Sad

my heart is breaking for my daughter.

She just doens't fit in at school. Now its jsut the worst problem ever. The kids are mean to her and no one wants to be friends with her. I need to fix this and I don't know how.

I know how she feels ..... being made fun of ......but I always had Muck. and At home I had siblings. She is all alone. What can I do?

I like her. I think she is a great person. She is my best friend. Why are the kids at school ........ why can't she have that special friend at school? Someone to share with. What is she putting out there that is so offensive to other children? Why can't she just be accepted?

She has a couple friends here in the complex that she hangs with on the weekends. and Another good girlfriend that she kept from elementary school that goes to a whole different middle school on the other side of town ........ but Besties??

kids make jokes at her expense. My heart jsut breaks to badly for her and I want to fix it and I don't know how. Everybody needs friends. Needs to be excepted .......She eats alone at lunch. She hangs out in the computer lab ........ I will pray for her. She needs prayers. Her heart is breaking too. I am crying now

REALLY -- can i fire her!

$950

this littel number is on consignment for $950

Its a bit of a tighter fit - mermaid style gown - I never tried it on. Just because it was going for 950 for fear that if I loved it ....... I could never have it. Pretty though.

Program

I am trying to figure the order of things for the wedding.

Who is speaking. Who wants to speak or say a toast or a ...... whatever. What order it all goes in.

Its all gotta go smoothly and keep a pace so people don't get bored or fall asleep or Hate it! I'm sure there will be those that think the whole thing is ridiculous. That's fine. There's always one or two in the crowd.

how is this going to go?

I've got the beginning figured out - its the after dinner part ..... when should the program start and who kicks it off? I know exactly how its going to end. Trying to work backwards is hard when you dont know whats going on .................. ACK!

Wedding Shoes

I am so Thrilled!

The reality that i might just be all good to wear heels for my wedding is starting to come true.

i am love, love, loving the laser. To me its like a miracle!

i was really just starting to give in to this new lifestyle I have adopted.

The avoidance of bending - keep everything at waist level - bend only when necessary. Planning outings days in advance as to leave room to rest in between. Heels? HAHAHA! I wore heels to my moms for thanksgiving. That consisted of putting them on just before leaving the house and taking them off as soon as i got there.

However, with this laser therapy, my stride is returning. The confidant self assured walk that I've had for years. Its coming back! I am getting places at a pace I am more used to. Fast. The funky steps i used to take that would surprise me with a sharp stabbing pain becoming less and less. I find the fear of walking I have developed, the very aware, very careful awareness of my moves diminishing. i don't have to babysit my body as much anymore.

i do still have the rusty spine. That I am sure will be a long time healing. The thing with the rusty spine is that then I move and sit careful at work. This carefulness is meaning I make a very conscious effort to sit up straight and watch my posture. This usually results in tight should blades which in turn gives me the most beautiful headaches. For a real treat they turn to migraines. Even with that. The pain or debilitation of a migraine .......... is still Better than the pain in my leg. Yup. You read right. Better than the pain in my hip-leg-back. Bizarre.

I am sure as my body continues to heal and the bones in my spine heal from their separation of a year and half ago the headaches will subside too.

Since ICBC is not being forthcoming with help. i will be figuring out how to get my butt to a massage. Not one of those deep muscle ones though that I have before. That sucked. It was like being hit by a truck. A nice, soothing, calming, muscle relaxing massage. I will have extended medical soon that will cover such things. I'll take care of it that way! I most definitely will benefit from massage. This I know. i heard a rumour that Spa Utopia has registered massage therapists! :)

So in 9 months - i will be looking forward to an evening in heels!

I will dance in them. I will walk in them. I will be able to wear heels for my wedding and I am thrilled!!!

Blog on Dudes!

Well -- i didn't think that was going to happen

Mommy really liked this Dress

So excited to go see my dress today!

gonna pick up some hair things while I am there.

BLING!BLING!BLING! gonna start collecting it now

iI'd so wear a Fuzzy dress if it was a winter Wedding!!

Should I back up the date or fly it forward .......................

Can i Wear this in Harrison?

Wedding Gowns

Would it be okay if i tried on wedding gowns? Even though I have mine already .............

mind

I feel like I am having a break down

or is it depression? I am not sure. Just out of sorts. Feels like Kristi is in here but a differnt one that I haven't seen for awhile and I am not sure which one she is or if she is good bad or ugly and i don't even have any control over it. Or do it? Maybe I need some sun

the World

Ever suddenly wake up, even though you weren't sleeping and wonder if you are in an alternate reality than the rest of the world? Like suddenly, your'e the one that's crazy. It really ISN'T the other person? or the rest of the world?

I dunno. I feel like I've woken from a long sleep and looking at the world like I was dreaming all the other stuff for the last few years. I'm remembering it funny...... foggy ........ i don't feel like myself. and Then I am not sure what myself feels like. its very odd and i am not sure what to make of it. Its like I've entered a parallel universe.

Have I?

Ever happen to you?

Hello my Lovelies

here I am at work typing out a blog.

its so wierd now. I say now because I get thoughts and they jsut don't burn to blog out like they used to. Guess cause I have Mntn now. I don't have the need to tell the world. WEll not in the same way. Or maybe because of Facebook? the social network. I get my social fix? Whatever it is ....... my thoughts are working different in my head. Although, I must admit I have been very overwhelmed by my new job and this planning of a wedding. I could truthfully go on and on about my wedding and my thoughts and dreams and fears where that is concerned. Not sure how much anyone wants to hear nor how much I want to share? Some of it needs to be a surprise doens't it? I did share with Mountain the weekend before thanksgiving my thoughts on Tea's gramma coming to our wedding. At first he looked at me like I was going out of my mind. then he stopped, looked at me and listened. he heard me. He really Heard me!!! and Now I feel better. He knows my fear of the pouring of the pigs blood over my head as I walk down the aisle. *relief*
I've been out to look a

Re - Programming Mountain

I know that its hard

i know that he hasn't had to, nor did his own parents do it for him

BUT - he HAS to start having Charlotte as his second thought before he makes plans or agrees to do soemthing.

i have a job now. If its his shift, he's gotta figure it out!

Ahhhh - growing pains.

i do Not like them. Funny how its always the woman that is EXPECTED to sacrifice.

Sick Baby Link

this is a blog from a mom in the kootenays. If you can help. or no someone .......... Even to send her inspiration. Do i know her? No. My ocusin, who is a nurse and lives up there posted it.

Anyhow,.........

Sister Wives

This new show that has brought an old lifestyle to light, is just got my attention.

I am trying, trying, trying to understand WHY these women, or rahter the first wife has put up with it for so long. How low does her self-esteem have to be that she believes she has to keep this man around.

I think they are on Oprah today

I have watched a few episodes now. They are a little more upbeat than the polygamist families we have come across in the past. Then men marrying up very young, naive girls that, for the most part, don't know any better.

but this Kody Brown? He has managed to find, over the last 20 yrs, 4 women that feel so alone in this world, that they are willing to share him. Either that or he is Amazing in bed! if Thats what it is - I wanna a get in on that!

The way i see it, he married his first wife, Merle, had baby #1 with her. She became barrin and so on they went with their lives. When she realized he wanted lots more children and she couldn't give them to him she found him another woman that could. Not more than a couple years after. I'm sure he showed his displeasure and she was left to feel awful about herself. What luck that they live in a place where he can just marry up another. She didn't want to lose him, but perhaps he was on the road to leaving her when he found she couldn't bare his seed.

i wonder - if he was out just dickin' women - would the wives be as accepting?

Does he get these women with the Lexus he drives? And what does he do for a living? How DOES he afford to have such an enormous home and a Lexus to drive! Did he win the lottery? Is he a millionare? He must work tons - or does TLC really pay that well? Are these women in it for the money? Then I can't help but wonder -- with all this national exposure to the world, will the eyes of the wives open wider and they will no longer want to be "sisters"

Where are their families in all this? Where is his? What do his parents think or are they practicing polygamists too?

Now I haven't seen them speak of the Mormon religion. So I dont' know if they are practicing polyigamy under that religious umbrella. Or if they are just doing it. Either way, I am enthralled with all the "What The Hells!" in behind what is Sister Wives.

if it meant you had another woman there to take after the children, cook dinner, clean house, another income ............ would you be willing to share your husband? The man YOU chose to grow old with.

I dunno. I just dunno

What do you look forward to when you go to a wedding?

What happened at your favorite wedding?

What do you remember most ...... please share

Lists and a Rusty OCD

Well - it has come to my attention that I am only 9 Months and 2 weeks away from my wedding day!

With full - time hours starting up that means I only have 38 "weekends" left. With Halloween, Christmas & birthdays upon us, we have 28 "weekends". Toss in a couple more events like anniversaries, Easter, Valentines, spring Break, dog sitting, painting the livingroom and hall ... .......... I have 20 "weekends" left. 20!!! that is not a lot.

What do I need to get done?

i have done a lot of reconnaissance stuff. Now Started on Tangible stuff. But I gotta step it up a notch.

What else do i need. help! Send me lists. I have been looking up lists, but the details ........

I am on the vases and tealight thing. That is a work in progress.

Mountain and I have appointments we need to get happening. The marriage commisioner ......... I may need to meet with her alone. Mountain is back on OT. That means he is working weekends and 5AM starts again. How are we ever going to be able to make appointments that we can attend together??

I have to keep the house chores up. oh my, my, my.

Picked up some paper for my invitations yesterday. I need to get started on those. At least start with getting wording down that both Mountain and i can agree on. I need to take the queen out and look for a dress. I need to go with Sister and look too. and Apparently i need to go with Mountain and his best ladyman for tux stuff! We need to go look at wedding rings, gotta find those damn shoes i want, hair stuff, cake topper, candy, envelopes, powder blue cardstock, fancy cake cutter ......... .. well there is part of my list. Then of course i was walking around yesterday and got the great idea for the head table that they should have special wine glasses ........ I dunno ....... i am creating the list now. its mostly stuff that Only i can seek out and find what it is i want. the look i want for my day. So its not Like i can get a lot of help with that. Labels! I need labels! i think my mom is going to be on that.

i think what i really need is to write it in chart form in my book.

hmmm. Then when something else comes up i can write it in and whomever is going to be doing that part of it or not or done or...............

Yup Twenty-Weeks away!

Laser

I have been getting Laser treatments for the past few weeks.

Yup. Laser therapy. Seems to be doing the trick! I can harldy believe it! The clicking in my leg has turned to clunking, the muscle in my back seems to have eased up. I am going to wear my boots to my moms today for dinner. I wanna push a bit today and see what happens.

i have been excercising again, the physio way. Sure my spine bones still ache every once in awhile, but I don't think the bone ache will ever go away. However, this muscle stuff .......... Yah! Seems to be making progress! for that I am grateful.

So if you have soft tissue stuff going on - I say get hooked up on the laser Therapy! Its bee doing nice things to me

the Highway

So I picked up Sister to go to the Bridal show the other night, on my way home from work. We had to swing by my house to pick up Charley.

Now the quickest route from Sister's to my house is to take the highway instead of swinging through town. This is the same highway that goes past the back of my house where Auggy was killed.

i have not driven that part of road since. Yes I have tried, but it is so painful. I have graduated to driving the other side of the highway, going the opposite direction, but i am not yet able to drive the very stretch that he was murdered on.

So with my Sister in the car, we head to my place. I turn to go through town. She makes a big deal about it. I tell her i just don't like going that way, i'd rather go through town. She starts in on me how I have to get over it! oh yes her voice is raised. I say to her i am sorry I just can't do it yet. She cuts me off with soemthing like, "no. you are choosing not to go that way because you are a freak"

ummmmm -- "fine I am choosing not to go that way". Whatever.

We get to the next corner. She starts in on me again. "Seriously Kristi you need to go that way. Its faster!"

"i'm not in a hurry" i respond.

"OMG!!! OMG!!! Get Over it!! your being Stupid!! You making a big Deal out of it and it doesn't have to be!!!" She continues. I begin contemplating pulling over and letting her out of the car to walk home.

"look I am not ready ok! It upsets me. i am not doing it just because you think I am stupid!"

She continues ...... "your making the choice to feel that way. you are choosing not to ........ " I tune her out. I started talking about something else. Not sure what.

I realize that it is wierd that i have not, can not and haven't driven that part of the highway since. I realize its a bit strange that I can't even look down that bit of road. So I still burst into tears on occasion when i think of Auggy. I know that avoiding that part of highway makes it longer for me to get certain places. I know i need to "get over it". These are the things I know. But don't be such a nasty Bitch to me Sister!

it'll happen when i least expect it

On the way home I made a point of driving the highway going the opposite direction to prove to her I am not a total freak. And that makes me mad that I felt i had to do that to prove soemthing to her.

I won't be including her in any more wedding stuff if I dont' have to. We are having a candle party together in a couple weeks and I am thinking that was a mistake too. I got caught up in the moment at the Bridal Show. We had a good time. I was thankful. However, i find my gaurd up really high now with her. It sucks to have regrets when it comes to sharing special things with your sister.

She's made sideways remarks about how I get a honeymoon ...........

Blog On

I sure am enjoying this Engagement period. its pretty darn awesome!!

a friend said to me - I'm the Bride. it's all about me - I Like it!

Mountain Man

On this day, 4 years ago, Mountain earned his name. Seems like it just happened. WoW, 4 years! They have flown by

Happy Anniversary Man!

I Love my Sister but.......

My Sister has had some pretty nasty moments over the last year. She's been pushing for a fight for quite some time. Casting Lots of stones in my direction. Which, for the most part I take. i get it. She has a lot of frustrations and being a sister i get the shitty end. It happens. Sometimes I even deserve it. However, sometimes lines get crossed. Sometimes her mouth gets far to ahead of her. Sometimes, things could have been delivered in a nicer way. Most of the time, Lately, her Ass has been doing a lot of the talking.

Yes i do every once in awhile need a reality check. Fine. i can admit that. So does she. Holy Smokes if i Even begin to check her! Yikes! nope I just won't, but She has been downright mean over the last year on occasion. So now I find i am really walking the edge.

There is a lot of pots and kettles with black bottoms having much to say.

so Far I have done my best to Not throw it back in her face. but as my arsenal grows and my Scorpio tail starts to swish i am pulling away first.

I do not want to let my tail get any more itchy than it is. That is dangerous. For both of us as i know all too well the damage it will cause. So I gotta just sit back. Retreat.

Its a horrible feeling to suddenly start to regret asking your sister to be your maid-of-honor. But that is how I am feeling. I am starting to want to fire her. That sucks to even have those thoughts crossing my mind. I want her there. I want her standing with me, but I think I may have made a mistake. She is not right for the job. I seriously hope it changes soon and we can find our way back to the same page. i Love my sister and the thoughts I am having now ....... i want them to be gone out of my mind. *sigh*

how do I get on to a more positive road with her?