Disheartened

I am feeling very disheartened at the moment.

i ahve been working so hard at finding something I can do. Training for a new career and UUUUUUURRRRTCH!!!! the industry come to a screeching halt!

of course it does.

Everything was tickity boo in the beginning of the year and then BAM! the practicum people have had some funky stop in their motion.

Envision had been, for some time, the gauranteed practicum. But soemthing has happened inner office with the uppety's and now ....... 'they are working on it'

My instructor is working so hard at trying to find somewhere for me to go. The couple of guys ahead of me have been done since the end of march and waiting on a practicum. The offices are not interested in you for hire if you don't have experience.

TAKE ME! YOU CAN TRAIN ME FOR FREE! I'M ENROLLED WITH THE COLLEGE! THEY'LL PAY YOU!

so here I am, working towards the end and getting my ICBC certificate .............

yesterday - i had a practicum and then a job all in one conversation. but alas.....communication had gotten funny. She thought I'd had my practicum and was offering me a job. but quickly took the position away when she found out SHE was supposed to be my practicum. AGH!!

so I marched down to the local branch here in hopes of getting a lead on soemthing ......... agonized over a cover letter and everything ......... the office manager wouldn't even come out and meet me. Told the girl to tell me she'd file it.

Thanks.

so I am freeking out! Totally scared! I don't have much longer for EI. What do I do?

its not like I've been sitting on my ass here. Its not like I've waited till the last minute to figure something out and get working .......... I;ve been working towards this since january.

Why does everything, why is it that I don't ever just get to go along. Why does it always have to be a struggle. Why are there always hoops for me. Its like its always uphill.

and then some anger creeps in. That accident has so totally screwed me. I can't even 'suck it up' and go do what i know i have always been good at. the fersure job. CUZ I AM BROKEN!!!! I wish i was being a baby about this, being a whimp then at least - ya, you called my bluff, guess I better go back to work -blablabla. Guess What? I Can't.

There you go! There is soemthing I CAN'T do! All the dr's and lawyers keep asking me ..... well I CAN'T serve anymore! I CAN'T even be a Hostess! I CAN'T I CAN'T I CAN'T!!!! My EI is running out and Mntn can't support us. Not now. Not now that I have an unsurmountable Visa Debt due to the fact that i tried my damndest to keep half of the life I had accident prior. And Uncle Visa took it to the jaw. Thousands and thousands of empty wages = thousands on visa.

I can't even go be a hooker cuz it hurts me to have sex!!! This fucking Sucks!!!

My option? Welfare. and I bet I can't even get that. Mntn is here now and I am not good at lying. Besides the fact that i own my house ............ Efff Efff Efff!!!

time to cut off the cable

I feel a healthy dose of depression coming on.

maybe I'll have a pity party tonight? Wanna come ....................