the Highway

So I picked up Sister to go to the Bridal show the other night, on my way home from work. We had to swing by my house to pick up Charley.

Now the quickest route from Sister's to my house is to take the highway instead of swinging through town. This is the same highway that goes past the back of my house where Auggy was killed.

i have not driven that part of road since. Yes I have tried, but it is so painful. I have graduated to driving the other side of the highway, going the opposite direction, but i am not yet able to drive the very stretch that he was murdered on.

So with my Sister in the car, we head to my place. I turn to go through town. She makes a big deal about it. I tell her i just don't like going that way, i'd rather go through town. She starts in on me how I have to get over it! oh yes her voice is raised. I say to her i am sorry I just can't do it yet. She cuts me off with soemthing like, "no. you are choosing not to go that way because you are a freak"

ummmmm -- "fine I am choosing not to go that way". Whatever.

We get to the next corner. She starts in on me again. "Seriously Kristi you need to go that way. Its faster!"

"i'm not in a hurry" i respond.

"OMG!!! OMG!!! Get Over it!! your being Stupid!! You making a big Deal out of it and it doesn't have to be!!!" She continues. I begin contemplating pulling over and letting her out of the car to walk home.

"look I am not ready ok! It upsets me. i am not doing it just because you think I am stupid!"

She continues ...... "your making the choice to feel that way. you are choosing not to ........ " I tune her out. I started talking about something else. Not sure what.

I realize that it is wierd that i have not, can not and haven't driven that part of the highway since. I realize its a bit strange that I can't even look down that bit of road. So I still burst into tears on occasion when i think of Auggy. I know that avoiding that part of highway makes it longer for me to get certain places. I know i need to "get over it". These are the things I know. But don't be such a nasty Bitch to me Sister!

it'll happen when i least expect it

On the way home I made a point of driving the highway going the opposite direction to prove to her I am not a total freak. And that makes me mad that I felt i had to do that to prove soemthing to her.

I won't be including her in any more wedding stuff if I dont' have to. We are having a candle party together in a couple weeks and I am thinking that was a mistake too. I got caught up in the moment at the Bridal Show. We had a good time. I was thankful. However, i find my gaurd up really high now with her. It sucks to have regrets when it comes to sharing special things with your sister.

She's made sideways remarks about how I get a honeymoon ...........

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