this better not be a sick I feel coming on!

better be the weather change -

Krazy Hair Day

sent Charley to school with KraZy hair cause it was KraZy Hair day.

nope.

Its tomorrow.

EI vs ICBC

if I have to pay back everything I get for wage loss from ICBC to EI what was the point of applying and putting myself through the stress?

this is goofy!

What a stupid system!

TheTide has Turned

Well, here we go!

spoke with Mountain this evening about the job thing.  What can I do?

Right now i am still broken.  But I can't stand not working.  Its making me crazy! 

I can't go back into the restaurant biz at this time cuz i am still most broken.  So I have to do something else.  or maybe if I can go back it's only part-time?  

I'll do soemthing else?  Maybe look into  a casual on-call thing.  Doens't pay the bills. Ummmm.......dive into something else that has no future, but pays my mortgage?    By the time I am able to friggin do soemthing physical its going to be Christmas(if I am lucky) and all the jobs  will be gone.  This is the time of fall hiring!  I'm gonna miss out!  I know i still need to be resting, but I want to be doing something with my time.  Somehting more.  I want to work

School?  Retraining?  how do I pay my bills while I do that?  Courses start again in January.

i need the support at home

Anyhow, while we were discussing my options.........he is going to move in.

We are going to go out tomorrow and price sheds.  We need another shed in order for a move like this to happen.  he was out today organizing and re-organizing the shed we already have.....trying to figure out where we can fit more in.  Where he can fit more in.  Its too small

So thats it blogger dudes.  Hopefully by my birthday he will be here.

There are some big adjustments ahead.

Living with him?  Can I do it?

I need A job

I am desparately trying to figure out somehting I can do for a job.

I mean - if i get better enough to get back into the restaurant biz will I find another gig as good as i had?  Probably not.  So that either means two jobs or one part-time night one.  Night isn't the End of the world, but working 5 days a week to 10/11 and probably starting somewhere about 6PM if I am lucky.  Will put strains on my family that I am not so sure about.  Weekends won't exist anymore and that will put a lot of strain on Mountain.  *sigh*

so i could do something else?  But what?  I could retrain.  I'd like to take the insurance brokers course - do autoplan?  They make decent money.  But the course is a thousand dollars.  Its 10 weeks which is fine, but a Thousand bucks?  Yikes.  So there are other things i have thought of doing, but they require my to be able to lift and walk and be on my feet.........at this point I jsut can't.  I am still too broken.  

but I need to do soemthing!

been thinking about maybe selling candles - PartyLite?  that and SexToys?  along with maybe tupperware too?  I could be the sales consultant of everything!  I am desperate to do soemthing to pay my way.  If I sold for 3 companies?  Did home parties for 3 things?  Could it work?  Would it work?  I could make my own hours - kinda.  incorporate it all into one thing..........

i am just brainstorming.

Trying to figure out what i need and what my family needs and what i am capable of doing and what options are there for me and.........

any suggestions?  HELP

Kitties

what is the fascination with Auggy's balls Whisky?

Stop licking them!!!  its gross.

to top it off, Auggy is in puberty.  So he has discovered his penis.  He is not so sure what to do with it yet......but I'm sure he is figuring it out.  He is 6 months, the vet figures, next week.  he is getting snipped!

and She needs to stop being such a little slut with the constant blow-jobs!  No wonder he's realized he has a penis.  Poor guy is gonna end up with blue-balls!  I keep having to separate them.

Jeepers!

my biggest concern, and the reason I've never been big on boy cats, is the spraying.  Wanna avoid that at all costs.  Cause if that starts...............

Christmas

Got News from Mountains work -

this years Christmas party is on Granville Island.

they are putting us up in the hotel there and the dinner will be a boat cruise.

Guess I better start scouting for my dress now so that I can jump on it when it goes on sale before the Christmas rush!

maybe?

so the doctor stands behind you

Stares at your behind

and then says, "bend over, as far as you can"

then holds on to your hips

is it medical or is it really just for them?

Crosswalks

this is something that frustrates me......

people that stand at the crosswalk button and keep pushing it.

Now, all a crosswalk button does is make sure the hand is replaced by a little person when the traffic light turns.  it doesn't make the traffic Light turn any faster.  So by standing there pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.......Dumb

the only time that doesn't apply is at a pedestrian light.

my fav is when I've watched a pedestrian push the button, stand, wait for the light to turn......and then they go!  even though the little hand is up!  Obviously not paying attention, thinking that the button is broken.  No.  NO its not.  The walk guy is not up for a reason.  The cars have the left arrow and now you, the pedestrain that Thinks they have the right of way.......has Fucked up traffic!

In the city, there aren't any buttons.  Walk signs and hand signs are all automatic.  yet you still get the last scenario happening.  

When you are in a car you don't follow the traffic lights for the cars in other lanes or going the opposite direction do you?  so why would you do that as a pedestrian?

In Vegas - cars have the right of way.  They are incredibly respectful to the rights of the pedestrian.  However, if you step off that curb when your light is not telling you to do so............you get run over and the driver is saved the same consequences he might see here.

Blog On

I feel like i am Slowly melting

I WANT THIS NONSENSE TO STOP!

I WANT TO BE BETTER!

I WANT TO BE WORKING!

Shots

I've been a respponsible mom.  I've had Charley shot every time she was supposed to.  Even opted to get the chickenpox vaccine when she was 2!

but what was in those shots.  Although I  was responsible, i don't know what I gave her.  

now I'm a bad mom.

this permission form has come home.

please date and sign for each vaccine.  OH Shit!

Hepatitis B - Meningoccal C conjugate vaccine - chicken pox - HPV

duh.  I dunno.

I'm sure a few of those are supposed to updated......the HPV we have opted out of all together.

do you know what was in the 'booster' your kid got before they were a year?

Hmmmmm.

Sister

It started off innocent enough. Nice actually.

Sister helping with the SAxophone dilemma.  Found us one for 200bux.  donating her trumpet so i can sell it......Then yelling at me.

If you recall, it has always been the plan for us to have 2 kitties.  The SPCA thing was going to be the way - but soooo expensive.  We ended up with Auggy quite by accident. We decided after him that we weren't getting another one unless it was being given away.  As it so happens, a girlfriend of mine sent out the beacon, I answered.  Yes! we would Love to have another kittie!

We now have a second baby.  

Sister comes.  Meets Whiskers and then asks me if I am self destructing?

Yah, maybe a little i admit.  Thinking this is a conversation going in a different direction.  Teh Understanding Sister that I can share some of my fears with.......

nope - 

Doesn't she remember supporting us with the whole getting 2 kitty's plan?  Almost getting them for us a only just couple short months back.  Now all of a sudden........

So I say yah, maybe getting another cat that we have to get shot and fixed is not the brightest thing I have ever done.  However.......

I've/we've also not done a whole lot to give us pleasure over the last few months.  So Mntn and I talked about it.  Having babies grow up together is important to us.  We probably won't have a blessing of human baby, so........

She lites into me about getting this second cat.  i have a mortgage to pay.  I know - I havn't NOT paid it yet.

She starts yelling at me about how I should be working.

What?  i Can't work.  I can't walk all day.  So do something else she screams.  7-eleven has great benefits.

What?  I am off work due to doctors orders.

You look fine to me.  

You should be doing somehting!

What?  are you implying that I am faking?

my husband got ran over last weekend at the derby and he went to work on Monday.

Great!  Good for him.  I did too - for 3 months till I couldn't anymore.  I AM BROKEN!!

 i go to physio 3 times a week and the doctor, my leg is not in a good way.  Joints rubbing against each other......this is not good.  I keep busy with being a stay at home mom.  Baking, getting supper on the table each night.  Being on top of the homework being a mom to a budding pre-teen.........

She starts implying that I am lazy.  That I am living off the system.  That I could be working.

Yes, I could be working, but not at this time.  There's a lot going on.......ICBC stuff.  Doctors.....I've been keeping my eyes open........why am i defending myself?

I still just don;t even know what to think even now.  It was all so very wierd.  I start to get angry now.  My tone changes.  How dare you Missy!  I have always worked.  i am NOT lazy.  I am NOT living off the system.   i am living off Mntn!  If I could work through this i would be.  Oh yah thats right, I already tried to!  My body Stopped.  There are some moments when i can't get up from sitting, or i have to force my leg forward to even take a step.  Other times i am ok  When I only have to walk or stand for a few minutes at a time.

i yell back at her - I worked till 3 weeks before my due date when i was pregnant.  As a matter of fact i went back to work casually 3 months after she was born.  I had a car accident and I have worked.  I worked every day.  I worked so much in fact that I may have serious permanent damage to my hip joint.  I have a lot of decisions to make in the next while.  I have to re-train. Find another job.  Something i can't do till I can sell myself.  Walking into my first day on the job and falling over isn't the way to keep it.

I realize I won't be able to do that job anymore.  I'm gonna try, but realistically - I'm done.  Knowing whats going on inside my body.....I am trying my damndest to keep my spirits up.

I've been on an interview.  I've even applied to do this at home thing from my computer. (just heard from them friday i have to do a follow up)

i am looking.  I am trying.  I AM NOT LAZY!!  

I want to throw-up knowing the debt I am creating by not working.  I am sick about it.  However, all i can do is concentrate on healing.  Being able to walk is important.  

Mntn went and bought groceries for us yesterday, he will be picking up freezer stuff today.

how dare you come into my house and accuse me of being whatever it was or is that you think i am doing.

I have debt that is maybe not all you think it is Sister nor did I ask for you're advice or your help.  You offered and i will gladly take it!  your not giving me the SAx.  We are paying for it!  I am selling YOUR trumpet and giving you the money for it!!.........don't project your anxiety about money and stress on me.  I've go all my own thanks!

I'm doing my own little freak out dance once a week!

I know you sell cell phones.  i also know what you make.  I also know how close you and hubby are to losing that house any moment!

My boyfriend, that doens't even live here, is supporting us right now.   Where do you think to 200bux for the Sax is coming from?   For all you know he is taking care of the vet stuff!  Which he is!

Just becasue my car wasn't totaled.  i am not in a cast.  Does not mean I am not truly injured!!

I was more surprised than anybody to realize that i was actually really hurt in this accident.

she ended up tossing a bunch of Fff's at me, telling me she just wants to take me and shake me and walking out my front door.  I was left standing there dumbfounded as to what The Hell just Happened!

she was basically calling me a loser that is milking the system.

I am still dumbfounded and don't know.  Going over it in my head.  it was so wierd and ridiculous.  i just don't understand what prompted her to attack me like that.

Even if i was going back to work and was pronounced healed......my official 6 weeks isn't up till 22nd, Tuesday!  So she was just .......I am still just blown away and have no idea what to think.

...........

Blog On

My Sister

i am sobbing and crying

her babies are fine.  she is fine

she hurt me - i am sad - this is real.  I am hurt.

yes I know i need to work!  Yes!  I know I need a job!  Yes i know i have bills and a mortgage and......I am not doing this on purpose or because I wan to or becasue of anything she might be thinking in her swollen pregnant head of hers.

Get it Sister!

I am to emotional.

I am thinking of deletion

Paid off Doctor?

ICBC is sending me to one of THEIR doctors

Cat Litter

so I got a cat just over a month ago.

He had Crystal litter at the pet store, so we kept it the same so's not to confuse him.

I had said that once he was used to knowing where his shit house is I would be switching to clay.

Mountain said no.  he likes the Crystal stuff.

Fine.  Than you can buy it and you can dig through his shit every night and clean it out!  Ok, says he.

He's done it a total of 3 times. (and I am sure thats one more credit than he deserves)

I potty trained my kid cause I don't like cleaning up shit.  I'm not thrilled at all about cleaning up after my cat!

digging around in a cat box finding all the treasures he has left there for me while i hold a cloth over my face - not my idea of a party.

Besides the fact that this clumping, crystal magnificent invention for cat lovers everywhere is Ridiculously expensive!  I end up tossing it after a week anyhow cuase it reeks! 

so back i go to clay.  It can be changed every Sunday.  I will be happy. 

Blog On

Money Issues CAuse Stress

After sitting in the EI office for an hour today without anything to read or look at, I had to think.  Boy did I think.

Mountain is stressed too.

He is really pulling out the punches right now and filling in the financial holes of my life.  Seriously, he doens't have to do that.  We are not married.  He doens't live here.  Charley is not his.

yes he is committed to me.  yes he wants to marry me, so he takes it on.  but Realy, he could just walk away.  Or be an Asshole as I know of so many others and not help at all.

He vented cause he is stressed to.  Realizing that running this household IS a lot of work.  REalizing all that i DO do.  Biting down into it and now chewing.  This is a huge responsibility.  Huge.  I knew it was more than he thought it was.

Yes.  The grass needs to be cut once a week.  When the sun shines there is yard work to do.  The sheets get changed every saturday.  The tub needs to be scrubbed once a week.  Dinner gets made every day and we need food to cook with so that that happens.

As he starts to feel to financial pull the thoughts crossed his mind of moving in.  We wanted to wait, but may not be able to.  As he thought about it, he realized, there just isn't room for any of his stuff.  I mean his clothes even.

I only just recently went through my closet and my dresser and managed to get rid of more.  He now has a wee space in the closet and a drawer in my dresser.  When he bitched at me the other day - i pointed that out to him and said. 'what have you done to get ready for this?'

but he wants to keep everything.

Tough Shit!

don't you think I wanted to keep everything too!  I moved out of that house 2 yrs ago and got rid of stuff I never wantd to say goodbye to.  My Nana's hutch, that I had planned to strip and paint.  Gone.  A wardrobe, gone.  My Brand new dryer that still had warranty - gone.  Dishwasher only a year old - Gone.  Kitchen chairs - gone ect. ect.  I worked hard for those things.  gone, gone, gone.  but i had to downsize considerably to fit in this house.  and I am still doing it!

so I know the realization hit him.  He didn't mean to make me feel bad. He was feeling overwhelmed.  Especially when I can't help.  I mean, evrything is really falling on his shoulders.  

We will make it.

On the up side - I think I've figured out the band issue.

I gotta close my eyes a lot and just keep faith through all this accident injury crap!

Gotta concentrate on getting better.  It'll come.  it'll come.

Blog On

HELP!!

found out that to rent a Saxophone so Charles can be in the band is gonna be somewhere in the neighborhood of 40bux a month to rent!

Fudge.  What am I going to do?  Tell her no band?

Feeling Bad

Thanks for making me feel bad Mountain.

I have worked really hard to get here.  I have lived off a low income for all my working years.  Struggled through bills and debt.  In the years before Charley working 2 jobs back to back jsut to make ends meet.  Saved my cash and struggled to make payments on furniture/appliances in my home.  I have been humbled many times just to live.  I've not done many things that my other girlfriends do.  I have a mortgage that I am struggling to keep paid as I struggle through not being able to work and live off what little income i have coming in during this hopefully, short phase of my life.  I have tried to make career changes unsuccessfully over the years only to yet try again. (keeping my fingers crossed).  I have made a home for Charley and i, thinking I made the best decision I could for us at that time 2 years ago.

now i sit here thinking - did I.

I know this house is small.  Its only big enough for  for very little furniture.  I know I have to organize and downsize even more.  I am home these days and I can't do it cause of my injuries.  All I can do is sit and look at all the things I could do to make it work.   I try, but i am limited.  I work with what I have.  I know I have made some bad decisions, but at least I made some.

Come up with a solution Mountain.  you don't like it and have every criticism, than do something about it.  Why is it up to me?  I don't have any means to make things change right now.  Living in 900 sq. ft.  isn't my idea of heaven either, but i am making the best of it.  

We have a yard.  We have a warm home.  We have food, clothing.

how many women can say they bought a house,  on their own, on a waitress salary?

Blog on

Why do you download my pics?

I know 1 of you, but the other??

leaves me feeling ookey

Intense

WoW!

very intense morning.  Holy smokes.  Hope I did ok

School

First day of middle School tomorrow!

Yikes!  are we ready?

????

oh for Frig's sake?

I thought I was getting better!!!

physio indoors and then 25 minutes straight walking in 2 sets - YES!  

bit stiff in the hip I very happy!

Oh bonunger 

i want a face lift

LooK! its me