Madonna was amazing.

I totally bruised my hand from clapping so hard.  Soooo glad I brought the little binoculars.  We were pretty far away.  Soooo wish I had brought my camera.  they weren't patting us down or anything!  damn.  Got some wacked out phone pics, but nothing you can see.  Stephs thing took us the total long way home.  

by the time I got into bed after showering and adrenalin coming down it was 3AM

I am currently sucking back coffeeand getting ready for a day of Halloween mayham.

gotta get kid ready and myself.

I'm gonna feel so shitty in a few hours.  And the sleep i did get was filled with Madonna dancing and music!

I don't think I truly slept.

Blog On!

have a Fun Halloween Blogger dudes

ACK!!!!!

I HOPE MY SISTER BAILING AT THE LAST MINUTE IS THE ONLY REASON FOR MY PRE-MEDITATED ANXIETY!!!

or is it that somehting else is up going to happen 

is the ESP back and there is more than just Sister .

ACK!!!!

hair doing.  Spray EVERYWHERE!  sudden costume change.  Pizza on the way.

New Adition Steph.

I keep my word.

Blog On!!!!!

Update

So Grandad is Finally out of hospital.

my Aunt, Uncle, Mom and Dad have been touring homes for the past month.  Not that it makes a difference.  he gets placed where ever there is an opening.......

anyhow.....3 days ago there was an opening in the extendedcare right at the hospital.  he was moved.  that very day a space came up for him at his assisted care place!  only in the extended care wing.  AND a spot came up for him in a *new* place that is gov. funded.  Thats the one they chose.  The gov. funded one.  It has a resident dog.  He has his own room - so he gets some of his own things in it.  Which is good.

Did I tell you?  last weekend i was offered the living room suite?  I do like it.  Its from the 1940's.  It needs to be recovered, but I said yah.  WE could put it in Mntns storage till we could afford to recover it and get rid of my current stuff.  Then 2 days ago mom said "it needs to be gone this weekend"  This weekend!  Holy Carp!  WE were going to go thru mntns storage this weekend to see if we can fit it in there!

Anyhow.......Grandad seems to be doing ok in this place.  There are a lot of dementia patients.  Sucks for grandad cuz he is very near 96 and has all his marbles and they are good.  

So the first day was hard.  Hard on everybody.  But he and they and it seemed to be much better yesterday Mom said.

As far as the furniture goes.......we are not taking it anytime soon.  Mntn crushed his finger in the brake press at work yesterday!  he broke his ring finger above the knuckle in 12 spots.  Yup.  12!  it is gonna be some flat when the swelling goes down.  His pinky is all black.  His crushed finger exploded.  So the tip is munsched and the skin is split.  he won't be moving anything in his storage anytime soon.  Forget trying to lift a 1940's hide a bed couch!  he'll be off work for awhile too.  So no daycare for Charley!    Yaaaaaahhhhhh!  She'll be happy.

School of course is sucking for her again.

She just can't get that concentrating thing down.

I've changed her diet.  I've given her suplements.  I've taken T.V. away.  She just has issues.  Her mind is always racing.  So easily distracted.  She will NOT make it in middle school if she continues this way.  so now.......I think about my options.  keep her back a year - maybe being a year younger than a lot of the kids makes a difference?  or - medicating her ever so slightly.  I am very against ritalin.  However, if it makes the difference for her to be able and not to be able...........Mountain and I are still discussing it.  We don't want her to lose her spirit.  But she is struggling so much in the classroom and she is miserable because of it.  I'll be making an appointment with my doctor after her birthday next week.

So thats my update!

Madonna is tonight!  I am nervous.  Isn't that funny?  Why am I nervous?  anyhow.......

Blog On!

MADONNA!!!!!!

Woooooooooooooo

What its Like for a Girl

Its 4:00.  My bladder is full

In I go for the much anticipated Ultra-sound.

you know the one - you have to drink a million glasses of water so your bladder is so full to near bursting.  Than you lay on a table while the technician pushes and presses on your abdomen.

Click, beep, click.

Conversation about my period.  how fun.  She was a very nice little Asian lady.  Her scrubs were full of colour.  I love non-boring people.

"when was your last period?"

'ummmmm.  Friday and then it stopped, but it came back last night, i think its gone again'

"oh.  Can't make up its mind?  how annoying.  How was it?"

'Extremely painful!'

she keeps gliding the wand across my pee filled belly......

"Oh.  well Kristi I have to do another examination on you"

'Yah'

"you have a tilted uterus"

'yes'

"well in order to get the pictures I need i have to do a vaginal exam"

'Huh.  In my vagina?'

"yes.  Thats where it is"

'um, oh'

she proceeds to tell me to pee and how she's going to leave a gown for me on the bed.  "make sure it opens to the back.  Remove your pants and your panties"

no shit!  "i'll be back in a moment"

"make sure you lay on this"  she places an absorbant pad on the bed.  "just in case you are still having your period"

oh ick!  this is officially sucking!!@!

Needless to say......she came back and I was laying there......she pulled out the "tool"  It was like a big ridgeless dildo!  

"have you ever had a Pap?"

'yes'

"well, this is Nothing like that"

'LoL!!!'   I am so glad she had a sense of humour.  What happend after that was unpleasant.  She Covered it with KY and proceeded.

I lay there with this thing inside me....she moving it around.  Click, Beep, Click.

'can you tell me if everything at least looks normal?'

"we are not allowed to talk about what we see.  But I can tell you......."  she move the dildo around....."there is one ovary and there's the other"

'great.  they are where I last left them'

than I was done.

now my Uterus feels all huge.  I feel slightly violated.  At least she was a nice lady.

Has anyone else ever had an ultra-sound like that?  I had a very nice long hot shower when I got home.  

Blog On

 

my demon

we spend so much of our time trying not to or being or am i pregnant.

Think for just a moment.......you no longer can

Did he cum inside?  What about the timing? This is a bad choice? we are making a mistake? 

all of a sudden - he did and I did and ............... nothing

Nothing

NOTHING

nothing for 6 months

you stop thinking about whether you can afford it

you stop thinking about whether or not you can fit it in your life 

you stop wondering where it will sleep

you stop worrying about a logical plan

you stop worrying about timing, marriage, and what you "should" do

You stop thinking about if this is a smart thing to be doing

 you just want it and it is not happening.

you pee on a stick twice a month.

you Fuck when you are not "into it"

you feel broken

Now you count the days cuz you just spent 40+ bux on something that is supposed to tell if you are even ovulating.    What if you;re not.  What if you are truly done.  What if the choice isn;t yours any longer?

Than it shifts to him. He smokes too much.  He smokes up too much.  It is him.  It is him. I am angry with him!  I don't want ot be broken.  I don't want t be done.   I want to have a few years left to make my choices when the time is right.

but there it is.... time is not on my side in this.

6 months.   When I  saw my doc .... 

this is my inner demon.  I don't speak of it cuz i realize its not going to get a lot of support or understanding.

I know having a baby now,  in this home,  in our financial place is not the best choice or decision I ever could make.  However, time is not on my side.

like Shelley said ..... it will happen when it suposed to.  (not her words but close to it)

I am old.  I am 39.  yes Steph I know.  Special needs, I know.  Downs I know.

Lyle and I have talked about the amniocentisis ...... done too late to do anything about a pregnancy that you have already fought for.   So amnio, in your Ass.  I will take what I get and love it.

so for now......this is my demon that i  have kept hidden and quiet for months.  SAy waht you will.

I am not pregnant.

I am starting my countdown to stick peeing to learn if I am even in the running for ovulation.  

I am starting doc orders

I am broken and it feels like shit  

and the countdown to ovulation begins............

........again...........

New Addiction

ITunes!!!

I like them tooooo much.   ACK!!!

Change in the Weather

Its gotten Chill out there.

Ice on my car every morning.

I'm thiking about next year when we have Middle school to get to.  That will be a challenge for both of us to get up and out of the house an hour earlier.

Have I figured out what I am doing yet?  No.  Mountain has said he can pick her up and take on that role next year.  But even then ...... he's not done work till 3:30.

We'll figure it out.

Went to my very Fist PAC meeting last night.  It was interesting.  Yes I will try to go again.  I've never had anyone to be here with Charlotte before.  So I've never been able to go.  The years before that I worked every evening, so this was a treat for me.  I listened mostly.  I admired some of the work that a couple of the ladies put into different things.  I giggled at the ignorance of a lot of them.  I wondered how a stupid sign is going to help keep stupid parents from bringing their dogs onto to School property.  It was definantly interesting.  I'd like to be able to commit some time to something, but time for myself is already so rare.  We'll see.

Halloween is fast approaching.  So Is MADONNA - Exactly a week today!  Than 39

I've been concentrating so much on Charley's decade I forgot about my 39.  If I can afford to I'll take myself out for a nice dinner that weekend.  Or make myself something special at home that I don't usually make cuz the Jerks that are here don't like it.

Blog On Dudes!

Where is my Cape?

I can't find my Mumby Cape!  

ACK!!  this is terrible.  I used to keep it in my dress closet on one of the shelves above when I lived at the old house.  Now......who knows where it has been safely put in this new house!  Frig!  I only have a couple days to find it before the party.  I cna't go capeless!

tears

we have been missing Nana tonight

Grandad is still in hospital.  He won't be coming home.   Not to the home he knows.  Mom has asked if i want Nana's living room suite.  Grandad is waiting for a bed in extended care.....

he was thin when we saw him today.  He held me for a long time when I hugged him.  He just stared at Charley.  She is so big.  She is nearly 10

i miss Nana

YaY!!   I have secured the night of Nov 7 for my girls party at the wave pool!

now lets just hope I get kids showing up.  

my eyes are tired.  I got most of my projects done today.  by the time I realized Steph and I had a phone date Missed, it was 4PM!  Holy Carp!  sorry girl.  

my tummy is extra jiggly.  I fffffing hate it!  I been doing more sit-ups lately.  which is fine.  but its not burning the fat.  So its all just hangin out!  

Cardio is waht i need.  I know it.  However....knowing it and being able to get er' done is a whole other thing.  So for know I battle the Peri-menopause bulge.

and Food in your almost 39's seems to be so much tastier that it ever has been before!

I mean Pesto!!  how is it i have not ever come across this beast.  Did you know Pesto is even delish on rice cakes?

Of  I g then to partake of more green tea and something my mom suggested.....apple cider vinegar (forgot about that stuff!)

blog on

Neighbors?!

I pretty white staircase and 2 stacks of pallets have moved in next door!

This is as Far as I've Gotten on the B-Day plans

you might remember.....last year was an ABSOLUTE childs nightmare as far as birthdays go for Miss Charlotte.

So this year we are planning a pool party at the local WAve pool.  Hopefully the parents that don't know me, will feel more comfortable letting their kids come.

But boy is it adding up!  And Christmas is just around the corner!  Yikes!

$64 - covers 10 kids & 2 adults at the Wave pool for 2 hours.  Each kid over that is 2.75  Since I don't want a repeat of last year......invite WhomEver you want Charley!  So theres a good chance it could run me 100bux

I don't have all the details yet (they need to phone me back to confirm)  but I imagine I have to provide food and cake and stuff.

Pizza - $40

Cake -  $30

and she is allowed 2 friends to spend the night.  I may up that number depending on what happens.  (last year left some pretty deep scars for both of us)

PLUS goody bags!  Ack!!  Carp!  is still have to get her a present.

It better get busier at work pretty darn quick!  I need some cash and I need it now!

This is looking like a 200$ birthday and I would like to treat myself to a little sumpn too being my 39th.  What I don't know, but i like to have options.

Blog On Dudes!

Nauseous? Why?

Last week I suddenly woke in the middle night to throw up.  Felt fine when I went to bed and felt fine when I woke in the morning.

Now I am constantly nauseous.

I've stopped taking the Iron since last Friday.

I still feel tired.  My tummy feels Funky.  The very, very bottom of my tail bone aches every once in awhile.  No I am not pregnant.

I'd like to feel better.  I go for my ultra-sound on the 28th.  Don't think it'll come up with anything though.........

I just make sure I am always drinking water or de-caf tea.  Usually with lemon.  Keep hydrated.  But i don't feel nice

My Conclusion

So after venting about how nutty my Boss is getting I Sat down and thought about it.  Took myself out of being directly affected, and looked at it from a different perspective.

Yes - he is controlling.  Yes - he has backwards ideas about things.  Normally i can float thru such things.  They still affect me, but....well anyhow.  Its Gotten Worse!

he's gotten freakishly controlling and power trippy.

He's gone out and gotten his gun liscense.

He does nothing but talk about the economy, cuz he's freaked out!

His girlfriend, (my other boss.  the legal secretary)  has breast Cancer.  She just had it removed and they've found another fybroid.  

This is something He has NO control over.  

He doens't talk about it.

He doens't talk about her cancer, get emotional, or even take time off to be with her during the 2 surgeries she's had so far.

So the day after my Vent here about his insanity......i talked to both of them in the office.  Not as their employee, but as Kristi.  Someone thats had a breakdown.  Someone thats been burned out.  Someone thats watched her father go thru it too.

I told him It looks as though he might be burning out.  That there have been signs and that he needs to take some time off.  Not just the first week in January as that may be too late!  I suggested closing on Monday Nov 10 since we will already be closed Tuesday Nov 11(remembrance Day)  Not that I can afford days off......however.   BossGirl won't take time off without him and she needs to rest.

Her Boob got so infected with this last surgery.......

He needs time off to refelct and rest.

They are soooo joined at the hip.  if Mountain and I did as much together - he'd have a fork in his forehead Fersure!

Since - His whole attitude has changed.  Maybe he just needed to be told.  I don't know.  He's also stopped talking to me about the guns he's gonna get.  I went off on him about some personnel experiences the same day I had this other talk with him.  Only that happened in the kitchen when we were alone.  I was jut so tired of hearing about his guns and shooting and how no-ones gonna break into his store when the depression hits!

This isn't a movie You Freak!!!!

Anyhow.......

Blog On

They both laughed.  brushed it off and said they were fine.

Thanksgiving and Family  I Love it!!!

so I worked all weekend......no biggie

dinner at mom's last night with brothers and sisters

tonight.....dinner at my house with the Father-out-law.

my red-headed nephew is too cute for his own good.  Being raised by daycare and 2 parents that never raise their voice and always coddle him together thru EVERY and ANY issue he might have.  its kinda stomach turning to watch.  "now Jakey......"  how gross.  Even Charley had to leave the room.  and Boys o'boys did she have a lot to say about it this morning while we were having breakfast.........interesting.  I wondered if it was just Mountain and I with our 'attitudes' or not.  

Anyhow,  getting ready for Mntns daddy to come for Turkey Bird!

my house is a mess.....as I have worked and worked and worked all week and weekend.  But thats okay.  I have stopped for a moment to Blog and I will get right back to it!  How much laundry is possible in this house?!!   I am so Glad Mountain cut the lawn for me Saturday, cuz if I had to do it today.....I'd be some Choked.  Cutting the lawn in the pouring rain is NOT a grandious time!

Once again my new - New Mac is great.  the keyboard takes some getting used to.  Its so flat.  Haven't had much tim e to play since I replaced the system Thursday.  But I can tell you......it is different even from the turn-on!  I guess between Mountain and i and OUR dumbluck we will always get the Lemon before getting the good one.  LoL!!!  Thats ok.  At least we both know it!

Anywhoooo.....i should get back to the cleaning that is the next stop - my bathroom.

Happy Thanksgiving Blogger Dudes!

Hey and Remember - BLOG  ON!

a Couple More Mitch Miller Golden Nuggets

and I thought working for Baroni was hard.....

did you know?

just because it says in the menu that Breakfast is served till noon doesn't mean we, or rather he, accepts orders till then.  If he has lots of breakfast he will actually refuse to accept anymore orders.  Even if its 11:50AM!  He even reserved the right to veto at 11:55 the other morning just for the Hell of It.  He had NO other orders.  but just cuz he can, cuz he is the boss he said NO.  The people walked out.  His logic.....it wouln't have been ready by 12!  So how can it be served by Noon?!!!!  Are you Fucking Shitting me?!

So todays Nugget

 - if I or anyone of HIS staff is on any medication, no matter what it is.....be it even advil......its his business.

He is Officially Insane!

Holy Heck am I EVER breaking out.  What The Hell!!

so to add to my 3 weeks of beginning fall fury I now have to renew my liscense.  Great!  There's 75bux and time.  Looks like they have the same hours I do.  Perrrfect!

Charley has a Science Fair thing....when?  Not sure.  but she has one.

I have been thinking about Middle School.  Had thought for the last couple years she'd be going to Clayburn Middle.  It's a smaller school, which I like and has some Great arts programs; somehting she excells in!  but nnow I don't know.  

Where will she be after school?

I have to work.  Can I get one more year out of her current daycare?  and if I can, what happens after that?  she will only be 11 at home, if she can get here, alone till 5:30.  Even if she goes to a Middle school a few miles up the road....she will still be alone here.  

I am not cool with up the road cause its just down the street from the Mall and downtown and trouble.  The other school is further out.  Either way she would have to take the city bus home.  My thoughts have always been the more road blocks that are in the way to "hanging out"  the better.  but Now I find myself torn.  If she was on this side of town,  maybe she could walk the 40 minutes home on a nice day......but thats only 20 min from city central!  Crackers and twitchies.  Teenage "hanging out"  

This sucks!

i have 8 months to figure it out

hmmmmm

Well.  it shut down on my twice lat night for no apparent reason.  Hmmmmm.  I did a software update....visited the Apple site.....did I get a Lemon?  

we'll see.

its October!  Holy carp!  I have so much to do!  Charley's Birthday is in Exactly a month.  I gotta get a party planned.  WE have to get our pictures done.  Halloween i only a few weeks away!  I have 3 weekends.  I better get my shit toghter.  Thats not a lot of time.  Thanksgiving is this weekend and I am working.  Bleck!  All day Sunday.  but I get Monday off so that is nice.  I guess I better get in touch with Sears today to make a portrait date for next weekend.  Wow.  What is Charlotte going to be for Halloween?

Ack!  its my nephews 2nd birthday today!  I better phone him too.

holy Smokes a restful sleep much?  not last ngiht.  Looks like i woke with a bag full of anxiety to dig around in.  

well, i will have fun with that.  Thanks ladies for e-mailing me random.  I am still trying to figure out this address book thing.  What a pain.  Did i set it up wrong???  as soon as i mail somebody it remembers.  But there is no actual book or it seems way to add addresses withou0t mailing first.  How wierd.  I'll visit the support line about that now too.

Blog On Dudes!

I nevr realized how horribly Off my header for my blog is!

This PC is awesome.  Literally all I had to do was plug it in and she was ready to go.  The only program I have loaded up is my *new* printer.  Its different.

I can't find my addresses in my mailbox.  my contacts......i'll look again, but please mail me even if it blank so that i can get all my stuff in there.  e-mails that is.

Grandad has an infection in his tummy.

Mountain and I are celebrating 2 years together.

i am tired.  I need a sick day

blog on

Holy Moly!

I am on a New computer!!

this is so wierd.  Mountain bought me a Mac!

Gloria had anothr incident on Tuesday.  She is just old and had had bad things happen to her!  7 yrs for Windows is apparently amazing!

so now here I Am learning a whole new system.  I did make sure I mentioned how heavy and awkward it was to wear this monitor on my hand....but i will perservere.

Blog On!