I CAn't Handle the Truth

I Don't want to listen.

I feel pretty good this week. So i was a little stiff after sitting for lunch today after a couple hours.

i can walk! So much different than a few months ago. So I'm a little stiff, much better than being super stiff after sitting for a few hours.

This EI - medical leave thing is set-up funky. Why can't I go back part-time and see if I can do it? and Then if I can Great! Off I go then.

if I can't, then let me be back on disablity and i will sit in shame and have it be proven to myself that I really can't.

and I am NOT ALLOWED to look for other work that might be less physical. Thats right NOT ALLOWED. If I apply or look for another job........they will cut me off.

its Millers or nothing.

Everybody is hiring right now! I want to be one of the ones Hired!

I thought about jsut going back. Just doing it! but I am so scared that I won't be able to physically handle it and end up in that horrific pain again. So Scared. I can't beleive I worked through that. It was awful.

I mean, if the pain is so bad that I can't even preform my "wifely" duties......its a lot of pain.

and Then if I do end up hooped cuz i went back - disability won't take me back, cuz I am a fuck up!

I am in such stupid stupid Limbo right now. So - so - close to being well....but not well enough. FUDGE!

being told that I am basically useless right now.......I'm gonna try the pool thing again and see if I can get some more positive results

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