The Whirring in my Head

Yes we had a GREAT time camping........
thoughts.........
i got I.D.ed at the liquor store on Friday! I love it when people look and say, "you were born in the sixties" just loud enough so that everyone in the vicinity is amazed. How many people at 38 1/2 can say they still get carded. Granted i was not wearing make-up.......but whatever! it was a government liquor store! i Feel Good!
Mountain came to Charlottes sports day. A kid in her class asked him if he was her dad ........... he answered yes! HOLY COW FARTS! I never heard the question and neither did Charley. He totally could have bat maneuvered his way out of it! And didn;'t! so now my feet feel a bit cold................
i got over it and still am
The evening before fathers day we had a rip snortin helluvafight. Since then .... he is IN. I am in? I am? I have my moments when i am screaming and running in my old independent way. "what do you mean you love me?!!! Are you out of your mind? I have been fighting to get over this mountian top for years, and now i just have? What? What!!!! I am crazy! i am nuts! I am an opnionated, judgemental, bitch! What the hell is wrong with you?!!!" this is what screams in my head once in awhile over the last couple weeks. Forever is a long time. Till death do us part stuff. I am committed to Charley for life and thats cool. But eventually she is going to move out. So with Mountain its like a roommate for life. ACK!!
I watch Charley. I invested a lot of time in her. I worked hard. Gave her ALL of me and any time I had. i am so pleased with the little gitl she has become. Strong, knows her mind, so empathetic. I hope this journey of nervous breakdown, medication, and self medication hasn;t taken her to a place where puberty is going to mirror what I did to wade thru my shit.
Charlottes school is a joke!
as we stood there for Sports day ... moms I hadn't spoken to in awhile, were aproaching me. I am the illusive involved, univolved in school activities, single mother. It was interesting, as the masses surrouned me, to find out how many mothers - parents, were so unimpressed with the school. The principal. The lack of anything being done!!! The, (i won't even call it bulying cause that is an easy millenium label), lack of parenting of a child has that should have been expelled!
I, Charlotte, has not been directly involed. Charlotte was instructed years ago, grade 1, to steer clear. I might have a judgemental, opinionted personality, but i am rarely wrong. In this instance, this kid.....Whatev. Charlotte knows what to do.

oh OppsY! lost my train of thought when I went pee. HAHAHAHAHA!

so maybe it comes back tomorrow. So for now...................

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