Test

I was studied up.

Taken my notes. Gone over the 6 chapters I needed to. Each week more and more questions get on the test. Last week I got 70% That was ok. It was what I had thought I would get with the knwoledge I knew I had soaked up. This week I was aiming for 90+ and figured there was no reason why I should get it. I was feeling pretty confidant. I had been working hard all week!

This week was different then last in the sense that we had 2 fellas from the computer lab join us. They had already taken the GIE, but I guess the computers weren't working properly, so they were sitting in on our class for the week. Sitting in to the point that teacher (Mr. Adams) figured they should take the test. Just for kicks really. See how much they remember.

Okay. Why not

There were about 6/7 pages to this test. It is all multiple choice. how hard can that be you say? Well its not and it is all at the same time. When you just 'know' the answer its awesome. When you are unsure .........

You have to remember, this is all like a weird special insurance language. Have you ever tried to read your insurance contracts and understand Everything being said?

Sometimes 'knowing' the answer can turn around and bite you in the ass, cuz if the wording is at all slightly different ........... and that can be in the question or the answers. There can be 2 answers that almost say the same thing but be one word, one Important word, different. If you aren't paying attention or not concentrating ...............

I opened my test, took a deep breath .............. ok! Here we go.

buddy next to me made a couple of comments about the questions. Looking for a reaction. Fine. I ignore him and keep going. I'm feeling good. Taking my time. Going over the questions, ignoring some and marking them ........ I'll come back to those ones .......... buddy makes another comment .......... I quietly - shh. He shuts up. the next couple pages, I keep going. Reading everything carefully.

Then it happened. Buddy next to me is done. Ok good. He will leave now. I have 3 pages to go. he's taken the test before. He knows this stuff, that's why he is done so quickly. He hands it to Mr. Adams..........Mr. Adams announces that he missed a few. Conversation starts between them..........WHAT!!!!

I'm having trouble understanding the questions all of a sudden, trying hard not to listen to their conversation. Trying to block them out. My temperature starts to go up. My shoulder blades get tight.

He wants to know which ones he got wrong, Adams starts talking about resumes and practicums. Buddy goes to the other lab to print off his resume ........... GOOD. Quiet again. 3rd to last page. I can continue. Hmmm. My concentration is screwy I make it to the last page. Shit. its all third party stuff ....... Dufus behind me is finished ................ MORE CONVERSATION!!!

HOLY SHIT!!! The words are just words on the paper. They don't even look like sentences. I can't do this!!! Are you kidding me?!!

I am shifting in my chair. Looking up. sighing loudly trying to be annoyed for them to recognize it and SHUT-UP!!! The conversation just keeps going. Now keep in mind, this is a small room I am in. Fits maybe 10 people if that. This conversation was not quiet whispers or even quiet voices.........this was full on normal every day conversation. SHUT-UP!! SHUT-UP!! SHUT-UP!! I am screaming in my head! my chest is getting tight. My back is hurting so much I want to vomit. My armpits are getting sweaty. Dufus leaves to get his resume ............ ok, come back down Kristi. Relax. Breath. I close my eyes to attempt to bring myself back down so that I can finish this test. One of my classmates is finished, she stand up to hand in her test. Buddy and Dufus walk back in to the room to hand Adams their resumes. They all start talking! Chick at the back of the room who is still doing the exam starts talking with them!! ".....79 ......I can't do it ........ just 79 ........" Well I Can Do It. I Have Done It. I want to scream.

I keep waiting for the conversation to die down, to stop. Its not. There's now 5 people having a social session right next to me while I am trying my damndest to finish an exam that I was hoping for a 90 on! It is incredibly clear to me now that I am NOT going to get anything close to a 90. I'll be lucky if I pass. The tears are close by. Dufus and Buddy leave ........... the girls are still chatting ......... I am ready to leave and not do the questions I missed, not do the last page i am struggling on .........."should I leave!" I interupt them. " I am trying to do a test and I can't do it with all the conversation. So maybe I should be the one to leave the room!"

" you're right. I'm sorry" says Mr Adams sheepishly and he gets up and leaves. My classmate leaves. its quiet. the girl in the back is finishing up. I can't read. I am so upset. It feels like i am having a heart attack.

It appears the girl in the back is finished to and steps into the door jam to chat with whomever is out there .................. FFFFFFF!

I look at the questions and do the best I can.

Drink the rest of my water, take a deep breath and leave out the back door.

By the time i reach my car the tears are up in my eyes. i am shaky and sooooo upset. That was awful!

Fat Burning Foods!!!!

lots of protein -- lots of fiber

I'll just be farting and pooing! Wooooooooo

I am still so in Awe that my doctor was right about the walking

I am trying to lose this fat around my middle, but if i can't even burn it with fast walking .................... What The Hell! am I destined to look like a sausage with skinny arms and legs stiking out?

Accurate Auto Body & Paint ...........

............... anyone heard anything?

EI

Seriously!!

how often does my EI have to get screwed up?

FUCK! I have 4 days to fix it

Charlotte had a boy ask her out

I of course said, "where is he taking you?" knowing full well that's not what it meant ............

Mr Big

When it first happened I found it strange but whatever. it's gonna. It was only once in awhile and I was only in the yard or driving past the house. Sometimes I was in the house without his knowledge ........... but over the last while they having been coming more and more. Now we are talking in them. Old friends getting together. Dating. Almost having sex, me saying no, because I have Mntn. At least once a week I have one now. Last night and Friday night - 2 nights in a row! I'm almost scared to go to sleep tonight. Last night I met his wife...............

Why am I having dreams about Mr. Big?

Test Tomorrow -- my eyes are hot and bloodshot from reading

New Blinds

Ah Yes. A Lovely Sunday morning. The sun is out. the birds are frolicking. Front door wide open to let the freshness in. Wonderful.

Flies. Tis the season for flies. Turns out, some came in my house. That's ok. A couple flies aren't going to kill me. Besides now I have kitties that like to hunt them. Cool.

I was in my room getting my act together for the day.

There was a noise. It was an ungood noise of something getting wrecked. I didn't know what it was that was getting ruined, but it was definitely a wrecking sound.

My Blinds!

My blinds in my Front window! Damnit! He hunted a fly right up the center of them. Got caught up and ............... BAM! Blinds destroyed.

Now normally, every morning, I not only open the blinds, but the front ones I lift. so That the kitties can look out and sit there without the hinderance of something in their view. As I have witnessed them both, once in awhile, trying to go thru them.

So here I was. Blinds broken. Lookin' much like a crack shack. Fudge! I don't have blinds in my budget for Months!

I announce to Mntn taht I HAVE to get new ones for the front window

Off we head to Home Depot.

Now my front windows are special. They are not your normal lenght. 48" in length is 12 inches too short. So the only place I can get them is home depot ...... unless I order them. Forget That! As we are there looking for the right width, we soon learn they are special in that aspect too. We must have them cut.

Fine. I make sure its the right length and Mntn snags the box to give to the girl so she can cut them.

he then decides, last second, we might as well do the other 2 narrower (28") blinds. Then they will all be done but the big window. he walks back over grabs some 30's, and stacks them on top of the other box. He lets Ashleen know what he has done and what he needs. Ashleen cuts them for us. Mntn foots the bill for all 3 blinds and we head home.

Now if you've ever been to Home Depot Window covering section, you know that the area is littered with signs.

NO RETURNS ON CUT BLINDS. MAKE SURE YOUR MEASUREMENTS ARE CORRECT.

We didn't have to worry. we had measured the width correctly and made sure we got the 72" in length ................................ For the Center Blind!!!

He looks at the 3 boxes of blinds and notices soemthing. ............. he -- we didn't make sure the 2 narrower blinds were long enough. HE GRABBED THE 48's!! SHIT! They won't take them back! There's signs everywhere! Thats' a good chunk of money to swallow for a stupid mistake.

I say -- let's try taking them back anyway. Nothing ventured nothing gained. If we can even get back half our money its better than nothing. Mntn is hesitant. he feels like a knob. They'll never take them back he is convinced. "We might as well try," I convince him. "We get nowhere without trying. Worse case scenario, we are right back here".

In we go to customer service. She shakes her head. "They've been cut I can't return these". i look at her , is there something that you can suggest for us to do? I plead.

She tells us that we can try going back over to where we got them from and see if there's anything they can do there ..............

I'll try. Nothing ventured, Nothing gained.

Ashleen is there. Relaxing. It was really busy the hour before when we were there. I ask her if there's ANYTHING AT ALL that she can do to help us with our opsy. Half price. Anything?? She shakes her head no.

*sigh* Ok. *sigh* its ok at least we tried.

She stops us. Let me talk to jen.

Jen? we wonder

jen wanders in at that moment. She asks her if she can take back the blinds.

Yup! No problem!

Really!!!??

We got our 28" 72"'s done and bought one more for the other window in the livingroom! All 4 windows are done now! and We had the best customer service from Jen and Ashleen EVER!!! When jen took us over to the Customer Service Desk to do the switch, from the short blinds to the new longer blinds, she told the girl that she had grabbed the wrong size earlier. She took the whole Opsy on to herself!!! We were floored. Then the customer service girl charged us for the shorter blinds! "for our trouble" she said. Flat on The Floor we are by this point.

Really!?!

The next morning on my way to school I picked up some Tim Horton's gift cards. After school I went back to Home Depot with a card packed with our thanks and their names on them. I can't rmember the last time I was on the recieving end of such amazing Customer Service. I know I must have been, but this was just an above and beyond moment.

Thank-you Ashleen & Jen from Home Depot!

I now have 4 very nice looking blinded windows in my living room.

STOMP! STOMP! SCREAM! YELL! STOMP!

how long does an Effffing funeral take! it was at 10:30! it is now after 2

EXTREME PROFANITY YELL! STOMP!

I totally just stabbed myself in the chin with my thumb nail!

it hurt and i am bleeding!

What The Hell!

Gotta Add to My Package

I gotta add to my package for the end of school.

I didn't apply for the practicum part. Originally the instructor had said I shouldn't have a problem without it. Practicums are there for practical experience on the job training. Bla, bla ...... and they usually end in a job.

Well, I NEED ONE OF THOSE!!

because of the ever growing fear I have of not being worthy or not getting a job and not bringing in a paycheck ........ i have decided i need to add on to my Strong Package.

Bubbly or not I will use all the resources at my disposal.

That's not wrong is it?

missing the dining room like crazy. Missing the giving of food pleasure........

I got to go out and dig with my hand shovel the other day. YaY for that! However ........ I am not able to dig with a regular sized shovel anymore - or at least not right now. I am not even able to cut my own grass still or empty my own wheelbarrow!

STUPID ACCIDENT!

The Queen

here's what happened .......

yesterday was the day the kids got their second batch of shots from the beginning of the school year. you knwo the ones when the health nurse comes and does the seconds on Hep B and the HPV.

Well Lottie didn't know it was happening.

I didn't know it was happening either. and When she asked her Teacher about it, he was a littel too surprised for her comfort. So the Queen, hid in the bathroom and didn't get her hep B.

What did I do?

Praised her

cuz there hadn't been anything sent home. She did the right thing. Good for Her!

although now I have to take her to the health clinic and get it done ...........

elevators

drempt about out of control elevators in my huge house last night.

yes the huge house that I have with the secret floor and rooms full of beautiful furniture with the cityscape view .........

the elevators twisted as they went up or down like a corkscrew and for whatever reason wouldn't stop. This was a serious thing cu people were trapped in them ....... wierd dreams ...... they were boys trapped. I was in one ...... there was an elevator guy there........it just went on .....

Sleep?

tooo much on my mind

my eyes popped open at 1:23AM, and that was it. I lay awake. I went to the couch about 3:30 ........ I lay awake some more. I have soooo much on my mind.

I did this thing where I spent money yesterday that I feel horribly guilty about spending. So I will need to take back what i bought. Damn it! So I lay awake thinking about all the other more important things I need to spend that Non-money on. Then i lay awake thinking about how are we gonna move the playhouse when the time comes. I lay there thinking about the fact that I cooked with too much garlic, maybe that's why I can't sleep. I thought about how much wieght I have gained in the last 3 years since being with Mntn. I tried to remember how old Charlotte was when i started her on pablum. I thought about school and why i am not there yet. I lay awake wondering where I am going to go to get a job and wondering if I will get hired. I thought about how i will pay off the debt I have incurred during this time of non-work. I lay awake listening to the rain pelting the livingroom windows and wondered if everything was ok outside. The I started to think about my garden and wonder if I will be able to dig in it this year ........ I moved back to the bed after 5AM. Finally fell asleep soemwhere around 5:30. Drempt that I was working for Ray and then the alarm went off at 6.

I guess I better get ready for the day..................

Walls

Well the walls are as done as they are gonna get!

I'm annoyed that when I went and got the second can ....... I wetn for the same brand but - it was environmentally friendly. Where as all the other paint (CIL) has not been. This was still CIL - but it was ecologically friendly.......WELL.........half my hallway is much glossier than the other half. and It didn't spread as nicely.........oh well. At least its all on the same side. So I will put my pics and mirrors back up today. We have decided to get a trellis and I will sand it down, paint it white and put it up on the wall in the hall underneath the hall window. The cats keep jumping there. and Leaving scratch marks. I wondered when I moved in what the horrible marks on the wall were that soemone had tried to paint over with a badly matched shade of paint. They had a cat. Didn't figure that out till we got these new ones. Mr. Ball would Never do such a thing! so anyhow - Trellis is will be ....... hopefully it looks ok?

Tomorrow I will make an another attempt to go to school. Hopefully the instrusctor says its ok that I only go 9 hours a week. Otherwise I will sit here and make the best of it. Paint the rest of my house? My back keeps letting me know that it is weak and injured - so there are things I just avoid. For example --- I have not painted the part of my hall that has my washer and dryer in it. Why? because I will not even attempt to move the machines. Where as in the olden days...............it would have been done in a heartbeat! So my projects are slow going, as I listen to what my body says to me. "sit kristi. don't lift that Kristi. You can't move in that direction kristi. sideways pivot? its time to stretch. Squatting carefully, ONLY ONCE! You can keep going if you stand like this. keep your toes pointed forward and your hips square......ect" Its all very Goofy. Then I wake every morning with a stiff lower back and spine. Alvin is there but just hanging out. I am careful not to anger him. So it feels like my panties are too tight ......... i am walking! I have a limp that comes and goes......and I am so good at it now, that I can do a really fast limp now when i need to! how cool is that?!

Home Depot had a sale on. Doors. Jeldwen moulded doors. Perfect! that is on my list! So off we went the other day and picked up 2! they were 29bux each! have you Any idea how much money we saved? Holy Carp! Mntn got one of them hung yesterday, YaY! woke today to get the other up and its raining. Poop! So now I have more to paint! Wooooo - Not. Well actually painting the doors won't be so bad. I don't have to fill holes and sand ....... the walls have been a pain. Bad taping jobs. Bad puddy. Paint drips to sand out. Holes. Holy Holes everywhere!!! My mouldings ...........they were never painted. Fine. but the nail holes have all been filled with caulking. Or maybe its silicone ......i dunno.....but it sure as heck is not wood filler!!! so I have to get all that out re-fill it and ........ truthfully .......some of it i have just said Fuck it Too!

So painting is not my fav thing. however, it does look nice. So after I finish my laundry hall area - I can get busy in the livingroom. Although I still have not chosen a colour ........... hmmm.

Off I go then. .

enjoy your Easter monday!

so I am shallow petty and selfish

Where the Heck is it!?

its Easter! perfect memory making day .............

What The Hell!

Frustrated

with myself

with Lyle

I want to focus on the good that is him - not the fact that ............

its just so frustrating!!!

and I know there are more things in life that I could be focusing my energy.

he is a good man and a good partner.

he loves me and Charlotte. he has agreed to be Charlotte's legal gaurdian. He is active in our home and making it. We truly get along great. He fits in my life really well!

not everything is perfect Kristi.

so the ring you picked out is in the shed. So he's had it since November. so his exuse is that he hasn't had time to give it to you. So he is waiting til he can make it a "moment" So Christmas, New Years, Valentine's ect. has passed.......Now its Easter. So he new for weeks that he was going to be having a 4 day weekend. So its been planed for weeks that Charlotte was at a sleepover last night ......... so .................

i need to concentrate on what I have not what I don't.

but why am I so frustrated then? Why? i know we are going to get there. I Know this. Yet am i that shallow, that selfish? Why do i feel so anxious about this stupid proposal? why am I so caught up in it? Its going to happen!!! It is.

Why??

am I broken? What the Hell is wrong with me? I'm a whiny bitch about a ring.........BooHoo kristi.

GET OVER IT!

* SIGH*

April 1st 1989

Is an anniversary of lost virginity.

Even after 21 years thats what i think about on this day

So bizaare.