Finally Touched base with my Sister!

I got a visit!

So Sister had a really, really awful experience. Whether her C-section experience was the same, or worse than anyone else - I don't know.

Because of the nature of her hugeness it was a different section thats fersure. Bigger incision ect. Her lower placenta had to be dug out of her. When she got home she and her husband stared in horror at her tummy as they could see what looked like a gerbil running thru. Granted, this is not uncommon, but her doctor didn't prep her for this.......her tummy muscles have separated, not only down the center, but from the sides too.

In the hospital - neither she nor her husband were prepared for the onslaught of babies. He never left her side. Babies screaming and crying, no sleep, no milk coming in - the nurses taking the boys away and shutting sister's door forcing her to go to sleep. Huge amounts of pain meds. Horrible pain. Horribly stoned. The blood. The incision. Not being able to move out of bed. Peeing in a bag. Bruising from under her boobs down. Nurses supplementing babies in the hospital with formula - soothers. The nightmare of trying to come home and not being able to get into the van ........... calling the hospital and being told they will have to come in to emergency ......... Told to call an Ambulance........... They didn't.........Missy trying to get into the van to go to the hospital because she could touch her intestines.......baby's not latching, not wanting her, not wanting to nurse. Sister having a lactation nurse come twice to help her ......... The nurse saying they shouldn't have had the soothers in the hospital - nipple confusion has occurred.

Sister is doing much better now. Quite honestly, i think it was THAT scary cuz she didn't know. She wasn't prepared for what could happen. Her doctor didn't seem to have prepped her. She didn't seem to prep herself ..........And for as much as she was in to see the doc - you'd think the doc would have noticed the tearing muscles and explained to her what it all meant. How she was going to be after. Even in Missy's drugged state, she should have been told in the hospital after the surgery. How awful for her! I can't imagine how freaky any of that is.

and i didn't know any of this. I didn't have a clue that any of it was going on. My mom there - every day - every step of the way. never telling me even when i called. or when she called.

Jack is a wee bit jaundiced. The boys look great. They are good babies. Only fussing when they need to. They are feeding now. Any other woman would have given up I think after hearing what she has been going thru trying to nurse these boys. But Sister is persevering and making it work for her and her kids. Good For her!

She has the sore nipples we all get in the first 2 weeks of nursing. I told her it gets better. Cuz it does. The let down doesn't eventually hurt as much and the nipples get used to it. your body gets used to what it needs to produce. Keep going and keep drinking lots of water and eating and she'll do great. Still hasn't gotten the tandum down. But I think that is gonna just be too hard. When i went back to work part-time regular basis I was still nursing. My body knew when to produce milk and when not too. it was pretty amazing. I was on a routine and my body went right along with it! I loved nursing!

So anyhow ......... my mom ........ i am still hurt - angry. I am hurt that i didn't know. I am mad at myself for being hurt. Mad at myself for being a pissy pants for not being able to go and not knowing what was going on. Mad that I didn't know. Hurt that my mom didn't tell me!

Should i have pushed more?

When i was there yesterday, it was really weird. My mom was really weird. I've never known her like this before. It was like she was in competition with me? Very odd. She made sure to mention and talk about all hers and my Sisters experiences over the last week and a bit ........ which was kinda normal, but not. She brought up stuff that was not even part of the conversation. Kinda like she was flaunting it. Making sure I knew she'd been there EVERY day since the boys were born. It was a strange behaviour. Lyle said she is threatened. Maybe? All i know is taht I felt very out of place. I stayed for an hour and left. My Sister was good - but there was a strange vibe coming off my mother. and I couldn't register it.

I was good at keeping my mouth shut as sister told me stuff taht the nurse had said to her about the tongue clipping and nursing. All stuff I had quipped off to my mom on that phone call the other day. My mom shutting me down telling me I don't know what I am talking about. maybe thats why she didn't tell me how bad its been for Missy?

no - I'd called days before that asking questions. It was a very friendly call to which mom said nothing .......

i dunno ......

i feel better but hurt in a different way now. Except still for the same thing, kinda......

my mom Told me.....

- they've clipped Max's tongue. WHAT! he wasn't nursing very well. HUH?

Then I see pics of the babies in the hospital - fresh from the O.R. before my Sister has even been wheeled back yet ----- SOOTHERS IN THEIR MOUTHS!

and everyone there have a great time cuddling and holding the babies - before my Sister!

Sister did mention that when I spoke with her. She was pretty pissed and I don't blame her one bit.

Please don't Ask

cuz I wouldn't know

Wanted: New Mom & Sister

Mom - mid 60. doesn't tell me my feelings are stupid and see's me for who I am, not who she assume's I am. Doesn't avoid her own feelings. and Stands up for what she believe's in, instead of avoiding situations all together.

Sister - early 30's. Doesn't belittle or snub me during important events. Doesn't purposely hurt me. Isn't so insecure that lashing out and isolation become a way of life.

respect for one another - all of us

Valentine Babies

Maxwell Allen born at 10:07PM - 6lbs 6oz

Jack Tomas born at 10:09PM - 5lbs 9oz

Born via Section. Spoke to Sister at 1AM she called ......told me not to come.........she says Jack is little and has lots of hair and Max is big and bald! She was feeling pretty rough when she spoke to me. Nauseous and peeing in a bag ect..........so I am not sure when I will be welcome to go. Sounds like my parents were there. Her husband and them met the boys before she did........

She also told me that when they opened her up ...... Jack had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and Max had it once.

Hope my brother in law goes home soon. I've had the dog since SAturday - she is depressed and needs to be home now.

Blog On

OKAY

SHE'S IN!!!

IT'S GO TIME

8AM

ok - she goes in at 8 this morning.

i won't be going till after charlotte's out of school.

i have class, then an interview type thing at noon, an assembly at 12:45 .......kid is out at 2:20 - then off to the hospital I will go!

The olympic ceremony's start at 4! I gotta see that! i think Sister was getting a TV just to be able to watch. So I'll keep y'all posted

Stress & thoughts

so many hoops. and my non counseling counselor is pissing me off with this non helping, making a job for a government worker, course!

i have all these forms to fill out, a report to write, and he is not helping me!!! I ask him a question and he talks around it. Never really answering me. I get home, take a look at it go - WHAT? that doesn't make any sense. What the Hell is he talking about. Thats not even relevant!!

I'm in a course - well I started it yesterday - I'll wait on my opinion of that one till I get through today and maybe tomorrow. It could just be me and how I am listening. i will try again today and see if its the same.

I've been accepted to the college of choice! YaY! wrote my entrance exam on Friday. quite by suprise actually. I went in with questions and walked out with my admissions letter and a 90 on my test! YaY me! now I just need to finish all these SDEB papers from my non-counselor and then keep my fingers crossed that the ministry will fund me. I hate this proving i am injured crap I am going through. Proving I am broke shit. ummm - i havne't been working since August - and before that i had cut my hours to less than half - - seems pretty cut and dry to me.

My Sister is painfully TOO huge with babies. she is going in tomorrow to be induced. and Induction that probably won't work because her cervix is No Where near being ready. They are forcing it open with the stick and then the drip and ........ ugh ........ it'll take days ......... she is hurting so much now. Just take them out!!!

so this weekend is totally up in the air as to what is going to happen. I will be at the hospital a lot I am sure.

Last weekend would have been THE weekend to get Teaghan. But Mntn is slow getting anything together, so Tea was unavailable on Sunday. But luckily she's available this weekend. When he told me I just stared at him .......... he's been working EVERY Saturday since New Years ...... so that would mean he would get her on Sunday. Sunday is Valentines day. My heart sank as i reminded him of that and his answer was "so"

Not that I am or was expecting big or great or anything. Its just that I had and have found some information .......... lets just say this. "so" was not the right answer.

I had suggested that maybe the week after would be better.

Now here we are, fast approaching this weekend, a red flag has been tossed out as my Sister will now be in hospital, and he is still not knowing what to do about Tea?

I suggested, Yet Again, that he phone Leah and tell her that this weekend is not good as soemthing has come up. Or perhaps becasue its Valentines Day!!!

I down right Told him that he doesn't get to tell her that my Sister is in hospital having twins. Its non of her business!! We are not incuded in anything outside of the immediate and even that is limited. Therefore she is not included

but Anyhow - i am frustrated with Mntn. he is daft and slow to get stuff done and it irritates me. Found out information that was both good and more frustrating to stumble across. What is his plan? Does he have a plan? Does he think anything at all? Fudge! I hope it happens before the end of the month. My Grandads 97th birthday is on the 28th! I'd like to show my grandad ............ and I can't say anythign ............

my hair is soooo long now. It bugs me. i want to donate it. but i don't want to cut it ........... i don't want short hair if i get to have a real wedding!

my right side is tightening up again ........ Frig - i better go - i have to get Charley up for school and I have to get ready for my non-class.

thats the other thing ......... i was told Business casual for this class .......... why is it that i was the only one not in jeans and a t/sweat-shirt. Do people just not know what that means? Fucking Morons!

Whatver. i have PMS

Blog On.

vibrating angry, upset Emotional

Combined Insurance

Yesterday I had a job interview.

YaY for me~ .........ummmmm. hmmm. let me start again.

got to the office and the man taht had called me the day before greeted me. Ron. I turned to shake his hand ........ I knew him. He was one of my customers! He was just as surprised.

I had to fill out this 3 page questionaire. Then I sat and waited.

I really didn't now much about the job except for what the ad had said ......... Abbotsford based ....... on the job training ....... customer service management trainee ......... insurance ........ So I went in thinking it was an office in Abbotsford that i would be working out of. Providing Customer service to existing clients, while learning how the insurance industry worked.

I sat in a room with a suit and Ron while the suit asked me a series of questions and told me about the business.

Accident and disability insurance. Traveling throughout the district - which is from Hope to Langley and everything in between. visiting current clients and educating them on new opportunities with their policies. Gaining more clients. Cold Canvassing. Goal reaching. Sales driven. Paying for my own gas, and car maintenance. 3 week training in Calgary. Commission based ...........

I learned that the next time someone asks me if I consider my self lucky, the best answer is, I don't believe in luck.

Tell me about yourself - what do you want to know? I don't know how to answer that! What will make me a better candidate than the other candidates for the job? How would I describe myself using 3 words? What goals have I set for myself and what goals have a reached? Where do i see myself in 3 years? In 10? Why do you want to work for Combined insurance? What do you like about sales?

then I had to take a test. a Written test. A test that had math in it.

I did my best. Hope it was good enough

What do you think?

Kristi - urbandictionary.com\/

1.	Kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets a woman i know who is incredibly sexy and i love her so much. she is the most amazing person alive and if you dont think so you deserve to die. amazingly there are some people who actually dont like her. but thats just because they're jealous and they're all asses anyway so no one cares about them. Kristi deserves everything in the world and id do anything for her. ill never leave her side and i'll always be her best friend. me: dude i love kristi you: who doesnt? me: stupid retarded fuckers thats who!
2.	Kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets A fun loving person who's best friend's name usually starts with a "f". a person who is a good listener. An attractive lady. -DUDE, that chick is such a Kristi. -Kristi, you're awesome! -WOW,my girlfriend is a Kristi!
3.	Kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets a word used to describe a hott girl. That girl's name must be Kristi, she is fineeee.
4.	kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets a very smart over achiving student that has no common sense what so ever. damn your becoming into a kristi
5.	Kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets Someone who takes hours to eat a muffin. They can often be found putting scraps of food into napkins, like hobos. Some may go on to actually call them "Krist-O-Rexic," due to their secret anorexia. Kevin: Dang, look at that chick over there! Steve: Holy shit! She's hot!! I'd do her if she weren't such a Kristi.
6.	kristi
	buy kristi mugs, tshirts and magnets RICE KRISTIS!!!! A snack made out of Kristis and marshmallows ... resembles a Rice Crispie treat, hence the name -RICE KRISTIS FOR EVERYONE!!! .. Got any marshmallows? -No. -Oh.

i dislike being this down and overwhelmed -

its hard to pull the mood out - Alvin feels as though he's breaking in his molars .......... damn sex.

Friday was Such a good DAy!

i walked thru 2 stores and down the side walk ....... and it was good! I mean at the end i wasn't uncomfortable. Just the stiff spine, but whatever. Thats happens. Felt good sAturday too. Charley and I went to the mall and I walked - Alvin was there but he wasn't hungry i guess. Then that night - decided to celebrate our official nite together...........screwed. Yup. From that moment. Alvin took a BIG bite and hasn't let go. I sat last night counting the throbs.

So this AM i got my shit together. Thought I'd go to Wal-mart and see about a new cheap bathing suit so I could hit the aquafit! it hurt to try to change. bringing my leg up to take off or put on pants .......... and the walking in WAl-Mart. Why do thye have to make everything so far away?

so i knew taht if I went, i would only be hurting myself more. The muscle is buggared right now. I wouldn't be getting in or out of the pool very well either. Ladders are really not Alvin friendly. Making an ass out of myself while wearing a bathing suit that I am self conscious got crossed off my to-do list while I was in the change room rubbing my groin muscle.

hmmmm - well that doesn't sound very good does it. but it amuses me, so i will leave it written like that. I don't have a lot these days.

Well off I go to try to organize at least ONE room in my house.

Lyle has Stuff - Its All Over Everywhere! ACK!

i hope someone wants those chairs - otherwise I will take them to MCC

later

Staff Party

Been invited to the staff party at the restaurant ..................

Snowflake Baby's

went for lunch with a girlfriend.

She was talking about Snowflake babies.

Opsy - I said wash the dish!

MOTHER

3 days to Go!

So I have a roast in the freezer waiting for its time to be a special dinner.

Mountain has been moving stuff in slowly. Which has turned out to be a good thing. I was irritated at first, but now its good. Everytime he brings a box........I gotta tear a closet apart to rearrange it to try to fit stuff in.

Last night he brought home his spices and more glasses and mugs..........where am i putting this stuff? my Garlic powder jumps out at me now cuz the cupboard is sooooo full. *sigh* So Much Stuff.

Today - he brings bedroom stuff. For anyone of you that have seen my bedroom ........ you know what a miracle it will be to fit the dressers in .......

ACK!

His dressers and closet clothes ..............

I am excited! What a big step this is for both of us. This is it. I'll never sleep alone again. WoW! I think i needed more of a celebration ............. I'm Never Going to Live Alone Again!

Holy Shit! This Is HUGE! I'm getting Married! - without the ceremony and the papers and stuff. But after 6 months we are recognized as that way anyhow - DAmn, I needed a stag! ......... this is soooo wierd..........my last few days living as a single lady ........... as a single parent ......... I'll Be Living In Sin! Hmmmmmm ............

Waiting

I am waiting for my Sister to go in to labor.

Full moon is upon us. Well it is on SAturday, but the surges should start. Kid is being a jerk. People are moody all over........

so I figure sometime between now and midnight she'll go in to labor. but Because she is a Huge Jerk and doesn't like to be told what to do, she'll go in to labor tomorrow.

So I am waiting till tomorrow midnight for labor to start. She'll do it just to show me up.

I'm sure she'll have them in her arms by Sunday!

I am also thinking, at least one of them is closer to 6lbs than she thinks. and I am still hoping for that little girl, but we'll see ........... rumor has it ........ they both have definite boy parts. ARG! I wanted a girl for her and my brother in-law. Oh Well.

i am excited for their arrival!!

I'd like to go to Disneyland or Arizona or the Bahama's or ........ away to a warm place ...........

and then when I get back Maybe Winter will have arrived!!

back thing

I have to share ....... my muscle spasm has FINALLY passed. Alvin is still alive and well, but the rock hard space from my shoulder blade to my butt has leveled off. YaY!!! So careful I will continue to be.

jsut the reg. pelvis ache. Thats cool.

I am even able to do my workouts every day again. Double YaY! got a couple little 2lb hand weights to help my upper body. I still take it really easy on the lower half. So I figure if all I can do is work out my upper body and shape it while my butt gets wider and wider ......... well so be it I guess. At least I am not in agony.

Works for me!

anyone know anything about being an MOA??

Feedback.............

it should not be this hard to try to get help to go back to school!

how ridiculous. I'm ready to just put the grand on my credit card, enrol before its too late and be done with it! I only have 5 wks before the class starts. I have a feeling I am going to get screwed out of it!

This is so dumb.

and Its not like I can just go get something. How frustrating! ARG!

I have a place to go see about tomorrow. I'll give that a shot and see ......... I need a Job!

Bought my first Magazine of dreams Today!!!

dreams

well there I was in Michaels - for no other reason than - i was out of the house and didn't want to go back just yet. I stumbled across the wedding section. Did you know they have a Wedding Section?!!!

when it dawned on me.......if my parents actually do follow thru with what they said ......... i need invitations! I have Never thought of that! What kind?! I might even have to pick colours! WTF!!! never thought of that either. and Flowers!

Thats when i realized........i have Never thought past, "the wedding will be at my parents of course"

Holy Shit!

I have a whole lot to daydream about and plan!

FUDGE!

TAlking

well if I can muster it, and stay awake and focused long enough, we are going to talk some more tonight.

We talked the other night about Tea and her coming this weekend and about why its bad that she stays at his house.........

so tonight - more talking, i hope about some of the other stuff that comes along in this package of Tea

sick

this is so strange to me

maybe not to you - and I have to remember, I am not there. I am not with these ladies and the sick kids. Maybe it is really taht bad.

But what is it with these moms taht race their kid into the doctor - the hospital - for every sickness and every fever? I just don't understand. Yes, soemtimes they have a fever for more than a day. Charley would get horribly sick. I never used a thermometer. Her skin would be so hot she would leave heat rashes on my cheek when I would check her temp. Every time she gets a fever, even now, she throws up. I couldn't imagine taking my sick baby girl and sitting in a hospital emerg. or a clinic to fine out she is just sick. Her throwing up and feeling terrible. Trying to comfort her the whole time.

Give her tylenol and a bath, the doctor says, call me in the morning. Whatever happened to that kind of old fashioned parenting?

a Boys Birthday

Charlotte has been invited to a birthday party

its a boys birthday. He is turning 12. This boy also has a crush on her and she on him. My first instinct is to say NO - so thats what I did.

What would you do?

What Do you HONESTLY think of this light Blogger Dudes?!

So Much For That!

shopping

I should never try on clothes, like them and have them look amazing on me without looking at the price tag when its still on the rack!

came home empty handed and depressed

BAH

out loud

lunch with a girlfriend

i heard my voice when i said things

she tossed it right back at me ...... the same things I say to myself in my head .....but when you hear them out loud ...... in a different voice

Alvin

Alvin has subsided - no, thats not it - I'm Getting Used to Living with a Pain in my Ass! and this tight muscle is merely a ticking time bomb! Learned that the hard way New Years Eve. My candy cane lights are all still out in my front yard. I'm scared to get out there and get them, cuz what if I bend over to pull them out of the ground and get stuck like that?!!! What do I do? WAit till Mountain comes over. Till Charley walks home from school cuz i wasn't there to pick her up? Frozen in my front yard with my butt sticking out? Paints a picture doesn't it?

"Whats the Neighbor up to? Oh i don't know, advertising!" Frig!

so my yard is still festive.

i was referred by the doc at the clinic for Active release therapy. Sounds heavenly. but of Course, I can't afford it and to get it I have to get notes and send them to my lawyer and then the lawyer sends them to ICBC and in the meantime I hang out with the stiff muscle ...........I'm still waiting to get a membership to the ARC! Frig!

Hopefully my EI comes thru and GST will be the xtra bonus money I was hoping for this month. If it is - I'll be able to buy the damn membership myself!

I am back to applying for jobs. YAY!!!! went to a workshop last week. I have appointments with government people each week it seems. Trying to get into a 9 day placement type thing. I went out on a limb and applied for a job I don't think I'll get a call for - but why not! you never know. It could happen.

so Retail is out, serving is out ................

doc note - "......unable to RTW @ previous employment ............ She is able to do alternative employment that does not involve lifting & carrying & moving & excessive walking .........."

hmmm - Off i go then to fill out another survey and enter some contests

Blog On

and there was a Penis?

how is it that I end up with a penis in my "in box"

how does that happen?

SIGH

well I did my first attempt to talk to Mountain last night about what happened at Christmas.

he ".....(doesn't) want to talk about it right now"

I asked him when we can. he just doesn't know. I love working through things .......

Perfect!

Santa sent a Letter to Charlotte in response to the letter she sent him!

Holy Carp!

its happening!!

He is putting in his change of address!!

confirmed the postal code with me just before dinner.

i might want to throw up!

or maybe thats just cuz of the pain in my hip...........

Either way ......................... ACK!

Its amazing What a Phone call can do

a phonecall from one of my gals from the restaurant has cured me of feeling bad for leading the bossman on........up to his old tricks.

its good my doc put his foot down and won't let me go back. Even though I miss it terribly. Maybe one day i will serve again. One day very far away from this one. If ever I heal enough to be able to, one day ......... but It won't be there. I clicked onto the foodpages and looked up the place. Seems there's been some unhappy people writing in and then some, what looks like, personal 'friends' of his writing in to defend the place. I was so SO tempted to write soemthing anonymous myself. but I didn't. It was hard though - cuz the bad stuff that was written there was all true!

tomorrow is my first appointment to try to work towards a new life and I don't even know if I'll make it up the staircase. I am in sooo much pain still. Freakin' Alvin brought his chipmunks and I have spent most of my day kinda half laying-sitting then getting up to do some stretching. This muscle is knotted? pinched? buggered? I don't know. but what I do know is that if i have to drag myself up that staircase tomorrow morning in the only pair of pants that now fits me(yoga pants) I am going!!! and I will sit there and get done what I have to do for the hours i have to do it in the pain I know i will be in so that I can move forward from this Stupid Accident!

Blog On

decided awhile ago that I was going to try to pull a George Cistanza and do everything the opposite of my instinct.

just thought I'd let you in on the plan

Banning Cell phones While Driving

so the ban is on.

the fine .............. $167

if you get caught driving while chatting on yer phone. Okay. Hands free is fine they say. As it keeps both hands on the wheel?

What about all the people that drive around with a coffee cup or a cigarette?

Its the conversation, some say?

then waht about when you are driving with passengers gabbing up a storm - isn't taht the same thing? Or your kids in the back seat - asking for soemthing YET AGAIN! or look at that mommy. or the endless story they HAVE to tell you that seems to only make sense to them and you try to tune in on.

So maybe we shouldn't drive with our kids?

that might be ok - nor passengers -

or how about the music? the radio that can be heard 3 vehicles over while the driver is obviously Really enjoying it. or the person you pass that is singing along? or choosing yet another station ............

Are cell phones really the problem?

A Mess I am

I am depressed -

I don't want to put mak-up on, shower, do my hair, wear deodorant, go out of the house ...............

my back has a muscle spasm that happened New years eve and it still hurts. I couldn't move new years......now it just HURTS like a SOB

my house is getting in order and Christmas put away and i feel like I didn't spend enough time with Charlotte cuz I was soooo busy getting ready for Christmas .................

i can look for a job now, but now there aren't any out there.

My dotor wrote me a note for EI and did not leave the door open AT ALL for me to even try to work part-time at the restaurant ................... i miss my job - I love my job -

and my bak gos out and I'm not better. I am scared something else is wrong besides the FFF'd up vertabrae. My body seems to be rejecting movement. I am getting fatter and fatter by the day.

I'm scared I am going to die and leave Charlotte without me. Will Mountain keep her? Is that the best thing? or do I keep to my will? I am hopeful that now Christmas is over I can get my finances a littel more under control.

Mountain is packing his stuff and getting it into the shed.

he started yesterday. I am freaking out! this is really happening. I haven't lived with a man since I was 19. I mean I've had room mates .......... we had our own spaces. but lived with. I mean in the same space sharing everything, since I was 19-21 this is goofy and its really beginning to freak me out. My independence?

and Frig I gotta finish painting this room! How am I going to do that with a spasming back?! its gotta be doen in the next 3 weeks!

time to buy another lottery ticket and hope for the best.

Blog on

where is that DAmn ring?!!

do i dare even ask if he went back to Michael Hill -

is will wait and ask after tonight. No sense in getting myself upset to ring the new year in with

HAPPY NEW YEAR DUDES!

i hope it be less stiff, more painless, more able, moving forward and successful in all endeavors.

BLOG ON!

Mother

i love it when I try to talk to my mom about this stuff and she just brushes me off and belittles all my feelings

LOVE IT!!!

no wonder I................ - FFFFFF

OH MY GOSH - I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!!

I am so Effing Mad!

The Post It

I feel a little like Carrie from Sex and the City when she got broken up with by a Post It.

this is the Christmas my boyfriend gave me a wireless mouse instead of an engagement ring

i really did get a wireless mouse for my computer

that was it

nope not even so much as a chocolate - just this mouse that I am using -

i opened ONE gift from him

1

ONE

Back to Normal

so nice to be back to anticipation!!!

is he or isn't he? :)

maybe I should do my nails just in case. HA!

ACK!!!

I've leading falsely. I've been kinda lying. I am not good at such things. Its eating me alive!!!

What do I do?

HELP!

my man are dumb

he's learned nothing in 4 years

and i am indifferent now

Scared

I am so scared.

Will I ever find a job that I can do?

will the rumours of retraining happen? I have barely slept the last few days cause my mind is racing. Will I get screwed by ICBC? Probably. this is me afterall. If its going to be a struggle for anyone, or a bumpy road, a fight, not a smooth transition.......it'll be for me........

I am so so so scared.

As Christmas approaches ..........

I don't think I will be getting a small box of sparkle under the tree.

I'm sad.

Guest List

who would be on a guest list?

how do you invite or not invite?

we were talking about it this morning. hmmmmm.

boyzO'boys will I be disapointed if I don't get a little box under the tree. My anticipation is building.

Must Stop!

Must Stop!

every time I get excited or anticipate something ....... i end up really crashing!

Does that happen to you?

now back to that guest list......................

oh My aching Back

Its been nearly 7 months since my accident.

last night I was having leg issues and walking. Now this morning ................ MY BACK. Holy Carp. right between my shoulder blades. My spine HUUUURTS! its not muscle stuff its my spine. I havne't done any walking around yet, so we'll wait and see how the leg is today. I've done 3 days of mall walking in a row this week. I wanted to try again today and see. But it seems my body just doens't like the walking.

holy Carp my back hurts. this is ridiculous! 7 months later to be suffering like this. How dumb.

maybe once the snow actually starts to fall everything will get greased up and start to feel better again. but for now I just want to stay in my bed on my heat pad and not move unless its an emergency

ARG!

Charlotte's birth father stiffed me on a cheque last month!

FUCK!!

I had to do something I said I'd NEVER do.

Tunes!

Dianna Krall Christmas Music at 7AM on a crisp frozen over December morning is the Best!!

WOOOOOOOO 2o days left!

Tide

I stopped buying Tide 20 years ago cuz I can't stand the way it makes clothes smell. I know a lot of people like it. I don't. Makes me nauseous. so much in fact, when I was dating a guy, a few years ago, that washed his clothes in it i couldn't let him hold me. he actually Changed detergent!

Well, I bought Tide.

it was on sale and since I can't be picky these days.........

My tummy is just churning. I washed my bed sheets in it yesterday. UGH! Now I am sure it doesn't help that I am under the weather right now, however.......this stuff reeks!!!

Sleeping was not nice. I was awake every couple hours Now it could have been the runny nose, but imagine that. I caught a cold yesterday, stuffed up runny nose and I can still smell this crap in a way that makes me want to vomit.

Sale or not. I'm not buying that again!

Alvin!!!

get out of my hip!

just cause its cold out and I exercised did not mean a personal invitation to you!

get out get out get out. I'd like to get more done in a day please!

the sitting won't help me at my job in a month!

FUDGE

things are not good for Kristi Invalid

I feel like Carp!

not carp in the sick sense but carp in ......... i don't know. I just don't feel right.

Know what I mean? My nose is runny. I am tired. My fat has invited relatives in for the holidays.......

Christmas

jsut dawned on me.......

this will be MY first Christmas not at my mom & dads.

Mall Walk

just because you are over 60 doesn't mean that farting, while walking with your partner, while in front of me is not still considered DISGUSTING!!!!

Man-a-livin!!!! did you wipe after that old man?!!

it was loud. and Just when I thought it he was done ......... he kept right on letting it out.

Yup. Loud and Long and I had a front row seat!

I can't wait till I'm over 60. I wonder what else the over 60 see as acceptable in public.

Hmmmmmm

now to go over my expectations list and write out a good copy so that Mountain can give it to Leah

room-mates - Merging Lives

We are still a couple months off to him being here full-time.

but its come up - Money?

How are we doing the bills? How much do i want from him? How do we do this?

So how do we do this - how do you do it?

Alvin the hip termite is such an Asssssss!

Depressed Pig

poor Le Fleur

she is suffering from depression. Since we got the cats she has changed. Poor little thing. Her eating habits have changed. C has not been spending time with her........

Awwwww.

had her out today and the cats groomed her while she ate an orange. I'll get her spirits to lift. She's probably not getting enough Vit. C either.

Poor Pig!

4 weeks

So it was exactly 4 wks this weekend since my last relapse (Oct. 21) So I guess 4 weeks of healing and finally now only feeling the termite in my hip is a drop in the bucket from the 6 and a bit months of walking issues. I jsut gotta relax and keep doing what I am doing. I guess as long as the Termite is still alive, strong and chewing on my hip there is still a chance i could easily relapse again. Just cause my pain tolerance is stupid doens't mean I am not still injured.

reminds me of when I broke my ribs - What a Nut!

I was told that my limp appears to be gone now! YaY! I am happy. Reality is, I will Never be back where I was. I will always have to be careful and aware of my back now. I'm sure it will "go out" on occasion. but at least I can walk and for that I am glad. I think you are very Right Steph. a Physical job is not for me any longer.

I still think its sooo wierd that its my back that is the problem, yet I feel it in my hip.............Bizaar

Fudge I Hate this - Limbo sucks Butt. And this Termite is annoying! So close but oh soooo far still

Expectations

definition of Child - 12 & under - as 12 approaches the expectations start to bend.....

Clothing= Black t-shirts are a no no. Navy blue is on the cusp.

sayings on t-shirts that promote attitude ie - "little miss bad" or "princess"

gold or silver screen print on T-shirts

SKULL & CROSSBONES - i don't care if its pink or the skull has a smile or they are in the shape of a heart. NO. skulls on shirts, pants, books, bookbags .......... Socks I can deal with cuz they get covered.

if i would wear taht outfit were would I be? If the answer is a GoGo dancer in a cage above a crowd in a bar - you are not leaving the house lookin' like that!

Leggings - leggings don't run like nylons. Lace at the bottom of leggings.

short skirts are a No. Unless leggings are underneath. Tight fitting skirts - NO. I don't care if its denim. if its denim and long, we can talk about it. 3 inches above the knee for a skirt without anything underneath.

tank tops, 3 inches on the shoulders, unless its summer - they are totally negotiable

shoes - heels are just a no, no till the age of 10 and then they are very short and tasteful. and Then they are only worn for special occasions.

Hair MUST be combed/brushed and kept out of the face. If its let to be down it gets brushed more than once a day. Thats if its long hair. Short hair just has to be out of the eyes

tattling is a No

if one parent says somehting don't go to the other parent to see if the answer is different

bikinis No - tankinis ok

the term Oh My G_d - its hard when I hear adults saying it, but when I hear children.......and the ones that do say it, say it constantly it seems

Lying pisses me off. There is truth avoiding and then there is a bold-faced lie. The bold faced stuff really bugs me.

Fake tears. Not a fan.

tears for no reason, also not a fan. If you wanna cry ........ I'll give you something to cry about!

i soooo have a moderate Teaghan vent in my brain..............

MOM

I really gotta jsut NOT talk to my mom. ARG!

Stalked

So I stalked Aquafit last night! (Kid was skating with a friend. What is it with parents that just leave there kids? They're only 11....)

I am up I am ready to try their 9AM class! There is an awful lot of bouncing, could be a problem, but I want to try anyhow. Its also a problem that its 6bux to take this stupid class! but if it works I will try to get my Doc to right me a prescription type thing for it and My lawyer can submit it to the people and see if they will pay for it. That would be cool and then I will fersure get stronger and all will be well! YAH! or it will be proven to me, during this 45 min. water work out just why I am not at work!

this is my plan for today.

Wish me Luck!

Blog On

Bored

Funny thing. I am bored here at home. I am not allowed to look at job postings so now my new thing......i look up contests! and I enter them! Maybe I WILL win a $50 000 kitchen make-over or that new cx7!

You just don't know and you defiantly won't win if you don't enter.

Blog On!

Cats

Yup - I am one of those people

the cats are ready for Christmas

they now have festive collars!

and they Love them :)

I CAn't Handle the Truth

I Don't want to listen.

I feel pretty good this week. So i was a little stiff after sitting for lunch today after a couple hours.

i can walk! So much different than a few months ago. So I'm a little stiff, much better than being super stiff after sitting for a few hours.

This EI - medical leave thing is set-up funky. Why can't I go back part-time and see if I can do it? and Then if I can Great! Off I go then.

if I can't, then let me be back on disablity and i will sit in shame and have it be proven to myself that I really can't.

and I am NOT ALLOWED to look for other work that might be less physical. Thats right NOT ALLOWED. If I apply or look for another job........they will cut me off.

its Millers or nothing.

Everybody is hiring right now! I want to be one of the ones Hired!

I thought about jsut going back. Just doing it! but I am so scared that I won't be able to physically handle it and end up in that horrific pain again. So Scared. I can't beleive I worked through that. It was awful.

I mean, if the pain is so bad that I can't even preform my "wifely" duties......its a lot of pain.

and Then if I do end up hooped cuz i went back - disability won't take me back, cuz I am a fuck up!

I am in such stupid stupid Limbo right now. So - so - close to being well....but not well enough. FUDGE!

being told that I am basically useless right now.......I'm gonna try the pool thing again and see if I can get some more positive results

blog On

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Went and spoke with EI people today.

I am NOT to look for work. I HAVE to sit here.

i won't have any Real options till January.

Fitness Trainer?

I have a girlfriend that has offered to school me as a fitness trainer. She runs her gym and has her degree in whatever kineaseology gets you. (?) Anyhow. She has offered to give me the course free of charge. It would take a few months, but in the end.......

I would work for her in her gym as a fitness trainer. I would also be certified. So I would be able to do personal fitness training as well.

She is confidant, after I told her of my injuries, that I will heal and be right back to where I was. Cool! She even gave me a couple more things to do to build the bones back up!

anyhow - there is not really a lot of work out there in gyms and such that I can see with my weee bit of research. So i don't know. but I would be working out for a living! She did tell me I could work for her.....I'm sure she would expect after teaching me the stuff for free!

Is it something i want to do?

I do have to keep active now and have a strict daily work out for the rest of my life because of this injury. doing it before work or after work would be a pain in the butt if I end up working the same hours I was before.......but if I can get a job that is active. Like when I worked at madisons. Frig. We were all in good shape. Up and down those stairs all day.......

I am mulling. Mountain and I talked about it.......

she offered it Friday, its Sunday and I am still thinking about it.

hmmmm

What do you Think?

ACK!!

I am Acking about a couple different things right now.

Boiling - simmer - boiling - simmer

some of it must be being caused by PMS!

Rings

been looking.

I have.

Getting a feel and an idea of what I like and what we can afford and then what will look good on my finger. Options!

Tonight I take mountain to give him the same idea as he keeps thinking in the thousands of dollars range for a ring - it doesn't have to be like that..........I only need 1 ring and it only has to be sparkly

I'll learn him up!

Work

..............EDIT..............

damn if I am not still broken!!!

amazing what a walk can do for you

MMMMMMM .....................

Poly - sandpaper - mess -

why did the person that lived here before me insist on Fucking up the walls so badly? Don't they know I just want to paint?

and - to beat all - when they painted this room it must have been their last, with an Old roller. Lint roller bumps. ARG!

this might be one of those things I start and Mountain finishes. DAmn it!

Stupid Accident!