so much to say, but not all straight in my head. so its hard to blog......
Basically at this point right now.....I am trying to save my relationship.
Then I am wondering why I would do that...(cause of things that have been uncovered about his feelings) than I am kicking myself for wondering cause he is a wonderful man that has been so good for me. I feel like I've found my light...so to speak. Than I am back to thinking what the fuck. I don't need this shit and neither does Charlotte. When do I get to hear "I Love You?" Then of course back to the fact that charlotte is not going to be living here forever and growing old alone has never been my fondest thought.
So i'm back to doing what I can to save my relationship and eat any and all Crow cooked or raw that might be in front of me.
So thats kinda where i am at.
Very befuddled. Very screwed up. Very Not knowing. And still no answers.
I did not like the mother. there were some things said that I overheard while I was in the bathroom. My back went up immediatley. so I quit honestly, didn't give her a chance after that.
VERY Rough around the edges.
Well and since I can't keep my mouth shut, cause I lack class in that area.....I did nothing to hide the fact that I didn't like her.
Feelings were hurt thus creating some neat little Non-happenings.
Phantom sayings you might say. On her part.....
So Mountain is pissed. the mother has said Tea is not allowed at my house anymore and my feelings are still being ignored!
We have more talking to do and I want anwers to some of the questions I have been trying to ask for a few months now.
I have suggested Middle ground and compromise, but still await an answer on that. As I have been told that under No circumstances is the situation between he and the Ex changing.
So off to bed I go for yet another sleepless night.
This anxiety is Great though. I'm pretty sure I've lost some more wieght!
15 comments:
I'm sorry it's turned out like this, but really Mountain only has himself to blame for trying to bring two opposing sides together. She is the past and you are supposed to be the future. You have nothing to lose by telling him to decide where he wants to be ... past or future? You do not want to settle for 2nd best in a relationship out of fear of a future alone. You simply do not know what is around the corner and if he cannot let go of his past, then maybe he is not for you. His ignoring your valid feelings/questions on these issues led him to that party and a class between 2 sides which was inevitable.
Letting him blame "you" or "her" sure sounds to me like hes letting "himself" off the hook!!!
Be careful that you don't compromise who YOU and your daughter are, in trying to please a man ... you are both worth way more than that. Don't let fear dictate your next move.
I hope it all works out.
i completely agree with Aggie - this is getting ridiculous - he needs to MOVE ON or GET OUT!
but i am a little confused - i thought things went well at the party - perhaps he didnt want it to go well?
yep, I'm with aggie too.......
and also confused.......if the night went so well when did all of this 'stuff' happen with the X?
I had a great time!!! this is true.
Spent A whole Wack of time with the Hostess where I let my feelings about the Ex be known. Hostess called Ex the next day and had a chat.
They are all jsut katty women.
I hate that!
just take it for what it is. But don't make stuff up. and don't use your daughter out of anger like that.
That then confirms what I heard being said out the bathroom window.
Basically the jist of what was said was that she wants Mountain back.
He and i need to talk more
Okay.... well.... accepting second place just to keep him will set you up for a future of dissapointment. You will give and give and someday have your heart broken if he isn't willing to give you his heart in return. With that said..... a child in the middle makes things difficult and I'm sure long before you came around he made a commitment to himself and Tea that he wouldn't let a girl come in the middle. He doesn't feel his relationship with the mom has to change and that's okay, you need to respect that... BUT what you CAN demand is YOUR inclusion into that! Let him know you don't want to change their relationship, you want to stand beside him through it... facing her! You guys are the team and you guys have a relationship with her...TOGETHER! I don't mean to be a shit disturber but in all honesty.... in a situation like that .... I'm really impressed she allowed Tea to spend the night at your house in the first place.. that took a HUGE trust and move on her part... then to hear you were bad mouthing her... would you want Charolette spending the night with someone you KNEW didn't like you and was talking to your friends about how much she didn't like you?!? I don't think it's using her daugther it's a mother instinct protection... if this lady I don't know doesn't like me... how could she possibly have my child's best interest at heart or respect my rules. Try to think of things from all sides. If she doesn't feel like you are making an effort or are saying things to her friends... what's to stop you from bad mouthing her while you have her daughter over... (in her eyes)?? You and Mountain need to figure out a way you are all going to get along... she is going to be in his life .... let him know you respect that.... but you as a couple need to agree on some grounds and how you will be included and where you guys stand at a team / family.
Call when you need too. They don;t know the whole deal and how could they? Just call.
alot of what you said is right FoF
but quite honestly....trust is not her thing. Cause otherwise why was she letting the kid come here in the first place without meeting me first.
I had always thought that logic was fucked up.
until I learned a little more about her.
So the kid spends the night. big whoop! She's here ALL day...goes back to Lyle's to sleep and then is back the next mroning for breakfast. Yes the ex knew this was happening. Hence the Fff'd up logic.
however...this is the same woman that cheated on Mountain with a man that had both his children taken by social services casue of neglect. This same man has been there and in Tea's face for the last couple years. Yet the Ex has No Problem with any of that. As a matter of fact....she is an Avid Pot smoker and does it not only when Tea is home, but when she is in the next room or outside with her!
Once again the logic of how could anything I am be so wrong?
Of course she can be insecure that my dislike for her be rubbed off on her daughter. Totally I understand that reasoning.
once again....she has No routine and very little rules as far as Tea goes. Tea has more rules here!
As well as Charlotte doesn't get to go to houses or homes with the people I leave her with if I am not comfortable or have not met them.
this I know both Steph and Bert can vouch for.
So the part where someone not liking me is just a non issue. Besides the fact that if it were an ex-boyfriend.....he wouldn't be involved with my kid after break-up anyhow if he even had had the chance to be involved iwth her before that.
Of course that being said....yes....Mountain is involved with her. She is nearly 9. Very different from the 2 year old Tea was when she met Mountain in this womans bed for the first time.
I dated Mr. Big for 3 years and she NEVER saw us in bed togher. EVER. And he sure as hell isn't here now.
Adn if this does go south with Mountain...being as close as he and charlotte are. I will not be allowing a relationship to continue between the 2 of them.
I would never expect to be put first before Tea. The same as Mounatin doen't expect to be put first before Charlotte.
Fact is this is a nasty cat fight that has irrupted. Something that I truly dispise.
She has not respected, nor has Mountain, my feelings or my relationship with my boyfriend. that is what has caused this. And it in turn has turned into a nasty messy war that she is now using the only true weapon she has.
her daughter.
yes a clash of 2 woman that love him. He had be truly a bonehead to think it was all gonna be roses.
Now i have to make choices.
Choices taht would be easier made if I were not so emotionally invested in all this.
And yes Steph-you know I will call!
I totally agree with FoF 100%. I would react the same way as the mother in those circumstances.
As for the rest... I see you are focussing a lot on Tea and her mother. This isn't about them. It's about Mountain and You. Keep the focus where it needs to be. You won't get anywhere with him if you are in attack mode (towards the mother). It's easy to not like her. She is his ex. It's easy to direct your energy and emotions into your disdain for her, but don't let that distract from the real issue at hand. Your feelings and needs in THIS relationship.
(hugs) You deserve to love fully and be loved in return. Fight for what is important to you.
Miss ya!
of cousre i am now.(focusing on Tea & the mom)
its always been about Mountain and I. but in light of the new stuff....it changed
Wow...
You need to do what is right for your family..you know that.
Energy spent on the other is a total waste of time. She wants you to stew and bitch and give Mountain the ultimatum.
She has nothing but time to waste.
You are a far more productive person.
Can you wipe your hands of the other situation...work on your own trio/family unit, and let a nutural winner prevail?
i will do what I have to for my relationships.
It's totally natural for the ex and the current to not like one another. This is the way women in these situations have been since the beginning of time.
In my opinion, you are wasting your time and energy with her, because that is easy. Easier to be mad at her and escalate the tension between the two of you than it is to fight the fight that needs to be happening at home. Meanwhile Mountain and you have unresolved stuff.
Meanwhile there are two little girls who are going to caught up in this drama. It would be naive to think that they arent. One of you should be taking the high road and putting an end to it.
Meanwhile, I sure hope Mountain starts to get it. How dangerous of a tight rope he is walking here. I hope he can see how it has hurt you and can be man enough to make neccessary changes, for the right reasons.
I think maybe that sounded snotty... wasnt meant to.
I just dont want to see you be focussed on the wrong thing. I know how proud you are. I know you can't just let the things the ex has said just be hanging out there, but I don't want to see that distract from the real issues right at home with you and Mountain. That very could be a part of her evil plan.
oh its all part of it.
she invited him to her birthday, which is in a couple weeks, while I was standing right next to him. she did not look at me once nor did she even make a motion to include myself or Charlotte!!
Then again neither did Mountain!
They are both from similar worlds.
I have many things to focus on.
I will not be making any kind of phone calls or apoligies for things I did not say unless things are straight here first. this I know.
Mountain and i have a few things to get out b-4 i do it with the Ex.
and if it doens't work out the way I can live with with Mountain.....well than I suppose I won't be chatting with the ex and they can both go to hell
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