the last thing he ate was some raw egg a couple days ago. He can no longer drink. He is a shell of a cat on my lap. I'm sure he only has hours left.
Yes I want to take him in. Its beyond time.
I struggled weeks and months ago with his last moments being of a horrific car ride and then a person poking him with sharp things. I couldn't bare the thoght of him knowing what was happening to him. That i was doing this to him. Its not like he was in pain or out of his mind. He went from that to - the shell in a night. Now I think keep his dignity, he is almost gone and he is just in continuous sleep. Let him go in peace where he is happiest. in his home.
but then as Steph said. Does he have dignity? I don't know anymore. My judgement is screwy.
I woke many,many times in the night to check on him lying next to me. During one of those times I thought he was gone. He was so still. he reminds me of how it was with my Nana. Just sleeping. Keep him cmfortable.
We cried for him on Saturday. All 3 of us around him. It was a day that he couldn;t be alone. Every time he found himself in a room by himself he would cry out and come looking. i guess I knew then. That was the turning point day. Now he is hours away from his last breath i am sure.
i struggle with where to take him even. I spoke to Steph last night. I should have written down that Doctors name.......the office. i thought i would rmember it.
Now I think he's got hours why take him. Why after all of this take him when all he is doing is sleeping. Who's misery am I relieving? he doesn't appear to have any. Only i do.
He is far from the 20 lb beast of 10 years ago. he is in his 18th year. he was my best friend for many of those years when I was alone. He still is my best friend. He has been by my side since 1995.
I think back to my Nana again. She was dying. Sleeping. We didn't kill her to relieve anything. We waited and so did she.
This house will be lonely without my BeedleCat. it will be quiet. it will be clean -
I have Never not had a cat.
i feel guilty for wanting him to go and I feel guilty for not taking him. I don;t know what to do. With Sparkle it was time. she was in Horrible pain. Ralph died in pain cuz i didn't pay attention. When it was time for Molly I took her. she was in pain, so i called the emergency vet and took her. But this..........this is different again. Mr. Ball has just slowly gotten older
At this point, is it cruel Not to take him or To take him? I can't even tell anymore.
Whats the name of that Vet again Steph?
4 comments:
Been there! Sending hugs your way! You do what is right for you.... with Charlie it was exactly the same except I didn't want to wake up or my kids to wake up to him not alive.... that is why we took him in. He was on day 5 no food.... but he didn't complain once, he just slept. I also wanted him to go with us petting him, telling him we love him. I held him. I know he felt our love as he left. You will do what you feel is right. I'll be thinking about you!
I FB'd you the number. I will take him if you want... Or wait. If you are sure he is not suffering then wait... This is such a struggle. Just call I will do whatever needs done.
One thing that the vet did mention to me that helped me decide was .... imagine how painful it is for us when we haven't eaten. How your stomach feels. Just because they don't express their pain openly doesn't mean it isn't hurting them inside. Charlie fell down our entire flight of 10 stairs and didn't let out a peep!
he needs to go
the number is not there Steph.
i have to go to work. Text it to me or I will come to you right after work with Ball......its my short day and i don't have kid
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