Random....on my mind

Seriously? Your husband goes away so you have to have your mother come and help you with you 18mnth old cause its too hard to get him ready for daycare in the morning? really! are you kidding me. You can't get it togetehr enough to pack his snacks and lunch. I am in awe. Life must be hard for you.
Mountain is drawing a plan for the stairs he is going to build for me off my back door. He is Sooo awesome.
my Lillies are opening!
i won part of "the battle" on the weekend. House rules are house rules and if Tea is going to be a part of this unit she has to follow them. No Teeny Tiny bikini's for little girls at this house!
Mountain and I are closer and closer every day. that blow-out we had the day before fathers day was a good one and it cleared a lot of air. WE took 2 steps forwards and I am glad for that, cuz I was taking a huge step backwards taht night.
I am so bloated and fat from the heat. I love the heat, Love It, but I just get fat in it.
My little yard is so sweet. I like it. We sit in the pond when its too hot. It works.
My cat is hot. He is not doing so well these days. He is 17. he's lost a bunch of wieght and is just not happy. I think its too hot for him. Poor guy. I think it will be his time soon. I will cry. WE've been together a long time. For awhile he was my only man and best friend. We still cuddle every night.
I'm going to have to sell my pool. DAmn it! there is no room here to set it up. It was only used last summer. What a piss off! I've got to get rid of a few other things as well. Dresser and 2 headboards. But i am still thinking about the pool. There must be a backyard somewhere we can set it up and use it whenever we like......
I think I am tired and need to go to bed.
Canada DAy tomorrow. Day off for me. Debating about the parade. Its been so hot I don't want to get kid sick from the sun. She doens't do well in it. I guess I;'ll survey the situation in the morning. Oh Crap! I gotta boil eggs and Potatos so i can make salad tomorrow.
Better waddle my way down to the kitchen.

it ws half empty

my glass is better now.

I was not at all feeling good yesterday. Allergies kicked my Ass!
i worked a slpit and closed last night. That was cool. there was a steam train that choo chooed its way thru town so there was a big tadoo about it. Would have been nice to know about it. Mountain could have taken Charley.
Ohwell. It was a good night at work. couple late tables. so now I am back at it today!
Charley made it to Grade 5. Her report card was pleasant. se had a c- in Math and that was the lowest. the rest were c+ and a couple b's so that is cool. She brought it up from last term, so i am pleased. It makes me laugh when I read that she is "not yet meeting expectations in recalling multiplication from memory up to 9x9" NO SHIT!!! could it be because you allowed the children to use the chart All The Time. Even after i specifically said DON'T LET CHARLOTTE!!! Stupid Bitches.
Date night with Mountain tonight as Charley has a date with her Auntie. She is going to have such the best time at Cirque. Auntie Missy is pretty darn excited too!
Its gonna be a scortcher for the next few days. Heck!
I think I am allergic to Cheezies! the old real cheezies, Hawkins. I have just been so stuffed and gross the past couple days. Lat night I didn't eat any and I am fine. I think I will have to do an experiment this weekend and see.
Mountain had a sleep over last night.
He never does that during the week. so that was kinda a nice treat. He hung with C last night while I worked.
WE have a gift card to the Keg. maybe we can go there for supper of something. or maybe not.
Carp! I better go water my plants before this hot day gets to underway!

SCHOOL'S OVER TOMORROW!!!

Ack!
Charley has a date with her Auntie Missy and Cirque de Soliel Friday, and its going to be a gorgeous long weekend! Wine building Saturday. I gotta get a trip to the waterslides in. Canada Day Tuesday. YaY! Parade! yup we'll be there. I think I gained some wieght back that I lost. I feel chubby. Got Madonna's Hard CAndy CD. that'll help me work it off and more! I gotta get my shape back. The house is moved. Front is done. Garden is done, just gotta water it. Mountain is gettin on those stairs. So when I have a few minutes they are actually mine! So I can manage to dance and boogie to a couple of her songs every day. Right on! At least maybe by the end of summer I'll see my abs again........I've figured out what to do about the shortness of my new uniform. yes we have uniforms. However, they are not your typical style. I can't even begin to tell you about them. You'll have to come down and take a look to see. But let me tell you this. They are very sexy. Very tight. And VERY short. My bum is out when I bend over to clean a table. I like the dress. I don't mind it at all for the most part. But my business, lunch clientele are kinda saying stuff and giving me looks and .....its uncomfortable. Sex sells that is forsure! however, this is putting it right out there and they can't get away from it. i had some ladies make a comment about how much of my legs were showing yesterday. My apron is longer than my skirt! Now I used to wear skirts this short when spandex was big back in the early 90's I never wore heels. Always flat shoes. I also always wore Black tights or nylons! it always seemed to not be as short then. The naked skin not so in your face *flash* so off I go to Wal-Mart this morning to re-inact the black legged 90's bar girl that I was in my early 20's.
Okay. Off i go to use the couple minutes that are mine and have some Hard Candy!

Blog On

just confirmed more camping!

Bench campground at Deer Lake, Sasquatch ... if you should decide to join us.
For Friday Aug. 8 to the Sunday

The Whirring in my Head

Yes we had a GREAT time camping........
thoughts.........
i got I.D.ed at the liquor store on Friday! I love it when people look and say, "you were born in the sixties" just loud enough so that everyone in the vicinity is amazed. How many people at 38 1/2 can say they still get carded. Granted i was not wearing make-up.......but whatever! it was a government liquor store! i Feel Good!
Mountain came to Charlottes sports day. A kid in her class asked him if he was her dad ........... he answered yes! HOLY COW FARTS! I never heard the question and neither did Charley. He totally could have bat maneuvered his way out of it! And didn;'t! so now my feet feel a bit cold................
i got over it and still am
The evening before fathers day we had a rip snortin helluvafight. Since then .... he is IN. I am in? I am? I have my moments when i am screaming and running in my old independent way. "what do you mean you love me?!!! Are you out of your mind? I have been fighting to get over this mountian top for years, and now i just have? What? What!!!! I am crazy! i am nuts! I am an opnionated, judgemental, bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!" this is what screams in my head once in awhile over the last couple weeks. Forever is a long time. Till death do us part stuff. I am committed to Charley for life and thats cool. But eventually she is going to move out. So with Mountain its like a roommate for life. ACK!!
I watch Charley. I invested a lot of time in her. I worked hard. Gave her ALL of me and any time I had. i am so pleased with the little gitl she has become. Strong, knows her mind, so empathetic. I hope this journey of nervous breakdown, medication, and self medication hasn;t taken her to a place where puberty is going to mirror what I did to wade thru my shit.
Charlottes school is a joke!
as we stood there for Sports day ... moms I hadn't spoken to in awhile, were aproaching me. I am the illusive involved, univolved in school activities, single mother. It was interesting, as the masses surrouned me, to find out how many mothers - parents, were so unimpressed with the school. The principal. The lack of anything being done!!! The, (i won't even call it bulying cause that is an easy millenium label), lack of parenting of a child has that should have been expelled!
I, Charlotte, has not been directly involed. Charlotte was instructed years ago, grade 1, to steer clear. I might have a judgemental, opinionted personality, but i am rarely wrong. In this instance, this kid.....Whatev. Charlotte knows what to do.

oh OppsY! lost my train of thought when I went pee. HAHAHAHAHA!

so maybe it comes back tomorrow. So for now...................

Blog On Dudes!

Camping was Fun

Camping

I am getting ready for this weekend.
finding the gear should've been easier, but of course moving has a way of jumbling stuff around. Last year was our first trip with Mountain. we discovered, we 'camp' most differently. I like to bring as little as possible that requires a cooler. I've even got it down to coffee-mate for my coffee and Charlotte loves corn pops dry. PerFecT! WE only have a fire when we need it so that cuts down on the wood packing process. Besides, the food we do bring comes in its own burnable packages! Its a science I tell you. We live on carrots, Mr. Noodles and Pringles and that has worked perfect for us for the last 8 years.
Now this man comes along and he wants food!
Real food! I gotta cook! What! He's got bacon and sausage ......hehe! i said sausage....I'll have to bring eggs and potatos frig! that means dishes will need to be done. I don't do dishes! He's doin them I told him.
When Charley and I camp....its simple. Very simple and we are good at it.
of course this is another thing we will adjust so that our family continues to grow.
So Adjust we will.
My girlfriend from work is coming to babysit my house and cat and pig while we are gone.
Relationship adjustments are hard.
When we are young, 20's, we are still growing up. we are still learning so much about ourselves, life. What we like and don't like. Every experience is New and Exciting! or sometimes not. Meeting a mate and learning and growing away or with them, its just easier. Cause you are still growing.
Once you've 'been there, done that' growing with a partner is hard. It becomes and adjustment. I would think being even older, it would be a miracle!
Don't get me wrong we always 'grow' with a partner. But the growing as we are older, depending on how many notches are in your belt, its a different growth. Acceptance maybe?
But I guess what I find is that the 'dance' is different. i know what I am capable of. I know what I want, like and need to make me happy. I know how i react and why. I've been on my own. I have had a life where I havne't had ANYBODY helping. i mean frig. I plumbed my own bathroom! How many people have been on their own to the point that I have been?
i would not change any of that for the world. Because of that part of my life I am more grateful for this part of my life. Having a partner that can accept my independence is a miracle on its own. he steps in when he needs to and I step back. our roles are falling into place and its nice. i don't expect it. I don't get selfish or pissed if he doens't cut the lawn. i am Thankful when he does. Thankful when he rolls up his pants and climbs into the pond to fix the filter. Thankful that he built the beautiful cabinet in Charlotte's room. Thankful when he comes over with bags of groceries. Thankful when I have a shower and come out and he's cleaned the kitchen. The list is long And i won't go on. But I have learned to be thankful.
So we will adjust our Camping ways to include this new addition and he will take on some rolls while we are out in the bush. We will adjust.

Blog On

Garlic Anyone?

Seriously!
Does the garlic Powder have to fall out of the spice cupboard and cover me?
Hair, chest, arms......What The Hell! i stink!
Although on the plus side. I won't have to worry about vampires.

Deer Lake this Weekend!!

Gettin ready for Camping this Weekend!!!

Wahoo! found bags boxes and the tent. Hope its all okay. Last years one and only trip was wet and icky. Since I was coming off those Horrible life saving Pinks I don't have much recollection of the small details of coming home and unpacking. Then of course I moved and.....well it was just Hell. hopefully the next 10 weekends.....better known as my Summer is better than last years.

so Off I go to check out the "box o'camping" and see if it contains all it should!

to Frig or Not to Frig

I dropped a stupid big boulder on my ankle yesterday. its still all swollen and it hurts and its bruised and Frig!!! I;ve been so sober lately, which is great, accept that I get really klutzy, which is odd. So I am covered in other random bruises all over and in wierd places. The kind you don't know about till you try to put pants on or something simple like that. Frig!
i went and got new shoes for work. there were some on sale. So I opted for those rather than the other that wasn't on sale. I think I saved money in vain. My feet were not feeling the love. Frig!
Went to get 2 new tires today cause my car was in desperate need of them and figured I'd get a brake check for the 'just in case factor'. 4 tires later and the news that my back brakes NEED to be done was just not the great estimate i was looking for. Frig!! Beautiful sun Finally! So wonderful, but then its super slow at the restuarant. I like money. I like to make money. Well that didn't happen Today. Frig! I'm breaking out with these annoying little pin-head zits on my cheeks and nose. Frig!
I came home to my clean house and my cozy yard and my flowers blooming with my wee girl full of hugs and love as well as a man waiting for me full of love and hugs too........
What a most Wonderful day!

I know I ended pretty sappy. sorry.

Blog On!

Fathers Day

Charley and I have always celebrated fathers day with my dad, grandad, Uncle....those are the men I have made big deals for her about when it has come to Father's day. Last year when she wondered about doing something for Mountain I gently oh so gently and quickly put a kibosch on it. This year..............

I had a little girl grinning ear to ear.

making coffee, getting breakfast in bed ready, a special card made at school. In a sense Charleys first father day.

at my parents today.....

.....my dad cancelled the contract i had with him for some money that i owed him from when I bought my house last year and handed me a check to call it even between my siblings and myself.........

Happy Fathers Day

Pondering Life

I find myself thinking about so many things.
Life with.
Life without.
The pole in my ass.......... I can be, and I think be known for, being anal about a few things.
Everyone has faults. Lord knows I do! Everyone has things or does things we don't always agree with about each other.
There was one large straw on my back. It has now been joined by another. Wierdly enough, all the little straws that were laying around that i just walked on and was content just walking on have found a life of their own. They keep being attracted to the other straws on my back and then jumping off again! Bastards! They are playing with me!!! I am still trying to shift the 2 straws that are there to see if i am even able to carry them, let alone this teasing wieght that keeps bippin' on and off. How can i adjust and balance when that keeps happening?
We all have baggage that we accept and carry for the sake of our relationship. Stuff that we can accept as ok. Stuff that we know is there. Stuff that we can live thru and manage. Stuff that maybe doesn't directly affect us cause its the past......WE ALL HAVE IT! and personally, I think its a gift if you can find someone willing to carry it with you for life.
Do I want to carry this stuff?
CAn I handle this 'stuff' and its growth?
Can I handle the other straws that formed the ladder on the other side of my back?
I think about the other baggage I have tried to carry. I think about the baggage my past has given me. I measure that baggage to this..........What was uglier. do I want to go back to the ugly? or even take the chance?
i feel like the game show "Let's Make a Deal!" the door I choose is the one I get.
I think about my feelings and how strong they are. I think about all the good and whiegh it against the bad.
I'm sorry if i appear shallow. But money is a big deal to me.
Not having any is one thing. Having less than 2x of nothing!!
Even if it was just credit cards, i might be able to live with that.....but being in debt to overdraft - that is too much! he is still in the hole before he pays his bills even with his whole check deposited!!! And he doens't make bad money! He actually does ok! Even with my nasty debt....i still had 'money' i live check to check forsure. but he is living from check to check beyond check, check and check.
So i am thinking, analyzing, playing out my future, Charlottes and wondering if its shards of the pole flaring up, PMS, cold feet, fear...........
beyond all of THAT he is very wonderful. he is kind, sweet, helpful, generous, thoughtful, funny, loving.......
but once again, does or can all of that outwheigh the 2 straws on my back?

Father's DAy

I dislike it at the best of times. I never know what to do or get.
Dad has Everything and is allergic to stuff he doesn't have.
We are going to moms tomorrow for BBQ. I guess a card it is..........

how lame.

not so into it

I'm sure its a phase, but, I was just not all that interested in seeing Mountain this evening. Even last night I called out of habit. This money thing, the "issue"............
I tend to think a lot without.........certain brain disablers.
and I find I am asking myself a few questions lately.
The smoking REALLY bugs me.
Yes you all saw me lite up a few months ago. Soemthing I started cause it was so easy when its in your face and you've been drinking. Why Not! I used to. So I had quit for 7 years. I quit drinking too! What me go! Fuck it all! Anyhow....I friggin Hate it! I don't do it. I have when I've drank, but I seriously can't stand it. And if its not around me when I am having a glass of wine i don't even think about it. He was here walking thru my yard with me tonight, cigarette in hand. I couknd't stand it! Go Away.
And serioulsy, your friends.........
I think I will just go to bed before I say things i will regret. I have more to say but I think its possible I have PMS and in about a week I'll feel better. I guess if I don't...............

Blog On Dudes!

Big Dreams - True Reality

Holy Carp he owes a lot of money!
in Stupid stupid places.
My dreams compared to his have always been touchable.

He wants a sports car. He wants to own acreage. At least a house. Won't even entertain the thought of a townhouse. Wants to build a fancy dancy shed out back. Lee VAlley Tools. Playland. Talks of family trips, Disneyland, England again......

Then there's buying Teaghan clothes, eating out all the time, a pack a day smokes!!

Are you kidding me!

Soemwhere in the back of my mind I thought maybe if we work really hard some of that might be attainable. I sure as Hell don't now!!!
I knew about the loan he'd taken out before we met. A consolidation loan to pay off credit. Did I know about the credit card? Yah. did I know how much? Na - ah. did I know about the others? Fuck No! Did I know about the overdraft? Nope! Did he learn his lesson the first time he fucked his credit up and is still paying for it after 3 YearS? APPARENTLY NOT!
Does he have ANYTHING to show for it?? NO!!!
I live check to check, but he lives .......... well its certainly NOT check to check. And beyond his means is giving him credit.
I feel as though the rug just got pulled out from me.
My little attainable dreams that I had that included him are not so touchable now. I am Pissed Off!
FUCK!

Amazing

As I was laying here last night with my grumbly tummy I was thinking.....
I am Going to be 39 this year! Holy carp! My life. What a wild trip and the things I have learned and been through. Stuff I have observed and learned from .... I'd like to go back to college and take more physcology courses ........ things I said years ago would happen, and they are and did. Why was I never good at math.
Charley is going to be 10! that is wild too. I was pregnant 10 years ago, yet I remember it like it was last year.
Mountain and I have nearly been together for 2 yrs! another Holy Carp! We met, July 1st weekend, but didn't start to unofficially date till September. Wild. It feels like we've only just met. Where with other relationships I was counting the months and grasping at them to give my relationship some kind of worth. Yet here we are. 2yrs later. Bizaare.
On july 16th it will be a year since the day I was given notice at my other house and thus began the 3 week whirlwind of moving and purchasing my first home! WoW! i never could have done it without Mountain. he has been such an amazing help in my life with things. I am so glad the pole removed itself far enough so that I could see past it to him. just wish we didn't have the issue But other than that.....we get along Fantastic! I guess without the "issue" it would be perfect. And you know what they say .... if something seems to good to be true - it probably is! Hmmm. I could still do without it though.
Anyhow ..... its time to get ready for the Amazing Day above ground I have started here!

Blog On Dudes!

Busy Weekend

Fabulous busy weekend.
Charley was amazing aT her piano recital. She got a 90.6! Thats great. She came home with a proud grin and a trophy in her hands to place next to last years on the top of the piano. We had sandwiches, tea and dessert with the grand parents when we got back here. It was a nice visit. Mountain had done his part and helped by cutting the lawn and weed eating the corners. Grandad even walked thru my yard!! that is HUGE! He enjoyed it thoroughly.
The next day was Hanky Panky.
The ladies got here and the sun came out. I can never hear too many compliments on my yard and home. Things are a bit spotty after that. Somehow and for some reason I thru my ring in the livingroom and now I can't find it. My ass was touched, groped and grabbed more than it has been in ages. Than Charley came home. She's been on a date with Mountain. They went to the mall, for dinner and than to Michaels. When all of a sudden.....sick.....tummy, sick, poo, it was awful. We figured it had to have been what she ate at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Poor little thing. Well I don't think it was. Got the call had to get her early from school and than be with her. I missed work.. DAmn! but it turned out to be a good thing. My tummy has decided to revolt as well. I spent some time on the bathroom floor and I am not feeling all that hot now.
So OSF is safe. I think we are just sick. Who'da thunk it!

WoW!

Imagine ..... working full-time. Only seeing your kid in the evenings after 6 mon-fri. And then shipping it off EVERY weekend to either your mother or the man you are using for free babysitting. Amazing!

Being a parent is sooo hard. *insert extreme sarcasm here*

a Bottle?

I'm goin' along....makin' cookies..cleaning my house...getting ready for the next 2 days of entertaining I am doing.....BAM!....
I drank the whole bottle???? What The F!

Mountain can Be so Ignorant

He
and then he
and so what if
I'm sorry but
ARE You NeW!!
I can't read this!!! What the F - Troop!!

Entertaining Is Friggin Expensive!!!

I'm working on my menu for both days.
I'm trying to keep it simple, but Holy Shit! and you don't want it sooo simple its boring.
My Grandad is missing his Lunch on SAturday to come to the recital. So I gotta feed him something substantial. And the next day my Hanky deal is right during the supper hour so I can't starve these darling Panky starved, drunk girls.
I can;'t afford to entertain like this!
What the Hell was i thinking?
and why does this keep double spacing! What The Hell!

How did This Happen?

i am freakin busy every weekend!
My summer is already planned out!
Holy Heck and Dina!

Berry fest is in a month. Oh what a Joyous Gong-show that is guaranteed to be.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe it will be better than I think it is going to be.
But as it stands right now........we are understaffed and that is just the beginning.

Leah has come up with a plan for playland that just ........... its almost nice, till you look just below the surface. (She can't afford it) I'll get into that another time.

This weekend is Piano recital Saturday, family lunch. Sunday is Ladies day! Hanky Panky with more than I thought coming so that should be fun. so I am getting ready and making food and............it turns out its one of the girls' birthdays! So there will fersure be a Safeway Cake! I'll take pictures. Mountain and The Queen will go on a date so we have privacy.
Of I go to build stuff for the weekend!

Blog On!

It must Have Been an UFO!!! pronounced Ooofoe

Came home on Thursday to this.
The Crack house was gone! Also known as Appliance man.
an UFO must have sucked it up into its belly. It even took some of the Grass!
WOA!!!

Blog On Dudes!

Watch out for Ooofoes!