My Wedding

It was days before my wedding - so much to do - so much to do.

My daytimer a mess of appointments and 'things to do'

Every moment of every day had something penciled or penned or scribbled in.

so much scheduling in fact, that I had my showers written in or I'd miss out on having one!

Besides the 'wedding stuff' I was preparing for my MIL to stay with us. The house and the yard have to be as close to perfect as I can get. Did I mention my MIL is staying with us? The British were coming as well. Thank goodness we managed a room for them up the street in a friends condo. Bless you Terry. However, that still left filling the freezer and the fridge with foods that would be easy for guests to help themselves. As i was going to be too busy to hostess. Getting the front room - with all its bins - organized enough for company. Labelling bin after bin. Labeling booze. Printing and planning and typing details. I've got to narrow this schedule down - it's too wordy! Should I label the linens too? My photo list! No it's okay - Steph will go over it. She'll catch anything you miss.

The British finally arrive. I am organizing the booze and the pop in the shed after allowing my scheduled shower go over time. Tape and sharpie in hand. The British arrive an hour and a half early. ACK!!!! My hair still in a towel, mascara all over my face ........

I need to print out the itinerary for Ali. Only half of it prints. WHAT?!!!

My printer is broken. Ahhhhhhh! Shit - I had revised the hall layout. The Music for Kodi to keep Sylvain in line. My speech. I need to fine tune and print my speech!

Well shit

Just let it go Kristi - you gotta let it go -

Let's back up a few days -

It's Saturday, July 23rd. My last hours of work before my "holiday" starts at 5PM. Well for me - my holiday had already started. My mind drifting off to the things that need to be done in the next 6 days. Trying hard to focus on ICBC as I dealt with clients and their questions. My mind losing focus and thinking of all the small details that I had to organize for the week ahead. I need to label the wine. What should be on the tables and what should be in the bar. Label the game wine. Finish off the gift baskets. The music - make sure Sylvain knows what is going on. I need to encourage Lyle to get that coconut cut so that it has enough time to dry out. The glasses need to be finished so that I can add the jewels I want to add to them. Now he wants me to go to Fort Langley with him to help him get his hat?!! Doesn't he realize how booked my days are this next week. Monday is my home day to get the house in order. Clean the bathroom, get laundry cleaned and put away, vacuum, do the guest food shop, liquor store, wash the car and make sure its clean, check her engine (she's been making a clicking sound) weed the garden - I want to impress my MIL. I have told him all the things that need to get done, hoping that he will take some of it on. Begging inside my head that he takes some of it on. Even if he would just do the laundry? I suggested for him, if he has time while I am at work today, to cut the lawn and get the yard ready for his family that is arriving.

Not to mention I have and had told him weeks ago to figure out his hat thing. They have hats at Sears I inform him. I'm sure there must be other places in the mall that have some. Do some research. Go looking. He is waiting for Moores to re-order his hat in the right size. It's okay if you don't have a hat I say. It's really not the end of the world. He insists that he has a hat. It's a week before the wedding and he will wait untill Moore's calls him. Okay, we can go looking quickly through the mall on Sunday, after we go for our pedi's, and see if we can find a hat. No he says.

Moore's is not calling. Now he wants to go with Charlotte and I to the fancy hat shop in Fort Langley to find a Fedora. I'm sure you can find one in Abby I urge. Nope - he doesn't want to look here, he wants to go to Fort Langley. You can go without me I suggest. Charlotte knows where it is. Forget it - I won't go then is his response.

*sigh* I look at my day timer and pencil in "Go to Fort Langley for hat" on Monday the 25th square. I remind myself that Charlotte is on summer vacay too. We will go through a couple shops while we are there. I will make it a good day and push back the thoughts of what I need to be getting done for a couple hours. Charlotte Loves Wendall's book store on the corner, it will be nice to share that with Lyle.

I am at work, at my desk, trying so hard to input information. I find myself taking such a long time as my mind drifts off again ........... What if it does actually rain? I need a plan B. It's a sunny day, Rain is in the forcast for the week.

I get to Leave! The clock has not hit 5PM yet. It is 15 min early and Ange has said I can start my vacation now.

I've already started my vacation.

Home I go to find the yard not done, his dirty car and dinner waiting for me to make it

i pour myself a glass of wine - YaY Holiday

Recovery Road

Well 3 days ago I started my fancy meds. Took it before dinner and then after dinner I promptly threw everything up!

BOOKED!!!!

You Only Live Once

So - since my car accident - i started thinking about the fact that things can change in an instant. I was on my way to work - and my whole life changed at a red light. So I started thinking about things differently.

Now since this lung thing, i am yet again taking that next step and thinking about things differently.

I have been planning a trip. Yup - was gonna just do it for Charley's birthday, but decided that I would rather do it as a family. Been waiting for my raise to come into affect. Good to be able to pay for things right? Was looking at doing it for New Years, however, things are sooooo booked. So I have been researching and found that it is better on the pocket book to do it the second week in January. Of course, I am still researching. Going to go in to work and see if my boss can help me as I am new at doing this sort of thing.

I could be dead, so this needs to happen. My girl deserves it. So do I and so does husband!!!

So we will be broke and our house down payment money might get used a bit. This is the only life we have.

Disease and Pestilence

Saw my doc today. He confirmed what I already had known - I do not have cancer.

What do i have?

Still not sure.

Sick. I am sick and have been for most of the year. In my lungs. It flares because it has set up shop. Is it pneumonia sick? not sure of that either. Infection. It is infection sick. Pneumonia is the only kind I know, but for now, it is that which can not be named!

I have homework from the doctor. It's pretty special. The next time I cough up a lugy, I have to put it in the fancy orange lidded cup he gave me and hustle it off to the lab where they can have the pleasure of testing it. Lucky - lucky lab.

I got a nice new orange inhaler too!(steroids) New fancy attachments for both my blue and my orange inhaler. WoW - Christmas must have come early. As well as it looks like another Xray requisition to go fill.

So - i have heard from a couple people now a *sigh* well good its not cancer.

Really, good its not cancer? well good - you are not dying. Really, how do you know I am not?

They cut cancer out. They radiate it. They chemo it. They know what they are fighting and "they" seem to work really fast with soemone that has it.

Lung infection? not so much. Who says this is not going to kill me? I feel like total poo most days of the week.

I've been doing some googling - lung infections, disease, drug resistant pneumonia .......... not such a great read.

Oh did I mention - after I take the lab their special surprise, I get to start taking a drug that is going to KILL - KILL - All the bacteria in my body. Both good and bad. This is certainly to be the bestest treat ever. No dudes in my body to fight with other dudes during the cold and flu season.

So basically I am a rat. Carrying sickness in my lungs and passing it to everyone I talk to. So they get a cold or a horrible sick too. Just maybe lucky enough to not get it in their lungs. Of course then changing it just that little bit and passing it back to me so the dudes in my lungs can party. Making it so that I lay here wondering, is it bad enough to go to the hospital now??

But you know me, always like to share.

the toss up - Cancer or Sick - either one sucks. It just sounds more impressive when you mention cancer. They give more badges out for cancer survivors. They even have a whole clothing line dedicated to it! but poor lonely Lung disease ......... no glory. It just leaves you weak, hospitalized, drug addicted and tired.

What I have learned - stripy or spotted socks always make people smile.

Gaining Control

Well - I've had it. Little by little over the last 5 years I've been giving up control.

Control of my life, my home, my body, my kid .......... 4 days ago, I decided to start taking it back!

Starting with kid. She is failing in school. Which means, I am failing her here at home. Our routine's have gone to shit and I've allowed it. All for the sake of building a family with a man. I have let things go so that he can have some say. So that he can bring some of his ideals to the table. So that he can be a part of, what is, Charlotte and I.

I have allowed myself to become 20lbs over a comfortable weight for myself. Although, I am sure at least 5 of that is 40+ wieght that was bound to happen - the rest is comfort wieght. Sure the accident didn't help. That was a nice 10lbs - however - i know what I have done. Now it is time to attempt to undue it! I may not get very far especially now since I enjoy food soooooo much and have turned into quite the gourmet cook. Even with this nice lung issue I have, i am going to count calories this time instead of sugar. As well as start walking as much as I can. Maybe back to the mall in the AM like I did a couple years ago to get my hip working?

No matter what I do, I have to stay focused and not let certain things creep in.

I am sure part of my control lacking is what is helping this infection breed and live in my lungs too! I am weak minded and weak physically. Time to health up.

Why Did I Get Married is the Question -

What is the Answer?

Lung Thing

I called again to the doctors yesterday. Finally the results are in! you would think "YaY"

not so much. Nothing abnormal the receptionist tells me. Okay - Great. I had already established that in the own head. Abnormal BTW is what they call Cancer. Yet there is soemthing there. Not a big deal though? I have an appointment to go over the results with my doctor on Monday.

So for how I was feeling on Sunday and then again yesterday. The breathing, like the worst asthma ever, is it actually just - "the worst asthma ever" So much so that it shows up on an Xray?

Is it just scar tissue then? Is it leftover infection?

Why is my hearing still down? Why do i hear trickling in my ear canal? Why do I soemtimes just get so freeking tired?

My kidneys are okay. Is it my liver? have i managed to 'medicate' myself to the point that I have pooched my liver, lungs and hearing? Those 'ever readies' that I used to see tumbling out of the FVI and come to me for food, day after day kept going. The street people ......... I am, have not 'coped' that much in the last 5 years have I? That hard?

If its still left over infection, what will they do for me? Chronic pnuemonia doesn't sound like its got too many fantastic cures from what I've read. It actually sounds almost worse than cancer? and why the EFF are my ears still plugged?! has time and genetics finally caught up with me. Is my hearing just - gone?

We need to move - i think there is mould in this house that is affecting me. I am also allergic to faaaaaar more than I ever have been before. And weird things. Its this house -

Time to sell

Working Nights

Well - my time for working nights is coming to a close.

My little girl is needing my home. Not sure what I will be able to do about that.

The nights I am not here and the saturdays are really starting to show.

Her schoolwork is suffering terribly. Mountian is here and does a fine job, but she needs her mummy.

What do I do? Days are not really an option. The hours available would be 10-6, but I guess if that's what I have to start doing ..........

being home after 6 is better, but I still miss the crucial dinner with family.

Maybe once i am back to 3 days off in a row again it will get better for her?

This working for a living is Bullshit!

November 7

13 years ago on this date my beautiful baby girl came into this world and saved my life