When did I become so consumed with whether or not i could concieve Right Now?
and thats it I think. Thats more of what it is than anything. The choice being taken away. Do I want one? a baby that is. Yes. Right at this moment??
my Jury is still out.
I believe evrything will happen when its meant to.
Do i want to be knocked up and taking my vows? Not so much. I'd like to take my vows and then have him move in and then have a baby......in an ideal world.
Being scared that the last bit won't happen has taken over and made me a crazy thermometer toting day counting ovulation worrier.
I'd like to wear a pretty dress on my wedding day. Not a MooMoo. Not taht anyone would see me anyhow, but still. Thats part of my dream. Its okay to dream. I'd love to do it 'the right way' Guess I'm just scared I "can't"
a year down the road and I've been done with periods and cramps and into the hot flashes on a more full time basis, thats it.
Doing the dream backwards isn't the end of the world.
i have done it alone before. he and I not sharing the same roof till closer to my due date is not the end of the world. Living with him on a ful time basis will be a challenge all on its own. That one scares me more than anything else.
but I think I have become far to consumed by it. Too worried about it. Too scared of the big M. The Change. So far the change has sucked. Hormones raging and then not. Greasy times a few years ago when it didn't seem I could shower enough. The periods that were so freaky. Now the ones that don't stop or take forever to get here.
My mom was done at 42.
I started this crap earlier than her. I think I hate that the choice is being made.
I have a beautiful daughter that I raised alone. Mntn started helping a year ago.
We are good. a family.
Mntn has more than made me feel secure that our future is togehter. Our life together has already started. We just need to make it official and that will happen too. Having it rushed along because of our desparation to beat the clock..........
a*new* plan. a Backwards plan. WE just start with the last thing first now!!
If its meant to be it will happen.
Thank you Steph for your few words that reminded me of that old plan
6 comments:
I am not against the idea of a baby, I am actually very excited for the idea! I just want you to do it in a way that makes you happy! I will kill him if you end up alone with baby #2!!!! I know you want to get married, move in and then have the baby. I just do not get why you guys are waiting? If he is the one then do it already, move in and get a FIK going!!!! (fetus in Kristi)
Yes ,I agree.... if baby is what you guys are shooting for... then speed up the moving in together. At Least make sure you are able to live together before you get pregnant. If you are committed together... then make the commitment now, move in, and get baby making! :) Don't speed up the baby making without the other stuff. There is no reason to.
because we'd like to get it as close to the plan as possible
I don't get it. If the plan was to get married then have babies... wouldn't being closest to the plan be to get married or move in together then have a baby? Isn't that closer to the plan then rushing a baby before you have lived together?
However you do it.... I hope it all works for you in time... I know how hard it is to wait when you want something so badly!
because getting married or living together before baby would mean NOW. baby first gives us 8 mnths to get it togheter if I should conceive this moment. If I don't concieve it still keeps us on track to the original plan.
knowing if i can 'live' with him is a non argument. Its something that swingers came up with in the 80's.
I don't have to live with him to be pregnant.
Good luck with making the right choice ... for you, for both of you as a couple, for your daughter AND for the baby to come.
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