ever pour out a Full glass of wine down the sink and think........hey thats wierd........

Well Christmas passed.  It was wonderful.  WE made it out to my mom's even with all the snow.  Charley was sooo excited for her SAnta gift.  A guitar.  So far its been worth it!  Uncle John picked it up Christmas day and busted a string.  Bad uncle.

we got it home and then on Boxing day I fixed the string and popped another......TWICE....bad mommy.  Now its all good.

I've been working.  Shes been home with Mountain and will be for a coule more days.

WE head to Campbell River New Years eve to see Mntns mommy.  she lives forever away.

I've still been fighting this whtever it is.  non-painful sinus ear thing......Amoxycyillan isn't making it be gone the way I had thought it would.  I got my friggin period again.  My eye is funky red as we type.  What the Hell!  I am tired and feeling icky.  Actually I am feeling down right negative right now and there is no reason to be!  S I will sign off.

When I can remember all the great stuff about Christmas that I love I will write again.

Blog On

what is it?

2.5 - 3ft of the white stuff out there?!!!

i Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.  For those of you back to the grind like me tomorrow.....Good Luck!

Holy Snow Batman!

I don't know what's happening at your house......but Holy Heck and Dina!  There is a good foot and a bit of Fresh snow on my car!

I have to work today.  WE go to mom's tonight! Yikes.  

and the other thing - its a White Christmas!!!

not sure if I will make it out of my complex.  its higher than the front bumper!

ok

gotta run.  I must plow!

Ahhhh Yes Meds!

Well I have been unwell for a long time.

I get sick backwards.  Or perhaps, I never feel it come on because I am always so busy and my tolerance for EVERYTHING is so stinkin' high.  

meaning; i get what sick usually leaves behind before getting the sick.  Make sense?

Anyhow, the week of Madonna, back in October, I suddenly had a deaf ear.  I went to the clinic immediatly.  Nope.  Nothing wrong.  "are you sure?  I can't hear"  I was sent away with instructions to take antihistamine.  Ok.  Seemed logical to me.

WEll A few weeks ago now.  I felt a little.....something.  Not sure what.  and then all of a sudden I cou;dn't hear again!  Damn.  What The Hell!  Then last week my face all swelled up under my eyes like a sinus infection.  Yet I can still breath fine.  The sinus themselves don't hurt.  But the pressure behind my eyes sucks butt!  Lets not forget the ick that is leaking out.  I'm tired and dopey.  So after 2 straight weeks of this I went to the clinic last night and told the white lie that got me the medication I needed.  I told the Doc it hurt.

I feel guilty.  But it had to be done.  I've been taking back to back antihistamines for days and all I am getting is Dry mouth.  Filling my body with drugs is kinda not what I want to be toying with at this time.  Considering the other things we are trying to accomplish.  However,  I gotta hear Man!

So after my little guilty lie and my story, he prescribed me the biggest prescription of amoxycillan EVER!  28bux later.......I hope to be feeling Aces by tomorrow!

Blog On!

Oh Hey!  Has everyone heard about the sleepover ladies night at Stephs on January 10th???

the party was much fun.

the food fantastic.  I didn't drink that much, but got ended up smashed anyway.  I think it was from the lack of food.  We didn't eat till nearly 8PM.

than we went to another room where they gave out the prizes and I played some poker.  Won Too!  I did.  Than I got bored of that quick.  Gave up my chips and Mntn and I headed back to our littel cabin in the woods.

It was sooo nice.  a couple of rooms.  Fireplace.  Liz was right though - no tub.  That sucked a bit cuz a romantic bath would have been nice.  The shower was pretty small.  Just big enough for one, two if you got bits on the outside of it.

We both agreed that we should spend our honeymoon there.

All the cold and snow outside.  It was very romantic.

I fell over.  I really don't know how it happened.  I guess after I tripped over the door frame I couldn't get back upright and ran head on into ........well never mind.  I still giggle when I think about it.  like How The Hell!!!

one of the other girls thought it would be crazy and fun if she dove into the pool with all her clothes on.  It was the shallow end.  She and her boyfriend ended up in hospital for the rest of the night.  She has somehting like 13 stitches holding her head togehter now.  Youch!

On another note.......

My sister is so sad and broken hearted.  They've just found out that the reason they havne't been able to concieve in the last 18mnths is because her husband is pretty much sterile.  She is a mess.  She just crys and crys.  She can't see kids in the mall where she works.  T.V. is too hard.  Even her own niece is proving to be a task.  I am praying for them the the one swimmer he has makes to where it needs to be.  

She is fully into getting the in-vitro done.

I can't stop thinking about her.  I am sad also and grieving  too.

Ok.  Must run.  Unbury my car and get to work!

Blog On!

WoW!

Once the momentum takes hold........Kristi runs head on into a wall.

Carp.  the top of my head hurts!

oohh and my neck and my shoulders and....damn the bruise on the VERY top of my head is amazing.  Too bad there was 't film of it.  I'd still like to know how it came about........

I am pakcing Charley for gramma's packing myself for tonight.

My eye.  What is wrong with my eye?

last day of school.  Gotta make sure Teachers gifts are wrapped and ready.  Charley's secret Santa gift.  I need to do my nails aand shave my bits.  I hope we make out and checked in in enough time for me to do it.  I'm curling all my hair and then wearing it up.  Thats an Hour right there!  Frig!  I need to be off work earlier than 3.

Well, maybe the legs don't get shaved.........there all covered by hose anyhow.  but the pits definantly need it cuz they'll be out.

Crap I better run.  I can get that done right now!

Blog on

Christmas Party Tomorrow!!

YaY!  Mountains Christmas party is tomorrow!  Harrison.  The Copper Room.  Amazing buffet.  He upgraded us this year from our regular room to a cabin!  Hehe.  Apparently they have little fireplaces in them.  How nice is that.  hopefully the weather holds out so we can there 2morrow afternoon and home again SAturday safely.  Charley gets picked up by gramma for her yearly trip to the theatre.  Pantomime.  She loves it.  She gets all dressed up in her Christmas dress.  Gramma does her hair and off they all go.

I bought a little black dress this year.  Which is odd for me for Christmas.  but my budget was 50bux for a dress and shoes.  if I was gonna go over I was gonna need to wear something in my closet.  and WEll........I don't fit the stuff in my closet.  so I guess matching panties it would be.  Oh Crap!  I don't have any of those anymore either.  No worries.  I hit Suzy Shier when they were having one of their sales and got a dress for 30 and shoes for 20.  YaH!!!!  Accessories i can still fit so I just have to make that part work.  a new sparkly neck-deal would have been nice, but oh well.

Charley's Christmas concert is tonight.  She is excited.  I am too.  Wish I could hear though.  I've been sick all week.  I feel like dutie.  

well Off I go to drive in the snow and wind once more.  

Boy that wind is picking up.  There will be more power outages today I think.

Blog On!  

a Reminder

havning Steph remind me 'the plan' has set my thoughts in motion.

When did I become so consumed with whether or not i could concieve Right Now?

and thats it I think.  Thats more of what it is than anything.  The choice being taken away.  Do I want one?  a baby that is.  Yes.  Right at this moment??

my Jury is still out.

I believe evrything will happen when its meant to.

Do i want to be knocked up and taking my vows?  Not so much.  I'd like to take my vows and then have him move in and then have a baby......in an ideal world.

Being scared that the last bit won't happen has taken over and made me a crazy thermometer toting day counting ovulation worrier.

I'd like to wear a pretty dress on my wedding day.  Not a MooMoo.  Not taht anyone would see me anyhow, but still.  Thats part of my dream.  Its okay to dream.  I'd love to do it 'the right way'  Guess I'm just scared I "can't"

a year down the road and I've been done with periods and cramps and into the hot flashes on a more full time basis, thats it.

Doing the dream backwards isn't the end of the world.

i have done it alone before.  he and I not sharing the same roof till closer to my due date is not the end of the world.  Living with him on a ful time basis will be a challenge all on its own.  That one scares me more than anything else. 

but I think I have become far to consumed by it.  Too worried about it.  Too scared of the big M.  The Change.  So far the change has sucked.  Hormones raging and then not.  Greasy times a few years ago when it didn't seem I could shower enough.  The periods that were so freaky.  Now the ones that don't stop or take forever to get here.

My mom was done at 42.  

I started this crap earlier than her.    I think I hate that the choice is being made.

I have a beautiful daughter that I raised alone.  Mntn started helping a year ago.

We are good.  a family.

Mntn has more than made me feel secure that our future is togehter.  Our life together  has already started.  We just need to make it official and that will happen too.  Having it rushed along because of our desparation to beat the clock..........

a*new* plan.  a Backwards plan.  WE just start with the last thing first now!!

If its meant to be it will happen.

Thank you Steph for your few words that reminded me of that old plan

Basal Temp??

this is soo bogus.

I can't tell what the FFf I'm doing.  I think I just ovulated and missed it completly.  My temp.....or perhaps I didn't and.......hmmmmm.

I don't know.  But honestly, this was the last try, this month.  Cuz although i would very much like to concieve.....I sure as Heck don't want to be birthing past September of next year.  Especailly late November or Any of December or early January.  So this is it!  We either hit it this time or .........

DAmn I wish I knew what the Fuck I was doing!

What The Hell!

I'm awake at 7AM

Charlotte's not here.  She's at a sleepover.  Mntn is not here either.  He is working overtime.

my screen door is flapping in the wind.  That could mean a whole lot of things - I'm either true trailer trash, or knocked up, or i need to get a new Stupid screen door cause this one is dang busted!  

The screen door flapped so hard that it pushed my sideboard off my landing down the steps and onto the cement.  So I was out there in my Jammies and slippers at 7:30 AM lifting it back onto the porch!  and now it has a munged up corner Damn it!

I feel great even though I should have slept in and I should be tired since I was up past midnight and didnt have a kid or boyfriend here to bug me.......

I think I have lots on my mind and lots to do.  Wrapped some of Charley's sock prezzies last night.  I don't have near what I thought i did!  Damn!

Mntn's dad came up with a Christmas list so Now I have to actually shop for him instead of the easy "bottle of Rum" I was gonna get Christmas eve.  Frig!  I have Christmas cards to finish, shortbread cookies to make, Gingerbread men to attempt.  the tree MUST go up today!

Oh yah.....and Mntn's sisters birthday is Monday and I havne't sent her a card or a gift or anything!  Double Frig!  She's in England!   Friggidy Frig Frig!  

Okay I am off to Superstore to get the odds done and then pick up the Queen for our day full of Fun......I said that last bit through gritted teeth.  Could you tell?

I need more wine..........

Blog On!

Santa - dec.10th 2008

Question

how woudl you describe a stereotypical truck driver?

What do you think the stereo type is?

Do you know any?  What are their personality characteristics?

Excited......maybe

I'm excited that i might actually be having a normal cycle this month!  The first time since  summer or something.......  YaY!  We'll have to see.  So far so good.  I have a theory about this whole thing.  I mean Everything happens for a reason, right?  and up until now and even noe but not as much as before......Mntn and I were really at odds about this Leah Tea thing.  but Since we went to counselling, even though not much was accomplished in the session, there has been a lot accomplished out side of the session.  So I figure once this Carp is all good......well everything happens for a reason.

My other theory is that once Mntn and I are actually married he will see a lot of changes in Leah's actions too.  I think that whole thing will shift and change.  

We had an argument just the other night.  I found out, he can't read between the lines.  Something i'd learned before quite some time ago.  But I figured he must be able to just a little.  Like any man can.  Don't expect him to do it like a woman, but c'mon.  Every man can just a little.  NOPE.  not one teeny, tiny little bit.  Example - when I was upset after being at the doctors.  I posted.  I felt old broken ect.  I was off into space when he was here.  Making remarks about the acne he is breeding that that will probably be the only thing he breeds.  Stuff like that.  I had also told him I was upset by the doctor.  Yet he really didn't get to the extreme that I was sad.  Just thought my comments were wierd?  WTF!  He really didn't even clue in that I was devastated that I have not been ovulating, that my period was 8 days late and that I was scared that was it FOREVER!    Me Sobbing into his chest didn't seem to clue him up either.  Are you DAft man?  

Anyhow, my point being.  That explains a lot to why and how it is that he just takes Leah at her word.  He can't see her motivations cause he can't see the obvious unless it is spoken to him.

anyhow, i must go.

Christmas is coming and I need to get the Queen up and Ready as well as myself.

Blog On!

I am a Chef!

bought a whisk today.

I'm pretty happy about that.

I made hollandaise from scratch to go over the Cod I made for supper.  I t was YUM!  WoW!  Never made it before.  This is why I needed the whisk.

HOwever.  haven't been feeling all that great since yesterday.  Now I really need to be in bed and should have been for the day I am sure.  Of course Mntn reminded me of how I am allergic to eggs.  Holly is 4 egg yolks.........

What a dough-head!

It was fantastic Hollandaise, but there is a good chance I am going to be paying quite high for my wierd and wild craving of food, richness, and creativity.

Blog On!

I sure liked having free time tonight.

Mountain had Tea and picked up The Queen and took both of them to mini golf at Wonderland!  How awesome is that?  So I took the opportunity and shopped!

Santa had to get some stuff done!    There is still more but thats ok.  It will happen.

Then he dropped Queenie off and couldn't leave cuz his tire was flat.  What The Hell!  No I did't do it!

So.....Tea hung with Charley adn I hung outside while he changed his tire.  Hope he doens't get into to trouble with the Cow for having her here.  

Anyhow, its all done now.

I got a couple new SAnta ornaments for my tree.

I'm looking for a Ceramic pie plate for my mom.  Hmmmm.  Should've gone to Winners.

Blog On!

I Got It

I can start charting!!!

YaY!!

I'm happy to at least be achieving something.  Does that make sense?

i hate it when I wake in the morning and my eyelids are all swollen from crying.  makes the application of mascara nearly impossible.  lashes pointing down and all............

I am tired.  i yelled I cried. There is still more yelling to do

Feeling Old and Broken

Well then.....considering family history.......

i will be encouraging Charlotte to have her babies in her 20's

I am now charting my non-ovulation again as to Doctors orders.  he gave me charts and stuff.  i also insisted on a blood test to check my hormones from my thyroid.  I am certain its hormonal.  Doctor wants to be tedious.

I feel shitty, angry and stupid.

then the other part of me is like  Hey - if this is my menopausal body its not so bad.  Lots of women have Huge body changes/shapes.  Althoguh I am not altogether happy with my body shape, it ain't all that bad either.

That I will embrace later.  Right now I'm feeling pretty cheated.

and Where the Hell is my period!  Being irregular has never been soemthing I've ever been.  this is severely uncool.

I am feeling angry at the World

ovulation - menopause - fertility???

My ear is hot.

Why is my ear hot.

Frig!

When is my period coming?  Is this a hot flash?  Is there hope for me to not be going thru menopause?  I will cry huge huge tears if this is it.  Than I will kick myself for being right 13 years ago.  Than theres the whole "get hormonal help"  thing.  What if it Helps and we end up with 3 at once!  It would be a careful what you wish for situation for sure.  I'd give one to my Sister.  Theya re having troubles as well.  I see my Doc tomorrow to hit the next step.  Blood work and sample time!  Sister and hers just finished doing that a few weeks ago and are now waiting results.  I didn't want to go the next step till she had.  I want her to be pregnant first if either of us get to be.  

Blog On Dudes!