Yesterday I told my husband 2 days short of our second anniversary that I don't want to live with him anymore. Now there it hangs. out there like a mozza ball
Monday, July 29, 2013
Friday, July 05, 2013
Frustrated
So our house has not sold. Nothing in this complex has since last summer! so I guess i shouldn't take it personal ................. but Yeesh! I want out of here!!!
I think back to the sketchy plan I had in my head years ago - get married in 2010 and house on the market, sold and moved by 2011 - this was of course in my head before I had a car accident that changed everything. Although, in the whole scheme of things and the direction I was going in, the married thing prolly wouldn't have happened at all. Husband's trueness of who he is was really just as it is and sinking in just before I got hit. We'd been together.......2 and a bit years at that point and I was in my head was a handful of stuff where he was concerned. That all got thrown to the curb when I became needy and broken. Now, here I am.
Trapped in this house. I feel like Gina Davis in Beetlejuice when she is a ghost trying to dust the attic but just moving the dust around. No matter how much you clean and organize it stays the same. UGH!
I am in a relationship that is making me less than happy. Miserable? no , but i can say i am not happy. No he did not change. but I may have
That brings me to the next thing - my job. I don't like it. Well, actually, I don't mind selling insurance so much, but I don't like my office. It is badly set-up and the people I work for are hypo critic male chauvinists. I love that I am getting exposure to personal lines, but also being responsible for the front of the house and ICBC ........... its too much. 2 women in particular are not team players and it really is not helpful. Not to mention, I am not making as much as I should be for taking on Home Insurance - I went to school for this. Had to pass a major exam and get a license. I should be able to live on my own if I needed to right? In the house I bought for myself 6 yrs ago that I used to be able to afford .....................
One awesome thing I have going on right now is that I am pushing thru the working out thing!! My back is a mess at the moment, but I am doing what I can and it feels great! After dinner, when I am here and he is just sitting. Not cleaning up after the supper I raced home from work to make at 5:30 even though he is home at 4, i just leave and work it out on the treadmill. I am tightening up. My bum and middle is getting smaller. My thighs are currently staying the same, but its good. I feel good. Other than the numbness in my left arm and hand, but what's a little numbness? I can escape the closet space of a house I live in. YaY!
Could I find a new job?
sure I could and yes I have looked. However, until this house sells, i need to stay right where I am so that we can be approved for a mortgage.
I am really counting on once this house sells and we can get into more square footage, that maybe, just maybe, the rest will work itself out? maybe husbands laziness will stop. Maybe if I like going home, the fact that I hate going to work will even itself out. Afterall, the hours there are pretty good. but if it doesn't happen soon ................... I am afraid something else will.
Why couldn't he have just listened to me last year when I wanted to list in the the early spring. Some of this anxiety would probably not be going on - there is a great possibility we would have sold last summer when all the rest of them did ..............
There really is nowhere for us to go anyway, but still ...............
I think back to the sketchy plan I had in my head years ago - get married in 2010 and house on the market, sold and moved by 2011 - this was of course in my head before I had a car accident that changed everything. Although, in the whole scheme of things and the direction I was going in, the married thing prolly wouldn't have happened at all. Husband's trueness of who he is was really just as it is and sinking in just before I got hit. We'd been together.......2 and a bit years at that point and I was in my head was a handful of stuff where he was concerned. That all got thrown to the curb when I became needy and broken. Now, here I am.
Trapped in this house. I feel like Gina Davis in Beetlejuice when she is a ghost trying to dust the attic but just moving the dust around. No matter how much you clean and organize it stays the same. UGH!
I am in a relationship that is making me less than happy. Miserable? no , but i can say i am not happy. No he did not change. but I may have
That brings me to the next thing - my job. I don't like it. Well, actually, I don't mind selling insurance so much, but I don't like my office. It is badly set-up and the people I work for are hypo critic male chauvinists. I love that I am getting exposure to personal lines, but also being responsible for the front of the house and ICBC ........... its too much. 2 women in particular are not team players and it really is not helpful. Not to mention, I am not making as much as I should be for taking on Home Insurance - I went to school for this. Had to pass a major exam and get a license. I should be able to live on my own if I needed to right? In the house I bought for myself 6 yrs ago that I used to be able to afford .....................
One awesome thing I have going on right now is that I am pushing thru the working out thing!! My back is a mess at the moment, but I am doing what I can and it feels great! After dinner, when I am here and he is just sitting. Not cleaning up after the supper I raced home from work to make at 5:30 even though he is home at 4, i just leave and work it out on the treadmill. I am tightening up. My bum and middle is getting smaller. My thighs are currently staying the same, but its good. I feel good. Other than the numbness in my left arm and hand, but what's a little numbness? I can escape the closet space of a house I live in. YaY!
Could I find a new job?
sure I could and yes I have looked. However, until this house sells, i need to stay right where I am so that we can be approved for a mortgage.
I am really counting on once this house sells and we can get into more square footage, that maybe, just maybe, the rest will work itself out? maybe husbands laziness will stop. Maybe if I like going home, the fact that I hate going to work will even itself out. Afterall, the hours there are pretty good. but if it doesn't happen soon ................... I am afraid something else will.
Why couldn't he have just listened to me last year when I wanted to list in the the early spring. Some of this anxiety would probably not be going on - there is a great possibility we would have sold last summer when all the rest of them did ..............
There really is nowhere for us to go anyway, but still ...............