Loved getting insulted from my father-in-law during our engagement toast

Got a Date for my MRI

Whooopeeee

Disheartened

I am feeling very disheartened at the moment.

i ahve been working so hard at finding something I can do. Training for a new career and UUUUUUURRRRTCH!!!! the industry come to a screeching halt!

of course it does.

Everything was tickity boo in the beginning of the year and then BAM! the practicum people have had some funky stop in their motion.

Envision had been, for some time, the gauranteed practicum. But soemthing has happened inner office with the uppety's and now ....... 'they are working on it'

My instructor is working so hard at trying to find somewhere for me to go. The couple of guys ahead of me have been done since the end of march and waiting on a practicum. The offices are not interested in you for hire if you don't have experience.

TAKE ME! YOU CAN TRAIN ME FOR FREE! I'M ENROLLED WITH THE COLLEGE! THEY'LL PAY YOU!

so here I am, working towards the end and getting my ICBC certificate .............

yesterday - i had a practicum and then a job all in one conversation. but alas.....communication had gotten funny. She thought I'd had my practicum and was offering me a job. but quickly took the position away when she found out SHE was supposed to be my practicum. AGH!!

so I marched down to the local branch here in hopes of getting a lead on soemthing ......... agonized over a cover letter and everything ......... the office manager wouldn't even come out and meet me. Told the girl to tell me she'd file it.

Thanks.

so I am freeking out! Totally scared! I don't have much longer for EI. What do I do?

its not like I've been sitting on my ass here. Its not like I've waited till the last minute to figure something out and get working .......... I;ve been working towards this since january.

Why does everything, why is it that I don't ever just get to go along. Why does it always have to be a struggle. Why are there always hoops for me. Its like its always uphill.

and then some anger creeps in. That accident has so totally screwed me. I can't even 'suck it up' and go do what i know i have always been good at. the fersure job. CUZ I AM BROKEN!!!! I wish i was being a baby about this, being a whimp then at least - ya, you called my bluff, guess I better go back to work -blablabla. Guess What? I Can't.

There you go! There is soemthing I CAN'T do! All the dr's and lawyers keep asking me ..... well I CAN'T serve anymore! I CAN'T even be a Hostess! I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T!!!! My EI is running out and Mntn can't support us. Not now. Not now that I have an unsurmountable Visa Debt due to the fact that i tried my damndest to keep half of the life I had accident prior. And Uncle Visa took it to the jaw. Thousands and thousands of empty wages = thousands on visa.

I can't even go be a hooker cuz it hurts me to have sex!!! This fucking Sucks!!!

My option? Welfare. and I bet I can't even get that. Mntn is here now and I am not good at lying. Besides the fact that i own my house ............ Efff Efff Efff!!!

time to cut off the cable

I feel a healthy dose of depression coming on.

maybe I'll have a pity party tonight? Wanna come ....................

My Pelvis

yup achy. not so much with the sore. but definitely achy. like rheumatism. Thanks Dr. Chu

4 days later and I am still feeling our monday visit.

my ankle, in my other leg is achy now to because I had to switch up my walking so drastically with the pain.

I even took some magic pills. they still do the same thing though. mask the pain - if they help at all and leave me feeling very cloudy. I'd rather have a glass of wine

dealing with it

I think I have managed to get over myself.

We will ceremony it up at mom's and I am busy searching for a decent hall to reception in.

Totally have thought about going back to what I had always thought -- not having a wedding -- but now I find my brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around that.

I've thought about trimming the guest list even more. but who do you trim? I suppose there's a couple more that i can slice off the sides. However, that doens't change the fact that the jist, from Mom's last e-mail, she was really just saying a flat out 'no' to the reception. She still didn't even say it clearly even then. I am just reading between the lines.

Lyle and I have discovered this really wild thing about ourselves too. We weren't really expecting it. We want to share our day.

If we get married, just to two of us on a hill that is fine - but we still want to share with everyone afterward what we did. WE still want to throw a party!

So off I go to continue my search for a hall.

pooing

before I jump or let my parents jump anymore -- i need to get in touch with the "tentguys" and get their low-down on the whole tent deal. If they can't get the tents down there then I guess that's it. We'll just figure out exactly what we are renting and what people are cleaning up that are hired to do so.

or we will do the ceremony there and then reception in a hall .........

but I gotta do it quick - finding a hall for a wedding next July could prove to be the biggest challenge of them all.

decorations -- i wouldn't have had to really decorate a tent outside - but a hall! thats means real floral arrangements - chair covers - actual decorations to create an ambience that doesn't say "cheap hall"

and then clean up in a hall! its actually more! a hall has its own table and chairs. We would have to put them away. if we get a hall that I can have my own catering company, then the caterers will deal with the linens - if its the halls caterer - we have to deal with the linens. All the decor not has to go in a car and get to someones house. Setting up a sound system twice - once at the garden again at a hall ...... I don't want to get married in a hall. i might as well get married in my living room if I am going to get married in a hall.

my parents are Pooing on my glow!

Again with The Pain

Well the chu chu certainly did it to me didn't he?!!

walk back and forth. Turn. Squat. up then down then up then down then up then down.

does it hurt when i push on it like this. How bout' now. What if i twist it?

holy Frig!!!

i don't do those things cuz it hurts. Especially over and over again. and I Totally don't squat like that if i do it!!

I am out for the night. Dishes are in the sink. Its finally sunny out, weeding needs to be done before the british get here in 6 days! I wanted to power wash, sweep, but I guess thats not going to happen!!!

My leg is so screwed! I can walk to the bedroom sit. To the living room sit. How the Hell am i EVER going to lose this weight I've gained over the last year if I can't do much more than that!!

I Am Pissed Off!

I am in Pain!

I've had to change jobs and my practicum isn't happening yet which leaves me Totally freaked out for my future!

if i hadn't had that accident I'd still be working. I would have been abel to take the time off to go with the fam when they go to Campbell river net week. Get to know my new sister-in-law. Instead I get to sit here and wait for a practicum or work a practicum. I Lose this summer too!!!!

I had been thinking that I would just take Charley camping on a whim on my days off. But I am honestly to scared to now. With how my leg is acting up. My back is horribly stiff still. I can't just take her camping alone like we used to do!!!

Fuck Dale Anderson - you really Screwed me over by not paying attention. I get migraines. It hurts to sleep. I can't do stuff with my littel girl like I ALWAYS have.

Its always been her and me against the world. Road trips. Camping. Walks. Hiking water falls. Now it hurts my head to even entertain the thought.

What If?

What If?

What If?

i can't trust my body anymore. I can't even trust that I wiould be able to defend myself if I were attacked anymore. and i was always confidant about that. I mean who would mess with me. you'd have to be crazy stupid ....... but now?

Stupid Accident!!!!

Have You Met Me?

i like to shop alone

being a bride is no different. Why can't I pick out my dress all by myself?

today i see the Great Dr. Chu

its been a wait of about 6 mnths to get in. he will check me out and see what is up with my muscles. i feel disgusting and fat. My neck is still real sore and my spine is stiff. The appointment is an hour long. I'll probably be very sore tonight.

Still have not heard about my practicum. its upsetting me. i think they are trying to get me in to Envision. I hope so. I jsut want to pull in some money and the longer it takes to work for free the longer it is till I bring home my own money!

This accident thing -- i think about it and I am very pleased to have been able to turn such a negative thing in to so much positive. i mean i have worked really hard to focus on all the silver linings and try to not dwell on the negative. Even though there has been a lot of negative ........ the lawyer was asking me the other day what I don't do anymore. i was having such a hard time thinking about stuff because i really have trained my brain hard to look at the glass half full and change how I do things. I should say its been like that the whole time. I have gone thru some awful bouts of depression over the last year. I've managed to pull myself out of them pretty quick, but they've been there.

It sucks to go from being able to do things like move my own appliances, furniture, taking out the garbage ect. To having to wait for Mntn to get home to do it for me. To go from being freakishly strong for a girl to ......... still being strong, but not being able to do it anymore. From being totally self sufficient, being able to do what any man could do so I don't need one to ..................... needing? To always having pain. Some kind of pain. I think back to last summer ....... i was in so much pain all the time i was numb. Does that make sense? i remember coming home from work on some days and throwing up cuz i hurt so much. Then I was jsut so used to it. The pain that is. So used to it I'd forgotten what it was like not to hurt like that. Some days were so much worse than others and I continued to power thru.

Even now. My neck is killing me. I really hope this Dr. Chu Dude can do something for me

DaD

my soon to be Father-in-law expects me to call him dad.

So not comfortable with that. i got a Dad already.

but this is will do. Its very old school. I get it. but i don't like it

I am so not traditional about a lot more stuff than i ever knew. I am learning stuff about myself.

Wierd

I'm Gonna Be a Bride!

TRIED ON MY VERY FIRST GOWNS TODAY!!!!

I'VE NEVER HAD A WEDDING DRESS ON BEFORE!

IT TOOK EVERYTHING I HAD NOT TO BURST INTO TEARS

ACK!!

Here's the Scenerio

Child, 4 yrs old, sitting at a table for dinner with His mother and his Great Gramma.

Kid doesn't want to eat his supper. Mom draws an imaginary line on his plate and says that what he has to eat. Nanny chirps up about dessert. Kid Really doens't want to eat now. Mom says no and sticks to her guns with the imaginary line. Nanny starts spelling to mom, dessert. Mom shuts nanny down. Kid kicks up bigger fuss. Mom tells kid to leave the table and go sit on his own till he has changed his attitude.

Kid leaves the table saying a few cheeky words about not listening to mom. Walks by his mother and hits her as he goes by.

mom gets up grabs him, says you do NOT hit your mummy! Proceeds to spank him. Tells him he does not hit mommy as she is much bigger and stronger than he is, so she wins! Then puts him in the next room for a time out.

What do you get from that?

Jeepers I am stiff -- what the hell.

thats what I get for phoning my lawyer and saying how great I am doing. What Was I Thinking!

but I am doing Great in comparison to how I was. So I'm stiff and it hurts to stretch, at least I can do it!

Got a date with a specialist on Monday. Ive been waiting on this appointment for 6 months. Maybe he can suggest soemthing more I can do to fix this muscle. it would be nice to wake up NOT stiff. Unfortunately ...... the stiff is my spine. The bones, my neck, the whiplash, don't think there's much he can do for that. That's times job.

Ideas Anyone?

I am taking ideas --

Went to bed last night knowing what color and what theme I'd like for our special day. Now I wake up and think ......... hmmmmmm ........... that might be nice too!

so if you've got any thoughts for an outdoor deal toss them my way.

i want to make sure that what I have thought of sticks!

thanks Dudes!

there's gonna be sales coming up for end of season stuff in the next few months. I want to be ALLLL OVER THEM!

The Queens Dreams Coming True

He went in to give her her goodnight hug.

"Goodnight Lyle" her little voice said

"g'night kid. Sleep good"

"can I call you Dad now?"

"Yeah!"

i stood outside the her door in the hall listening. I could feel her beaming thru the wall. he came out of the room with glossy eyes. I couldn't help but smile.

Charley has a Dad

loading up bookmarks of wedding stuff

I dunno

this is nice to dream, daydream and all about my wedding .......... but ......... i can't justify the debt.

i mean its the one and only time I do this. and Its a miracle at that! So shouldn't we celebrate?

If i get a dress, I want the dress i fall in love with. Not a "oh this will do" dress because we are broke. Same goes fro everything else too. Not that I would go out and get a 1400 dollar gown. That would NEVER happen, but if I fall in love with an 8oo dollar one ...........

and then there's the whole changing of the name thing.

That is a load of crap!

firstly - I don't want to take his name. I want to keep mine. I've had it for 40years!

Asked him if he'd take mine. He's not into that. Fine. Guess you know how I feel then.

So I will hyphenate it, but still, that's a lot of ID to change! And All Charley's too! Her's even more cuz its gotta go in the paper and all kinds of hoopla.

Really it should be a wedding package that gets done for you when you sign the license. An all in one deal. Such crap! Its going to cost hundreds of dollars and piles of my time running around.

on top of that I can't decide on a date.

Feeling a bit ARG about it. I had 2 choices in my head and the one I would like to lean towards more can't work next year. BOOGER!!!

Not Gonna Happen in Vegas

Had my Vegas idea Blown all to poo today.

did you know - that if you get married in Vegas its not recognized here?!? What is the point then? you go to get married in Vegas, I expect to be married. not have to come home and see a JP anyway. How Goofy is that!

plans

first we have to settle on a date

then I gots lots of planning to do! Holy Heck!

guest list? I want everyone of course. But I can't have evryone. Can we? what can we afford? is it rude to not invite everyone for dinner? but invite them to party after supper? can i do that? do I even do dinner? Maybe just appy's? maybe bring your own? Location is nailed down. Cake is good. caterer. Music. What am i gonna wear? Shit I guess i need invitations. Mom and Dad will help. i'll have to crunch some numbers ....... if its going to be too much ....... we'll do the JP route in the playhouse. Its totally going to be too much.

Hmmmm well I'll dream a bit and then get back to reality

Mountain Man

Last night. Mountain took me for dinner. Charlotte was at a sleepover.

had a wonderful meal out on the patio. I was just happy to go for dinner!

Then he wanted to go for a drive.

He took me up the mountain where he ran out of gas - Oct. 2006. Our first date.......It was so beautiful ......

Then he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him

and the view looked like this ............

I'M ENGAGED!!!

HOLY CARP!

Hokey Dinah

I just did some calculations on how much money i have lost since my accident last May.

HOKEY DINAH!!!

I sure hope I get compensated.

I sure Hope I get hired at my practicum.

Making it all work even though some days i came home empty handed other days made up for it .........

I could afford my debt just couldn't afford anything over my debt ........

HOKEY DINAH -- It is A Lot of Money!!

Introducing ...............

I Can not Wait to Post a pick of my Certificate! !!!

got it today at the college. I've already Badly framed it!

but I need to show my daddy first - then I will share my accomplishment with my Blogger dudes!

I am So .......... I don't know ........... Bursting!!!

20 Days!

.............. And the British are Here!

Professional Week

Well, here it is. Professional week at school.

We had a couple of speakers in last week, that was cool. Got me really excited about this new career I am embarking on! What do i want to do with it? How much more schooling i have the opportunity to do. Work towards my CIP. Its just all so interesting! And the Money to be made ...... I think everyone should get their GIE!!

so now to open my closet and have only 1 weeks worth of shirts there to dress me up. I'll have to be creative with the rotation of them the following weeks while I am on practicum. ACK!

Childcare

Well, I gotta say, this is slighlty sucking.

had my Sister all lined up to be my main childare through the summer. No Problem she said. Yah, she said. So i thought, perfect! and She will of course not be there all the time. I thought. She will have friend dates here and there and I am sure there are some of her friends that would love to have her all day. Afterall, having a kids friend there keeps your own kid out of your hair being "bored". I've always found that having 2 kids is easier than having 1. They entertain each other. And if you have 2 you might as well have 4 ..........

but My sister isn't in that place.

Figures having Charlotte there is going to be too much work. More than she can handle with the boys?

I was thinking quite the opposite myself. That she would be a Huge help. She can cook, she can play with a baby while Sister looks after the other .......When Sister wants to go shopping she can push the stroller while sister pushes the cart?

Whatever, to each their own. I am just a littel screwed now is all. She is old enough to stay alone for a few hours....... which she will ....... but i can not leave her for 8 hours in the middle of summer when there are kids outside her door playing. That's just not cool.

i am stressing about her coming home till the end of june to an empty house as it is. Will she leave school right away, not hang out and come straight home. Will she be safe walking home alone? Mntn is home by 3:45 so she's not here for long ..... its the getting here I worry about.

I have managed a couple days already with one of her friends ..... but a couple days is not much of a dent when i am looking for 30+ to be covered. I was going to send her back to her old daycare ...... but there are a few issues there besides the fact that M.A. would expect to get paid. Being on practicum means ...... i ain't getting a paycheck. I've asked my mom ........ Sister will take her a bit I guess but ...... Lottie has camp at the end of July and she is a week with Mntn while he is off when his Sister is here.

I will request to work weekends and evenings. That's probably the best thing to do. if she is alone in the afternoon for an hour or so while mine and mntns schedule's cross ........ than so be it. Hopefully I can request something like that. I have 125hours to cover.

Boys o'Boys I hope I get hired.

BCLocalNews.com - Sinkhole develops in busy Richmond intersection

BCLocalNews.com - Sinkhole develops in busy Richmond intersection

I Can't Believe he is Gone

I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that August is not here. I miss him soo much. His personality was so unique and so special. i haveb't driven that portion of the road since ....... but I did drive it further up just the other day. they couldn't have seen him. Poor guy had less of a chance. I don't even like to think about it, i get so upset. My baby boy.

he is on the window sill now where he liked to sit.

I think i am still in shock that he is gone.

my Sister just pulled the plug on the helping with daycare that she said she could do this summer ........

What the Heck. Now I gotta come up with soemhting else? Damn it

I'm Licensed!!!

Got my results! YaY!!! My certificate/diploma is getting mailed back to the college!!!

so for tomorrow , Friday and a couple days next week we have "professional week" going on. What that means is people that are in the industry coming to meet us and tell us stuff. Then on June 14 i should be starting my 125hour practicum! Then in Mid July...... i head back to the school and do my week of ICBC training to get that diploma.

My instructor is finding me a placement with an office that is hiring.

Yippeeee. Soon I will be bringing home a paycheck again! So thrilled!

YaY!!! School is done!

now for the results!

Today is The Final

Well, here it is. The day I have been working towards for months.

I take my final today.

My GIE final. So nervous. It could really go either way. Do I have this stuff down? I don't even know. Therein lies the problem.

If I had it down I would not even be asking myself the question of if I do.

I just gotta pass. I am allowed 28 mistakes.

Last night the allergies hit. Trying to study ........ ACK! i took a pill, slept heavy dreaming about doors and Mucks's parents?? I phoned them at 4:48AM in my dream. Very odd? Then suddenly it was noon and we were getting ready for a party. I was still in my pajama's? I went to find my room ...... apparently we lived in a hotel. Round Charlotte's room ......... but there were lots of doors................hmm maybe I'll look up doors today ........So anyhow, now I sit feeling pretty crappy cuz of the antihistamine and still have to shove a bit of kleenex up my nose! This Sucks!