My Nan just died, but its funny how life goes on.
Through it all Mountain was wonderful. He held me when I cried and ended up with dashed plans cause we didn't know what was happening with Nana. It was cool. He went for the second weekend in a row, out to Chilliwack, to the grammas house to see his Tea. Taking her for lunch. Taking her for icecream.
Lord forbid that Leah ever just be alone with her daughter.
So last night when he announced that he was getting Tea this weekend........
no i didn't blow. But I could feel this rage inside me.
I asked why? Why do I feel like this?
Firstly I have this work thing I am supposed to go to on Sunday. ....Boss Mitch took my idea of a simple wine tasting presentation at the restaurant to ...... getting a limo, everyone pitching in 20bux, and going to the winery right after the restaurant closes on Sunday afternoon at 3pm. Its actaully a decent idea...but.....
WoW! Great! Thats 4 hours out of my Sunday I'm really not sure I am prepared to give up. Charley can go to a co-workers house....but its a school night. I'm not back till 7....routine.....bedtime.....and just leaving her at someones house that she's Never been to before for 4 hours is gonna be a problem. So that means leaving her here with Mountain. Fine.
Oh but now he'll have his precious Tea so he doens't know and what about getting her home and........
I'm like what the Fuck!
I'm jumping around alot. Does this make sense so far.
That furniture I bought a week ago is still sitting at the place. He can get his dad's truck, but it'll have to be early and be done cuz he has to pick up Tea so maybe I can find someone else........
Anyone have a truck and wanna lend me a hand?
I am also trying to figure out why this child and her presence has grown into such a complete piss me off thorn in my side!
If you'll remember the last time she was here there was no yes's. No routine. She outright insulted me and i nearly threw up watching Mountain "parent" her!
Fast Food for Breakfast lunch and dinner, wherever Tea wants to go and Whatever Tea wants to do is just not my vision of parenting. but Hey. Maybe I am just Too Old fashioned!
..............
so back to the simplistic problem of.....Tea is coming this weekend and why am I so angry. All he wants to do is see his girl. What is MY problem?
I will plan for dinner on Saturday at the normal time and Sunday I suppose I will go to the wine tasting and Mountain will just have to hang here with the girls till I get home. Simple enough.
They are coming into my life and I am the one including them.
I have not been inivited to be included in Their life.
If they don't like where they fit in then I guess they just gotta go.
and my anxiety about it is just that.......my anxiety.
Somehow I have to figure a way to calm this monster that is growing and let it go.
He has been so great. He's building the cabinet for Charlotte. He helps here at the house.
So what if every time we try to talk about anything in his life He Won't.
Like his mom on the island and what if
His dad in Chilliwack and What If
Us buidling a life together but only if its here and I am not included in decisions anywhere in his life. Its my problem and my anxiety.
Like my mom said.....if I want to make a big deal about it than I'll be saying goodbye to it. Is that what I want?
No.
this is the package she says. This is how he comes....with this baggage.
I am jsut so pissed.
Fuck. She hasn't even been here yet to do any of the shit I can't stand and I am already just so pissed off!
Its jsut got to stop.
These feelings of mine just have to Stop!
How do i let it go?
What is my problem?
Why am i so annoyed?
and who am I really mad at?
She will come. I will include her, like I always do as part of this unit of 4, and I will smile the whole time.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Nana's Obit
we all grieve in our own way....
Nan went with her pearls on. She was a Lady right till the end. A proper Little English Woman. She just went to sleep. It was very peaceful. She wasn't hooked up to anything. It was nice
She was elegant
None of us were there when she took her last breath. Which is just fine. Nana wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As you see.....you don't do that sort of thing in front of people....
For us.....Nana went for Pie and stayed to serve it.....
BTW......the title is a link to the obit itself. Please visit it...
Nan went with her pearls on. She was a Lady right till the end. A proper Little English Woman. She just went to sleep. It was very peaceful. She wasn't hooked up to anything. It was nice
She was elegant
None of us were there when she took her last breath. Which is just fine. Nana wouldn't have wanted it any other way. As you see.....you don't do that sort of thing in front of people....
For us.....Nana went for Pie and stayed to serve it.....
BTW......the title is a link to the obit itself. Please visit it...
Saturday, April 26, 2008
what do i do?
do i go back to mom's?
do I continue with my SAturday work - plans?
do I call and find out if she is still with us?
Why was I suddenly awake at 2:25AM? Is that when she passed......
Nana was peaceful when I was with her yesterday. They had left her pearl earrings in and her pearl necklace on.
Still a lady even while dying!
I spent 45 minutes alone with her. Mom & Dad took grandad and The Queen back to their house. I stayed till my Aunt and Uncle got there. I didn't want her to be alone......
Grandad just can't believe this is happening.
He doens't understand any of it. "it happened to sudden"
"maybe she'll recover"
"what am I going to do with all her things in the apartment"
"good thing I have a big family"
My dad went and spent the night there last night.
There was a funny moment at the hospital. Some of it you wouldn't understand if you have not met my family. My dad suddenly noticing that the front steering tires on Grandad's wheelchair are flat.
Whipping poor grandad out of his chair to sit in another. Virtually pulling the chair out from under him. I was holding him up. Good thing he's 95 and not all that heavy. Dad pulling out the pump that magically came out of the wheelchair itself...out of some hidy hole. Dad complaining the whole time about .... no wonder its been so hard to push...ect. ect. the pump not doing any good, but dad keeps trying. And complaining about that...."this is No DAmn Good!"
"look at them! They're flat! Completly flat! i bet the tubes are no more good. Dad can;t go in this chair."
my mom....."well you've been pushing him on flat tires this long...."
dad............."they're flatter now! I released the last of the air when i tried to pump it up!"
my mom...."well you could carry your dad out on your back"
me............."Maybe there is a pump here in the hospital somewhere you could borrow"
dad...........*sigh*"No Kristi"
Sister........"yah, cuz non of the tires here ever go flat"
My sister did tape it with her phone....it went on for quite some time...don't know how much of it she got.
At home dad had a lot to say about the Bloody dog and her dirty feet making the stairs to the upstairs dirty. "well we'll have to get that cleaned. I don't have time for that. Damn Bloody dog!" Everyhting is said with such anxiety and AAAAHHHHH. Like its the end of the world.
BTW - its not the dogs fault. first of all its not really a dog. Its a poodle. Second....my parents were the idiots that decided nearly white carpet all over the upstairs was the best idea ever. Third....I'm willing to bet it was dad's dirty feet!
Anyhow....we did laugh. Poor dad.
It is his mom that is passing away. Can't be easy. I know I dread the day I have to bury my parents. And Mountains parents are already in their 70's. He won't even entertain the thought of talking about what we are going to do. What plan? Is there a plan? he comes from meagher background. so there's no money for a home for them.......
i think about my own.......
boy i hope Charlotte gets a good job.
okay I gotta go phone my mom.
Enjoy the Sunny day All
do I continue with my SAturday work - plans?
do I call and find out if she is still with us?
Why was I suddenly awake at 2:25AM? Is that when she passed......
Nana was peaceful when I was with her yesterday. They had left her pearl earrings in and her pearl necklace on.
Still a lady even while dying!
I spent 45 minutes alone with her. Mom & Dad took grandad and The Queen back to their house. I stayed till my Aunt and Uncle got there. I didn't want her to be alone......
Grandad just can't believe this is happening.
He doens't understand any of it. "it happened to sudden"
"maybe she'll recover"
"what am I going to do with all her things in the apartment"
"good thing I have a big family"
My dad went and spent the night there last night.
There was a funny moment at the hospital. Some of it you wouldn't understand if you have not met my family. My dad suddenly noticing that the front steering tires on Grandad's wheelchair are flat.
Whipping poor grandad out of his chair to sit in another. Virtually pulling the chair out from under him. I was holding him up. Good thing he's 95 and not all that heavy. Dad pulling out the pump that magically came out of the wheelchair itself...out of some hidy hole. Dad complaining the whole time about .... no wonder its been so hard to push...ect. ect. the pump not doing any good, but dad keeps trying. And complaining about that...."this is No DAmn Good!"
"look at them! They're flat! Completly flat! i bet the tubes are no more good. Dad can;t go in this chair."
my mom....."well you've been pushing him on flat tires this long...."
dad............."they're flatter now! I released the last of the air when i tried to pump it up!"
my mom...."well you could carry your dad out on your back"
me............."Maybe there is a pump here in the hospital somewhere you could borrow"
dad...........*sigh*"No Kristi"
Sister........"yah, cuz non of the tires here ever go flat"
My sister did tape it with her phone....it went on for quite some time...don't know how much of it she got.
At home dad had a lot to say about the Bloody dog and her dirty feet making the stairs to the upstairs dirty. "well we'll have to get that cleaned. I don't have time for that. Damn Bloody dog!" Everyhting is said with such anxiety and AAAAHHHHH. Like its the end of the world.
BTW - its not the dogs fault. first of all its not really a dog. Its a poodle. Second....my parents were the idiots that decided nearly white carpet all over the upstairs was the best idea ever. Third....I'm willing to bet it was dad's dirty feet!
Anyhow....we did laugh. Poor dad.
It is his mom that is passing away. Can't be easy. I know I dread the day I have to bury my parents. And Mountains parents are already in their 70's. He won't even entertain the thought of talking about what we are going to do. What plan? Is there a plan? he comes from meagher background. so there's no money for a home for them.......
i think about my own.......
boy i hope Charlotte gets a good job.
okay I gotta go phone my mom.
Enjoy the Sunny day All
Friday, April 25, 2008
my 90 year old Nana
this is what I know........
Nana went to bed Wednesday night and woke up on the floor Thursday morning. The firefighters; this part i don't understand. They live in VERY expensive assisted living. Why are there firefighters? There are trained nurses there and emergency call buttons all over the suite.....Anyhow, the firefighters came and put her back into bed. Grandad then called my dad and my uncle. They rushed over and called the ambulance that came and took Nana away.
Seems the bed was very wet, so they suspect she peed herself in the night. Nana was, like my mom said, in LaLa land.
I heard from mom last night. Nana has had a stroke. She is Not concious. She will hopefully have a room today. She squeezes moms hand when mom is talking and her eyelids flutter, but its so random its hard to know if she is responding to you or whatever is going on in her head. Mom says it doens't look good.
My mom has already buried 2 parents and has done this, so if she says it doesn't look good.........
Grandad is ok. He is scared and he misses her but he is ok. Grandad is 95.
Charlotte is terribly upset by all of this. She slept with me last night.
I am going to try to get off early today so i can go to the hospital.
I sent nana a postcard on Monday cause its hard to call. She is very deaf and has been really out of it the last while. So I hope she got it. Charley had done a card for her and we mailed that off last month.
She is 90. So this is okay. but if she's going to go she just needs to do it!
don't linger. Don't put yourself thru pain. She's been waiting to die for awhile now. We will all be sad and miss her. Especially Charley.
So now that my head is out of my Ass....this was just the little jolt i needed to get out of my funk
blog on
this was taken in February on their 65th wedding anniversary
Nana went to bed Wednesday night and woke up on the floor Thursday morning. The firefighters; this part i don't understand. They live in VERY expensive assisted living. Why are there firefighters? There are trained nurses there and emergency call buttons all over the suite.....Anyhow, the firefighters came and put her back into bed. Grandad then called my dad and my uncle. They rushed over and called the ambulance that came and took Nana away.
Seems the bed was very wet, so they suspect she peed herself in the night. Nana was, like my mom said, in LaLa land.
I heard from mom last night. Nana has had a stroke. She is Not concious. She will hopefully have a room today. She squeezes moms hand when mom is talking and her eyelids flutter, but its so random its hard to know if she is responding to you or whatever is going on in her head. Mom says it doens't look good.
My mom has already buried 2 parents and has done this, so if she says it doesn't look good.........
Grandad is ok. He is scared and he misses her but he is ok. Grandad is 95.
Charlotte is terribly upset by all of this. She slept with me last night.
I am going to try to get off early today so i can go to the hospital.
I sent nana a postcard on Monday cause its hard to call. She is very deaf and has been really out of it the last while. So I hope she got it. Charley had done a card for her and we mailed that off last month.
She is 90. So this is okay. but if she's going to go she just needs to do it!
don't linger. Don't put yourself thru pain. She's been waiting to die for awhile now. We will all be sad and miss her. Especially Charley.
So now that my head is out of my Ass....this was just the little jolt i needed to get out of my funk
blog on
this was taken in February on their 65th wedding anniversary
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Who Doesn't Love a Deal?
I walked in on a whim
Charlotte was at Piano
its a crummy old second hand store just around the corner from the Sound of Music and just down the block from my Restuarant.
And there it was.
A chest of drawers 8 drawers, no 11! Real wood! A 3 way mirror. The sticker said $269. I opened and closed the drawers. I've been getting real good at doing that after as many vanitys I've looked at over the last few months. they worked good. Mirror was clear. Its second hand. Could use a paint job. But $269.....is that just for the Drawers?
upon further inspection I find another tag. $229 for 5 pieces!
What!
I got the Chest of drawers. The mirror. The bed side table and the Head & foot board...after tax....no more than $260!!!!
Holy carp!
It needs to be sanded and restained. But whatever! Just for a drawer and mirror I've been looking at anywhere from 550 to 1000 and most of the time the cheaper ones haven't been real wood!
this is awesome! So now all Mountain has to do is borrow his dad's truck and find a friend.
What a great Deal!
Charlotte was at Piano
its a crummy old second hand store just around the corner from the Sound of Music and just down the block from my Restuarant.
And there it was.
A chest of drawers 8 drawers, no 11! Real wood! A 3 way mirror. The sticker said $269. I opened and closed the drawers. I've been getting real good at doing that after as many vanitys I've looked at over the last few months. they worked good. Mirror was clear. Its second hand. Could use a paint job. But $269.....is that just for the Drawers?
upon further inspection I find another tag. $229 for 5 pieces!
What!
I got the Chest of drawers. The mirror. The bed side table and the Head & foot board...after tax....no more than $260!!!!
Holy carp!
It needs to be sanded and restained. But whatever! Just for a drawer and mirror I've been looking at anywhere from 550 to 1000 and most of the time the cheaper ones haven't been real wood!
this is awesome! So now all Mountain has to do is borrow his dad's truck and find a friend.
What a great Deal!
What a Simply Gorgeous Day!
WoW!!
it is nice out there! So glad this is my short day. Maybe I can even get the BBQ working!
Mountain and I had such a good talk last night.
it needed to be longer....but thats ok. It was good. it was nice to be on the same page.
WEnt to work yesterday and Girl Boss has gone out and spent a pile of money to get rid of most of all that is mine. Mountain says to not take it personally. And I'm not. but I am hurt and insulted. Its good though. She is leaving her mark. She should have done it 18 months ago, but whatev. I'm just waiting now for her to oust all my plants too. That would suck. I have no place for those. Ceramic pots and nicnacs will find a home here.
So today is marvelous and sunny!
I can go stand in my yard and look at stuff. I love that!
Mountain has been working every day at the shelf/cabinet he is building in Charlottes room. It'll be done soon! He is doing such a good job. I can hardly wait to fill it up. Than i can get him to work on the stairs for the back door and next a new fence..........I am still busy moving rock. I have to figure out where to put some of it now. Running out of spots. Maybe a pile will do? Apparently, getting dirt delivered isn't as expensive as i had thought. So that makes me happy. I can just stand there and dig!
ok.
its track and Field day. Later dudes.
Enjoy the Sun!
it is nice out there! So glad this is my short day. Maybe I can even get the BBQ working!
Mountain and I had such a good talk last night.
it needed to be longer....but thats ok. It was good. it was nice to be on the same page.
WEnt to work yesterday and Girl Boss has gone out and spent a pile of money to get rid of most of all that is mine. Mountain says to not take it personally. And I'm not. but I am hurt and insulted. Its good though. She is leaving her mark. She should have done it 18 months ago, but whatev. I'm just waiting now for her to oust all my plants too. That would suck. I have no place for those. Ceramic pots and nicnacs will find a home here.
So today is marvelous and sunny!
I can go stand in my yard and look at stuff. I love that!
Mountain has been working every day at the shelf/cabinet he is building in Charlottes room. It'll be done soon! He is doing such a good job. I can hardly wait to fill it up. Than i can get him to work on the stairs for the back door and next a new fence..........I am still busy moving rock. I have to figure out where to put some of it now. Running out of spots. Maybe a pile will do? Apparently, getting dirt delivered isn't as expensive as i had thought. So that makes me happy. I can just stand there and dig!
ok.
its track and Field day. Later dudes.
Enjoy the Sun!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Snow in April?
this is Wild!
I mean they called for flurries.
I expected wee flakes mixed with rain. or whatever. I don't know.
Well these are huge beautiful fluffy Flakes falling from the sky ans sticking to my wicker patio set I just put out last weekend!!!
I am very unimpressed. I am worried about the few little geraniums I planted as well. Frig! and my Bobo is coming down this weekend to go bowling with us tomorrow night. Aahhhh!
Charlotte had Sunstroke not more than 5 days ago. I'm so confused. No wonder so many people are sick these days. Its like constantly going in and out of air-conditioning. Our bodies just don't know if they shoudl store up for winter or shed for summer!
How Bizaare!
Mountain is doing an amazing job at the shelves in Charlottes room. Of course now that the weather is wet he can't do anything. He was hoping to finish them this weekend. Charlotte is so excited too! Oh yes I will post pics! I am jealous for her room. If this weather keeps up I'll have to get that bathroom of mine done.
This will be an easier room I am sure. Keep your painting smock ready Liz-Bit, it could really happen this time!
I mean they called for flurries.
I expected wee flakes mixed with rain. or whatever. I don't know.
Well these are huge beautiful fluffy Flakes falling from the sky ans sticking to my wicker patio set I just put out last weekend!!!
I am very unimpressed. I am worried about the few little geraniums I planted as well. Frig! and my Bobo is coming down this weekend to go bowling with us tomorrow night. Aahhhh!
Charlotte had Sunstroke not more than 5 days ago. I'm so confused. No wonder so many people are sick these days. Its like constantly going in and out of air-conditioning. Our bodies just don't know if they shoudl store up for winter or shed for summer!
How Bizaare!
Mountain is doing an amazing job at the shelves in Charlottes room. Of course now that the weather is wet he can't do anything. He was hoping to finish them this weekend. Charlotte is so excited too! Oh yes I will post pics! I am jealous for her room. If this weather keeps up I'll have to get that bathroom of mine done.
This will be an easier room I am sure. Keep your painting smock ready Liz-Bit, it could really happen this time!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Half my Make-up on
I had stuffed kleenex up my nose and was starting to put mascara on my watery eyes.
Charlotte laying in my bed, konked out. Mouth open, red, red cheeks. Carp! I know she still feels sick from yesterday, but I am hoping she can wake in a good mood and make it to school.
My arms and the backs of my legs are still sore from moving rock and Gardening all day SAturday. SAturday was a Gorgeous Hot Sunny day! Wierd to have one after it had been snowing just the week before.
Charlotte played ALL day with the neighbourhood kids.
She had her feet in the pond. Rode bikes. Had a water fight. All kinds of normal SAturday fun kid type stuff! Stuff we didn't do at the other house cuz there weren't any kids around and the road was so busy and.......basically, it sucked for kid type action and mindless kid fun.
I knew when she was passing out on the couch SAturday night after supper I hadn't done the norms....."get in the shade" "have some water" "here's a freezie" "lets get some sunscreen on you".........byt 3AM I was climbing into bed with my sick Daughter. She was burning up with fever. Tossing and turning. Her muscles ached. Her tummy didn't feel nice. i gave her Gravol, she promptly threw that up. I gave her more. That one stayed down and she fianlly slept comfortably.
All day yesterday she layed around. Ever so briefly getting some energy when one of the neighborhood kids came to call. Losing her strenght quick and coming in to lie on the couch. Feeling tired and cold she says. I give her soup and water.
Her cheeks are so red. Is that from the sun or is she that flushed?
So when I heard her voice behind me as she moaned while waking I knew she wasn't pretending.
The dreaded call to Boss Mitch. More calls to the 3 staff we have. Calling my mom to see if she can come for 2 hours so I can still cover at least lunch. (my mom can't drive cuz of her foot) BM calling back to say he figured it out. Alisha actually Answered her phone in the morning! What a miracle! Lunch is covered.
So now here I sit.
Missing my 7 hour work day. Missing my Monday tips! Thinking i better get a project underway today in order to make this day off worth while.
Charley is laying in her bed with Le Fleur and Rufus watching movies.
I better call daycare and let her know..........
I hope I don't get whatever she has. I'm hoping its still sun-stroke and not the flu that so many have been fighting.
i can't afford another day from work.
Blog On
Charlotte laying in my bed, konked out. Mouth open, red, red cheeks. Carp! I know she still feels sick from yesterday, but I am hoping she can wake in a good mood and make it to school.
My arms and the backs of my legs are still sore from moving rock and Gardening all day SAturday. SAturday was a Gorgeous Hot Sunny day! Wierd to have one after it had been snowing just the week before.
Charlotte played ALL day with the neighbourhood kids.
She had her feet in the pond. Rode bikes. Had a water fight. All kinds of normal SAturday fun kid type stuff! Stuff we didn't do at the other house cuz there weren't any kids around and the road was so busy and.......basically, it sucked for kid type action and mindless kid fun.
I knew when she was passing out on the couch SAturday night after supper I hadn't done the norms....."get in the shade" "have some water" "here's a freezie" "lets get some sunscreen on you".........byt 3AM I was climbing into bed with my sick Daughter. She was burning up with fever. Tossing and turning. Her muscles ached. Her tummy didn't feel nice. i gave her Gravol, she promptly threw that up. I gave her more. That one stayed down and she fianlly slept comfortably.
All day yesterday she layed around. Ever so briefly getting some energy when one of the neighborhood kids came to call. Losing her strenght quick and coming in to lie on the couch. Feeling tired and cold she says. I give her soup and water.
Her cheeks are so red. Is that from the sun or is she that flushed?
So when I heard her voice behind me as she moaned while waking I knew she wasn't pretending.
The dreaded call to Boss Mitch. More calls to the 3 staff we have. Calling my mom to see if she can come for 2 hours so I can still cover at least lunch. (my mom can't drive cuz of her foot) BM calling back to say he figured it out. Alisha actually Answered her phone in the morning! What a miracle! Lunch is covered.
So now here I sit.
Missing my 7 hour work day. Missing my Monday tips! Thinking i better get a project underway today in order to make this day off worth while.
Charley is laying in her bed with Le Fleur and Rufus watching movies.
I better call daycare and let her know..........
I hope I don't get whatever she has. I'm hoping its still sun-stroke and not the flu that so many have been fighting.
i can't afford another day from work.
Blog On
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I LIVED!!!!
the Amazements of living in a home that has not been a grow house at one time and there is no mold of any kind growing in it!!!
My allergies appear to be manageable!
at least they seem to be at the present time.
YAAAAAAEEEEEHHHHH!!!
Seriously. I truly did not expect to be able to get out of bed this morning, and I suppose there is always tomorrow......but today was awesome!
now if only i didn't feel so nauseous........
blog on Dudes!
the Amazements of living in a home that has not been a grow house at one time and there is no mold of any kind growing in it!!!
My allergies appear to be manageable!
at least they seem to be at the present time.
YAAAAAAEEEEEHHHHH!!!
Seriously. I truly did not expect to be able to get out of bed this morning, and I suppose there is always tomorrow......but today was awesome!
now if only i didn't feel so nauseous........
blog on Dudes!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
I am Freakin' Out!
this weather is going to Kill me!!!
first hot sunny day since last october. Great. Had a marvelous day. Got lots done in the yard. But tomorrow........YIKRS!!!
its gunna cloud over and then rain!
Now for some of you its just a bummer that it rains again.
for me.............this is when hell of allergies to the Ffffff trees sets in.
those trees were so busy opening the leaves they have been wanting to open for weeks. So today, they worked over time gettin the job done! Great!
However, when it clouds over....it traps all the pollen they give off and those of us deathly allergic to All trees don't make it out of bed!
its the flu I tell you. Wipes me out. And its gonna suck Large Ranch Animals........
I"M FREAKIN OUT!!!!
hope I am wrong
first hot sunny day since last october. Great. Had a marvelous day. Got lots done in the yard. But tomorrow........YIKRS!!!
its gunna cloud over and then rain!
Now for some of you its just a bummer that it rains again.
for me.............this is when hell of allergies to the Ffffff trees sets in.
those trees were so busy opening the leaves they have been wanting to open for weeks. So today, they worked over time gettin the job done! Great!
However, when it clouds over....it traps all the pollen they give off and those of us deathly allergic to All trees don't make it out of bed!
its the flu I tell you. Wipes me out. And its gonna suck Large Ranch Animals........
I"M FREAKIN OUT!!!!
hope I am wrong
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
I don't Think I can do It
before reading this - keep in mind I am venting and trying to organize my thoughts. Yes your thoughts and opinions can help. Just be reminded....I may not follow through....
My mind has been flooded with the thoughts of this step-child that is or isn't.
Is she considered a step-child when she isn' his?
He considers her his daughter. yet, he has no parental rights.
He doesn't make any decisions for her upbringing, nor is he allowed to.
He is a friend. An Uncle. A glorified babysitter. And I am being dragged along with Charlotte into this. I don't like it.
She runs by a different set of rules than Charlotte and he visibly treats them differently.
Will he ever consider Charlotte his daughter too?
What happens if he and I have a child of our own?
These 3 kids will be separate???
Not in my books!!!
Can I be a step-mother to a child that isn't even his!
He never knows when he is going to see her, therefore I never know when she is going to grace us with her presence.
Her mother is having a baby in the next few months.
The weekends Mountain doens't have Tea her mother has her over at her gramma's. How is this woman going to take care of 2 children when she can't even manage one on her own? Where is Tea going to fit in when niether one of these "parents" is allowing her to fit in anywhere? What am I getting myself into??
I have tried to fit her in here. He separates us at every turn. Or is it the mother......
sure blended families are hard. But this hard?
i don't agree with his parenting choices. Out for dinner at WEndy's SAturday night cuz Tea doesn't like Tuna Casserole. McDonald's for breakfast Sunday morning for whatever reason. Nope, doesn't want vegatable soup for lunch here casue she had only just had breakfast. No routine! Than she is hungry again for lunch at 4 when its going to be supper at 5:30! He never knows when to pick her up or take her home. And the mother can't ever call him becaseu she has a block on her phone for long distance! So the gramma calls him whenever the mother wants to talk to him and he has to call her back!
If I heard that kid ask me one more time on Sunday if she could have some Sprite i was going to let her watch me pour it down the drain!!!
Oh Tea stubbed her toe! Tears and wailing. Give me a Break!
Oh Tea wants to do this....so off they go. Oh Tea wants to do that...so off they go. She doens't want this...
he picked her up sometime around Noon on Saturday. I asked if he was coming back. He doens't know. depends on what Tea wants to do. I asked if i was cooking dinner for 2 or 4. He deosn't know. once again depending on what Tea wants. Charlotte was waiting for Tea all day. so when the phonecall came at 4:04 in the afternoon.....Tea had brought her bike you see and I guess decided at that time she wanted to ride bikes with Charlotte......I reluctantly said ok. I asked, "are you staying for supper then? Cause I'll be starting it soon"
i don't know. fuck me backwards!!!
He got to the house and i announced I was leaving. He can stay with the girls cause I have to leave or I will say and do a whole lot of things I will regret. So I leave.
I come back feeling a bit better about 20 min later.
I start supper. At last minute I decide to make a Big Tuna Casserole cuz Who the Fuck knows who I am feeding and this will feed all of us.
at about the 15 minute marker that it will be ready soon. I remind him, we are eating. Are you staying? I don't know, let me ask Tea. what! you have to Fucking kidding me! nope they aren't. She doens't like Tuna Casserole!
but she asks if she can come back after supper. I am quick to respond...maybe a little too quick....NO!
The next day I have a planned playdate....much needed...for Charlotte and her very dearest friend Jake. I have been telling him about this all week. I reminded him on the saturday. I even reminded him on the Friday when I found out he was getting Tea. This is a playdate for Charlotte and Jake I kept stressing.
Sunday rolls around and Mountain and Tea show up after their McDonalds breakie. I remind him once again that Jake is coming about 2PM. Jake gets here at 1:30 At 3 I have to actaully ask him to leave! Jake only has about an hour left with Charlotte. Mountain is all bent.
During this time I have been putting the final touches on Charlottes room so i don't have to deal with it again till the fall. Trying to get everything done around visits. 1 visit I had control over the other.........well lets just say the cieling still needs to be touched up and Mountain was quick to comment.
Of course I tried my hardest not to glare at him. How the Fuck do you want me to be in there when there are 2 little girls in there playing. Besides the part where you said you were going to build a cabinet and you have Yet to take any measurements!!!! I have told you the game plan all along! The room was to be done. the cabinet is part of it. Get on it!
I don't need your help. I am accepting it.
i can have and measure and buy somehting to go in that space. i can do it myself. But I am letting and happy to let you help. But all it is is words and I don't work that way!
he said about a month ago how he wants to work on having Tea here and building that family unit thing that I keep talking about. he wants her to feel like she has some foundation. Then he gets her and off he goes for his one-on-one time. Which would be fine if it was dinner. Like the special sushi thing they have done the last couple times. But he didn't feel like it this time. Holy Fuck! its not about you!!!
So it becomes a 2 day thing of whatever Tea wants Tea gets.
I said to him....what about the special one-on-one with Charlotte? When is taht? she sees me all the time he says. SO!!!
if you do it with one you have to do it with the rest. You are creating a separation. What happens when more babies come along? you gonna continue this pattern?
..................
i am peeved.
i am trying to get my anger out here so i don't carry it into conversation with him. Its jsut such a Fucked up Attitude. Am I wrong? I mean maybe I am talking out my ass just as much as he is?
Maybe I should jsut say that whenever he has Tea i don't see him?
I must say its my own fault for letting him just come with her whenever. I am letting That pattern happen too. I shuold have said no on the SAturday when he called so late in the day. That is my fault, i see it now.
He said he wasn't staying for dinner...I should have made a point of only making somehting for Charlotte and I instead of making the point of making enough for everyone. Also stupid. I am enabling his bad behaviour.
I see that now that I have typed this all out.
So maybe that is the answer. If he says this is whats happeneing I should hold him to it! That might be better than any conversation I have with him, since he doens't seem to "get" any of it.
Maybe the only conversation I will have is to ask him if he can make up a routine with Leah of when he has Tea.
And then I will apoligize for my attitude on Saturday & Sunday as I was frustrated with the lack of any kind of organization.
Carp!
I better go.
lots of words. lots of thoughts and I havne't even gotten ready for work yet and I ned to be there soon!
thanks for listening :)
My mind has been flooded with the thoughts of this step-child that is or isn't.
Is she considered a step-child when she isn' his?
He considers her his daughter. yet, he has no parental rights.
He doesn't make any decisions for her upbringing, nor is he allowed to.
He is a friend. An Uncle. A glorified babysitter. And I am being dragged along with Charlotte into this. I don't like it.
She runs by a different set of rules than Charlotte and he visibly treats them differently.
Will he ever consider Charlotte his daughter too?
What happens if he and I have a child of our own?
These 3 kids will be separate???
Not in my books!!!
Can I be a step-mother to a child that isn't even his!
He never knows when he is going to see her, therefore I never know when she is going to grace us with her presence.
Her mother is having a baby in the next few months.
The weekends Mountain doens't have Tea her mother has her over at her gramma's. How is this woman going to take care of 2 children when she can't even manage one on her own? Where is Tea going to fit in when niether one of these "parents" is allowing her to fit in anywhere? What am I getting myself into??
I have tried to fit her in here. He separates us at every turn. Or is it the mother......
sure blended families are hard. But this hard?
i don't agree with his parenting choices. Out for dinner at WEndy's SAturday night cuz Tea doesn't like Tuna Casserole. McDonald's for breakfast Sunday morning for whatever reason. Nope, doesn't want vegatable soup for lunch here casue she had only just had breakfast. No routine! Than she is hungry again for lunch at 4 when its going to be supper at 5:30! He never knows when to pick her up or take her home. And the mother can't ever call him becaseu she has a block on her phone for long distance! So the gramma calls him whenever the mother wants to talk to him and he has to call her back!
If I heard that kid ask me one more time on Sunday if she could have some Sprite i was going to let her watch me pour it down the drain!!!
Oh Tea stubbed her toe! Tears and wailing. Give me a Break!
Oh Tea wants to do this....so off they go. Oh Tea wants to do that...so off they go. She doens't want this...
he picked her up sometime around Noon on Saturday. I asked if he was coming back. He doens't know. depends on what Tea wants to do. I asked if i was cooking dinner for 2 or 4. He deosn't know. once again depending on what Tea wants. Charlotte was waiting for Tea all day. so when the phonecall came at 4:04 in the afternoon.....Tea had brought her bike you see and I guess decided at that time she wanted to ride bikes with Charlotte......I reluctantly said ok. I asked, "are you staying for supper then? Cause I'll be starting it soon"
i don't know. fuck me backwards!!!
He got to the house and i announced I was leaving. He can stay with the girls cause I have to leave or I will say and do a whole lot of things I will regret. So I leave.
I come back feeling a bit better about 20 min later.
I start supper. At last minute I decide to make a Big Tuna Casserole cuz Who the Fuck knows who I am feeding and this will feed all of us.
at about the 15 minute marker that it will be ready soon. I remind him, we are eating. Are you staying? I don't know, let me ask Tea. what! you have to Fucking kidding me! nope they aren't. She doens't like Tuna Casserole!
but she asks if she can come back after supper. I am quick to respond...maybe a little too quick....NO!
The next day I have a planned playdate....much needed...for Charlotte and her very dearest friend Jake. I have been telling him about this all week. I reminded him on the saturday. I even reminded him on the Friday when I found out he was getting Tea. This is a playdate for Charlotte and Jake I kept stressing.
Sunday rolls around and Mountain and Tea show up after their McDonalds breakie. I remind him once again that Jake is coming about 2PM. Jake gets here at 1:30 At 3 I have to actaully ask him to leave! Jake only has about an hour left with Charlotte. Mountain is all bent.
During this time I have been putting the final touches on Charlottes room so i don't have to deal with it again till the fall. Trying to get everything done around visits. 1 visit I had control over the other.........well lets just say the cieling still needs to be touched up and Mountain was quick to comment.
Of course I tried my hardest not to glare at him. How the Fuck do you want me to be in there when there are 2 little girls in there playing. Besides the part where you said you were going to build a cabinet and you have Yet to take any measurements!!!! I have told you the game plan all along! The room was to be done. the cabinet is part of it. Get on it!
I don't need your help. I am accepting it.
i can have and measure and buy somehting to go in that space. i can do it myself. But I am letting and happy to let you help. But all it is is words and I don't work that way!
he said about a month ago how he wants to work on having Tea here and building that family unit thing that I keep talking about. he wants her to feel like she has some foundation. Then he gets her and off he goes for his one-on-one time. Which would be fine if it was dinner. Like the special sushi thing they have done the last couple times. But he didn't feel like it this time. Holy Fuck! its not about you!!!
So it becomes a 2 day thing of whatever Tea wants Tea gets.
I said to him....what about the special one-on-one with Charlotte? When is taht? she sees me all the time he says. SO!!!
if you do it with one you have to do it with the rest. You are creating a separation. What happens when more babies come along? you gonna continue this pattern?
..................
i am peeved.
i am trying to get my anger out here so i don't carry it into conversation with him. Its jsut such a Fucked up Attitude. Am I wrong? I mean maybe I am talking out my ass just as much as he is?
Maybe I should jsut say that whenever he has Tea i don't see him?
I must say its my own fault for letting him just come with her whenever. I am letting That pattern happen too. I shuold have said no on the SAturday when he called so late in the day. That is my fault, i see it now.
He said he wasn't staying for dinner...I should have made a point of only making somehting for Charlotte and I instead of making the point of making enough for everyone. Also stupid. I am enabling his bad behaviour.
I see that now that I have typed this all out.
So maybe that is the answer. If he says this is whats happeneing I should hold him to it! That might be better than any conversation I have with him, since he doens't seem to "get" any of it.
Maybe the only conversation I will have is to ask him if he can make up a routine with Leah of when he has Tea.
And then I will apoligize for my attitude on Saturday & Sunday as I was frustrated with the lack of any kind of organization.
Carp!
I better go.
lots of words. lots of thoughts and I havne't even gotten ready for work yet and I ned to be there soon!
thanks for listening :)
Monday, April 07, 2008
She Fell and CAn't get Up!
My mom fell over yesterday afternoon!
she slipped in her socks on the stairs to the family room.
She yelled for my hard of hearing father who was in his office.
The dog was barking.
Dad finally came out to find out "what the Damn dog was making all the racket about" and found my mom lying on the floor. So much pain from her ankle she really wanted to throw- up ............... lots.
She rested for a few hours and then tried to get up to go to bed.
Once again ....... vomit pain.
So off they went to the hospital.
Its not broken. But she has a splint on that she is not allowed to take off till Thursday. When they might jsut x-ray again. I guess it was too swollen last night to see anything?
So mom is sitting.
DAd is taking care of her.
She did one of those old people things.
She's uber pissed cause she'[s been telling my grandparents, who are 90+ to be careful cuz if they fall.........
They've never fallen.
Poor Mommy!!
Where's red alert when you need it?
she slipped in her socks on the stairs to the family room.
She yelled for my hard of hearing father who was in his office.
The dog was barking.
Dad finally came out to find out "what the Damn dog was making all the racket about" and found my mom lying on the floor. So much pain from her ankle she really wanted to throw- up ............... lots.
She rested for a few hours and then tried to get up to go to bed.
Once again ....... vomit pain.
So off they went to the hospital.
Its not broken. But she has a splint on that she is not allowed to take off till Thursday. When they might jsut x-ray again. I guess it was too swollen last night to see anything?
So mom is sitting.
DAd is taking care of her.
She did one of those old people things.
She's uber pissed cause she'[s been telling my grandparents, who are 90+ to be careful cuz if they fall.........
They've never fallen.
Poor Mommy!!
Where's red alert when you need it?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
NOT INVITED
Sorry. but this was a planned playdate.
they haven't seen each other since New years and he had to share her then. Even as the surprise guest in November, he had to share her.
Sharing her this time is not part of the plan.
I reminded you over and over again that this was taking place.
Yet still I had to ask you to leave.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Tough that your girl was not included. I didn't know what was happening with you. With her. EVERYTHING is always up in the air when it comes to her.....
Maybe if you and the other could get it together and have a plan these things wouldn't happen. But I refuse to plan my "stuff" around maybe's and what if's with you and the other and this step-daughter any longer.
Are you staying for dinner? i odn't know
Are you coming by tomorrow? i don't know
What time are you picking her up? i don't know
When does her mom want her back? i don't know
(do you want to. Do you like. Wanna go see Charlotte)
Who's the friggin parent!! Make some decisions! Its not up to the Kid!!!
My house is unpacked.
No birthdays. Christmas is not right around the corner. My weeekends are mine. So i am making plans for them and enjoying some sitting on my Ass-Fat time.
Charlottes room is done except the closet and the cabinet. Not a worry.
I can get in my yard now and enjoy getting the front curbside pretty! Weather permitting.
My car is acting up (the transmission) not sure how much longer or if it will ever......just waiting on that one. But regardless. I love to get in the yard. I want to plan Much Needed playdates for Charlotte. She misses her posse.
Sometimes....the little sister is just not invited
they haven't seen each other since New years and he had to share her then. Even as the surprise guest in November, he had to share her.
Sharing her this time is not part of the plan.
I reminded you over and over again that this was taking place.
Yet still I had to ask you to leave.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings. Tough that your girl was not included. I didn't know what was happening with you. With her. EVERYTHING is always up in the air when it comes to her.....
Maybe if you and the other could get it together and have a plan these things wouldn't happen. But I refuse to plan my "stuff" around maybe's and what if's with you and the other and this step-daughter any longer.
Are you staying for dinner? i odn't know
Are you coming by tomorrow? i don't know
What time are you picking her up? i don't know
When does her mom want her back? i don't know
(do you want to. Do you like. Wanna go see Charlotte)
Who's the friggin parent!! Make some decisions! Its not up to the Kid!!!
My house is unpacked.
No birthdays. Christmas is not right around the corner. My weeekends are mine. So i am making plans for them and enjoying some sitting on my Ass-Fat time.
Charlottes room is done except the closet and the cabinet. Not a worry.
I can get in my yard now and enjoy getting the front curbside pretty! Weather permitting.
My car is acting up (the transmission) not sure how much longer or if it will ever......just waiting on that one. But regardless. I love to get in the yard. I want to plan Much Needed playdates for Charlotte. She misses her posse.
Sometimes....the little sister is just not invited
Thursday, April 03, 2008
The Book
this "talk" has really made some changes in my girl!
she is now washing her face every morning and night (something I told her to start doing months ago.) and she announced that she has joined the Cross Country Club at school (something else I suggested she do) but whatever it says in this Puberty Book that she got the other day has certainly motivated her. Now lets see if the school work stays on the up-swing, the room stays clean.... and I might have to take her Puberty Book, incase it in glass, and display it in the living room.
Okay. Off I go to get my daughter to school an hour early for Cross Country!
Blog On Dudes!
she is now washing her face every morning and night (something I told her to start doing months ago.) and she announced that she has joined the Cross Country Club at school (something else I suggested she do) but whatever it says in this Puberty Book that she got the other day has certainly motivated her. Now lets see if the school work stays on the up-swing, the room stays clean.... and I might have to take her Puberty Book, incase it in glass, and display it in the living room.
Okay. Off I go to get my daughter to school an hour early for Cross Country!
Blog On Dudes!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
I'm getting some pretty nice visions for what I am going to do to my front bed!
I keep staring at it and staring at it.......rock and badness all over. But in my head its starting to come together. I'm gonna start at the very, very front and work my way back. Of course everything costs money. So it will be a slow process. I figure if I can get the front bed done and the New fence in by the end of summer I'm laughing.
Charley had "the talk" yesterday.
the health nurse came and herded all the girls together. Charlotte knew most of it, but the reinforcement was good.
"my mom didn't make all this stuff up!"
Its hard to watch your kids grow up.
I thought it was hard when I left her at daycare when she was 10 months old...When she took her first steps at 8 mnths.... when she stopped letting wash her hair at 14 mnths....first day at pre-school...first day of kindergarten...I sobbed at her first day of Grade 1! Now she is asking me for her 'own' soap to wash her face with and pads for ..... just in case...."it can happen at any time you know!"
She is 9 and not showing any signs that it could "happen at any time"...thank the Good Lord!
I am just grateful we have the open relationship we do.
She was so excited yet apprehensive to show me everything. She keeps asking questions, here and there. I am glad. I had so many questions after my Health nurse visit, but I didn't have that relationship with my mom. I am self taught. Or home was just not like the home I have here.
Thats kinda sad.
I am glad Charley and I can share and talk and be friends as well as mother and daughter. I set out to be that. To have that relationship when I gave birth. Its nice to know all the theories and things I figured would get me that have worked....so far.
There is and are still the teenage years.
Hell is on the way!
I keep staring at it and staring at it.......rock and badness all over. But in my head its starting to come together. I'm gonna start at the very, very front and work my way back. Of course everything costs money. So it will be a slow process. I figure if I can get the front bed done and the New fence in by the end of summer I'm laughing.
Charley had "the talk" yesterday.
the health nurse came and herded all the girls together. Charlotte knew most of it, but the reinforcement was good.
"my mom didn't make all this stuff up!"
Its hard to watch your kids grow up.
I thought it was hard when I left her at daycare when she was 10 months old...When she took her first steps at 8 mnths.... when she stopped letting wash her hair at 14 mnths....first day at pre-school...first day of kindergarten...I sobbed at her first day of Grade 1! Now she is asking me for her 'own' soap to wash her face with and pads for ..... just in case...."it can happen at any time you know!"
She is 9 and not showing any signs that it could "happen at any time"...thank the Good Lord!
I am just grateful we have the open relationship we do.
She was so excited yet apprehensive to show me everything. She keeps asking questions, here and there. I am glad. I had so many questions after my Health nurse visit, but I didn't have that relationship with my mom. I am self taught. Or home was just not like the home I have here.
Thats kinda sad.
I am glad Charley and I can share and talk and be friends as well as mother and daughter. I set out to be that. To have that relationship when I gave birth. Its nice to know all the theories and things I figured would get me that have worked....so far.
There is and are still the teenage years.
Hell is on the way!