Sex & Orgasms

My mind has been a buzz since Saturday night with the conversation the ladies were having. Made me start to think about different things from other women and men I've heard throughout the years.
Women that don't like sex.
Is it that they don't like sex? the act of it? or do they just not like it with the partner they have? then what about the orgasm? surely that wonderful friend can't have enemies. Then it makes me question their experience. Not with men but with themselves.
Being comfortable is the key. Trust; in ones self and partner.
Sex comes in so many forms. The word itself covers so many acts and isn't reserved for intercourse alone. The act of foreplay; heavy petting, making out, holding hands. Bodies grinding together, heavy breathing, earlobes, ass, cock, breast.......
*sigh*
A comment I heard was that orgasms come in different intensities.
They absolutly do!!!
A clitoral orgasm is very different from a G-spot orgasm. As well as the difference within each one. some relief, while others make the bottoms of your feet tingle. Others still, that can release so many emotions, you cry!

A G-spot or vaginal O during intercourse is always great, and always catches me off gaurd. Like a really great surprise! i don't go looking for it. As vaginal 'O's can be hard for me to achieve. So if it happens.....YIPPEE! Mountain gets a medal. But yes, your G-spot is in the same place. It doens't move. Its actaully the underside of the clitoris, just in case you didn't know. A hand job can be most pleasurable, almost as good as, or better than oral. Its a learning curve for your partner to find the little walnut buried just inside.
To stimulate it with the penis, in my experience, can sometimes be hard. But with a little practice...can be amazing. This being why most women get their best results on top. Clitoral stimulation as well as the G gives us a nice warm glow!

There are times, I find a hand job a little less intrusive than oral stimulation of the clit. The uncovering of the 'pearl' can get to be such chore at times. For both you and your partner. Not that its not pleasing. I love Good face jsut as much as the next girl. However, a good moment can be lost so quickly with the wrong flick of the tongue if he don't read the signs! Or too quick to move on, so to speak, to other things. I find there has to be a lot of communication, in some way, to let your partner know what it is you need to have just as much fun as they are having. And then sometimes.....its just not going to happen.

i begin to wonder if the act of oral sex for both men and women, is about control. A lot of sexual encounters are. For men much different than women. Sometimes, for women, its Just about the emotional connection with their partner. We don't always need to cum.

the orgasm for women.
Releasing ourselves. Not gaining control, but the giving up of it. If we are not happy with our partner its most definantly nearly impossible for a woman to have an 'O'. A partner that doesn't 'listen' or pay attention to what how we move our bodies, or the noises we make. 'Getting there' can be really hard for a girl! In my younger years, I loved to dominate a partner with Head. Being that I refused to have intercourse was a big thing too. I had to do soemthing now that I've gotten myself into this situation!

Yes, thats right. I didn't 'Fuck' around. LoL!!

That might surprise some of you. My bakers dozen accompished in my years of being active with the sex. The back half of that happening after my stint of being celibate for 2/3 years.

Yes. I was celibate for 2 & half - 3 yrs after Charlotte was born. Why? Cause I'm crazy haven't you heard!!

I wanted the next man that I slept with to be the one I married. My church roots. The morals that had been engrained in me taking a front seat. I was on the serious hunt for a husband. I dated and turned down various different men during that time. No, I didn't so much as kiss them. Kissing almost always gets me into trouble. During this sexless time i really got to know my body.

I didn't smoke, drink, eat bad stuff or Fuck. It was an amazing time of self awareness and discovery. But thats another post.

After saving myself for 3 years I met Mr. Big. Imagine my disapointment. When he wasn't BIG AT ALL. I waited months after dating him till I let him see me naked and do the deed. Excited for our first trist together. So let down when the pleasure of having him inside me was done and barely noticed! Have you ever seen the episode on Sex and the City when Samantha falls in love with a man. they finally get to bed and she says, "ok. I'm ready. Put it in" and he responds..."i am" Grunt, grunt.
It was a lot like that. Yes Size Matters! That being said. he got good at other things and I learned how to make my sexual experiences with him good ones. Did I ever tell him his penis was too small? No. But he fished a lot for an answer. I always told him his penis did what it needed to do and that was all that mattered.

I made a comment at girls night that you can have good sex with any partner. I tell you, its damn true. But you have to know your own body and pull the good from your partner. Not every encounter will make your toes curl, but at least you can enjoy it and it doesn't always have to be for them.

Foreplay is always wonderful. don't you agree?
For me, foreplay isn't reserved to just moments before intercourse. Foreplay is on going. Text messages in the middle of the day filled with messages of 'wet pussies' and 'hard cocks.' The butt grab in the kitchen. The kiss on the neck while reading the paper or making supper. The hands around your waist, in the small of your back. The slight show of cleavage. Hand placed lightly on your thigh. A gentle tickle on the arm. A hug. A grope. Playful poking and tickling. A massage. The random Phone call...."lets Fuck" and then hanging up. Staring across the dinner table from each other while you eat. Food can be VERY sexual. Especially when you watch your lovers tongue at work on the tip of a carrot! its a build. Then getting to the bedroom and your already half-way there.

BumSex?

Now this is something i haven't had to even discuss for many years. I don't like it. now I can say that having tried it. I am a firm believer that you can't say you don't like something if you haven't tried it. Kinda like when Charlotte decides she doens't like a certain food. You gotta at least try it first before you make that assumption! now here I am again. Saying I don't like it. Its been many years and i am in a new relationship. We are Very open with each other and have explored all kinds of different things with one another. Lots of firsts for the two of us which is neat!
He had been sexless for 8 months when we had that one night stand nearly 2 years ago. I was at the tail end of 10 months. Practically Virgins! LoL!
He is not as grossed out about the 'Exit Only' factor. Our sexual encounters where the touching starts to drift to that area I find myself shut down. Completly turned off. Then our discussion begins.

i am aware of the different erogoneous zones .... there.

I find myself lately dissecting exaclty what I don't like about it. So far all I 've come up with is Poo.
Poo comes out of there! Yuck! and thats as far as I can let my thoughts go. I must admit. There was this one time, during the act. That his fingers were gently whispering across my poohole and i did find myself oddly aroused. Once again though. As soon as I realized it was turning me on my mind took over and I stopped that pleasure pretty darn Quick!

This takes me back to women that have a hard time with sex. Or parts of it.
Is it just simply in the mind?
My vote would have to be yes.
Each persons 'reasons' are different. Everybodies backgrounds different too. I had a counsellor once say to me.....that if my first partner hadn't been so understanding and teaching I would not have the healthy sexual outlook I do.
I tend to believe that. Although he was a horrible Gigilo and used me, we did spend 2 years together. I thought we would be married. I was very impressionable and learned. Not just about sex, but about life. He was my first. I was 19 and the room was filled with the sound of my lost virginity.
I shook for days.
He was incredibly open sexually and answered all my curiousities to the best of his knowledge. He taught me about what men like and what they want. i had to learn about women all on my own self. Eventhough the sex with him was awful, Given time for me to grow up I'm sure it would have gotten better. I was able to talk to him about ANYTHING. A quality in a partner I'd been missing all these years ........ till now.
So will I try bumSex again? We will see. Is it for him? Yes it is. I will think on it and babystep my way there. As soon as the 'poo' stigma takes more of a backseat instead of driving. I hope it to be a pleasurable experience for both of us. For now....ICK! YUCK! and BACK THE FUCK OFF!!! EXIT ONLY!!

Not everyones sex life is the same.
Our bodies are all very similar. Its what we do with them that makes us different. How we choose to enjoy them. How much we let our minds work or not work. Letting go of the laundry, the work day, the kid......the Poo.....
Not always easy or possible.

I'm just glad I finally got a bedroom Door

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this is based on my personal experiences. take from it what you will