$466 + $285 = a car that hopefully won't need anymore work this year!!!

my Freakin car won't start!!!

now I have to get it towed int he morning.

FFFFFFFrigggginnnnn!

miss the first few hours from work. DAycare is coming to pick up Charlotte and take her to school for me. Thank Goodness.
What is Wrong with My CAr?!!!

This sucks hard rocks!

Charlotte haS asked to see a pic of her birth father.
Damned if I can find them!!!

A Present?

Someone left a dead mouse at my door

and it wasn't Mr. Ball

I'm Going to Bed!
and I don't have a Headache!!!

YaY Me!

on another note...............
i find myself quite enraged about this new censorship of magazines taht appears to be going on. And it was started here in Town.
I'm going to collect my thoughts, get a good nights sleep and then............
i might just need to BLOG IT BABY!!!!

You know life is slow when a new Knob for the bathroom door is exciting

Blog on Dudes!

its Tuesday! EArly day! Dinner day! Maybe even Iceskating Day!!!
Have you gone iceskating latley?

Stupid Pills. Stupid! Stupid!

Sometimes i am just suddenly so tired.
FAtigue sweeps over me
the headaches are sucking.
and it soemitmes will feel like a pin is being jabbed into my skull. the front of my head the back. Make up your mind!!
Then the feeling of a hot inside my head...my eyes want to close. Do my eyes look swollen?
my mouth works backwards with my words. I get dizzy. I find myself humming a lot..........
hey is that nausea starting???
Memories of the day, the day before....the hour before lost. Bits and peices. I'm just trying to keep my eyes open.
total exhaustion.
Funky Ass Dreams! not sure if they are real sometimes or not.
Thanks for helping me move the piano Muck. Maybe thats why my right arm, shoulder and wrist is so sore.
I have been craving Chocolate Like Crazy! My body needs it.
Sleeping so heavy i drool yet waking in the night. Than the mornings and days are so long. so hot suddenly nite sweats...is it a hot flash?
My eyes feel burny.
Maybe its just a migraine. i hope its just a migraine......Its not.......
my back must be out. I need new work shoes with new supports


Effexor Sux Ass! I am Never taking it again!

just found out Charlotte has a new baby sister

~I don't believe in marriage~

WHAT??!!!!?!

...................

School

There was an article in the local paper yesterday about the parking at Charlotte's school. Makes my giggle a bit. Yes the parking is atrocious. But yet I watched as some woman in her van stood in the drop off zone and chatted with moms either yelling to the ones on the street, while having a conversation, or talkign with them by her van. It was parked stopped not moving in the drop off zone in the parking lot. Kids? didn't see anymore coming. She appeared to just be enjoying her gossip and the shining sun while inconvienencing everyone else. Buses coming in behind her and in front of her to pick up daycare kids. They don't have enough room, yet she still stands there taking up space. I was parked on the road taking this all in. (my car is sick and wouldn start)
Its a drive thru lot. Park for 3 mins. pick up your darling child and then be gone. DAycare buses are supposed to be able to park there and wait for the hoards.
Yes it sucks to try to park on the road. There isn't any parking on the road. The lot is just for Staff. Then I guess you do like me and try to show up jsut after the bell so that you can drive thru lot and kid is waiting. In and out in no time as long as there is n't some stupid women parked Kaddywompus in the drop off lane and you can't get by! Or you get there a half hour early to find a spot on the Road.
Ugh!
Historica is due tomorrow.
I am just sick about it. so is Charlotte. I feel as though she hasn't done enough on her backboard. but I don't know what else to do. Model? I thought that was just if you were competing. Charlotte is arguing with me about what she has been told and what I see written down on her criteria marking sheet. I sent the 'interview' off weeks ago to city hall and Mr Ferguson.....no answer. The principal hasn't talked to me either. She was busy with parking lot issues yesterday morning I coulnd't wait. Had to race off and do errands. This morning I have to get my car to the Dr's. Oh I hope it starts.
Thats another thing. Its been running rough. Now it is barely starting. Bad. Very Bad. I'm taking it to Ford this morning and dropping it off so they can hook it up and pull the money out of my ass to fix it! Great fun.
i hope i did my taxes right
So tonight we will be in Hell here as I attempt to fluff up this report some more.
Sent a note Monday morning about the interview. Sent the backboard......nothing. I fuckin hate this! I hate asking for help and then not getting it. Its like hanging from a cliff and seeing all these people walk by, but non of them throw you a rope to climb up on. And maybe I am high maintenance. Whatver! thats fine. Then deal with me and make it so I don't feel so anxious! charlotte and I have been fighting like crazy becaseu of this thing.
I fuckin Hate It!

Charlotte's Skates were under the House!!!

YaY!! Hooray!

Taxes - Sunshine - something found that was deemed gone forever - this is a Great DAy!!!

Blog On Baby!

Taxes

did my taxes last night.

I don't know if any of you qualify or know about this but...............
there is a new thing for low-income families. So if you are one look into it!
Its pretty darn awesome I must say.
Gotta take my car in tomorrow and find out what is wrong iwht it. Just to have it looked at is 102 plus tax bux!!! I'm supposed to be going out of town this weekend to see my brother, so i really want to get it fixed. not so much wanting to break down on the Coq. Been there done that.
i am loving this sun we are having!!!
One more snow-storm would do me though before spring.
Haven't heard from the principal yet. When I go in the AM she is not around. Frig! So I don't know what the hell.
Charlotte is sooo stressed out. I was going to try her on a new diet. But that was upsetting her more.
Anyhow.....got my taxes done and that makes me very very happy!
if I did it all right i will be getting a nice healthy return.
Even happier. That can pay for my car! YaY!!!

L.A.X.

We tried the new place on Saturday night!

No we didn't eat.

lets see.....
its a new owner and the decor has changed, but the ghost of horrible service is still alive and well!
The walls are Stark, primer white. They put in nice fans to replace the old very bad ones. The trim has all been painted burgandy red. there are black sheers tied back on the windows. The chairs have all been painted and recovered. Thank goodness. they look marvelous! Burgandy tablecloths and black napkins. Nice. Bar has been re-done. Very nice. RJ's can now be seen from the front, looked nice what they'd done. As a matter of fact you can see clear across to the other side of the restuarant as there is Nothing to obstruct your view. Be careful not to talk too loud though everyone can hear you. When were they going to turn the music up and the lights down? The beautiful wood floor, that I understand they sanded.....they have covered with red indoor-outdoor carpeting.
Whatever. The girls, or whomever better keep up on the vaccuming. Everything white glows like the walls do.
Overall.....I didn't like ...
we would have stayed for dinner, but it took upwards to 15 minutes before we got our drinks. The menu was disapointing. I would have managed, but Mountain was done and very far from impressed. so we went to the Old Spaghetti FActory!
I would never order what I ordered again. Veal parmesan.....but the SErvice was spectacular. Rebecca took exceptional care of us. she was bubbly and friendly and fast.
We plan to take the girls there.
Mountain has no plan to go back to LAX. I would like to try it again in awhile. I'm sure they will iron out the bugs. It takes awhile when you open a new place. The only reason I would go back is cause that place has a place in my heart. Otherwise I would be on the same page as Mountain.

Roses!

Happy VD and i love you was my text.
I love you back was his.
The Queen with Hugs and Kisses greeting me in the morning with a cuddle in the bed. She loved her new shirt and bubble bath.
Mountain loved his lindoor chocolates and can't wait to love his other gift.
My beautiful red roses arranged on the kitchen table, labelling me as a girl that has a boyfriend.
Charlotte squeezing the stuffing out of the new pink frog he brought for her.
The 3 of us cuddling up on the couch to watch a good pranking.
it was a special day.
Our first Valentines.

its gotta be PMS

I am sooooo close to writing a story and talking to the publisher of the local post!!!

Ffffing school!

now tomorrow is V day.
Charley can write her cards.

Aaah. but there are rules.
- Girls can give to all girls or the entire class
- Boys can give to all boys or the entire class
they don't want anyone to feel left out.

ummmm. Okay fine. Where's the class list? Oh there isn't one. Nice. So Charley is trying to remember to include everyone....result....crying child.
So she trys all girls....result....crying child.
so she is now doing what she can remember. I suppose I have to write a note about that too, to that fucking boney assed bitch!

Historica Sucks!

Stupid Frick Fracken report.

this is the single most stupidist assignment I have encountered so far.

i got there to pick up Charlotte from school yesterday. She was late getting out. so i went to find her.
she was busy packing up all her research on GUINEA PIGS!!!!
What the Fuck!
the teacher is standing right there. I'm jsut staring at it. What is all this?
The teacher smiles and says apparently she is doing a report on Guinea pigs now.
I am staring at all the pages. Ummmmmm........what about historica?
i had had a chat with the teacher last week and she had assured me Charlotte was were she was supposed to be I asked her to help her as much as she can cause I just don't have time, patience, or knowledge ot what to do. I also asked her to help C with her 'interview' questions. That hasn't happened either!!!!

...................

since I started this before I took Queen to school I have dropped her off and spoken to the principal. Told her of my frustrations.
I know Charlotte is a challenge to keep on task. Frig. She's a challenge at home too! But hell. The principal is going to look into it.
The parents have been told NOT to help. WEll fuck it! i guess I am going back into Grade 4. This program and teaching and all the above is ridiculous. She is not being taught! The report she has is awful. we are working at her backboard here at home and that is a Challenge too. You'd think it would be easy for a kid that loves art. But she doens't have any ideas of what to put on it and won't do mine! I don't want to do this anymore.

got my T-4!
I excited! Tax season is here.

Many Happy Returns!!!

Carp! Valentines day is fast approaching and I haven't so much as gotten Mountain a sappy card.
Got the Queen bubble bath, but still ned to get her cards to give out at school.
i guess i know what I am doing this morning........

Sex & Orgasms

My mind has been a buzz since Saturday night with the conversation the ladies were having. Made me start to think about different things from other women and men I've heard throughout the years.
Women that don't like sex.
Is it that they don't like sex? the act of it? or do they just not like it with the partner they have? then what about the orgasm? surely that wonderful friend can't have enemies. Then it makes me question their experience. Not with men but with themselves.
Being comfortable is the key. Trust; in ones self and partner.
Sex comes in so many forms. The word itself covers so many acts and isn't reserved for intercourse alone. The act of foreplay; heavy petting, making out, holding hands. Bodies grinding together, heavy breathing, earlobes, ass, cock, breast.......
*sigh*
A comment I heard was that orgasms come in different intensities.
They absolutly do!!!
A clitoral orgasm is very different from a G-spot orgasm. As well as the difference within each one. some relief, while others make the bottoms of your feet tingle. Others still, that can release so many emotions, you cry!

A G-spot or vaginal O during intercourse is always great, and always catches me off gaurd. Like a really great surprise! i don't go looking for it. As vaginal 'O's can be hard for me to achieve. So if it happens.....YIPPEE! Mountain gets a medal. But yes, your G-spot is in the same place. It doens't move. Its actaully the underside of the clitoris, just in case you didn't know. A hand job can be most pleasurable, almost as good as, or better than oral. Its a learning curve for your partner to find the little walnut buried just inside.
To stimulate it with the penis, in my experience, can sometimes be hard. But with a little practice...can be amazing. This being why most women get their best results on top. Clitoral stimulation as well as the G gives us a nice warm glow!

There are times, I find a hand job a little less intrusive than oral stimulation of the clit. The uncovering of the 'pearl' can get to be such chore at times. For both you and your partner. Not that its not pleasing. I love Good face jsut as much as the next girl. However, a good moment can be lost so quickly with the wrong flick of the tongue if he don't read the signs! Or too quick to move on, so to speak, to other things. I find there has to be a lot of communication, in some way, to let your partner know what it is you need to have just as much fun as they are having. And then sometimes.....its just not going to happen.

i begin to wonder if the act of oral sex for both men and women, is about control. A lot of sexual encounters are. For men much different than women. Sometimes, for women, its Just about the emotional connection with their partner. We don't always need to cum.

the orgasm for women.
Releasing ourselves. Not gaining control, but the giving up of it. If we are not happy with our partner its most definantly nearly impossible for a woman to have an 'O'. A partner that doesn't 'listen' or pay attention to what how we move our bodies, or the noises we make. 'Getting there' can be really hard for a girl! In my younger years, I loved to dominate a partner with Head. Being that I refused to have intercourse was a big thing too. I had to do soemthing now that I've gotten myself into this situation!

Yes, thats right. I didn't 'Fuck' around. LoL!!

That might surprise some of you. My bakers dozen accompished in my years of being active with the sex. The back half of that happening after my stint of being celibate for 2/3 years.

Yes. I was celibate for 2 & half - 3 yrs after Charlotte was born. Why? Cause I'm crazy haven't you heard!!

I wanted the next man that I slept with to be the one I married. My church roots. The morals that had been engrained in me taking a front seat. I was on the serious hunt for a husband. I dated and turned down various different men during that time. No, I didn't so much as kiss them. Kissing almost always gets me into trouble. During this sexless time i really got to know my body.

I didn't smoke, drink, eat bad stuff or Fuck. It was an amazing time of self awareness and discovery. But thats another post.

After saving myself for 3 years I met Mr. Big. Imagine my disapointment. When he wasn't BIG AT ALL. I waited months after dating him till I let him see me naked and do the deed. Excited for our first trist together. So let down when the pleasure of having him inside me was done and barely noticed! Have you ever seen the episode on Sex and the City when Samantha falls in love with a man. they finally get to bed and she says, "ok. I'm ready. Put it in" and he responds..."i am" Grunt, grunt.
It was a lot like that. Yes Size Matters! That being said. he got good at other things and I learned how to make my sexual experiences with him good ones. Did I ever tell him his penis was too small? No. But he fished a lot for an answer. I always told him his penis did what it needed to do and that was all that mattered.

I made a comment at girls night that you can have good sex with any partner. I tell you, its damn true. But you have to know your own body and pull the good from your partner. Not every encounter will make your toes curl, but at least you can enjoy it and it doesn't always have to be for them.

Foreplay is always wonderful. don't you agree?
For me, foreplay isn't reserved to just moments before intercourse. Foreplay is on going. Text messages in the middle of the day filled with messages of 'wet pussies' and 'hard cocks.' The butt grab in the kitchen. The kiss on the neck while reading the paper or making supper. The hands around your waist, in the small of your back. The slight show of cleavage. Hand placed lightly on your thigh. A gentle tickle on the arm. A hug. A grope. Playful poking and tickling. A massage. The random Phone call...."lets Fuck" and then hanging up. Staring across the dinner table from each other while you eat. Food can be VERY sexual. Especially when you watch your lovers tongue at work on the tip of a carrot! its a build. Then getting to the bedroom and your already half-way there.

BumSex?

Now this is something i haven't had to even discuss for many years. I don't like it. now I can say that having tried it. I am a firm believer that you can't say you don't like something if you haven't tried it. Kinda like when Charlotte decides she doens't like a certain food. You gotta at least try it first before you make that assumption! now here I am again. Saying I don't like it. Its been many years and i am in a new relationship. We are Very open with each other and have explored all kinds of different things with one another. Lots of firsts for the two of us which is neat!
He had been sexless for 8 months when we had that one night stand nearly 2 years ago. I was at the tail end of 10 months. Practically Virgins! LoL!
He is not as grossed out about the 'Exit Only' factor. Our sexual encounters where the touching starts to drift to that area I find myself shut down. Completly turned off. Then our discussion begins.

i am aware of the different erogoneous zones .... there.

I find myself lately dissecting exaclty what I don't like about it. So far all I 've come up with is Poo.
Poo comes out of there! Yuck! and thats as far as I can let my thoughts go. I must admit. There was this one time, during the act. That his fingers were gently whispering across my poohole and i did find myself oddly aroused. Once again though. As soon as I realized it was turning me on my mind took over and I stopped that pleasure pretty darn Quick!

This takes me back to women that have a hard time with sex. Or parts of it.
Is it just simply in the mind?
My vote would have to be yes.
Each persons 'reasons' are different. Everybodies backgrounds different too. I had a counsellor once say to me.....that if my first partner hadn't been so understanding and teaching I would not have the healthy sexual outlook I do.
I tend to believe that. Although he was a horrible Gigilo and used me, we did spend 2 years together. I thought we would be married. I was very impressionable and learned. Not just about sex, but about life. He was my first. I was 19 and the room was filled with the sound of my lost virginity.
I shook for days.
He was incredibly open sexually and answered all my curiousities to the best of his knowledge. He taught me about what men like and what they want. i had to learn about women all on my own self. Eventhough the sex with him was awful, Given time for me to grow up I'm sure it would have gotten better. I was able to talk to him about ANYTHING. A quality in a partner I'd been missing all these years ........ till now.
So will I try bumSex again? We will see. Is it for him? Yes it is. I will think on it and babystep my way there. As soon as the 'poo' stigma takes more of a backseat instead of driving. I hope it to be a pleasurable experience for both of us. For now....ICK! YUCK! and BACK THE FUCK OFF!!! EXIT ONLY!!

Not everyones sex life is the same.
Our bodies are all very similar. Its what we do with them that makes us different. How we choose to enjoy them. How much we let our minds work or not work. Letting go of the laundry, the work day, the kid......the Poo.....
Not always easy or possible.

I'm just glad I finally got a bedroom Door

Blog On Dudes!

this is based on my personal experiences. take from it what you will

New Pinks

I love my vitamin B12 pills!

they are so awesome. Gives me such a nice lift. I give them to Charlotte too. they seem to get her having better days as well.

Spoke with Mr. B - he won't be opening for another month or so. He is concentrating on Catering. (so he'll never open) Sounds like Robert is still with him! The Dick is pissed cause his grand opening was SuperBowl Sunday and it didn't fly. Two wanna be chef's that used to work for us and for B are trying their hand at LAX. Niether one of us would ever hire them back. Marple does alright when he shows up. Kyle is just a complete ASS.
I think I wrote about him in the summer???
I would still like to go in and see what LAX is all about. From what I've heard.....its like a Much Bigger Sammy J's! complete with mini skirts galore.
Too many bad ghosts linger there.
Thats my great wednesday wisdom.
I'm extra tired this morning. Drempt about working back at the Pantry.......What the Hell does That mean? YiKes!
my morning schedule is starting to stick a bit better. Just about time to try heading back to Curves. Its just got to happen! of course Mountain and I are in a whole different place in our relationship now.....so there is a good chance i might be able to go in the evening. I better check out their times again this morning.

Blog on Dudes!

OUT

so yes. We went out.

I love going out with the girlz. Happens about every 6 months.Mountain was more than happy to stay home so I could go play.

There are a lot of pictures popping up on facebook. I didn't know there had been so many camera's! Holy Carp! I drank my litre of wine at dinner and was good to go home and climb into bed. Steph gave me a look and a word and i knew I was off to the Springs.
me waiting for Steph to get to my house........

What did I have for dinner? Tacos with the family. Dessert at Lou's. Nummy choco cake. A must have!

So off to the springs. Its pretty fuzzy from this point on. Ran into Hot Neighbor. Remember him? He is getting married. How great is that. I am sooo happy for him. Some other guy that knew me from waaay back in the olden days. His marriage just broke up. After he found out I was most definantly unavailable, he scoped out my table of ladies and wondering which of them was single. Back off Guy! They are all mine!

it got to the point rather quickly at the pub, that if I didn't keep moving there was a really good chance I was going to fall over and not get up again. I'm sure you know that feeling. Must Keep Moving and doing things. I didn't want to smoke anymore and I had already talked to HN, So really the only thing to do was Dance. Yes thats right Dance, dance I say!!! and Dance we did. It is possible that I was alone at some point on the dance floor, but I'm really not sure.

this is my awesome hot sexy look!!

Steph got me home safe and sound. I don't remember pouring myself out of her most beautiful Pilot, but I must have. i woke up about 3AM fully dressed lying on the living room couch. Shivering. According to Mountain I came in. Sat on him. He looked in my eyes and said I was talking but there was really no one in there. Finding me as hot sexy as I obviously was. He got away from me as quick as he could! told me he was tired and going to bed. I layed down and was out before he even made it to the kitchen. So like a smart man he left me lying there. I eventually made it to bed. Slept there fully clothed for awhile, till I managed to get undressed. Where the heck were my jammies anyhow? I guess i had a good time. I didn't come home with any tattoos or extra people. Thanks Steph for making sure I got home safe.

Mountain and I sat in our jammies Sunday while he laughed at me and listened to what I could remember about conversation. Sex, Orgasms.....you know. Girl talk! Than we got ready for my Staff party................

Can't wait for the next evening out W0mens! but seriously. Next time I mean it. I am only going for Dinner! maybe.....LoL!!

Ummmmm

I'm pretty sure once I sober up I'm gonna have a lot to say about my nite out with the Girlz

Looking Forward to tomorrow Evening!!!

who else is?

ShaZaM!

So as some of you know, Charlottes school has been pissing me off.
what else is new?
I've asked the teachers not to let the Charley use the timestables chart or calculator. But she still is. This of course results in the fact that she can't do math! She has only just begun to learn how to put a story togheter. You know...beginning body, summary. and I'm pretty sure she ain't got it. Sentence structure. Besides the fact of the day she was paged to the office and then just let to go with my sister without anyone checking. It appears that my initial in the planner is more important than anyhting else. So important in fact that Charlotte can forge it and i don't get red felted. They check for that and take the time out of the planner moment to circle in big REd Felt or pen that I haven't initialed. Yet....do not check to make sure Charlotte has what she needs to bring home. Nor are my many notes and questions answered.
Now this "historica" report! Jewels knows my frustrations on this already.
Project Book: Write a 3-5 page paper - approx. 200 wrds per pge. This must be typed. i don't remember ever signing C up for a typing class
Backboard:
References: Most students should have 3-4 different resources
Interview:
Students will be graded by their teacher and she will have her own criteria based on the above guidlines. The letter grade for Social Studies for this term is Soley based on this project. We are Doing George Ferguson. Thought it was going to be a great thing! Its not. But she wasn't allowed to switch after Christmas. Anyhow, I have been sending notes to school. Asking how Charlote is doing. Is she gonna make it okay? Is anyone helping her with her interview? No answers. So Yesterday, when Des McKay was in for lunch i picked his brain.
He is now taking this on and "gonna open some doors" So we'll see what happens. Mrs. W. is thrilled! she is passing on the News to the other mom's that have been annoyed by this project and the lack of communication or direction the kids seem to be getting.
its not totally the project that ticks us off. Its the seemingly LACK of teaching. they all seem to do it the same way. And its shitty. Our kids are in different classes and it all seems to be the same way. Lacking. So hopefully something positive comes of it.
Craig Carmicheal is the photographer we feature on the walls of the restaurant. He is local and used to work with the papers here in town. He's taken my pic a couple times for the Post. Anyhow, he was in yeaterday dealing with a pic when he told me about the new collection he has been approached to do. A 50's type pin-up collection. How fun is That? and he asked if i would like to do it!!! Hell Ya! but I would have to have dark hair for it. The contrast and my eyes pop more. i am soo flattered. I would love to. I've never been asked to model before. I told Mountain and he was NOT impressed. "i don't feel comfortable with that" hmmm, how ironic. Frig. Whatever. I told him he could be there. I might even make money from it! Could you imagine? A whole 50bux!!! hahaha.
Tomorrow night is Girlz Night! it'll be nice to get out. I'm looking forward to seeing you all. Charlotte has a b-day party in the afternoon so Mountain and I will have free time. YaY! Thats exciting too.
Then Sunday is a staff dinner at the restuarant. I like that. Being fed.
Frig. Just when I have money saved up to pick up a can of paint or brushes, girls night or staff dindin turns up. GRRRRR why does everything have to cost money?