did take Charley for a quick trip after supper. She was pretty stoked. My turn will have to wait.

WEnt to my doc last week. I might actaully honestly feel crappy! I keep pushing thru cause thats what I do, but there might actaully be soemthing wrong with me. What do y'know. So he took some tests, felt me up REAL good and i go for an ultrasound in a month. Yah a month. thats the soonest I could get in. So for now he has prescribed me iron. Along with all the other Vitamins I take i gotta do that one now too. I still think its age and meno-p but I'll do the test thing. Cuz you just never know. besides, if I can stop being tired all the time and every day that would be nice. And maybe take away the joint and muscle pain, yah that would be grand! You know how it is when you feel sort of shitty but blow it off and as soon as the doctor tells you, or rather confirms that you might actaully be sick suddenly you really do Feel not well at all?!!! Thats where i am at. i just want to go back to bed

Mr. Ball is doing amazing! He is a jerk. I was very ready that night to put him down. his body was turhing itself inside out with pain. At about midnight i was trying to figure out how I could break his neck to put him out of his misery.

now he is playing and running from one end of the house to the other. What an Asshole!

Tis the season to get all the outside stuff put away for the winter. The good Lord is giving us some beautiful weather to get it done in. So don't forget! gardens can come apart too and Plant your bulbs for the Spring!

have a Great day and Blog On Dudes!

Off I go to WestBank with my family to pick up a car.

a 1972 Impala. 2 door. Very Rare.

i am armed with my camera and KFC. its going to be a long day. Gotta be back as Mountain has more OT tomorrow.

WE'll be doing a lot of night driving. Ooooh, maybe I'll see a Moose! i love seeing mooses. Keep Charley on the bear watch. It'll be a good trip!

blog On Dudes

Who decides to buy a car in a town 4hours away, but only brings half the money so he has to make a second trip to retrieve said vehicle???
Who does that? Doens't taht seem stupid, illogical, expensive and pointless?
Or is it just me?
I don't want to go to WestBank on Saturday!
i don't want to be the good girlfriend. I want to finish what I started last weekend here in the house. My closets. My drawers, My filing cabinets. Its all half done and waiting for me to finish!
my computer that only has half its programs in......

What an Assinine thing! Why did he do that? What was the fucking point!
Idiot Man

Mom's Words

my mom made me think......

I've been thinking

I'm having thoughts - second thoughts - first thoughts - analyzing - getting on the future train - and looking at what is right in front of me with a different set of eyes

can I live with his juvenile behaviour, constantly having to fight the obvious, the bitchy spells, the swearing, the kid........

WE have the same hopes and dreams, that part is Great. We see a similar future. he is my partner in so many ways. we do get along great, but there are these few things. And when they come up.......

I get bitchy or start to go over the edge he comes over and gives me a hug. Then I realize i have gone to the bad side and work really hard at either not taking it out on him or Charley. Or I work really hard at getting out of it.

i try that with him! and Holy heck! I am the one with the problem! he's "fine and stop touching me! *sigh*!!!" Maybe its my tactic I need to refine. he doens't respond....I'll have to find another way......suggestions?

I am pondering and thinking

I think its his Time

My kitty.

Mr. Ball. Formerly known as 8-Ball. He came to live with me from Bert in 1995. he is 17.
Last night was just awful. He couldn't poo and in sooo much pain. Than after he would 'try' he'd throw up. I've been up most of the night comforting him. he's always had tummy troubles from the time he was a kitten. This morning he is quiet. I wanted to take him in last night and put him out of his pain. But mid-night is no time to think of these things.

I think of him sleeping next to me and the times He decides its time to get up and gently tapping my face till my eyes open. Calling me when its bedtime and letting me know he's tired and therefore I should be too.

i am thinking of his last moments......a Scary car ride, to a strange place, with strange people and then dead. i don't like that. He deserves a better last couple hours.

Do they make house calls??

Computer Grrrrrr

missing programs.
computer CD's not ejecting.

no Solid blocks of time to just do this........

its not the same AT ALL.
There is CRAP from one end of my room to the other. Everytime I lie down for a nap i get interupted! Stupid Vaccuum left horrible marks in my carpet when I attempted to suck up the dirt from the plant I tipped over. My furniture is too fat for my livingroom. I need a new stereo cuz mine only plays select CD's now. I have papers EVERYWHERE waiting to be filed, but I can't file them cuz i need to go thru my filing cabinet and re-organize. I started that last year before we moved and Never have had the chance to finish it! I put mothballs in some of the containers in my hallway storage closet and they are stinking up the Whole house. I have Bags and Bags of clothes that need to be out of the trunk of my car and more bags that need to go in.
I need a new computer. But the one I want is 1700$ Charlottes room is an absolute organization Nightmare! WE worked on that today.....I keep posting stuff that i don't mean to cuz I hit the wrong button and don't realize it. Or I post it on the Wrong Blog! The *new* Facebook sucks!

i think its PMS

Sick Charley

i got a soar throated Charley!!
She's never had one of these before. it looks pretty red on her tonsils. Poor little thing. She slept with me last night and tonight she really, really wants to sleep with me. I will take her to the clinic tomorrow. She has the fever and icky body pain too. So I will be home tomorrow from work. DAmnit! I hate to miss work.
But tomorrow I will have a full shift at my first job......Mom.

Blog On Dudes!

Unhappy?

kinda been feeling like I want to leave my job.

the dresses. the ..... Nights there are not as good as they could be. the lack of communication. the fact that now I am forbidden to give refrences for staff. (like I've given soo many) The fact that one of the girls gave her 2 weeks so he just wrote her off the schedule! I am a well paid server. Which is fine. I can live with that. the part I can't live with is that, any time there is a disagreement he pulls out the manager card and holds it over my head. Apparently i am supposed to support him because of that. Even when he is being utterly ridiculous. I am not allowed to keep my street clothes folded and in the staff bathroom becaseu he says its a health issue. THEY'RE MY STREET CLOTHES!!!
Yet garbage bag after garbage bag, filthy sinks, bird poo on his street clothes behind the line is all okay. He just about Never wears his whites while cooking. Not to mention how he eats; off the line, off peoples plates........yet if i move my bangs out of my eye i am scolded and told to wash my hands. (as a manager I should know that!!!! I am told) What The Fuck! maybe i am just PMS'y
i gotta go. time to *Work*

Where Have you Been??

Well it sure as heck hasn't been London visiting the Queen!

Mountain got on my PC (Gloria) last monday afternoon. He....well....ahem....he visited the Wrong site and BAQM!!!! Gloria had a horrible, horrible - simply Awful disease!
We did what we could through-out the week to save her. i even had my computer guy come with all his programs and knowledge to clean her up. We did get her to a pretty okay place. Unfortunatly, *sigh* there was much scar tissue. Her Registry had been badly damaged and we never did locate the C drive. So Alas......i saved what I could and had to format yesterday.
So now i am busy trying to load all my programs back up again. Set Gloria-6 up how I feel comfortable using her.
I have lost ALL my e-mail addresses out of my account. So mail my shaw account so I can get it all back pleeeez! Incredimail is like a wild separate entity.....it just doens't shift over like you'd think it would. I had tried to access my mail while the sickness was on. thinking of course i'll just bring up my address book and print.
Not a chance. Sick Gloria wouldn't or couldn't allow it. Just as well i suppose. as this nasty disease more than likely would have started using my address book too, I am sure!
So thats where i have been.
Where have Y'all been???

Party tomorrow Night

I have been getting ready all week for a party. Mountains B-day party to be exact. I said I would throw him one.
so his friends are coming. A couple of the girls I work with are coming too. And Sister! Thank Goodness!
I am nervous as to how its all going to go.
I have been making appy's every day after work and collapsing into bed by.....well before NoW! 10pm.
People are arriving anytime after 7 tomorrow night.
I know I shouldn't worry as his friends would be impressed with homeade dip. But they've never been to my house before and I want to WoW the crowd!
He's got a list of what I need done before I get home tomorrow. I am confidant he will have it done. Than I come home and put it all together.......and myself

Is it rude if I slip away about 8 and have a nap?

grandad fell over in his kitchen this afternoon.

he is in surgery, this moment, with a broken hip getting it replaced. he is old. 95

we are worried that the surgery alone could kill him. but he is strong. Mom will call me in a few hours when they know anything.........

Exhausted

I am sitting here wanting so badly to write this amazing post about the last week and some cool things, but I am sooo very tired. I will do what i can.....

tuesday started our holidays - Charley Loves going to Harrison with me. We look in the shops, sit on the beach. usually we swim, but Heck!!! it was cold.
Wednesday we went to the PNE with another family. Charlotte's daycare family to be exact. it was awesome! Expensive - jeesh! but fun just the same. Charley went on rides i NEVER thought she would. We started with the Old Wooden roller coaster. She hated it and then Loved it all in the same ride. I loved sharing that experience with her. Than the Corkscrew. Upside down, freaked the hell out of her. She loved that one too! the Wild Mouse ...... thank Goodness she hated it. I don't ever have to be a brave mom again for that one. I was very brave a couple times. We went in some cage thing that went in a circle and then waaaay up in the air and then upside down.....yup. Thats right. I did it. Lots of self-talk.........you'll be fine Kristi. Look at all the people on this they are all fine. Nothing will happen. Just keep telling Charlotte how amazing she is. Don't let her know you want to pee your pants.....Since I braved that i thought I would go on the beautiful Ferris Wheel. It wasn't your traditional one. It was like little umbrella circular carts and my feet weren't exposed or anything. however......I found myself gripping the bar so tightly I made the muscle ache in my shoulder. And that was actaully pretty good for me. I even managed to turn my head once to look out!
Charley did this crazy thing where she got real brave. She went on this ride called the Twin Flip. I thought fersure she was gonna bail while she and Anna were in the line-up. Nope. She went on and loved it! In fact. She loved it so much they got off and went right back on again! Holy CArp! Then she went on the swings! I am so glad she doens't have the fear of hieghts that I do.
The next day it was raining. I cleaned the house real fast....threw a bunch of stuff in the trunk and left for the Loops! WE had a great visit with Bobo and Dani and Cob. Turns out i Suck at guitar hero. Dani and I went for a drunken walk at 2AM. WE all got up early the next mroing. I hung with Cob while DAni went out and Bo went to work. She got back and Charley and I loaded up and took off with map in hand.
-there was a campground that asked 48bux for a night! we kept driving.
We were in Summerland looking for a campground when my engine light came on.
CARP!!! I spent one of the worst nights ever. the weather was sucking. i waas freaked out becaseu of my car. I had thought the problem was either the tranny or the fuel pump. i barely slept. and When I did sleep I had horrible dreams about my car. What if i don't wake up early enough to get to a CAnadian Tire? What if they don't have the part? What if my car quits on the highway?? What if I can't make it back for work on Tuesday? ACK!!
somewerhe in there I turned into a girl. i found myself scared and teary eyed. Until I remembered I always wear big girl panties so why was this any different than any other time. I got it together and stopped the suckiness! i am still wondering - "What the hell was That!!!"
its an emmissions thing - "EGR insuf flow detected probable DPFE sensor fault" - what that means is that my exhaust that gets recylcd thru the engine is clogged and not working properly. that is what has been Fffing me over for months now. Whew! I breathed a sigh of relief and we continued on our way. Stopping at museums, and littel towns along our quest for home. The weather was cold. We stopped at Bromely Rock for a swim but it felt like fall.
i got home to the hum of a vaccuum. Mountain had cut the lawn, weed eated, sanded and painted the outside table and just finishing up the living room when we walked in the door. What a wonderful Man!
I then spent the next 2 days doing laundry. Baking. Shopping for last minute back to school items, weeding "encouraging" Charlotte to clean/organize her room and re-organizing my hall closet.
Back to work and Back to school today!
Now Mountains birthday is on the 7th so i am having a party for him on the 5th.
after piano I made supper, an artichoke square and cheese dip. I've washed the same dishes over and over and over again. Just so that tomorrow night i can make some other new dish to serve to his friends friday evening.
One thing I find amazing is that I seem to be the only one in the house that can hear Mountains phone alarm go off at 5:30 in the morning. Up I get, into the kitchen I wander, rifle thru his coat pockets till I find the damn thing and make sure I push the right button. Hitting Snooze sucks. 10 min later I have to repeat the same ritual. the right button the first time is moocho important!
So yes, i am a tired girl. Mountain is shring the load and that is so great. he picked up C from School today and he'll be doing it again on Friday. That helps Huge!
but Alas Blogger dudes i should go. i need to sleep or at least put my body in a horizontal position. Another long day awaits me tomorrow.

Blog On!

My 6 days of holidays

in the loops

in the loo. love it.
ps. so wipld to bne with family

so typing on my sister inlaws laptop is proving to be a learing curve i won't be here enjough to get over...........

blog on Bitches!!!

later

Today Harrison!

Tomorrow a rainy PNE with friends

Thursday ...... Kamloops or Bust Baby!

it could quite honestly be Bust. My car is a jack-ass

My cry for Help was heard!!

my dad answered my cry for help.

i dropped The Queen off Sunday night. Dad took my into his office. Whats going on?
I tell him. "well i just can't believe that he just doens't understand what he is doing. Should I call him?"
YES!!!!
i left. The conversation was short, but affective.
My dad ......... dumbfounded. "he really doens't get it"
Yah, i know.
but it seems thats exactly what it took. someone else besides me saying this is WRONG!!! You don't hang out with your ex-girlfriend!
It opened the door and he listened. My dad asked him what his intentions were with me. He said he intended to marry me. Dad told him that if thinks that is going to happen he better cut this 'thing' off with Leah cuz i am on my way out!
Why didn't you tell me Mountain says to me..........ummm what? I then recount all the times in the last 2 weeks that i told him this wasn't okay. I don't feel cmfortable with this. I am unhappy. OH - he responds.
Well your dad shouldn't have called. Its non of his business.
Isn't it? You weren't hearing me untill he did. Would it be better I have my mom call or perhaps my brother - in - law or maybe my sister. How bout your own dad or your mom even??
We argued on the phone. than he came to my house. WE talked till midnight.
he is embaressed and humiliated. I did that to him. I was quick to point out how embaressed I have been made to feel over the last year because of his behaviour. the humiliation I have endured at different functions, including one SAturday night. I told him my brother - in - law had been looking forward to seeing him at the roller derby race and asked where he was. When I told him he laughed and commented on how Mountain has 2 girlfriends!
Mountain is embaressed that people "know" if its embaressing to you than why the Fuck were you doing it?!!!
so much conversation, so much I am not able to share at this time
Mountain is pissed that everyone knows. Pissed that I talked to people and told them what was going on. Pissed that he was proven WRONG. Just pissed, cuz he is a "private person" OH WELL!!! when I don't get validation and am not heard or listenedn too I look for it. Just so that I keep myself in check to know if I am off my rocker or not with my feelings. i was amazed at his ignorance to all of it. He really really didn't get it! Really didn't get how upset I was. REally didn't listen when I told him it was not okay. Really oblivious to what he was doing.
i was right. he needed to hear it from someone not me
So now we have tlaked. Now we are on the same team. Now we can work together.
Now he is worried Leah won't let him see teag. I told him that if thats the case there was and has been something else going on there since day one and thats a bridge we will cross Together when we get to it. He agreed that I am included or he doens't go. I am included or we do our own celebration of whatever with Teag here. Now he has agreed. putting it into action is going to be the hard part, for him.
he's pissed with my parents and doens't want to talk to them. he is embaressed. Like a bad kid he got caught, and feels dumb. He will get over it.
as Far as us goes.............he loves me and Really, really doens't want to lose me. He is realizing now that games are not my thing. I say it. You either get it or you don't. I'm not a drama Queen and won't pull up tears just so he will listen. I say what I mean and mean what I say. All you have to do is listen and you will hear it.

Blog On!

shopping

he is shopping

wanted to hug me goodbye and I just wasn't into it.......he can't figure out why.....
i am having a hard time with today

We are on our way to Richmond. Sister is racing on Wheels.
i am having a hard time with t0day

Pro's & Con's

Mountain Found my Ring!!!!

Sooo frustrated about so many things

My car goes in the shop today. I really hope they can find the problem. I am hoping its just a tranny that needs some TLC and not a rebuild of anything.

Not only did my period come a week early, but now I am having cramps and the period is gone. WTF!!

This thing with Mountain has left me speechless and dumbfounded.

He moved all his stuff out Saturday only to move it back in Sunday. WE had words and tears. Its our only issue. The only one! I need help with it and I'm not getting any and its even more frustrating! His friends are all losers! well maybe not, but he is not giving them all the information. Therefore making me look like the bitch that wont let him take his daughter shopping. when that is not what is happening at all! Take the kid, just don't take the Ex .... or her baby!

this is like a make it or break it issue.

I've been on the other side of the grass. I have had many a relationship. I know what else is out there. I know the other kinds of issues there can be. I also know what it is like to be lied to cheated on and Not loved in a one-sided affair. This is not any of That at all! He loves beyond compare

I gotta go he is close to reading over my shoulder. I'll vent more later.........if I can

my Facebook account was disabled!!!

I am soo upset. Currently trying to get some answers.....

I think its cause i didn't have my real last name on there.

They could have given me the chance to fix that before just deleting me!!!

it sucks to have lost it all ................... for the second ....... no third time!!

FRIGGIN

Of We Go Then

New Chapter

"We need to talk"

i did it

Very calmly.

"i don't feel comfortable with you spending time with Leah"
"I am not comfortable with you going and doing bonding family type things with Leah and Teaghan"
"isn't the fact that it upsets me and makes me uncomfortable enough?"
"i am not mormon. 2 girlfriends doesn't sit right with me"
"than we need some time apart"

he left. About 2 hours later the texting started .......... by him
he loves me and doens't want to lose me over this. I love him too, but I am tired of dating Leah too. I am standing my ground and it sucks.

and Here we Go again

I'm taking Teag back to school clothes shopping.

okay, just yourself?

No Leah is probably coming.

*sigh* then just give her the money and let her go.

And so it is there again. The same Mother Fucking Fight as last year!!! Why doens't he have any decent friends that will just tell him what a dilhole he is being. All you are to that kid and her mother is a cash cow. I'm willing to bet she puts out no cash at all for school clothes. Is Christmas going to be a repeat too?

Fuck! I'm tired

The Camping Trip

Well it was a trip and a half.
Not only did it rain, but it downpoured! I have tarps, and they work fine if its just a light rain. But for what we went through, it was pretty obvious that one of the tarps had seen better days. Nothing like getting rained on underneath your shelter. But we did it! We put up one of the tarps SAturday morning over the table and that worked okay. The next one we put up in a thunder storm next to the fire. My tent has lost its weather-proofing it seems. It had at least 2 inches of water under the mattress. We were drenched. It wasn't the fun filled beach camping weekend that I had hoped. We did decide though that since it seems to reain on us every time, we are just going to invest in rain gear and NEW tarps. if you can't beat 'em join 'em!
As far as Teaghan went.....my anxiety was well spent. She fake cried about once an hour. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. the one time she really should have cried, cuz one of the sticks holding up the tarp fell on her head, she was silent. Also, amazing. Skulls and crossbones on Everything from her hoodie to her running shoes! the Pictures on her black T-shirts glittered up in gold or silver. I just have some strong feelings about little girls dressing like little girls. She cried when she had to brush her hair. She cried when she had to wear it in a pony, she cried when she had to brush her teeth, she cried when she had to put on her shoes, she cried when she had to change her pants......the list goes on.
I don't like her.I tried once to step in. that was the end of that. I am embaressed to be associated with her. I don't want people thinking she's mine. My child does not act like that, dress like that, or present herself like that. On top of it all......she is getting boobs! She will be 8 in November. Now granted its fat casue of course the way her mother feeds her is atrocious (she has all her molars capped) but boobs all the same. Now what about that bikini? Mountain says, well it'll be different. how? When she shows up next year with 34c boobs, how is it going to be different? The fact that she is so attention seeking is not going to help cuase she's gonna get the attention all right. She'll be 10 and looking like a 15 year old! Then what? She hasn't been taught anything. the attention she's going to get from boys she is going to SOAK up caseu thats all she wants is attention.
Charlotte did her best to console her throughout the weekend. i was actaully quite impressed with her skills. But I really don't need this kid bringing mine down with her when she goes. Charlotte feels a connection to her, and thats fine. But I can just see them in the park together. Boys coming around. Teag going off with them and Charlotte staying with her, even though she knows its not a good situation. I am not into it. i raised Charley up to not be THAT kid. To be strong and sure of herself. That child is toxic and now I need to figure out how to limit the time even further that she spends here.
i didn't wreck her and its more than evident I am not allowed to fix her so.......I don't want her around to break my daughter.
but anyhow, i have much cleaning and drying out of everything going on here at this house. There is camping gear spread all across the yard, Laundry piles throughout my house. I will be cleaing up for the next week, while still trying to enjoy whats left of summer!

Blog On Dudes!

holy wet Camping Ever batman!

we have decided that since it seems to be our thing that it rains on us......we are so investing in new tarps! Holy Carp! it rained so much it rained in the kids tent. Good thing they had air mattresses to float on.

we are drying out.

G'night. trying to stay dry and warm tuckers an old broad out

Thinking Ahead???

When we got back from Loon Lake - you should really get your tent out of storage. We'll need it when we go in a month with Tea.
2 weeks ago after picking up C from Camp - we aren't going anywhere this weekend. Why not get your tent?
Friday - its the long weekend, why don't you pick up the tent before you get started on the stairs?
I text him Tues to stop by his storage on the way home and pick it up.
Wednesday - the stairs will be here next week too. Why not zip to your storage and get the tent? We'll come with you!
Yesterday he picks it up from work.
He went to Canadian Tire last night just before they closed and bought a brand new 6 man.
Forethought is not his thing

so I am done and packed. Sheets are cleaned. House is relativly clean for the sitter. Yard is battoned down. Made sandwiches, food is in the car. i think we are ready for final stuff's (cooler) when i get home from work and off we go!!
mountain on the other hand is clearly NOT organized. It was his job to pick up the munchies - he still hasn't. He has to drive out to White Rock after work and pick up Teag. Fine. But her mother isn't much for forethought either. Teag's sleeping bag is in Chilliwack at gramma's house. The very place they were when They found out about the camping trip! Anyhow, after that he has to come back here to get the wood (why he didn't pack it last night......) I'll find room in my car for it. he still has to do the munchie shop and I told him if he wants any "bevy's" he'll have to take care of that too as I am tapped for money and I have packed Tea for myself and Charlotte.
He won't get to the campsite till 9 I am sure and then he'll still have to set up the tent for the very first time in the dark. I will have the camp set-up and a fire going.
I guess what I have learned from this is to always be in charge of Everything. Just hand me money honey and i will take care of it.

Seriously!

does it have to rain EVERY time Mountain, The Queen and I go camping!

what the F-Troop!

CAmping this Weekend

I've got some anxiety about camping this weekend.
Tea is coming.
She's already been kicking up a fuss. I really hope its not the weekend from hell with her turning on the tears for every little thing she can think of.
Charley is very excited and is packing books that she can read to Tea. I've got beads packed so they can make stuff, drawing pads, cards, peanuts for the squirrels, i think the game of Life should come along too.....we plan to hit Hicks lake (10min away from our site) on Saturday and swim in the lake. So I've got floaty devices for the girls!
I'm sorry. I'm not going to pretend any longer. i don't like that kid and merely tolerate her becasue I love Mountain. So I will do what I can to make this a "nice, fun-filled family weekend" for everybody. insert Walt Disney music here.
How bad of a person am I?
I've tried. I've done what i can. I don't like her. She is an insecure, manipulative, male attention seeking, lying, needy, whiny little girl. I am not going to pretend to myself any longer that I don't mind or that she is ok or this too shall pass or she is just a child. I wouldn't like her if she was an adult either. However, that being said.......i WILL do what i can for the sake of Mountain and Charlotte and Teaghan I suppose, and put my personal feelings aside. I just really hope that this weekend goes well and that I don't feel the need to abandon the campsite for some alone time in order to not lose my cool.

Blog On

Is it his Time?

Oh Mr. Ball

is it being 17?
Is it the heat?
Are you sick?
I am so worried and sad about my boy. We've been together since 1995. He hasn't slept with me for the past 2 nights. Its No doubt he isn't feeling himself. I don't want him to suffer if this is his time, but I don't want to end his suffering if he isn't suffering and merely Bitchy from the heat!
Poor Mr. Ball. I just don't know what to do

When my Man gets Wood for Me.............

he goes All out!

Letter from the Husband........

I had a friend a quite a few years ago now, when i worked at the Pantry. Her name was Karen. Karen and I had a lot in common and went thru a fair bit together. She was a few years older than me, about 5 or so. (funny I can't remember now)
I knew what the letter was as soon as I saw the return address was S. hoople and not K
I was the maid of honor at her wedding back in 95
I've mailed (snail mail) her every Christmas since she moved to Alberta.
I would hear from her random, every couple years ................
I sat at my kitchen table staring at the envelope. Knowing the news it contained.
".....it is with remorse that I must inform you that Karen lost her battle with Crest and passed away May the 20th........."

some catch Up

so much - so little time - so I will try to be brief

- Gloria had a power source issue last Tuesday morning. A friend I know from work, he is a comp. tech, programmer, hacker, bla, bla, bla, fixed it for my for cost. YaY!
- i read! yes thats right I read the paper, magazines.....worked like crazy! Cuase of course Charley was at CAmp.
- mine and Mountains date id not go as I'd hoped it would. He turned into a 9 year old so the whole evening sucked. He sucked up suffiently afterwards and is still doing so.
- i made the most amazing dinner on the BBQ one of those nights. Halibut, scallops and aspargus! Yum! I amazed myself even.
- My living room stayed clean! with C gone my whole house stayed clean! I was not constantly cleaning or yelling at her to clean in my spare time! It was awesome!!
- I went thru my clothes. Said goodbye to some that I just really will never be able to wear again and if I do ..... styles have changed. That was hard and I am still going thru stuff. Must say good bye to more!
- Mountains stuff is leaking its way in this house. I have to make room for him. Even if its just one drawer in my chest of drawers. He needs one. So I keep going thru them.
- I was looking at a cruise brochure that came to my mail box. Thought it might be nice to dream a bit. Mountain got a hold of it and his dreams are so much closer to real than mine are. I told him I would spring for something like that for a Honeymoon, just for vacation I couldn't justify. "we'll get there" he says. Good!
- he tells me he loves me random all the time. I love it! I like that much better than the I love you Goodbye. Its so rehearsed, computer and habit. Just out of the blue is like he really means it! Perfect.
- we got wood for the building of the back landing and stairs! YaY hooray! So this weekend he will start.
- tonight Charley is staying at Gramma's house. We have some more free time. However, I want to be in C's room cleaning. East Coast Madeliene is in town and coming tomorrow. I would like the girls to be able to hang in the room without tripping up over crap!
- we go camping to Deer lake again next weekend. Tea is coming and now so is Mountains dad, Mr. Mountain. Not sure how I feel about being responsible for 4 people yet. As they are all children. Should be interesting.
- tea is already sick of being a sister. the babies name is Skyler. What the Hell kind of name is that! couple that with a last name like Summerhayes..........she'll be called Sky Summerhayes. Hmmmmmmm. Wouldn't be my choice, but whatever.
- oh yah. on the weekend my mom made a comment, "if i was a braver woman I'd divorce your father. It'll pass" Where do i put that?

Okay I gotta go! time to get tready and get The Queen to Gramma's.
Take care and Blog On!