Discipline

yesterday morning - trying to get Charlotte out the door. It was a good morning. we don't generally have the same issues we did in elementary. WE actually have an easier nicer time getting ready so much earlier than we ever did for elementary school. Wierd I know! but this morning......i walked past her room to see she was still just sitting there. ARG! so I remind her to get her socks on.....her room is disgusting! as she is fumbling around trying to find socks, she can't find any, i have the time to really soak up the disgusting room.

clothes as a carpet, not one surface without stuff on it, used kleenex on the floor, hamper turned on its side, dishes, bed covers all a kimble and the topper......a smelly pig cage and Hay - Yes Hay covering EVERYTHING! (typical pre-teen room really) however........... I lose it. Go into the loud voice of GET YOUR SOCKS ON and MAYBE IF YOUR ROOM WAS MORE ORGANIZED YOU'D BE ABLE TO FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR.

I only just went in a few weeks ago and cleaned it myself. It killed me, it hurt, so I ended up spending 2 1/2 days instead of one! I removed stuff and then for it to look.........

she starts yelling back and being incredibly mouthy. So I go to slap her across the face. She said soemthing that was WaaaaaY out of line - now I missed, which was fine cuz I didn't really aim all to good anyhow. i don't want to smack my kid. But she, She fought Back! She fought back in such a way that she didn't miss!

As I quickly responded and showed her I am bigger and much, much stronger and I missed on Purpose........ i held my anger back. I held her little wrists together cutting the circulation off and stared into her dilated pupils, you will Not Ever hit me Again! Do you understand?!

So is this the direction its going in? What are my next years going to be like? She will be 11 in a few weeks.

Our evening went fine as I explained to her at the dinner table, Mountain present, what was going to happen now. I told Mountain, she was responding in the same way she was being treated. he was furious, saying she needs a spanking. Good thing he wasn't home. ( I had explained all of this earlier to him when she wasn't around), that he can't spank her. First of all, she stopped responding to spanking YEARS ago. Second, he is a man and she is nearly 11 starting puberty, third, you are Not her blood. and If she goes to school and mentions it - it could be construed as assault.

So i calmly told her as long as her room looks like that I don't want to see it. Her door can stay closed and she can stay in there. Grounded? no. She can come out any time she wants, but she doens't get to do anything in the rest of the house....like watch T.V. I told her if she wants me to kiss her good night her bedroom door has to be able to be open or I won't be come in.

She made some comment about how I dont care. I looked her in the eye and said no. Its not that I don't care. It's that I care too much. Mountain and I worked really hard to give you the room you wanted. I worked really hard a few weeks ago to organize it and when I see how it looks........it hurts me. It hurts my heart. So don't care? no Charlotte. I have to make myself not care, I have to work at it, cuz my demon is just that; I care so much it consumes me. So keeping your door closed and not getting on you about your room is my way of protecting my heart.

I told her I guess its time for me to realize that if you choose to live like that i guess you're old enough to decide, but I don't have to see it.

she cleaned her room right after supper last night