Spa Party Planning

So the night is drawing close.

I am having so much fun planning this party for Charlotte!

i have stuff for them to pedi out with.

Manicures.  Just gotta get the yogurt for the facials.  How fun.

I am planning food.

picked up fancy sparkling water and limes.  I think I will toss together a veggie lasagna for dinner!

i also plan to get the girls to do hand-prints when they first get here for mothers day.  I am using Steph's canvas idea.  It'll be great!  I am having such a fun time planning this party.

I have strawberries and melons and veggies and fancy toothpicks!  such Fun.

hehe

Blog On!

Ex's irritate me

and it irritates me that I am irritated.

Not to the point where I am thinking constantly or obsessed, but just even that wee emotional tug and then its gone pisses me off!

Ever feel like that?  

Wood

so wood and doing it from scratch turns out to be more expensive than he thought.

ANYBODY GOT WOOD TO GET RID OF?

Playhouse

Mountain spent the weekend drafting up plans for the playhouse he is going to build for Charley.  What a wonderful man he is!  

Yowzers!

lesson learned.

don't mess with blog template anymore.

I am back.  but not knowing what other damage i have done

blog On!

Garden

I NEED to Garden!

Mountain took the fence down on the weekend cuz the spring cleaning bins were here.  So i am currently VERY exposed.

The new fence will be awhile.  Maybe even till the end of summer.

I want new planters. Real planters in my yard where I set up hokey ones last year.  but that is going to take time too.

sigh - but what I can do is take my existing real planters and some other ones and make up something that will work in other places!  I think anyhow.  

I have the bug.  I MUST get out into the yard and plant.

Its making me nuts.

so I think I have devised some plans that I can carry out on my own without having to rely on major funds or help from the man.

so Off I go tomorrow.  YaY!  I love to plant and dig and get my hands dirty!

PLAYHOUSE

I have signed up to freecycle.org in the hopes that some free wood or a playhouse will pop up.  I've put the  word out to some of my customers.  I have checked craigslist and will continue to do so.  The buck passer is out this weekend.  Searching, searching for a playhouse or materials to build one.

SPA NIGHT

Next weekend I am planning a Spa night for Charley and 3 of her friends.

we will give facials, pedicures, and manicures.  Eat cucumber sandwiches cubed fruit on toothpicks and drink sparkling water with limes in ice-cubes!  She is so excited.  I think I am too!

but in the end.  I have to get at least one basket full of stuffers cause I am going nuts without the planting.  I wanted a big square planter in the back so that I could do a wee veggie garden too.  Potato's.  Squash..........but that, i am sad to say looks like a dream.

Blog On! 

Re-cycling

i am sad to not be able to go to the Jewels Pampered Party on Friday.  I was looking forward to seeing her and seeing her home!

On the bright side, I've just saved 100bux!

That new fence and shed are getting closer by the day!

we figure, if we can get a new shed, then we will keep the original plan of painting  and patching the old leaky tin shed.  Then  That can be Charley's playhouse!  Its not glamorous, but its got a roof and they can go in it and have sleepovers and have their chairs and do kid stuff.  

There is currently a 50% off shed plans and materials.  and we do need more bigger storage.  So.....instead of ripping out the ugly falling apart tin one........we will recycle it!!!

So the 100 I would have spent on a beautiful stone pie plate for my mom and the gas to get there.........will go towards my home.

Now there's a good deal!

Blog On!

after excited research in the sale flyers...........

its a "scratch and save"  sale.

So that means you go, find what you want, and then when you get to the till you get to scratch and MAYBE.  If you are lucky.  (something I am not) get 50% off!  Well Fudge.

We can fersure not afford 800bux for a new shed!

so i guess we are back to original plan of new fence this year.  Patch and paint old tin shed, new shed next year.  And keep on the look out for wood or a used playhouse.

*sigh*

I am still happy I saved the 100bux though

Charlotte is in need of a playhouse.

we can't fit a swingset or climbing anything in, but a  playhouse we could.

She and her friends are starting the beginnings of getting into trouble cuase they have no place to get away from it all when they are outside playing.  They have exhausted the big open field option.  Riding their bikes around and around the same space is only fun for only so long.  They built a secret fort in a place they shouldn't have and have now been tossed out by the owner of the fort materials.  (hedge)  Chalking isn't what it was cracked up to be when she was 4.  I don't like them playing in the pond so much.   If they would only just sit with their feet in Arg.

  I have a bored kid on my hands.  Bored with outside kid.  This is not good.  This makes for get into no good kid.  So Mntn and I talked about it.  He is going to do what he can to make some kind of playhouse or fort out back.  Big enough for them to lie down in.  A place they can go and get up to no good, but still be safe.  You know?  We will know where they are.  They can have sleep overs.  They can paint the walls inside.  They can have secret girl chats.  Make plans.  Have a place to hang out....

So now the quest for Free Wood comes into play.  I hope we can find some.  Have you got any?

Blog On

Is honesty the best policy?

what can we be honest about?

do you pick your nose?

do you  beat Off?

did you just  fart?!

are you..........

Balls

So I asked him.

I asked him why is it that Tea is suddenly allowed to be in my presence again.  He said he figures Leah has lightened up and its back to normal.  That meaning, Tea is allowed here but she can't spend the night.  (so fucked up)

I asked him why her change of heart.  I havn'et changed.  She said I was a crazy pyscho bitch.  I still am.  She said she figured I don't like her kid.  So if she figured all that then what has changed that she suddenly says its ok?  He doens't seem to know.  I told him he better figure it out, cuz as it looks from here is that Leah needs all her weekends back.  Not just every second one, or that gramma needs her weekends back.

but after thinking about this for the last couple days this is what I have come up with..........

NO.  Tea is not allowed to come here.  She is used as a pawn by her mother.   She makes everyone, including herself, uncomfortable in MY home.   I find the whole thing creepy and unhealthy and I don't want to be associated with it or enable Leah's bad parenting choices.  and What happens when Leah decides she wants soemthing?  She will use the kid as a power play as she has so many times in the past.   Suddenly deciding, for instance, once again that Tea is not allowed here anymore.  Then all of us are left hurt and then I am angry.

Forget it.  I am not getting on That emotional roller-coaster again!

I don't have control(control being the wrong word, but for lack of a better description at the moment) over who Mntn chooses as friends or who he chooses to "hang out" with.  Even though some of his choices are incredibly disrespectful to my feelings, you can't make someone "get it"  if they jsut don't.  But, I can control what comes and goes in my home and how it affects my family.

none of this is good for anybody.  Tea included.

Any connection with this woman is upsetting to me.  She is an unhealthy individual and i can't stand being a part or knwoing about the choices she makes in her life.  

Any connection I can delete is the best choice for this family.

Nobody bothered to ask ME if it was okay that Teaghan comes here and spends the day.  Nobody asked Charlotte if she has any plans and would like to play with Tea this weekend.

and guess what?

its not

so I have tossed the Ball up and into his court to get to the bottom of this change of heart.  I am sure he isn't and thinks this is all just fine.

The Ball is in his court, lets see what he does with it.  and then i will tell him the rest of my thoughts on the matter

Blog On

YaY!

a New BBQ!!

I am so excited!   Can't wait to put it together and use it SAturday!

Teaghan - GRRRRRR

What a miracle!

she is allowed at my house!

What The Frick Ever - not without an explanation She sure the Hell Ain't

&$#@#!!!!

18

i am trying hard not to think about when The Queen turns 18

Short Tuesday

I must say I am very glad that it is Tuesday.

I am exhausted.  I barely made it thru yesterday and today I can already tell i am most tired.  I am glad for the short work week too.

Today I will visit the middle school Charley will hopefully be going to.  As long as they accept my cross boundary forms.  Jeepers.  It hadn't crossed my mind till just now, what if they don't?!  That will suck cuz I havne't looked into any other schools.   Hmmm.

WE bought hats yesterday.  How fun.  We spent a couple hours in Fort Langley wandering around.  We will go back on the weekend.  I want to look for a mirror and visit Grandad.  It'll be a year on th 26th that Nana has been gone.  Thats wierd.  Auntie brought me a couple birthday cards that she found in Nana's stuff.  Already written out for Charley and I.  Made my eyes tear up.  She was so over the top prepared in advance.  At least  7 mnths!

Yah I'm glad its tuesday

Dinner

How awesome!

i had family here for dinner last night.  I cooked for 10.  Frig my living room is full when 10 people are in it.

My Aunt and Uncle had not been here yet and it was with Great pride i showed off my home and watched as they made themselves comfortable.

I LOVE being the Hostess!

I showed them the things that Mntn has made.  The cabinet and the back deck.  My aunt loving my kitchen and my mom loving that I use her Mom's silver.  Mom admiring my table that I set.  I wishing I had taken a pic of it!  DAmn.  She did so hopefully she sends me a pic.

I, not beveraging so much these days and realizing - yikes I need to switch to water.  I'm a bit tipsy!  The Queen showing her abilities on the piano for the family to hear.

it was all just so warm and wonderful!  Mntn lending a hand with cleaning up, and the stolen kiss in the kitchen when we thought no one was looking.

I Loved yesterday!

Good Friday

Charlotte asking why this is a holiday?

I explaining the death of Jesus and thats why this is a holiday............

I can't remember all the details of the Bible as I haven't read it in soo long.  We will read  it together..........

thinking - Society has given up on God in schools.  They don't teach it anymore.  they don't tell it anymore.  Society has given up on the respect of it anymore......

Yet, when its a holiday, they are the first to take it off

My Oven is Only So Big!!!

it only fits the Turkey!

WHAT THE HELL!!

Sisters

Easter

D'Wabbitt is coming this weekend.  I am not sure I am ready.

I am cooking dinner for 10 people in my tiny home.  Thats not so much a big deal,  however, one of the 10 is a vegetarian.  

I have to have lots of different veggie dishes.  

this Sucks

Taxs

I just did my taxes using netfile and I still don't know if I entered Charlottes Sound of Music lessons in the right spot.

Help

I am Guilty

Assume - 

Assuming can make an Ass out of U and ME.

I have been guilty of it on a number of occasions.  Most of the time I catch myself.  Sometimes I dont'.

Last night I was on the receiving end of an ASS.

Not one of my most intellectual shining moments as I channeled Mntn and the 'fuck you' casually lept out from between my lips......

it wasn't the part where she went on about bad service.  I know better than anyone that bad service sucks.  what first caught my ear was how she doens't tip.  EVER.  Even that I could skim over, as she explained that she got bad service so why should she leave anything?  Thats right.  You shouldn't.  I don't even disagree with that.  It was the part where I heard her repeat herself a few times on the 'uneducated waitresses'  That sent my emotions thru the roof.

you don't have a Fucking Clue you funny looking ugly bitch!

I have known and still know Servers, that are not only very good at serving, but are highly  or even just slightly educated in Post Secondary Education.  Whether serving being a pit stop in their career choice or what they do.  These handful of ladies are amazing Servers!  

I am not highly educated, but I have been to college and actually graduated!  

I even went back to college when Charley was a toddler, to put what I graduated from further, into a degree.  Only to decide.........I like working in the Service Industry.

Now that Charles is older,  I've even toyed with going back.  Finally finish, or start on a New degree!

So as I was on the other end of a  an Ass-u-me - it was a good reminder to me as I have been guilty of such things. 

it was good to be pulled back for a moment.  I was insulted, albeit for a brief moment, it still happened, and I will use it and remember.

You never know who you are breaking bread with

Blog On Dudes! 

Charlotte Won an Award!!

from the Abbey Eye Doctors.

How wonderful!!!

planners

planners were a great idea when they first started years ago

Just becasue I don't sign it Charlotte has to do lines.  

I explained that I always see the planner, but if I don't sign its beacuse I don't have a pen or I am busy doing dishes or dinner or cleaning up or yelling at kid to do her homework or have her bath or go to bed or.........

he worte back and explained his reasons.  

so I went thru her planner and signed every page till the end of the school year

am I a petty bitch or what?

Actually, I kinda thought it was clever and thinking outside the box.  But I can definantly see how that is going to be a very defiant smart-ass move on my part

Blog On!

FUdgeK

I JUST GOT A SPEEDING TICKET!!!

No Secret

Its no secret that I am waiting for Mntn to get down on one knee and ask me that all important question.  "is this the ring?"  LOL!!!

now seriously.  I am not that picky.  It just has to look good on my hand and let other men and women know I am Taken, Back off!  anyhow, he, is taking pride in what he puts on my hand cuz its a reflection of the kind of man he is when he is not with me.  He's feeling the Judge.  Whatever, thats his thing.  So he is getting himself in a position to get himself into another position to purchase and shop for said ring.  Now the shopping part we have not discussed.  well I shouldn't say "not discussed"  we have done that.  Magazines and flyers.  We just havne't done it in person.   He feels pressured and then he gets agitated, angry as he would really like to be in a financial position to do such things right NOW.He would like that when we do the 'in person' and the 'try this one on' that if we fine "the One"  he would be in a postion to actually Get It.  You know what I mean?  Anyhow, he/we will get there.  in the meantime...........turns out my parents are no dummies.

my mom has brought up weddings with me.  I have told her we wo't be having one.

WHAT!  but you have to.

no i don't.  I don't have to.  I can't justify spending ridiculous amounts of money that i have to scrounge for on a party - wedding.  We are having a hard time doing the first part which is the ring for Ff's sake!  I would rather visit the JP and keep my money and keep paying my mortgage.  or be saving for another down payment on a house with a yard and stuff.

We will pay for it.

Huh?  Now that is super swell.  but if they are going to fork out a few grand for a wedding for me - mntn and i would be responsible for what we wear - I'd still rather they just give me the 5 or whatever grand and we will put it on the mortgage.

maybe they will do both!  :)

she has said this more than once over the last 3 months.  Your FAther and I have talked about it and we think its important that you and (mntn) have a wedding.  you are our last one.  this is a real celebration for YOU to get married.

this of course being true.  Coming up 40 and...........

so my htoughts have been bouncing towards a wedding.  A party?  a Ceremony?  Gifts?  no.  No gifts.  We have everything. 

 a gift money basket!  of gift cards to Home depot, Canadian tire or Wal-Mart!  Thats what we would do.  I have everything.  but some of my everything needs to be replaced and cash towrads the house is never a bad thing.  Get some mortgage looked after.  Is that selfish or rude to ask for at my wedding?

would I have people for a ceremony or just to come party?

do I serve dinner or just appy's?  There would have to be a midnight buffet!

it would definantly be at my parents.  I am NOt wearing a white dress!

It turns out, after i let my mind think about having a "wedding"  I have a lot of it planned in my head already.  I didnt realize it!  I better remember to remember Mntn will have some ideas too.

I will invite everyone!  As this will truly be a reason to celebrate!  Kristi finally got some poor sap to marry her.  Oh Yes!  Everyone must be there to Celebrate!

Carp.  I don't think mom and dad realized what they were getting in to.

Blog On

Tired Tuesday!

holy moly am i ever tired today!

allergies this AM and now.......i could curl up and gladly not get up till tomorrow.  Or at least i know I would enjoy a wee cat nap.

oh well.  Motherhood calls.  so nap for me.  Off I go to continue on with my second job on my short paid work day.  

She better go to bed on time tonight or i may need to smother her with a pillow.

Blog On!

Ghosts

Wow.  this is so much harder than I ever anticipated.  I miss him every moment I am here.  I keep hearing him calling me.  I'm sure now it must be my mind playing with me.  Although that first night I'm sure it wasn't.  but every time I hear him I go cold and the colour rushes from my face.  Mntn has been here, staying the night with me every night since.  I was up in the night looking for Ball.  Why?  I'm not sure.  Than I remembered..........I keep seeing him out the corner of my eye.  Life without him, its like losing a child.

my brother called yesterday to say how sad he was for me.  I cried and cried.  Some people understand.  Some people get it.  He wasn't "just a cat"  He was my best friend, my confidant, my kid.  We needed each other and loved each other.  He was by my side always.  It was only the two of us for a lot of years and there were times I couldn't have done it without him.  He knows all my secrets.

i can't beleive how many tears I have for him.  

He deserves my grief.  Charley misses him Mntn misses him.

Its weird to go into the bathroom and he is not in there sitting on the counter.  Sleeping without him laying over my left arm is hard too.  I didn't sleep with my teddy there last night, maybe thats why i suddenly got up to search for him in a half dozed state.  I'll have to keep sleeping with my bear to avoid that.

Will we get another cat?  yah.  eventually.  But out of respect for Ball it will be a while.  I need to grieve him.  Remember him.  Let him go, so that I can accept a new little personality into this house without piling all my sad/missing emotions on to a new member of the family.  Charley needs to have her grieving time too.  She's known him her whole life.  He would watch her very carefully when she was a baby.  And as she grew up he figured out that she pats him pretty good.  Mntn snuggling with him.  I would find the two of them laying on the bed together.  My men.  Ball loved it when he would stay in bed and I got up.  He'd gladly stay to be a lazy ass with mntn.  Ball had his routine and place with all of us.  We need to let that go so we can allow another to build their own routine around ours as they learn to live with us.  So time.  In time we will get a kitty.  

Charley wants to save a kitty from the SPCA.  So we will.  Mntn and I want a Siamese. So we will.  In what order I don't know.  When?  I'll know when we are ready.  It'll be when the tears don't flow so freely and the expected spots of Beedledom fade.  Its ok to have a hole.  The hole will fill on its own.  Than we will know.

For now........i have A LOT of memories to fill my mind.  So I will.  and I will enjoy them!

Blog On!

Mr. Ball

so many tears

swolen eyes all around.  The Queen.  Mountain.  Myself......

Thank You Steph - I Love You!

my Struggle today

Mr. Ball is dying.

the last thing he ate was some raw egg a couple days ago.  He can no longer drink.  He is a shell of a cat on my lap.  I'm sure he only has hours left.

Yes I want to take him in.  Its beyond time.  

I struggled weeks and months ago with his last moments being of a horrific car ride and then a person poking him with sharp things.  I couldn't bare the thoght of him knowing what was happening to him.  That i was doing this to him.  Its not like he was in pain or out of his mind.  He went from that to - the shell in a night.  Now I think keep his dignity, he is almost gone and he is just in continuous sleep.  Let him go in peace where he is happiest.  in his home.

but then as Steph said.  Does he have dignity?  I don't know anymore.  My judgement is screwy.

I woke many,many times in the night to check on him lying next to me.  During one of those times I thought he was gone.  He was so still.  he reminds me of how it was with my Nana.  Just sleeping.  Keep him cmfortable.

We cried for him on Saturday.  All 3 of us around him.  It was a day that he couldn;t be alone.  Every time he found himself in a room by himself he would cry out and come looking.  i guess I knew then.  That was the turning point day.  Now he is hours away from his last breath i am sure.

i struggle with where to take him even.  I spoke to Steph last night.  I should have written down that Doctors name.......the office.  i thought i would rmember it.

Now I think he's got hours why take him.  Why after all of this take him when all he is doing is sleeping.  Who's misery am I relieving?  he doesn't appear to have any.  Only i do.

He is far from the 20 lb beast of 10 years ago.  he is in his 18th year.  he was my best friend for many of those years when I was alone.  He still is my best friend.  He has been by my side since 1995.

I think back to my Nana again.  She was dying.  Sleeping.  We didn't kill her to relieve anything.  We waited and so did she.

This house will be lonely without my BeedleCat.  it will be quiet.  it will be clean -

I have Never not had a cat.

i feel guilty for wanting him to go and I feel guilty for not taking him.  I don;t know what to do.  With Sparkle it was time.  she was in Horrible pain.  Ralph died in pain cuz i didn't pay attention. When it was time for Molly I took her.  she was in pain, so i called the emergency vet and took her.  But this..........this is different again.  Mr. Ball has just slowly gotten older

At this point, is it cruel Not to take him or To take him?  I can't even tell anymore.

Whats the name of that Vet again Steph?

i am without words for stuff and not sure where to put other things

blog on

The Queens Theatre Spring Break DAy CAmp

the line reads -->  "I miss not having a brain"

I heard --> "I'm a snot having a brain"

WHAT?!!!

so how 'bout we work on inflection - clarity - pronounciation

I Heart Costco when I get to go!

hmmmmmm -

i really don't like that I drink as much as i do.

No there was not an incident.

just making an observation.  Guess I need to stop complety.  Something i know I can do, however, I don't want to.  and Herein lies the problem.

WE'll see how that goes.  

but stopping also means that for the first while I have to avoid things and situations where I feel comfortable to have a drink.  Thats sucks.  I have social dates coming up that I'd rather NOT miss.  

hmmmmmm.................

invitation only?

Every once in awhile I take this blog Off of invitation only.

just for fun.  Just to see how many people would read if I didn't have it private.  How many more unbiased opinions I can get from people.  

I took it off yesterday.  All's well.  no mom peeking.

but then I look and BAM!!!!  a downloader!  

some stranger downloading pics off my blog.  Thats freaks me out.  

Why is some stranger intersted in Charlottes Science project and downloading pics of it off my blog?!!  and the pic of Mntn and his nipples!

this is after they have gone thru and read as much as they can.  the reading is fine.  but the downloading.........creeps me right out.  Why are you interested in having pics of my stuff to keep on your computer?

Wouldn't it make you wonder too?

I like my Island

Damn

DAmn the Hole in my pants!!!

my work pants.  

Seam.

Ass.

Out!

Thanks the Good Lord for long shirts

I am so disapointed.

i tried to take a picture of my legs with full hair growth of a couple months but it did't turn out.  Damn It!

Did you know that at full length, the hair on my legs grows to  3/4 inch in length(from the knee down) and is all over?  if I were to dye it.  My legs are jsut as hairy as Mntns.  Under my pants it just creates much static and kept my warm during the snowy weeks.

Blog On!

bite your tongue!

its tough for me you know

i have just become so out-of-line bitter towards this child.  So much in fact i can't even justify it.  I can not look at her without cutting her down inside my head.  

So she's just been to a birthday party dressed like that.

Her hair a bedraggled mess.  Her see thru leggings with lace on the bottom.  Its been snowing, why are you in those littel shoes and No socks!

this morning - the black t-shirt that pronounces her to be a ROCK STAR with a guns and Roses type emblem on it.  hair brushed but already in disarray.  Your going snowboarding.  Its going to be a mess.  I have to just walk away.  I can't even be a part of the conversation.  She is argueing with Mntn about putting it up. The fact that this little girl doens't own one pair of water-proof mitts/gloves.  All she owns is the fluffy cutesy knit ones.  I get the knit cheap ones.  I understand that.  Between Charlotte and I we could outfit an army with the many pairs we have.  However, Charley also has one pair of water-proof ones for when she plays in the snow.  Becasue she is a kid!  Thats what kids need.  Thats what kids do!!!   I just don't get why her mother - They are not that expensive.  I paid 5bux for Charleys!  Than she got a really nice pair for Christmas cuz she put it on her Christmas List cuz  I, her mom, is smart like that!!!!

no I don't really want her here for dinner.  

but I spinned it nice.  I think she will be very tired and needs to get home.  After supper will be 7 and she has school tomorrow.

So I got to get away with a couple months of being Teaghan free.  Guess her mom needed the time to herself and gramma would't take the darling little princess.

They'll probably be home after lunch.  DAmn!  Guess i better enjoy the next couple hours to their fullest!  Till they come home and she is here again.

I am just a bitter, bitter bitch.  So much anger brewing, never been validated, never been resolved.  It has grown into its own entity.

I will just bite my tongue

Happy Birthday Grandad!

96 ToDay!

We went to his place and had a shinDig this afternoon.  It was wierd and cool all at the same time.  He was  very happy to see us all.  Its wierd to think, that might be the last time we are all with him at the same time.  He is 96 afterall.  He's lived longer than his daddy.  His Pa passed at 95......

i Love my Grandad!

She Got Silver!!!!

 Pics on my picture blog!

Brain Cells Unite!

I hate feeling drunk when I'm not and can't remember when I should.

Used to happen so much in those 5 years I was sober and I hated it then too.  The clumsiness.  The slurred words.  The "hang-over" feeling.   Arg!

she refers to Mountain as "dad" in her speech

Guess who made it into the Top 6 to speak to the Judges on Thursday?!!!!!

The Queen!

Science Project

I can't believe it.

We are done!

finished just before supper last night.  Holy smokes!

research. Speech.  Backboard.  Experiment. Duotangs.  Log Book.  Her Words!  Everyone helped.....

Of course it was like pulling teeth to get her to get 'er done! We Better Have All the Information!  I will lose my mind if we don't!

So today she hands it in.  

She has a presentation (speech) to do.  I wish I could be there to hear her.  She worked hard on her speech!  REally hard and practiced it on all of us.She has her outfit all layed out on her bed.  "My hair will have to be braided Mom"  such a professional......   Thursday is the Fair in the gym.  I'll take more pics then.  I think this is a good piece of work she can be proud of!  Now I can have my livingRoom back.  

Hmph?

Our foundations are different

mine is cement

his is blacktop

I don't know.  Its different programming, like windows versus apple.

how do you explain socially correct,  Acceptable and not, when in their circle its ok??  Than aren't you the one with the problem when you are standing alone.  Like the cheese.  Then don't you look like the raving idiot?  Social circles.  High class. Low class. Wannabee's.  Old money.  New money.  Good money. Bad.  White Collar.  Blue Collar.  Blue can still have White beliefs.  White can have Blue.  Whats the foundation.  Better yet - whats in the foundation?  Is it cracked?  Is it made pure?  Are there rocks in it?  has It been imported?  How old is it?  

Mine is quite old.  Made of bits from my mother and from my grandmother.  I guess its a hand-me-down and its still holding up Strong as I pass the same foundation on to my daughter.

you can't change someones foundations.

how do you find the door to lead in to maybe paint the walls a little?   I like the product that sits on the foundation.  I don't want that to change.  Nor would I be so unfair as to ask it too.  However...................is it possible to renovate?   

INFURIATED!!!!!

I am Livid about this...........

this is what I wrote to the teacher last night


I've been sick for most of the week. Charlotte came home talking
about a speech for her Science project. I hope she can get help at
school with it as I am too wiped out these evenings to give her a hand

thnk-you................K.

This is the response I got this morning

I'll try my best, but just in case there is step by step instructions in the science fair package. The pages are not in order but it on a page with the number 20 at the top. It's near the back of the package, it's pretty easy to follow. Hope you feel better.

Aaron Dugas

WHAT THE FUCK!!!

Mountain has not smoked in 2 days!

he went with a buddy to a hypnotist Monday night.  He is really trying.  This will be day 3.  This is when it starts to get real hard.  From about day 3 - 5

He has chosen to stay home tonight to get his laundry done.

I kinda don't think thats the best place for him.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he can make it.  Keep yours crossed too!

?? V.D ??

Why did y'all have such a wanker of a Valentine's??

I'd like To be 35 again

I think I am going deaf.  My hearing is going.  Has been off and on for a bit.  Since October.  It was really bad yesterday.  Today it seems a bit better.  Its very frustrating.  I am exhausted and just want to stay in bed.  This last year in my 30's is not really very nice so far.  I am determined to be super hot and in great shape for the turning of the decade.  Its not going so well.  I am so tired.  Anyhow..........

Blog On

Where the moon is

SCORPIO Moon

Passionate, Intense, Magnetic, Sexual, Powerful

Goddess - LILITH Goddess Altar



The Watery Scorpio Moon brings passion, desire and perhaps some possessiveness. We may be more intuitive about the motives of others, and are likely to fight harder than usual if necessary.

by this evening the moon will have moved into sagittarius.

 

SAGITTARIUS Moon

Honest, Straight-forward, Energetic, Optimistic, Wise

Goddess - KALI Kali Altar



The Fiery Sagittarius Moon impels us to speak honestly and get straight to the heart of the matter. Trust is strong, small talk is out... big dreams and lofty plans take shape in our minds. Take a little trip... read a book.

So I guess if the emotions were more to the negative this moon might hinder with its straight forwardness.  Guess it would depend on how well you take the truth.  Remember sometimes the truth stings.  So take some time for yourself.  Even if its just an hour, to reflect.

Blog On Dudes

Mountain & The Queen

*Oster*

I am most excited to have time, to maybe find time, to use my new food processor today!!!

Mountain dun good!

Moon Sign

Ooooh!

the moon is in Scorpio this weekend ladies.  

It'll be a sexy valentines!  How fun

Valentines Weekend

Friday the 13th tomorrow.  Yikes!

Valentine's Day SAturday!

I am work, work, working.

So we will celebrate in the morning.  with hugs and kisses and chocolates I think.  Nothing extravagant.   Sunday is back to Grade 5 for me.  Ugh!I am really not down withthis project.  Why do I have to do so much?  and who do I complain to to make such ridiculous things Stop!

I mean the science project is fine.  Its the open-endedness that has too.  Thats why the teacher can't keep up with his students.  Give them 5 things to choose from.  If Johnny the go-getter wants to go get on soemthing not on the list let him.  But if you had a handful of kids all doing the same thing their own way......at least then the teacher would maybe be able to have a clue. but instead.......I have done all the research with Charlotte.  I have done all the work.  I have done all the editing.  I am and will be doing the backboard.  I have to do a chart or a graph or somthing to put on this stupid fucking backboard.  While the teacher merely gives them time once a week in the computer lab.  He has not so much as even gone over anything she has done thus far to make sure she is heading in the right direction.  (which she isn't BTW)  we Fff'd up on some of the stuff cuz she didn't bring her Duotang home last weekend to show me exactly 'what we need now' so I made her do a bunch of stuff that it turns out isn't even required. However, I am not going to back track cuz last weekend was Hell.  I will work in and work it out some how.  But this is sooooo  fucked up. and I have to let her have her own words and its just not good.

So I will let it be and let her be and see what she gets.  She has been sorking so  Frippin' hard on this thing.  I hope it shows and that she gets a decent mark regardless of some missing information.

It just makes me feeel like a failure too cuz I've been helping her so much.

Oh Well.  maybe one day teachers will teach again.  and I will dream of being able to afford private schooling.

Blog On

Grrrr

I'm mad that I am grade 5

why is it up to me to do this with her?!!!

why is there a duotang sent home specifically for the parents?  ITS A SCHOOL PROJECT!!!!  Fuck!  Anyhow I am pissed and annoyed about that, but we are getting thru it.  With Much tears and yelling.  It sucks

I am irritated by Mntn.  

Stuff I'd like to get into, but becaseu i am respecting his wishes not to post i won't.

We'll see.  If I start to boil over........I'll post anyhow!

I'm pissed at my body.

I dont like my house and can't afford to make it so I do like it.

I can't find wood brackets for Shelves!!!  Ugh!

I am just not very happy these days!

Man  Livin' I am irritable!

i don't like being anywhere near myself today.  I am just a bitch!

sick

it is Sunday

i am tired.  I['vebeen sick since last week.  Sent home twice early because I am just gross.  and yet here it is My weekend.  A time when I should jsut be able to relax, rest and get better.........none Of the above has happend.

Mntn annoying the Piss our of me yesterday.

he;s made up for it today.  He vacuumed my car.  AWESOME!!!!  but now he is out for coffee with his dad.  Not a big deal.  I have to remind myself that it is his weekend too.  But Heck!  I have cooked dinner all weekend.  Even on the days I was sent home sick (thurs & frid) I took care of my family first.  I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK FOR HELP!  he knows I am sick.   He knows I am not well.  I

I have cooked and cleaned and been working on The Queens science project all weekend!

Well, cleaned.......i pinesoled my bathroom - a dirty bathroom seriously ills me.  I vacuumed the house.  Cleared my kitchen counters of crap (another thing that ills me.  I CAN'T STAND clutter on my kitchen counters.  It gives me serious anxiety)  Laundry?  Yah kinda.  Some of its clean - dry - so much in piles in the hall that is supposed to be a laundry room.......

Queenie had a b-day party yesterday.  I went to Michaels during that time and picked up a shelf and a letter thingy that I am going to stain for the front door space.  Try to get a little more order.  I also picked up silver spray paint for Mr. Balls food tin. My pictures that I re-framed are still all over my floor.  Although I did move them from the living-room to the hall.  I have done a bad job at spraying the tin.  (yes Steph I took pics.  Just for you.  I will post them)  but damn it.  I would like to stain those things I bought.  I would like to have a nap.  I would like someone else to make dinner and clean it up!  C and I are on a break from science cause it is just too many hours now.  When is it due?  the 23rd.  So we have a bit yet. However - I work ALL next weekend.  so I NEED to get the bulk of it done this weekend so that for the weekend of the 20th all we have to do is the backboard.  Trying to get her to type stuff at school and print it off so we can look it over here at home is Nuts!  So I don't really know what she has completed.  There fore I am making her do and research other stuff here at home to 'fluff' it up.  this is a Friggin' joke and to top it all off I feel like crap!

for Mothers day this year I want everyone to Go away!

The Rules - Charleys Being Courted!

Remember these????


House Rules For Charlotte


1) Charlotte may NEVER call on a boy.
2) If a boy would like to see her he can call on her. This means either on the phone or by Knocking on the front door.
3) Charlotte is Not allowed in a boys house or his backyard where I or Lyle can not see her.
4) Charlotte is not to play "alone" or with a boy where she can't be seen publicly. There may be some acceptions to this rule - left to the discrepancy of Lyle or I.
5) Charlotte may "hang-out" in front of said boys house, but is not permitted to "hang-out" in front of other peoples homes unless she is with someone that lives in the home.
6) Charlotte is not allowed to "hang-out"
7) Boys are allowed to come to Charlottes house and play in her yard when an adult is home.
8) If, on the rare occasion, a boy is allowed in the house Charlotte can entertain in the living-room. The boy MUST check with his parent. If it is okay'd by a parent she may have him in her room only if the Door is OPEN. THIS CAN BE VETOED AT ANY TIME!
9) Boys are Not to linger outside or in front of the house waiting or spying or taunting. (see #2)
10) Charlotte is most definitely not allowed to be out after dark.
11) The Consequence For Not Respecting Any Of These Rules Can Result in - grounding - loss of privledges - Mom or Lyle taking action (mom will and can embaress and make anyones life a living Hell if she wants too) - FINALLY - Loss of Trust (Most Bad) to ever play with boy in question again. (Forbidden)!!!!
12) When the Street Lights come on that means it is officially Dark. That also means get your Butt home as you are now breaking rule #10!  

well........guess who finally got up the Nerve to Phone my girl last night?

Despite the fact that he thinks the Rules are "stupid"

I jsut e-mailed the teacher with a set so we are all on the same page.

Rules and Boundaries are never a bad thing.

this boy even went out of his way to Look up Charleys Phone Number in the Phone Book!!!

Blog On!

Grade 5 Camp

Charlotte just came home today with the notice about the Grade 5 camping trip the school goes on each year in June.

Fabulous experience!  So fun and exciting!  I remember mine.  It was to SAlt Spring Island.  A lifetime ago, but the best trip Ever.  A giant slumber party with my school friends.  and I rmember it being a week.......anyhow

$183

my heart sunk.

I'm already socking my tips away so i can send her to Camp Squeah.

there is the 'finance for families' help.  I do that with summer camp, but not for this.  I won't do it.  Its embaressing.  They know my face.  Its more anon. for summer camp.  Go to the principal?  She knows me, i don't need her to know how broke we really are.  I'm even part of the PAC now.  So embarassing.  I can let my Pride go for church camp, but I won't let my daughters go in front of her peers for School Camp!

  

But what we will do - is Fundraise our Asses Off!!!!  

Panago Gift Certificates anyone???

its time?

I've been feeling ancy for the last couple months

Watching what I am spending.  Watching what Mntn is spending.  I am ready to say "YES" to the question on bended Knee.  Its time.

We've been dating for just over 2 years.  Its time.

I was very upfront about it not very long ago.  I hope he has figured that part of it out and is finding a way to save some money for that shiny piece of Hard see thru stone to put on my finger.

The wedding, no biggie.  i don't need anything but him and a JP.  but the Shiny is important.  it shows me how important I am to him.  and It shows others I am taken, Not available, Stop Asking me Out!  

If its purchased at a pawn shop, that  says to me he is cheap and I am not worth that much.  Lets not forget the bad vibes attached to someone elses heartbreak or been stolen.

anyhow, the reason I brought this up is becuase last night as I was getting ready  for bed and E-mail came in from a girl I've known for years.  She is engaged.  Engaged to a man she got with last year!  Great, Fine, I am truly excited for her.

THIS IS MARRIAGE NUMBER 4!

I know for Mntn a lot of the reason he has not put a ring on my finger is becuase he truly doens't have the money.  That would be why I've suddenly become a hawk.  i don't mean to and I am trying not to be cause its only going to stress me out and be angry.  But DAmn it!  Its time for me!  I;ve let him know its not about the money or how big the see thru stone is, its about how noticeable it is.  As long as it lasts forever, its from him, not been worn by someone else, (unless someone that had a good strong marriage)   Its special.  I'm happy. He could diamond cut a piece of stainless steel for my finger and I would be happy!

I'm irritated today.

Blog On Dudes 

Jiggly

I am so frustrated with my body and the 2 inches of jiggle that is laying ever so nicely over my muscle.

I managed to get down by 5lbs and was so excited!  I was feeling not so 'stretched' in my skin.  than a week of feeling shitty about  the waiting I overindulged in a few different things I jsut shouldn't have.  Now I am back to feeling 'stretched' and uncomfortable in my skin again.

I've been sitting up each night.

Its the cardio.  I gotta stay on task in the mornings and get it done!

damn.  I was doing so well.

Its this stretched out feeling of my skin that makes me the most uncomfortable.  it really pulls and I feel like I can't bend I hate it!

one of the sucking parts is that I can still see my abs, its just under this layer that I can flick with my fingers and it wiggles around.  Ick!  Charley was watching me and says, doesn't that feel wierd mom?  look how it moves.

Yah thanks kid.

its jsut gotta go.  

More sweating needs to happen in this house.

hOw did i let this happen to me?

Aaaaahhh!

New Bed

for all of the Mom duties - I really need a bigger bed.  

A King size.

"mom.  I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you?"

in she climbs along with both her bears and then sleeps halfway into the middle of the bed katywhompus with her feet sticking out.  I almost had to leave!  

I chose instead to give her a kick and tell her to move over.

I miss when I had a king size bed

FAcebook Inbox

this is what I recieved this AM in my FAcebook inbox.

she went out of her way to create a new account with Facebook just to send it to me.  This is after she has left a comment on my foto-blog a couple days ago

Krista Brown
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Today at 2:50am
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Kristi,

I've had a little time to cool down after reading your comment left on my blog. I have to admit, I found it rather offensive and upsetting. Not only did you attack every aspect of my life, but also based most of your opinions of me on snippets of information, second-hand information, and assumptions... which resulted in a lot of stuff that you said being pretty far from the truth.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that you have never met me, have never spoken to me, and don't know me. As you say, you 'know things about me'... well, I know things about you too, like, for one, your grammar sucks, you can't spell, and when reading comments you write sometimes my eyes go cross-eyed from trying to comprehend what language you are speaking... I could surmise from this that you are a dimwit, an uneducated moron or a village idiot... but I prefer not to make snap judgments on people based on anything other than cold hard facts. There is so much more to a person... and although my dealings with you thus far have left a pretty bitter taste in my mouth, I am certain that there must be qualities about you that are admirable. Whether I see them or not from what you are showing me, I am refraining from calling you names or passing judgment on your lifestyle.

For the record, I am not bleeding anyone dry... I get what's legally allotted to me as child support... nothing more and nothing less. I do not neglect my children, if you'd ever bothered to talk to anyone who actually KNOWS me as a parent, lives with me, or has been around long enough to know me or my kids well enough to judge such things, you'd know that's the most laughable thing on the planet. My children are NOT neglected... far from it. And we may be living under a low income umbrella, however we work hard, and believe all work to be noble. We are not sitting on our asses on welfare. I work a full time job, and Shawn spends all his time looking for work and taking care of the kids after school.

The fact that we're living with my parents is only a sign of what amazingly loving and caring individuals they are, that they are willing to open their home and help put a roof over our heads when we have had a run of bad luck. I don't think it is a sign of us being 'leeches' as you put it, and nor does anyone else. Being laid off from his job 3 weeks before Christmas wasn't something Shawn asked to happen to him... This isn't a situation anyone 'dreams' of being in. It's sad that there aren't more selfless human beings out there like my parents who would open their hearts and homes to those in need.

As for the rest of the things you said... I really don't merrit any of it worthy of comment. Your opinions don't mean anything to me, and I'm not interested in commenting on such absurd remarks.

Krista

 For someone who claims to not give a shit what I say to go to so much trouble to tell me so.  i guess i hit more nerves than i thought.

Man a livin' I'm a Bitch.  

Being a bitch is one thing, but causing days and hours to be lost out of someone's life because of me........thats just down right mean and i'm not sure I like that.  this girl has dedicated a SAturday night to stewing over my words!

Who have I become?

Blog On Dudes!