So i have this daughter.
she is 7 going on 8
when Big and I were dating he would only come over after she was in bed. She was very young (3) when we first started dating so that was just how it had to be. And it was pretty easy cause T.V hasn't put stuff in their minds at that point. As she got older it did start to get more difficult.
He would sometimes spend part of the night and always be gone before she got up. If she got up in the night it was easy to deal with as she was too young to put anything togehter as I would hurry off to her room in order to keep the body in my bed a secret.
we didn't kiss in front of her. These were things that were easily kept. She didn't notice. It wasn't soemthing she was even aware of that happened between adults.
Totally Off her radar.
Well............
She has been noticing things. Things like how Steph and her hubby. They are so very affectionate. Charley has soaked that all up. Her little mind is working.
Yesterday afternoon Tall Dude stopped in.
Charlotte went next door to play with her friend.
WE made out on the couch.
With the whir of the dishwasher going we didn't hear the front door open and the footsteps up the stairs.
I opened my eyes and over Tall Dudes shoulder I could see The Queen. Looking,staring, not knowing what to do.
Her friend had been called for dinner.
she came bounding upstairs cause she really likes the Tall Dude and was excited he was here!
It was only kissing, but still. For a little girl thats never seen her mommy doing that............
Tall Dude left.
Charley and I talked about what she saw. She's good with it. Embaressed but okay.
He came back later on in the evening after she's gone to bed. The evening progresses and we lock the door behind us.
At about Midnight there is a knock on my door.
Its Charley.
CARP!!!!
we were only talking but still.
i tell her I'm checking my e-mail.
In the morning she climbs into bed with me and she asks me straight out if Tall dude was here in my room with me last night.
she heard voices and she saw his Truck outside!
What!!!!
Frig!!!
She is a smart cookie!
She heard voices. My bedroom door is shut so she checked to see who was here that i could possibly be talking to in my room!
Little slueth she is.
Frig!
Frig!
And Double Frig!!!
what did I do???
Well I played dumb of course.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Name........
My boyfriend...hehehehehe......I can say that!!!
(((Boyfriend)))
How neat.
Anyhow, my boyfriend calls me Kat.
I am unsure where or how he got that. Or rather the 'guys' at work got it. But apparently, thats my new name.
They decided.
Its not sappy.
He thinks its sexy.
i like it!
untill i find out why I got it I guess.
Blog on Dudes................Kat!
(((Boyfriend)))
How neat.
Anyhow, my boyfriend calls me Kat.
I am unsure where or how he got that. Or rather the 'guys' at work got it. But apparently, thats my new name.
They decided.
Its not sappy.
He thinks its sexy.
i like it!
untill i find out why I got it I guess.
Blog on Dudes................Kat!
Friday, July 28, 2006
No Nails
I have no finger nails left.
I waitied all last evening to hear.
i heard nothing.
i work today so thats good it will keep me away from waiting in my kitchen for the phone to ring.
So i ate popcorn and tried to keep my anxiety down.
Fuck what a day of adrenalin.
Car.........job.........Tall Dude........the Farm,
Car is fixed.
tall dude is........well.......he's tall......
Farm....its been sold.
Job???
HECK!!!
my Gladiolas are lovely
I waitied all last evening to hear.
i heard nothing.
i work today so thats good it will keep me away from waiting in my kitchen for the phone to ring.
So i ate popcorn and tried to keep my anxiety down.
Fuck what a day of adrenalin.
Car.........job.........Tall Dude........the Farm,
Car is fixed.
tall dude is........well.......he's tall......
Farm....its been sold.
Job???
HECK!!!
my Gladiolas are lovely
Thursday, July 27, 2006
CAR
It'll cost 1800 dollars to fix it
my stomach did a flip,my eyes rolled back into my head.
Carp!
i just don't have that.
There's gotta be another way.
There is. But you are taking a chance.
WE can by-pass it.
Do it!
it wasn't as easy as that, but it worked out better than the worst.........600bux later. My car stopped making the bad grind rattle sound and the engine is not siezed.
All the things that had stopped going round and round started again.
I just Pray for that job
my stomach did a flip,my eyes rolled back into my head.
Carp!
i just don't have that.
There's gotta be another way.
There is. But you are taking a chance.
WE can by-pass it.
Do it!
it wasn't as easy as that, but it worked out better than the worst.........600bux later. My car stopped making the bad grind rattle sound and the engine is not siezed.
All the things that had stopped going round and round started again.
I just Pray for that job
cross your fingers
second interview today.
I interact with children.
Keep your fingers crossed!!
i was reminded yesterday why I never liked catering.
i'm a schedule person. I like to know when I start and when I'm finished and what i'm doing in between.
Delivering food by surprise while not wearing a bra and in a little sundress is not my idea of a good time.
although the men i delivered to thought it was Great!!
An hour turning into 4.
Granted I need the hours which is why I do it, but...........
When am i on? When am i off? What The Hell!
Blog On dudes!!
I interact with children.
Keep your fingers crossed!!
i was reminded yesterday why I never liked catering.
i'm a schedule person. I like to know when I start and when I'm finished and what i'm doing in between.
Delivering food by surprise while not wearing a bra and in a little sundress is not my idea of a good time.
although the men i delivered to thought it was Great!!
An hour turning into 4.
Granted I need the hours which is why I do it, but...........
When am i on? When am i off? What The Hell!
Blog On dudes!!
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
M.I.L.F.......R U??? do You wanna Be?!?
Milf meetings.............
apply here!
availability needed to make plan
apply here!
availability needed to make plan
Monday, July 24, 2006
Goose Poop & Feathers
I was so excited.
Our first official going out date!
I woke in the morning with left over allergies from the day before. I didn't want to be sniffling all day so I washed an antihistimine down with my morning coffee. Having a red nose and needing to blow it all day would have really tarnished the day I had pictured in my head.
I frantically got ready.
I was tired from working a BBQ for 11 hours in the hot sun from the day before.
I dropped Charlitte off at Gramma's.
Then made my way back home. Just before my exit off the freeway.........traffic stopped.
Frig!
I had lots of time still so I was okay.
10:30. He was coming at 10:30.
I was more concerned cause the plan was to head out that way. Are we going to be stopped on the freeway?
I made it home with minutes to spare.
I ran in the house.
Do I bring the back-pack I was preparing?
I don't want to appear too prepared for anything.
this is supposed to casual....comfortable.....i didn't know what to do.
Yes thats me. I like to be prepared for all the just in cases that might happen. My first job is mom afterall.
I settled for the frozen bottle of water in my purse. Put the camera aside. Applied more sunscreen. my bathing suit was on. Deodarant? I reapply, just to be sure. Okay. I'm good!
He's here! Right on time!
Do I appear calm cool and collected?
My front door is open. He comes in and I'm standing at the top of the stairs in my casual grey skirt from Jacobs and my white with green trim tank from American Eagle. He's in the same colour combination.
Hmmm. Interesting. Dressing the same so early in the relationship. Are we that couple?
"you look beautiful."
He wraps his arms around me and I tilt my head up.......way up....to kiss him.
Out we go and jump in the truck.
"are you as nervous as I am" I didn't expect those word out of his mouth. But he is so much like me that way. Direct and to the point. Why hide stuff?
I didn't want to answer. Of course I was nervous. Well maybe just more excited. Really, really excited. We've spent lots of time together in my home, but thats easy. Thats me. My stuff. This was our first social outing. This was a gauranteed uninterupted DAY together. This was him sharing what he likes to do with me. This was him sharing himself. This was our first official 'date' toghether.
I reach over and put my hand on his leg.'I'm excited and looking forward to this day with you'
It was just about then that the little pill i washed down with my morning coffee started to kick in. I leaned my head back on the seat. The wind from the open back of the truck blowing my loose hair around my face. He drives me thru the countryside, this I of course love. The open road. The farmhouses, fields. The smell of country. He points out all the houses he's worked at. Former clients from his 12 years in the business.
i listen from my drugged brain as he shares himself,and his expierences with me.
we avoid the freeway and keep away from the traffic.
Out to River we go.
He parks the truck on the side of the road. I grab my purse and then we trek down the side of the embankment to the river bed. We make it to part of the river that has made its own course from the main part of it.
"I can carry you"
I give him a What The Hell look. 'Carry me?' I slip off my sandals and start to make my way thru the water. Manuevering carefully around the slippery rocks. He follows. We get to the other side and he shows me where he's spent afternoons with his kids. He shows me where his youngest son has been working on carving his name in an old log. He tells me how much the River has changed in the last while and points at checkpoints and things.
He loves it there.
We make are way back to the truck.
He collects rocks. As a hobby.
And not the kind you can fit in your pocket. The kind you need a few friends or a crane to lift.
As we are heading back I step over one I decided I liked.
"then you should have it."
He takes it to the water and cleans it off. It'll look good in my garden. Not too big. don't need crane.
He tucks it in the back of the truck under the blanket.
Off to his next stop.
He wants to show me soemthing.
Again we stop and trek down to another spot in the river.
now I must admit.......it was a beautiful rock. I took a picture of it with my camera phone but it really jsut doens't do it justice. It looksas though it has Jade all through it. Wet you can see all the colour in it. Blues and Greens. He is so pleased with himself.Glad that I likeit too. I can see his face light up as i study it and announce my love for it too!
WE stand balancing on the rocks at the edge of the river. I lean into him. He is on a lower rock. We are looking into each others eyes.
Standing on the edge of the river listening to it rush behind us. Crashing over the rocks in its path. We kiss. We kiss a lot. Then we remember the guy about 40 feet away fishing.
We should go.
Its lunch time.
This is good cause i am still in a slight self induced antihistamine haze. Food will help.
He takes me past a house he once lived in down by the lake. Tells me a story about living there. He is so full of stories. We have lunch at the local Burger Joint.
Sitting at a picnic table outside. Watching people walk by. Holding hands across the table. Oh we are jsut so smitten with each other and its so very obvious to anyone that looks over. There we are gazing endlessly at one another constant smiles on our faces.
Its almost sickening.
Not sickening enough though that we had to sit on the same side of the table. We weren't THAT couple. I can't stand people who do that. Public displays of affection turn me off. I mean there is a time and place. I nice kiss in public is one thing and holding hands. but if you can't keep your hands off each other.........get a fucking room!
It was nice to learn that he has the same philosophy.
Back in the truck we go. I grab my water. Its hot and I am dehydrated. Friggin Pill!
In the back of the truck under the blankets he has a flat of water, sunscreen, rocks, t-shirts.......he is prepared for anything!
It appears we might have a few more things in common.
Hmmm.
OUr next stop was closer to home.
WE covered the farmland again. My hand on his leg while he's driving. I lean over and kiss his neck. A light nibble to his earlobe. We are at a stop sign in the middle of nowhere and he turns his head to kiss my mouth. The sun is beaming down on us. As our mouths engage and our tongues entwine. We need to find shade. We are heating up in all kinds of ways!
He is heading for a park.
Once at the park he sets out finding a shady spot to lay out the blanket.
there is Goose Poop everywhere. I insist that blankets can be cleaned. Thats why God gave us washers.
He finds a cozy spot under a big old willow and lays it out.
we are isolated from the rest of the park. People we can hardly see at the other end where the bathrooms are.
Lying on a blanket under a willow tree we lay and kiss and touch and talk. Staring up thru the branches and soaking each other up. Every once in awhile a curious person drives by and slows when they see us.
I decided that the swings looked very inviting.
so I jumped up to make my way over.
"what are you doing?"
'swingin baby!! oooh look a feather!'
It was a huge Goose feather. I figured Charlotte would love it so I picked it up and took it with me and chose my swing.
Tall Dude wanders over with another one and hands it to me.
YaY!
I start to swing as high as I can. The feathers are getting munched in my hands so I put them in the ponys I had in my hair.
'There. now I won't lose them!'
He laughs. Watching me swing higher and higher. I lean back till my head almost touches the ground.
"you're not like other girls. I like you"
Back over to the blanket we go and make out for another hour.
I have never kissed so much in my life as i do with him.
The fondling of parts isn't even there so much. He is so respectful! Just kissing. The light touch of his hand on my face. Squeezing my shoulder. Around my waist.
Hours seem like minutes when we are togehter. It all just flys by and then there we are. Having to leave.
His day is up. He must pick up his children and i must pick up mine.
WE talk about our feelings for one another. I marvel at how he's not trying to get in my pants he just enjoys holding me and kissing. This of course makes me want him more. The oral fixation I have calling out in my head to 'take care of things'
but that part I won't share.
He drives me home.
We stand in my driveway and say our goodbyes.
The day was a huge success!
I just loved spending time with him.
I love that he needs to be a dad too. I love that he respects me and my place as a mom.
He tells me how much I 'fit' him. How he just can't believe it. I am yelling in my head cause thats just how I feel to and its jsut all so wierd and wonderous. I'm scared that the whirlwind will stop and that this will all fade. Scared that he will leave me in one way or another just like every other man has.
More afraid that he won't.
I looked into his eyes last night and I saw something there that was unfamiliar to me.
Now I don't want to say anything quite yet. I'm not even sure if what I saw.......if i deciphered it correctly. But it did freak me out!
WEll blogger dudes. That was my Saturday date. It has taken me forever to write about it. Between blogger breakdown and just actually being busy. It took 2 days!!!
And my friggin spacebar that I cleaned and now it doesn't work quite right so i keep having run-on words. Proof reading is taking twice as long.
Frig!
Blog On Dudes..............K.
Our first official going out date!
I woke in the morning with left over allergies from the day before. I didn't want to be sniffling all day so I washed an antihistimine down with my morning coffee. Having a red nose and needing to blow it all day would have really tarnished the day I had pictured in my head.
I frantically got ready.
I was tired from working a BBQ for 11 hours in the hot sun from the day before.
I dropped Charlitte off at Gramma's.
Then made my way back home. Just before my exit off the freeway.........traffic stopped.
Frig!
I had lots of time still so I was okay.
10:30. He was coming at 10:30.
I was more concerned cause the plan was to head out that way. Are we going to be stopped on the freeway?
I made it home with minutes to spare.
I ran in the house.
Do I bring the back-pack I was preparing?
I don't want to appear too prepared for anything.
this is supposed to casual....comfortable.....i didn't know what to do.
Yes thats me. I like to be prepared for all the just in cases that might happen. My first job is mom afterall.
I settled for the frozen bottle of water in my purse. Put the camera aside. Applied more sunscreen. my bathing suit was on. Deodarant? I reapply, just to be sure. Okay. I'm good!
He's here! Right on time!
Do I appear calm cool and collected?
My front door is open. He comes in and I'm standing at the top of the stairs in my casual grey skirt from Jacobs and my white with green trim tank from American Eagle. He's in the same colour combination.
Hmmm. Interesting. Dressing the same so early in the relationship. Are we that couple?
"you look beautiful."
He wraps his arms around me and I tilt my head up.......way up....to kiss him.
Out we go and jump in the truck.
"are you as nervous as I am" I didn't expect those word out of his mouth. But he is so much like me that way. Direct and to the point. Why hide stuff?
I didn't want to answer. Of course I was nervous. Well maybe just more excited. Really, really excited. We've spent lots of time together in my home, but thats easy. Thats me. My stuff. This was our first social outing. This was a gauranteed uninterupted DAY together. This was him sharing what he likes to do with me. This was him sharing himself. This was our first official 'date' toghether.
I reach over and put my hand on his leg.'I'm excited and looking forward to this day with you'
It was just about then that the little pill i washed down with my morning coffee started to kick in. I leaned my head back on the seat. The wind from the open back of the truck blowing my loose hair around my face. He drives me thru the countryside, this I of course love. The open road. The farmhouses, fields. The smell of country. He points out all the houses he's worked at. Former clients from his 12 years in the business.
i listen from my drugged brain as he shares himself,and his expierences with me.
we avoid the freeway and keep away from the traffic.
Out to River we go.
He parks the truck on the side of the road. I grab my purse and then we trek down the side of the embankment to the river bed. We make it to part of the river that has made its own course from the main part of it.
"I can carry you"
I give him a What The Hell look. 'Carry me?' I slip off my sandals and start to make my way thru the water. Manuevering carefully around the slippery rocks. He follows. We get to the other side and he shows me where he's spent afternoons with his kids. He shows me where his youngest son has been working on carving his name in an old log. He tells me how much the River has changed in the last while and points at checkpoints and things.
He loves it there.
We make are way back to the truck.
He collects rocks. As a hobby.
And not the kind you can fit in your pocket. The kind you need a few friends or a crane to lift.
As we are heading back I step over one I decided I liked.
"then you should have it."
He takes it to the water and cleans it off. It'll look good in my garden. Not too big. don't need crane.
He tucks it in the back of the truck under the blanket.
Off to his next stop.
He wants to show me soemthing.
Again we stop and trek down to another spot in the river.
now I must admit.......it was a beautiful rock. I took a picture of it with my camera phone but it really jsut doens't do it justice. It looksas though it has Jade all through it. Wet you can see all the colour in it. Blues and Greens. He is so pleased with himself.Glad that I likeit too. I can see his face light up as i study it and announce my love for it too!
WE stand balancing on the rocks at the edge of the river. I lean into him. He is on a lower rock. We are looking into each others eyes.
Standing on the edge of the river listening to it rush behind us. Crashing over the rocks in its path. We kiss. We kiss a lot. Then we remember the guy about 40 feet away fishing.
We should go.
Its lunch time.
This is good cause i am still in a slight self induced antihistamine haze. Food will help.
He takes me past a house he once lived in down by the lake. Tells me a story about living there. He is so full of stories. We have lunch at the local Burger Joint.
Sitting at a picnic table outside. Watching people walk by. Holding hands across the table. Oh we are jsut so smitten with each other and its so very obvious to anyone that looks over. There we are gazing endlessly at one another constant smiles on our faces.
Its almost sickening.
Not sickening enough though that we had to sit on the same side of the table. We weren't THAT couple. I can't stand people who do that. Public displays of affection turn me off. I mean there is a time and place. I nice kiss in public is one thing and holding hands. but if you can't keep your hands off each other.........get a fucking room!
It was nice to learn that he has the same philosophy.
Back in the truck we go. I grab my water. Its hot and I am dehydrated. Friggin Pill!
In the back of the truck under the blankets he has a flat of water, sunscreen, rocks, t-shirts.......he is prepared for anything!
It appears we might have a few more things in common.
Hmmm.
OUr next stop was closer to home.
WE covered the farmland again. My hand on his leg while he's driving. I lean over and kiss his neck. A light nibble to his earlobe. We are at a stop sign in the middle of nowhere and he turns his head to kiss my mouth. The sun is beaming down on us. As our mouths engage and our tongues entwine. We need to find shade. We are heating up in all kinds of ways!
He is heading for a park.
Once at the park he sets out finding a shady spot to lay out the blanket.
there is Goose Poop everywhere. I insist that blankets can be cleaned. Thats why God gave us washers.
He finds a cozy spot under a big old willow and lays it out.
we are isolated from the rest of the park. People we can hardly see at the other end where the bathrooms are.
Lying on a blanket under a willow tree we lay and kiss and touch and talk. Staring up thru the branches and soaking each other up. Every once in awhile a curious person drives by and slows when they see us.
I decided that the swings looked very inviting.
so I jumped up to make my way over.
"what are you doing?"
'swingin baby!! oooh look a feather!'
It was a huge Goose feather. I figured Charlotte would love it so I picked it up and took it with me and chose my swing.
Tall Dude wanders over with another one and hands it to me.
YaY!
I start to swing as high as I can. The feathers are getting munched in my hands so I put them in the ponys I had in my hair.
'There. now I won't lose them!'
He laughs. Watching me swing higher and higher. I lean back till my head almost touches the ground.
"you're not like other girls. I like you"
Back over to the blanket we go and make out for another hour.
I have never kissed so much in my life as i do with him.
The fondling of parts isn't even there so much. He is so respectful! Just kissing. The light touch of his hand on my face. Squeezing my shoulder. Around my waist.
Hours seem like minutes when we are togehter. It all just flys by and then there we are. Having to leave.
His day is up. He must pick up his children and i must pick up mine.
WE talk about our feelings for one another. I marvel at how he's not trying to get in my pants he just enjoys holding me and kissing. This of course makes me want him more. The oral fixation I have calling out in my head to 'take care of things'
but that part I won't share.
He drives me home.
We stand in my driveway and say our goodbyes.
The day was a huge success!
I just loved spending time with him.
I love that he needs to be a dad too. I love that he respects me and my place as a mom.
He tells me how much I 'fit' him. How he just can't believe it. I am yelling in my head cause thats just how I feel to and its jsut all so wierd and wonderous. I'm scared that the whirlwind will stop and that this will all fade. Scared that he will leave me in one way or another just like every other man has.
More afraid that he won't.
I looked into his eyes last night and I saw something there that was unfamiliar to me.
Now I don't want to say anything quite yet. I'm not even sure if what I saw.......if i deciphered it correctly. But it did freak me out!
WEll blogger dudes. That was my Saturday date. It has taken me forever to write about it. Between blogger breakdown and just actually being busy. It took 2 days!!!
And my friggin spacebar that I cleaned and now it doesn't work quite right so i keep having run-on words. Proof reading is taking twice as long.
Frig!
Blog On Dudes..............K.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Carp!
I am in like and falling for this guy in the worst way.
i am sooo excited about tomorrow and he is too.
he was like a little kid when he called me today to confirm.
I can't believe he is just as excited as i am!
it was never like that with Big.
YaY! for me.
I'llhave to set up a date or a thing now cause it is time forSteph to meet him. Muck has already sent her approval. Now Steph and Joe need to check him out!
I have and am developing very strong feelings for the Tall Poolboy Dude. He is for me too. And yes I am still floating on my cloud!
So to the River go with him on our date tomorrow. First official date really.
I mean date of him taking me somewhere type date.
I am so excited!
I'll have to bring my camera.
blog On dudes!
i am sooo excited about tomorrow and he is too.
he was like a little kid when he called me today to confirm.
I can't believe he is just as excited as i am!
it was never like that with Big.
YaY! for me.
I'llhave to set up a date or a thing now cause it is time forSteph to meet him. Muck has already sent her approval. Now Steph and Joe need to check him out!
I have and am developing very strong feelings for the Tall Poolboy Dude. He is for me too. And yes I am still floating on my cloud!
So to the River go with him on our date tomorrow. First official date really.
I mean date of him taking me somewhere type date.
I am so excited!
I'll have to bring my camera.
blog On dudes!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
I Got A Second Interview!!!
They must have called my house as soon as i left the room!
i go back next Thursday.
yippee! yAy!
so i guess we see.
Tall dude was here tonight..
He has officially laid claim to me. I am his.
so Now he has invited me to go with him this weekend to one of his favorite spots by the river.
Damn Rights i'm going!
Tall Dude wants to share something with me?!?
I am there!
Already mailed my mom to see if she can take Charley for the day..........
So as long as all the lights are green on his end......
Blog On Dudes!!
i go back next Thursday.
yippee! yAy!
so i guess we see.
Tall dude was here tonight..
He has officially laid claim to me. I am his.
so Now he has invited me to go with him this weekend to one of his favorite spots by the river.
Damn Rights i'm going!
Tall Dude wants to share something with me?!?
I am there!
Already mailed my mom to see if she can take Charley for the day..........
So as long as all the lights are green on his end......
Blog On Dudes!!
Big Day
Today is the Big Interview!
In just a few hours.
I awake with 2 little zits on my nose.
Fuck Me!!
They say its the beginning of the heat wave. I hope my deoderant doesn't crap out.
I've googled mapquest to find the exact location for this interview.
My interview outfit picked out, clean, and waiting.
My hair............its a good possibility there's no hope for that.
I am suitably nervous.
The drive is an hour away. I'm giving myself an hour and a half to get there.
Okay. Wish me luck Blogger Dudes!
In just a few hours.
I awake with 2 little zits on my nose.
Fuck Me!!
They say its the beginning of the heat wave. I hope my deoderant doesn't crap out.
I've googled mapquest to find the exact location for this interview.
My interview outfit picked out, clean, and waiting.
My hair............its a good possibility there's no hope for that.
I am suitably nervous.
The drive is an hour away. I'm giving myself an hour and a half to get there.
Okay. Wish me luck Blogger Dudes!
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
BITCH & FUCK!!
a yeast infection
my period
Now I jsut pulled my blinds from in my bedroom off the wall.
Broken!!!
all in one day.
WHAT THE HELL!!!!
my period
Now I jsut pulled my blinds from in my bedroom off the wall.
Broken!!!
all in one day.
WHAT THE HELL!!!!
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
tALl DudE
So The Tall Dude came over for a few hours last night.
he likes me. He just likes to spend time with me.
WHAT THE HELL!
Its not about sex!
So now my feelings for him grow and I am in a position where he has the power to hurt me.
I have the fear creeping in....
So when is he going to pull the plug?
Or just die?
I am a freak!
I opened that stupid envelope and now I am thinking and analyzing.
STOP! STOP! STOP!!
MY BRAIN MUST STOP!
Everything will work out. I have to keep the faith. Stop thinking and just keep doing.
Thanks Steph for talking me off the ledge.
Got an interview for an Awesome opportunity to maybe use the education I got when i went to college.
Such a prestigeous position if I can get it. I go for the first interview Thursday.
It has the possiblities to grow into so much.
I'm keepingmy fingers crossed.
Okay I hope I don'tjinx myself. I can so do that. you are right Doodle.
I have a man that likes me and I like him and its not about sex. I will enjoy it.
I currently have 2 jobs and now the possiblity of a third!
My daughter is so incredible and wonderful.
i have Fabulous friends that support me and remind me the obvious that I lose sight of.
Thanks Miss. K. for yesterday.
My family is excitable and loves me.
he likes me. He just likes to spend time with me.
WHAT THE HELL!
Its not about sex!
So now my feelings for him grow and I am in a position where he has the power to hurt me.
I have the fear creeping in....
So when is he going to pull the plug?
Or just die?
I am a freak!
I opened that stupid envelope and now I am thinking and analyzing.
STOP! STOP! STOP!!
MY BRAIN MUST STOP!
Everything will work out. I have to keep the faith. Stop thinking and just keep doing.
Thanks Steph for talking me off the ledge.
Got an interview for an Awesome opportunity to maybe use the education I got when i went to college.
Such a prestigeous position if I can get it. I go for the first interview Thursday.
It has the possiblities to grow into so much.
I'm keepingmy fingers crossed.
Okay I hope I don'tjinx myself. I can so do that. you are right Doodle.
I have a man that likes me and I like him and its not about sex. I will enjoy it.
I currently have 2 jobs and now the possiblity of a third!
My daughter is so incredible and wonderful.
i have Fabulous friends that support me and remind me the obvious that I lose sight of.
Thanks Miss. K. for yesterday.
My family is excitable and loves me.
Okay.
Back to fulfilling dreams and fantasies.
Monday, July 17, 2006
I just made the biggest mistake ever.
i opened my credit card statement.
i can't get all the numbers out of my head now. I just finished an e-mail about it. But I didn't actually know the numbers. I was just guessing.
Well.
Now I know. Now I am sick.
What?
I fucked us.
In the Ass and backwards we are fucked with unknown objects.
My carefree non-anylytical new attitude is going to end us up living in the street.
Crap!
i opened my credit card statement.
i can't get all the numbers out of my head now. I just finished an e-mail about it. But I didn't actually know the numbers. I was just guessing.
Well.
Now I know. Now I am sick.
What?
I fucked us.
In the Ass and backwards we are fucked with unknown objects.
My carefree non-anylytical new attitude is going to end us up living in the street.
Crap!
A Ride at Disneyland
So it turns out the world must prove to me again how incredibly small it is.
After spending part of the evening with the Tall dude last night............we came to learn that we went to the same highschool.
I graduated the year before he did!
Get out your Yearbook Muck!
Its A Small World Afterall.
He turned up at my driveway unanounced last night. He seems to love to do that. I in my jammies talking on the phone and drinking tea on the front porch.
Good thing I'm pretty secure with myself and how I look. Or this 'dropping by' thing that he does could have some very negative effects.
I was so happy to see him.
When I went down and opened the front door I jumped into his arms. He lifted me off the ground and kissed me.
Both of us telling the other how much we missed one another.
How much we like each other.
We sat on my couch in the livingroom talking about the last few days since we saw each other. Holding hands. Intertwining our bodies because we can't get enough of the touching. Every once in awhile kissing between subjects. The whole while smiling. Ignoring my slowly darkening room and the glow of the T.V.
Evening turning into night and we just hold each other and chat about whatever comes to mind.
I love this part of a relationship. Its all you can do to soak up the other person. Like you just want to inhale them. You can't seem to be close enough. Ever. You never want them to leave. They never want to leave.........
I will see him tonight.
we made a plan.
Charley will be gone till about 8 with her East Coast friend.
Whatever shall we do in this empty house?
hmmmm.
Blog On dudes!
After spending part of the evening with the Tall dude last night............we came to learn that we went to the same highschool.
I graduated the year before he did!
Get out your Yearbook Muck!
Its A Small World Afterall.
He turned up at my driveway unanounced last night. He seems to love to do that. I in my jammies talking on the phone and drinking tea on the front porch.
Good thing I'm pretty secure with myself and how I look. Or this 'dropping by' thing that he does could have some very negative effects.
I was so happy to see him.
When I went down and opened the front door I jumped into his arms. He lifted me off the ground and kissed me.
Both of us telling the other how much we missed one another.
How much we like each other.
We sat on my couch in the livingroom talking about the last few days since we saw each other. Holding hands. Intertwining our bodies because we can't get enough of the touching. Every once in awhile kissing between subjects. The whole while smiling. Ignoring my slowly darkening room and the glow of the T.V.
Evening turning into night and we just hold each other and chat about whatever comes to mind.
I love this part of a relationship. Its all you can do to soak up the other person. Like you just want to inhale them. You can't seem to be close enough. Ever. You never want them to leave. They never want to leave.........
I will see him tonight.
we made a plan.
Charley will be gone till about 8 with her East Coast friend.
Whatever shall we do in this empty house?
hmmmm.
Blog On dudes!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Answering Machine
Got home last night after a very long day.
There it was. My answering machine blinking away at me that I have a new message.
'you have 1 new message and 24 old messages'
Frig!
so I listened.
A job! Someone called already from all the resumes I put out on Wednesday! I didn't have a pen and paper handy so I was going to have to listen to the message again. That meant listening to them all.
Fine. I have to clear them out anyway.
As i was going thru. Remebering them and hitting delete.
When there it was. His voice.
He'd Missed me at home and was going to try me on my cell.
Larry.
The tears come up in my eyes.......
WoW! the impact that man has had in my life is incredible.
I think of him every day.
He opened my eyes to so many things.
To life.
Being between jobs as i am and the not knowing how I'm gonna pay my bills next month..........
I just feel so different about it than i would have a year ago this time.
So I'm floating.
I worked all day yesterday for Mr. B.
I loved it!
Realized how out of shape I am when I couldn't lift the things with ease that I used to be able to lift. I actually Scared myself.
I've alwasy been feakishly strong for a girl.
Not so Much yesterday.
If it weren't for Larry I would be in a panic right now about when I will work again. trust me its there. But I am not going to let it get to me.
If not for Larry, I would not have met the Tall Dude.
I would not even give Tall dude the time of day.
He gave me soooo much in the short time we were togehter.
His Gift. So much more than the box of stuff he sent. So much more than the letter with his words of Love to me. His gift is so much more than any of that.
I am grateful for every day. For each day on its own. Cause there honestly may not be a tomorrow.
Will feel like this forever?
I don't know. It would be nice,cause there is just very little anxiety in this place. But I don't know, cause I'm just live each day as it is brought to me.
Told me to love. Encouraged me to love again.
The very last lines of his letter......."Have a great life and PROMISE ME you will love again."
I didn't delete the message on the answering machine.
Blog On Dudes!
There it was. My answering machine blinking away at me that I have a new message.
'you have 1 new message and 24 old messages'
Frig!
so I listened.
A job! Someone called already from all the resumes I put out on Wednesday! I didn't have a pen and paper handy so I was going to have to listen to the message again. That meant listening to them all.
Fine. I have to clear them out anyway.
As i was going thru. Remebering them and hitting delete.
When there it was. His voice.
He'd Missed me at home and was going to try me on my cell.
Larry.
The tears come up in my eyes.......
WoW! the impact that man has had in my life is incredible.
I think of him every day.
He opened my eyes to so many things.
To life.
Being between jobs as i am and the not knowing how I'm gonna pay my bills next month..........
I just feel so different about it than i would have a year ago this time.
So I'm floating.
I worked all day yesterday for Mr. B.
I loved it!
Realized how out of shape I am when I couldn't lift the things with ease that I used to be able to lift. I actually Scared myself.
I've alwasy been feakishly strong for a girl.
Not so Much yesterday.
If it weren't for Larry I would be in a panic right now about when I will work again. trust me its there. But I am not going to let it get to me.
If not for Larry, I would not have met the Tall Dude.
I would not even give Tall dude the time of day.
He gave me soooo much in the short time we were togehter.
His Gift. So much more than the box of stuff he sent. So much more than the letter with his words of Love to me. His gift is so much more than any of that.
I am grateful for every day. For each day on its own. Cause there honestly may not be a tomorrow.
Will feel like this forever?
I don't know. It would be nice,cause there is just very little anxiety in this place. But I don't know, cause I'm just live each day as it is brought to me.
Told me to love. Encouraged me to love again.
The very last lines of his letter......."Have a great life and PROMISE ME you will love again."
I didn't delete the message on the answering machine.
Blog On Dudes!
Friday, July 14, 2006
Tonight she Comes Home
I pick her up this evening! 
No more free play time for me.
Hmmmmm.
That will definantly need to be worked on!
I hope she had a good time!
No more free play time for me.
Hmmmmm.
That will definantly need to be worked on!
I hope she had a good time!
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Okay then.....
More company!!
this one I'm actually truly excited and happy about!!!
YaY!
I am the dating Queen!!!
this one I'm actually truly excited and happy about!!!
YaY!
I am the dating Queen!!!
Is it Raining at Camp Too??
I hope she is having a good time.
Its been raining here since yesterday. I wonder if its raining there too.
Shes doing archery and crafts and hiking and swimming. Its all very exciting!
i remember after the week being done and having to leave. All the tears I would shed as you leave your new found friends. The feelings that just are part of Camp ******.
Its always love. No matter what Love that surrounds you there. Being there and dropping her off reminded me of so many things and the times i spent there.I am so grateful to be able to share it with my little girl. Camp ****** taught me so many things. I'm sure it will teach her the same.
My friggin roof!
Its still raining in my room! Friggin Landpeople! Oh yah, they said the guy was coming........the guy came looked at it.
"yup. Its leaking"
Well and so!!!!
The Queen comes home tomorrow evening. 
I only sort of miss her. I mean I do,but I don't. Does that make sense. I was so busy yesterday with job type stuff. In the evening when i didn't have anyone yelling at me that they were hungry. Or anyonefor me to get annoyed with cause the room i just tidied is messy AGAIN. Then there was a bit of the hole. But I fixed that with the company! Today I will organize my basement I think. Actually get the stuff out of the house that I want to get rid of. Maybe i'll have the company again! maybe i should see if I can make real plans. Oh, wait. thats right i am between jobs. I have no money for real plans. Frig!
Now heres a plan!! Maybe I have enough Good junk that I could actually have a sale! Even better plan! Cause of course You gotta have the big ticket items. All the little things are still just junk when you lay it all out on the lawn.
Hmmmm. well we'll have to see how far I get.
I work tomorrow afternoon for a few hours.
Blog On Dudes!Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Look its Me!!
Am i feeling Happy???
i have company coming soon.
that always makes me happy.
i even shaved my legs!!!
I don't shave my legs for just any company.
La la la!!
flying by the seat of my pants!
La la la!
I'm rebounding and not thinking like crazy!
La la la!
I'm probably losing my mind!
La la la!
I'm all across the board!
La la la!
What will I do next?
La la laaaaaaaaaa.......
Blog on Dudes!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
yes We Are!
Home that is!
we had a very wonderful time.
Drove thousands of miles.
With the help of a good friend we did get to 'do' some stuff.
WE visited Fort Steele and Charley got to go on her first real Train ride! On a big steam engine train! she went to the old school house where they have one room and chalk boards. On the wall as well as the desks.
She thought that was cool. Not nearly as cool as the old teacher we found inside with her flowing skirts and her perfect english.
I'm of course kicking myself right about now that I didn't take a pic of them together.
Damn!
We went to the Hot Springs in the Kootenays and this time Charley went in the caves!
WE drove thru the Rocky mountains.
That was awesome!
I haven't seen them myself since i was a little girl. It was wonderful to be able to share them with my little girl. It was sad to see that the pine beatle has been busy up there in the national parks.
Hey! did you know you have to pay to get into the National Parks!!! That was an unpleasant experience. Of course then when we drove thru the canyon.......rock all around us and the awesome beauty that is the Rockies......i didn't feel so bad giving up my money to drive thru there.
We saw a young Moose just galloping along the side of the highway.
We stopped at a river for a break in the drive and Charley went swimming in her clothes. She thought that was pretty cool. I kept telling her.......we are camping, just go for it!
WE didn't get to visit Freewrite.
i called him. But the times that he was home and the times I was passing thru his town just didn't work. I was on my way to my Aunts. Its 2 towns over. It was all just screwy. Me without a plan. After I got to my Aunts I figured it out. How it could have worked, but by that time it was too late.
sorry Sweetie!
Okay.....
now I'm pissed!
I'm trying to load up pics but its not working.
GRRRRRR!
I'll have to update my photoblog with them I guess.
Charley goes to camp today. Her first time! I have a lump in my throat. She is growing up so fast. She is gone till Friday.
WEll I better go for now Blogger Dudes!
BLOG ON!!!!
~especially you Jo~
we had a very wonderful time.
Drove thousands of miles.
With the help of a good friend we did get to 'do' some stuff.
WE visited Fort Steele and Charley got to go on her first real Train ride! On a big steam engine train! she went to the old school house where they have one room and chalk boards. On the wall as well as the desks.
She thought that was cool. Not nearly as cool as the old teacher we found inside with her flowing skirts and her perfect english.
I'm of course kicking myself right about now that I didn't take a pic of them together.
Damn!
We went to the Hot Springs in the Kootenays and this time Charley went in the caves!
WE drove thru the Rocky mountains.
That was awesome!
I haven't seen them myself since i was a little girl. It was wonderful to be able to share them with my little girl. It was sad to see that the pine beatle has been busy up there in the national parks.
Hey! did you know you have to pay to get into the National Parks!!! That was an unpleasant experience. Of course then when we drove thru the canyon.......rock all around us and the awesome beauty that is the Rockies......i didn't feel so bad giving up my money to drive thru there.
We saw a young Moose just galloping along the side of the highway.
We stopped at a river for a break in the drive and Charley went swimming in her clothes. She thought that was pretty cool. I kept telling her.......we are camping, just go for it!
WE didn't get to visit Freewrite.
i called him. But the times that he was home and the times I was passing thru his town just didn't work. I was on my way to my Aunts. Its 2 towns over. It was all just screwy. Me without a plan. After I got to my Aunts I figured it out. How it could have worked, but by that time it was too late.
sorry Sweetie!
Okay.....
now I'm pissed!
I'm trying to load up pics but its not working.
GRRRRRR!
I'll have to update my photoblog with them I guess.
Charley goes to camp today. Her first time! I have a lump in my throat. She is growing up so fast. She is gone till Friday.
WEll I better go for now Blogger Dudes!
BLOG ON!!!!
~especially you Jo~
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Update
So my good friend TK just left.
Came up from Portland for a quick overnight visit.
No! No! not that!
He has plans this AM to surprise his buddies for coffee. Its July 4th afterall.
Happy July 4th to all my friends States side!!!
so he came. We had an awesome visit. Its funny how you miss someone, but realize how much more you miss them when they are standing right in front of you.
Charley went for a sleepover Sunday night so I got myself some of that sex you people keep talking about. How did that come about you ask and who it was?
I was hoping the Tall Dude would come around sunday. But he didn't. So I left and went to my girlfriends. She had a friend over. We all went out in his car. Girlfriends boyfriend came and picked her up at the end of the night. so I needed a ride home........
Its a case of him being in the right place at the right time.
And yes it was Great!
so yesterday part way thru the day I decided that we are leaving.
I don't have a job currently, sort-of. So we are flying by the seat of our pants. I promised a holiday to my little girl. So it may not be the holiday that we had originally planned, but we are getting one.
I'm sure I will forget all kind of stuff cause I'm just kinda throwing stuff in the trunk and going.
SEE YOU SOON FREEWRITE!!!
Money?
Yah I'm Fucked actually. Beyond broke. Its a definant Credit Card time. But you know what. People do this all the time and it comes together. I learned from Larry so much. And we could die any day. I am not going to sit here and worry about it.
I'm not the most impressive right now anyway. I still sound like shit. My voice might be back by tomorrow. I'm all coughy and snotty.
Yes I do have the Restaurant to come back to. I hope. but I do worry about that place. Mr. B can be very unpredictable and I'm not on the schedule yet. so...........
I'm getting plan 'C' in place.
Already e-mailed resumes out yesterday and everything!
My cover letter needs some work though.
Anybody good at that kind of thing? Wanna give me a hand?
so I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. Really hoping to win big. Well Heck even if I win little I'll be happy!
so I better Run Blogger Dudes!
gotta try and find my jeans. What The hell do I do with these things???
Blog on Dudes!!
Send me good Vibes and positive Thoughts!
i really need them.......
Came up from Portland for a quick overnight visit.
No! No! not that!
He has plans this AM to surprise his buddies for coffee. Its July 4th afterall.
Happy July 4th to all my friends States side!!!
so he came. We had an awesome visit. Its funny how you miss someone, but realize how much more you miss them when they are standing right in front of you.
Charley went for a sleepover Sunday night so I got myself some of that sex you people keep talking about. How did that come about you ask and who it was?
I was hoping the Tall Dude would come around sunday. But he didn't. So I left and went to my girlfriends. She had a friend over. We all went out in his car. Girlfriends boyfriend came and picked her up at the end of the night. so I needed a ride home........
Its a case of him being in the right place at the right time.
And yes it was Great!
so yesterday part way thru the day I decided that we are leaving.
I don't have a job currently, sort-of. So we are flying by the seat of our pants. I promised a holiday to my little girl. So it may not be the holiday that we had originally planned, but we are getting one.
I'm sure I will forget all kind of stuff cause I'm just kinda throwing stuff in the trunk and going.
SEE YOU SOON FREEWRITE!!!
Money?
Yah I'm Fucked actually. Beyond broke. Its a definant Credit Card time. But you know what. People do this all the time and it comes together. I learned from Larry so much. And we could die any day. I am not going to sit here and worry about it.
I'm not the most impressive right now anyway. I still sound like shit. My voice might be back by tomorrow. I'm all coughy and snotty.
Yes I do have the Restaurant to come back to. I hope. but I do worry about that place. Mr. B can be very unpredictable and I'm not on the schedule yet. so...........
I'm getting plan 'C' in place.
Already e-mailed resumes out yesterday and everything!
My cover letter needs some work though.
Anybody good at that kind of thing? Wanna give me a hand?
so I bought a lottery ticket yesterday. Really hoping to win big. Well Heck even if I win little I'll be happy!
so I better Run Blogger Dudes!
gotta try and find my jeans. What The hell do I do with these things???
Blog on Dudes!!
Send me good Vibes and positive Thoughts!
i really need them.......
Monday, July 03, 2006
11 Months Celebit...
Yah, about that.....
did the deed.
trouble being he is not the summer fling I had hoped for. He would be a keeper. i am not in a place right now for a keeper. I need to be iresponsible, reckless. I hope I don't hurt this guy.......well I guess we'll see if he calls.
Hope you call L.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Guess Who just Climbed my Balcony?
Who remembers my Hot Nieghbor?
Well he was at his parents to check on their empty house as they are away for the weekend.
I guess he missed me.
Cause he climbed up my balcony on the front of my house and came in my livingroom to say "hi!"
What a guy!
Well he was at his parents to check on their empty house as they are away for the weekend.
I guess he missed me.
Cause he climbed up my balcony on the front of my house and came in my livingroom to say "hi!"
What a guy!