Debt

Found out how much Mountain has for debt this weekend.

My jaw hit the floor.

I mean I had a hard time swallowing the first lump of debt that i Knew he had ......... after all - he had taken that loan out to cover that and his car that he bought. That sinking money trap of a car that he bought in 2009. For some reason I didn't know, or forgot, or chose to not hear how much the loan was at the time. WEll - that accompanied with .......... we will be living in this wee home a lot longer than I had anticipated.

How someone can be That bad with money is beyond me. I mean - i haven't been working. I have acquired debt in the last year. It fails in comparison to my loving fiance's

shoes

Wish me Luck!

I am ordering shoes online -

ACK!

Sex & Marriage

Yes I feel badly. Poor man, needed some "pre-nup" last night. So I wasn't very responsive. I told him to go for it. He needed forplay? What? So I smiled and figured that part would be over soon. Nope, he needed response from me. Lots of response from me *sigh* all I could think about was my day with Muck making invitations. - How many more we need. How many reception cards to make? The table talkers I have to get done. Charlotte Talent show that is happening today. the satin I just bought. My engagement ring. Have I exhausted every store for shoes? When will I get my pants hemmed now that I have to work from 10 - 8. What about the costco shop? and the fact that Charlotte is Still awake and I am listening to her in the bathroom right outside our closed Bedroom door!!! ect. - So I wasn't that responsive and was really not even feeling like faking it anymore than I already was. He got upset. I said to him, 'I want to! I am into it. I want to do it. I just have a lot on my mind. So just Fuck me' ( isn't that what a guy wants to hear?) Truthfully i just wanted it done and over with. Knowing I will get nothing out of it cuz my mind won't shut off. He got huffy and just left! ( guess that's not what a guy wants to hear)

ok

then in the middle of the night, Kneader came up and wanted some cuddles from me. Not him and he again threw a tantrum. Got up and left again. I think he slept on the couch a bit and then I heard him go outside .......... needless to say. When he left this morning, he was still stomping around.

Do I apologize for having a lot on my mind. I get frustrated too, but man a livin' stop being such a bitch about it!

Stroller

Yes, that's right. I still have Charlotte's stroller.

I LOVED it. So I kept it, thinking of course, that i would pass it along to my brother for when he and his wife had a baby. his wife didn't want it because the infant seat, that came with it was past due. The stroller is beautiful. I thought anyhow. so i was kinda hurt. I barely used it, Charlotte walked at 8 mnths .......... it was the only thing I got for Charley when she was a baby that was brand new!

Anyhow - I kept it, with the thought, I will pass it on to my Sister ......... or for myself even!

Well, as you know that has come and gone and its really hard to fit 2 babies in it.

So - before I give it away to MCC - i would like to offer it up. I would like to know it goes to a much Needed home. If you know of anyone ........... Its dark blue in colour and in good shape. I will post a pic if I need too. I loved it cuz i could open it up with a one arm! Steer it with one arm ........ Its got a beverage holder for both yourself and the kid!

Get in Touch and let me know

Black Satin

Rusty Spine

So doc believed there to be a tear in my muscle, this gives me Alvin. So is that tear responsible also for my stiff spine? Muscles compensating and stuff. Or is the nerves from the torn muscle going up my spinal cord?

You know how it feels when you've been in one position for a long time - say an hour - and then you go to move and its stiff. Your body is that is.

Well my spine .............. like that after only a few minutes - stiff. No, not my back, like the muscles. My spine all on its very own self. Stiff.

I gotta say, I don't like it. Makes sleeping most uncomfortable

Getting Humped by ICBC

Right then -- Off we Go!

Jeremy

My physiotherapist - I a sooooo looking forward to seeing him today. My leg, my back my spine so Effed since that examination last week by ICBC's doctor. I need Jeremy to Fix me!!!

Walking in as much pain as I was yesterday makes me think that I should have asked for more money for future care. I need a cane on days like that. I need massage. In about 20 years, I'm gonna need a fancy ride on chair! Oh Well. What's done is done. Numbers have been submitted. People are talking. Lets just hope they don't low ball to terribly much, I really want that part of it over. I will still go see Jeremy when I need to - he is amazing with his hands! and Mountain is okay with that!

Nightmares of a Wedding

They started awhile ago. Dreams of my wedding day -insert harp music here

WEll I don't know what the hell happened last night but, I had nothing but nightmares!

Mostly about the hall and not having enough time to get it decorated. Me being there trying to help get it decorated with my bunged hip. Being in my wedding gown and showing up at the hall before everything was to start cuz it needed to get finished. No make - up on. The linens weren't ordered. There ended up not being enough food and on top of that the shoes I had ended up being waaaay too high and i towered over Mntn. The head table ended up being cardboard boxes and my mom was arguing with me on where we were setting them up!

oh my gosh!

so i wake this morning with lots to do.

my decorating committee - do i have enough people on it? the ceremony starts at 2:30. I will need my girls at the house no later than 2? the hall can not be opened till 10AM that is not a lot of time to decorate, get ready, have lunch and get to the house! Everyone is going to really need to be focused. It should all get done, right? I have 10 people approx. To set up tables and chairs, get linens on, Chair covers, sahses will be a pain, centerpeices, candle holders, bar set-up ....... actually think i will get the bar tender to come early as well to get that done. Wine chilled ect. head tabel set-up, decorated, lights and backdrop .........it should be ok right. There's enough people for that short of time????

Something else I realized during this nightmarish night ..... i gotta figure out my skin care now and eyelashes and tanning ...... all the trial stuff has to happen pretty close to right now so that I know if its gonna work for me or not. Do i go as far as to get my teeth whitened? Frap! I still need a Hairdresser! Gonna check out the one Steph goes to. mental note-remember to do that tomorrow

Skin care - skin tags - wrinkles - BOTOX! gotta get me some

okay off I go to get some table talkers done. Later Dudes

More Wedding Stuff

I am concentrating on wedding stuff as much as i can right now.

Keeps my mind of my infertility.

then I think about the settlement we have put out there. My spine aching. My leg tight and I think .............. did I ask for enough? Is this fair? Is it too much? Is it fair? It was what my lawyer suggested.....she would know right? I made a couple changes, but not a lot. I am broken for the rest of my life. This sucks! I hope that I do heal enough to be able to dance at my wedding.

I want to get on the waterslides with Charley this summer. Have a wonderful time on my honeymoon ....... do a short roadtrip with the Queen at the end of August ........

all I can do is remind myself that I am better than I was last year at this time. Time is healing. Eventually I will be better. Never how I was before the accident, but better.

So I continue to plan, plan and plan. I have ordered match boxes. Yeah I know. Nobody does matches anymore. That's exactly why I decided to do them!

I am looking at wine labels ........ can anyone suggest a decent place?

I am also looking at napkins with our names on them. Sappy I know - but seriously - when else in our lives is it going to be okay to have our names all over everything?!!!

Its been ....... relieving? I had 2 girlfriends, both on the same day, assure me they don't need to bring a date to the wedding. They are single and not dating anyone specific. I know, sounds bad, selfish, shitty on my part, but it took some pressure off. then last night, a couple of the work people I'd like to have come were like - hey - we'll go out for dinner in between. We won't be offended, its only the food part we'd be missing.

Right On!

i know maybe you don't understand, and i didn't expect this of myself, but we really do want everyone to share in our day! We both really, really want the whole world to see us say our vows. Who knew that would be important to us.

I went from planning my elopement for the past 15 years to wanting everyone see me publicly vow my commitment of life long? I am a little surprised that it would be as important as it is to me.

Now - i have mis counted the tables I am going to need. This makes me nervous because, will they all fit? being 2 tables off is not a huge deal, but its a big deal. That means I am short of a few other things as well.

Thursday, Muck, mom and I get started on the invitations. yikes! Guess I need to make sure I have everyones address. While I was googling to find out about invitations - the inviting to without dinner stuff - i found that putting wishing well on the invitations isn't cool, but cash bar is. So word of mouth is it. Once we register, that will be word of mouth also.

I am attempting to purge my kitchen, not easy when some of the crap is Mountains and he doesn't purge .......

back i go to my new favorite website - wedding things - gotta stay focused!

I need shoes. Found some that are almost perfect at the shoe warehouse! but they are a bit to high. Damn it! so I am searching and waiting. Prom shoes should come out soon. I'll find what i am looking for. I figure the same thing will happen that happened with my dress. I'll just know and they will be on sale and they will be perfect.

Blog On!

Getting some online shopping done for napkins and things for the wedding. Is there a place not online, that I can get beverage napkins done? I should check out turkeys. I have to go there for some stuff anyhow - but if they don't put names and stuff on ..................I desperately need a bigger house!

Muscle Tear

Saw my doc today - my family doc

something I didn't know or realize ........ that tear ...... will never fully heal. I will always and forever be damaged. Didn't like hearing that. I feel so cheated? Pissed off? Angry? Sad?

the guy I used to work for still hasn't submitted my hours. Lawyers office has called him, mailed him over and over and over again since Oct. 2009

Talked to my lawyer today - an offer is going in. I'm done with all this bullshit. I got validation from Dr. McGraw yesterday and it felt good! but I am done. I want to own my life again and my choices. I want my life back.

On to the next step of this stupid Accident

Silver Lining

So I stopped in to a place called Urban Garden. Its just off Pacific. Bought myself a red scarf that I ogled there last month when Charley and I visited. Haven't been able to get it out of my head. I like it and it makes me feel good!

Then I made it to New West in time to visit my dress. It did miss me terribly and is eager to get to my mom's. but I had to et it know I still love it and the time will come. Jsut searching for shoes. It begged me to put it on ...... but I didn't have enough time. I had to get on the highway and get back to pick up the Queen from School. Leaving myself enough time to pick up milk on the way.

The Doctor was good. I felt good. But I have to remind myself that I felt pretty good after the Nuefeld visit too. Anyhow, He was very charming. I like his navy blue polka dot tie and his striped shirt. Well put together. He believes there to be a tear in my piriformis muscle. He said its very painful. YAH IT IS!!! and he nailed the spot it hurts so quick!

so is it possible this doc visit is going to go in my favor?

dunno - we will soon find out I guess.

Hoping my lawyer is getting the numbers ready. Is it possible to be done soon?

Bitter

I am Bitter

Bitter that today was My day off and I didn't get to do what i wanted with it. Now I can deal with the fact that my day had to change because of the snow. Fine - i made nosegay's and started on my bootn'ears. However, when the roads got cleared I wanted to go to Michaels. My 50% coupon burning a hole in my pocket! But man was 'napping' and kid was out playing in the snow. Well I can't go out if kid outside and man is sleeping. I didn't want to interrupt playing time (snow play is so Rare) and yikes should i go in and disturb the bear! so I attempted to save the glitz from the water bottle holders I made that Kneader ate. That didn't work out to good. Finally man is up! Yay! So i started getting myself ready so that I could go out - He puts his coat on and HE goes out! EFFFFF!

So i guess i am staying home. I go to make myself some more tea ........... the sink is full? What The Hell! They're not My dishes! EFFFFFFF!

My thoughts drift to my next day off and waht i can get accomplished. Maybe I can use my coupon? WEll that's tomorrow and I am being forced to go into Vancouver to see another ICBC doctor! Another doctor that is not there to Help me, he's there to help them build their case and make his thousand dollars for his 40min of expertise. I am so totally bitter about it its not funny. He's not going to find anyhting. I don't have the same pain. I have some tough days here and there. The rusty spine and bone aches, a tightness in my hip and groin don't seem to ever go away ......... but seriously. Alvin? He has been squashed by my new pysio-therapist! Every once in awhile he tries to come back - but my therapist Squishes him!!

So i am going to see this Dr. McGraw so that I can have yet another stranger feel me up! Terrific! i am so NOT shaving my legs for this!

yet I am supposed to have a good positive attitude and be cooperative?!

Have you any idea how hard that is going to be for me. I am only supposed to speak when spoken to. Only answer his questions with the simplest of answers.

That's where I went wrong with the first ICBC doc they sent me to. I chatted. I talked about the weather. I made jokes. I giggled. Showed him I am NOT a victim ......... i did my best to show him what a positive attitude I have in the face of this Stupid, stupid accident. What did he do? He bent me, twisted me, asked me to do things that I gladly did my best to do because he asked. Becuase he is a man in authority and I've been taught that you do as your told. Even if it hurts. Especially if you don't want to. Then he wrote his report and called me a liar.

So do I want to go see this guy? Hell NO! I was in so much pain when i saw the Nuefeld. I was harldy walking and he called me a liar. That I was faking. What the Hell is this guy gonna Say? I barely walk with a limp now. My squats are good. My leg is strong .......... bitterbitterbitter.

Ok - now that I have that out ....................

i can concentrate on the part of tomorrow where I am going to do my best to turn it around!

I hope to be able to visit my dress tomorrow. Maybe check out some bridal shoes. I think Lulemon is pretty close to this docs office. maybe i should try going in there and spend a stupid amount of money on yoga pants! I've gotta do one thing for myself tomorrow or I am going to end up harbouring the bitter. The bitter about today and about tomorrow.

Oh yah - the best part. Its too bad if the roads are bad. The docs office expects me there or they are going to charge the thousand bux to me! Nice.

Blog On

Things Just Are

What if things just are?

there is No 'meant to be' or 'reasons' or 'path' or someone watching over and 'plan' what if it all just IS. No Luck. No chance. No soul mates .................... it just all IS. Without a right or Wrong, wishes or prayers to Hope on...................

no hope

Things just Are -

What if it just Is and that's life the end

I am finding it incredibly hard to not look at my wedding ring and play with it

Got my Wedding Ring!!

A Sunday in January

Tomorrow we tackle wedding rings.

I do hope we find some, but if we don't ...... we will have to look again next weekend. In the afternoon i think I will have a project for Lottie and I of getting the wedding camera's ready! What Fun! I have found a box at Michaels to use as our wishing well. I plan to purchase that tomorrow with one of my magic Michaels coupons. I hope mountain is ready for the day. I want to be out of the house and at the mall right when the doors open!

So to bed I must go. Even though it is hard to stop staring at the beautiful snow coming down ....... I do enjoy the snow. My car is awesome, expecially now that I have snow tires. Chains in the trunk for those extra special snowy days. Who knows, maybe tomorrow will be one of them!

Mntn has been a doll and has bee helping me with my back ache. Which is so good. It kept me awake last night ...... seriously - when will these aches and accidents pains stop? Whatever, I want it to be over. I could use the day I HAVE to in to the ICBC doc to be doing wedding stuff. Like I have time for such Crap. I also need to repaint my hall and ceilings and livingroom and ............. a registry. We need to agree on a registry! Maybe Sears? I like sears. Canadian Tire? I don't know. Where is a good place to register? Can I have more than one registry? hmmmmmmmmm. There's a thought.

Blog on Dudes!

invitations

So i picked up a very simple, do it yourself kit from Michaels. It came with pre-cut white cardstock and envelopes. 100 of them! So I can experiment and screw up! YaY! only 12.99. Even better.

I can also use the pre-cut white as a template to cut from my fancy brocade or black card stock that I got in the collection 12.99. Wooooo! I just have to go to staples and get the blue cover stock I priced out the other day and i am golden. Now to just adjust the writing, the time, toss a phone number on there and get a New email address to send responses to and I am good to start making!

Should I do response cards too? I was thinking a phone number or email address would be sufficient. I guess while I am at it I should do up some thank you cards to match?!!

As far as my great idea went of who to invite when ..........

I found myself having to convince myself that it would work. Which it would - however, I am not that person. The one that leaves people out like that. I mean one or the other is one thing, but .............?

So the more I researched, the more I asked around, the more I heard myself talking about it .......... I realized .........I was the one having the problem with it. Lots of people and websites said it has been done, could be done and was ok. Lots also said the complete opposite. Peoples opinions varied the same way too. But in the end ........ I'm the one that matters. Mountain is the one that matters.

It is really important to both of us, that EVERYONE see us say our vows. We want the whole world to be there. Its important to me that I show the world the man I have chosen to spend the 'till death do us part' with. It is also important to both of us that we celebrate with them afterwards. If there is a chance that they won't come because we Eff up on the inviting ........... they get hurt because we don't feed them ---- not cool.

We are still having a wishing well - however, I think we might just do a registry too. Totally havne't decided on that one yet. The decided part being where. I know there are some people that insist on bringing a gift and don't like to give money. Which is fine. I understand. I also hope to have a bridal shower, this could be selfish and dreamy of me, so we will need a registry. Can't expect money at a bridal shower. And of course ............... its all word of mouth. So off you go mouths. Let the word spread that We are having a wishing well! We are saving for a few things for the house.

Our dancing lessons have been put on hold now. The lessons I had researched in the old year were running Thursday nights. Which was perfect! however, I mailed them last week to get us registered for January and they have changed it. Friday nights! FRIDAYS! ERG! I can not get friday nights off. Not 11 of them in a row. Not a chance. So I mailed them back my disapointment. Googled and found other ones ...... Friday nights! There is one in Langley, but its Monday nights ERG! I work then too. (Although, monday nights might be easier to get off then Friday). Then the people mailed me back yesterday!! they might just be running the classes Thursday nights again! YaY! told me to stay tuned. Ya I will! We both really want to do this.

We are looking at our wedding dance song and changing it I think. To what I don't know yet, but the one I had chosen is perfect if we din't have lessons. Since we are having lessons ...... something a little more upbeat might just be appropriate.

I am also starting work on my program and speeches ................ once again -- word of mouth ----

if you want to speak or have something you want to share at our wedding, please get in touch with my brother or myself. I will let me brother know. I am aiming towards NOT having an open mic. So .................. if you want to speech or know someone that does ................... let them know, Tom is the one to get ahold of.

Sunday - tomorrow - we go looking at wedding rings! Wooooo. I gotta find shoes still. Gonna decorate those myself as well. Boys O' boys I have bitten a big chunk off haven't i?

Heard from the marriage commissioner. She was confirming our date time and place. So its time for the Man to get it togethr and chooses some vows. Guess I should too! HA!

Blog on

so much

in the last while soooo much has been floating in my head -- looking to come out in blog and I just haven't had the time. Can you believe it?

Crazy!

the wedding thing ...... well ...... thought I had it all figured out. However, if I am trying to convince myself taht it is okay ..... then it probably isn't. So .......... WE've change ddirection.

The Queen's wee pig has passed. RIP Le Fleur. Can't believe how she is missed and its only been a day. Although its been 3 days since she became --- quiet.

She died at Charlottes side. Lots of love and cuddles and patting and all of us with her when she took her last breaths ............ she is now in my garden.

Mountain took the first part of the day off work so we could have the burial. There we were huddled under an umbrella. Rain Peeing all around us. She is in her favorite place next to the azalea bush, under a landscaping rock. Mntn dug the hole and then laid her hay down for her. Charlotte was going to place her and then couldn't. so I placed her. Then mntn laid more hay over top of her, careful not to get it in her eyes, then layed a cloth over her so the dirt didn't get all over her. He put the alln brick back in place and its now her little tomb. WE cried and cried.

Its really personal when its your very special pet and that who Le Fleur was to Charlotte.

I missed half a days work to be home with her today. The grief comes in waves of course for her. Awwww ... Le Fleur. You were a good pig and friend to our Lottie girl. Her room is so quiet without your greetings. The pig alarm is missed with the opening of the fridge. oh Le Fleur. I hope we loved you enough.

now its 2011 and with it brings so much.

my arm has been acting up. To pain I haven't felt in years! I have a pinched something in my should blade and it is making my tendonitis act up. Haven't felt this kind of pain in 20 years. In my arm taht is.

I have been ordered to go see yet another ICBC doc next week. So not impressed.

I want to be done now. I wil be pushing to settle now. No I am not better. Yes I still have pain. Frig My arm! I am sure is due to my body compansating for the tightness in the other parts of my back from the accident.

WEll my Kneader is here kneading. I guess its time for me to sign out and get some much needed sleep. Gotta work all day tomorrow. Blog on Blogger Dudes!