I think you need to pick your battles carefully with a child that is not yours and you have no parental rights to. I know you have done this on your own... but Steph how would you feel if Joe's girlfriend sent over a list of expectations of what your children can and can't wear etc.? I think the attitude and general respect ones are important as household rules for YOUR house... but clothing choices and what happens at her house isn't really your place. Just my thoughts. :)
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT SHE DOES OR WEARS IN HER OWN HOUSE.
but if she is spending time in my home she can bloody well brush her hair and not wear negative clothes. if she doesn't own any than she can borrow Charlotte's.
She is a reflection of me when she is here and i don't like being embaressed to be seen with her.
Quite honestly, no one in this house has "parental" rights to her.
Steph's kids aren't spawns of Satan, and don't reflect that in any manner. Our children are raised with the basic same set of expectations. Not exact, but very, very similar. Which is odd considering we are 10 years apart.....
the reason I am giving it to Mountain to give to Leah (which is really his choice once he reads it. I just expect him to follow through with Tea once he reads it)is becasue he didn't seem to know what the Expectations were in this house and asked me. To that I stared at him blankly. How could you not know? But it guess its just been the way it is here so he doens't think of it.
now he will know. Its Not Magic. Its conscience choices
He didn't know... Such a man response. However it's probably you that deals with it for the most part and he hasn't really paid too much attention to it. Good for you for making it clear then and making it the same for all.
Hmmm... I think FOF makes and excellent point. I would be more than upset if I had a list of demands sent to me...On the other hand I like the list and I think that she would benefit from dressing better and looking more presentable. I think you should give Lyle the list and let him decide if he is going to push it with T's mom or just ensure T knows what the rules are in your (both of your) home.
i don't want the adult i am building to be a Bacon brother or think its cool to hang with Bacon brother types. So everything I do with her or encourage her or limit her will build her into the kind of adult i can be friends with, and would like to be friends with. not condoning things like - black shirts on children - helps to mold her in a positive way. Clothing and appearance desensitize children just the same as violence and sex on T.V and video games do.
and i am telling you, Teaghan..........well Mountain has said some things to me and I just shake my head cuz I said all that when I met the girl when she had jsut turned 6. Now she is 9 and Leah is only just starting to see it. Being right didn't have to happen. It could have been thwarted. Now its just a snowball and its picking up speed. I don't need it hitting the bottom at my doorstep
just to make it clear, the list wasn't directly for Leah. It is for Mountain. I expect him to let leah know, in his own words, once he has it in black and white in front of him.
what Leah does in her home is her own. but what her kid does in MY home is my own. and I treat EVERY kid the same when they come here. Nobody is supposed to get special treatment. yet Teaghan does.........if she were any other kid, she would not be invited back
I don't disagree with the list but one of the things i learned is that you cannot control the "other" family. I hate how Jaden's mom dresses him so as soon as he arrives we change his clothes. He knows that is the routine, with older kids that will be tougher but establishing your expectations is completely fair. Plus I agree with your reasoning.
however, my expectations get voided when Tea comes here. To the point where if I discipline Charlotte while she is here the shit hits the fan.
If I could have the freedom to even speak to her.....things would be different. Changing her clothes.....not a chance......it would just like committing hairy-carrie!
What about approaching from a different perspective? Instead of limiting and setting expectations and trying to control.... about educating in a kind way... I talk to Lenore alot about yes, lots of kids dress a certain way... but this is how first impressions are seen. I've said to her a few times .... if you were presented with 2 men... one who is good looking, dresses well and looks friendly.... and a man filled with tattoos long unkept hair, torn and tattered clothes.... and I told you one was going to babysit you... which one would you feel more comfortable with? That is not to say that the man with all the tattoos isn't a better child care provider... or even not a really nice guy... but first impressions speak volumes! We talk a lot about how other girls dress and what guys think it means when you dress a certain way. You know... or saying, I think you look much prettier and your face looks brighter when you wear different colors. Just a thought... bringing something like that up at a family dinner directing it to both girls about first impressions and what dressing a certain way leads people to think.
12 comments:
How do you think that is going to go over?
the hair thing, the T-shirt thing, the skull thing ............BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!
Leah will hit the roof. That is everything Tea is!
I think you need to pick your battles carefully with a child that is not yours and you have no parental rights to.
I know you have done this on your own... but Steph how would you feel if Joe's girlfriend sent over a list of expectations of what your children can and can't wear etc.?
I think the attitude and general respect ones are important as household rules for YOUR house... but clothing choices and what happens at her house isn't really your place.
Just my thoughts. :)
I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT SHE DOES OR WEARS IN HER OWN HOUSE.
but if she is spending time in my home she can bloody well brush her hair and not wear negative clothes. if she doesn't own any than she can borrow Charlotte's.
She is a reflection of me when she is here and i don't like being embaressed to be seen with her.
Quite honestly, no one in this house has "parental" rights to her.
Steph's kids aren't spawns of Satan, and don't reflect that in any manner. Our children are raised with the basic same set of expectations. Not exact, but very, very similar. Which is odd considering we are 10 years apart.....
the reason I am giving it to Mountain to give to Leah (which is really his choice once he reads it. I just expect him to follow through with Tea once he reads it)is becasue he didn't seem to know what the Expectations were in this house and asked me.
To that I stared at him blankly. How could you not know? But it guess its just been the way it is here so he doens't think of it.
now he will know. Its Not Magic. Its conscience choices
He didn't know... Such a man response. However it's probably you that deals with it for the most part and he hasn't really paid too much attention to it. Good for you for making it clear then and making it the same for all.
Hmmm... I think FOF makes and excellent point. I would be more than upset if I had a list of demands sent to me...On the other hand I like the list and I think that she would benefit from dressing better and looking more presentable. I think you should give Lyle the list and let him decide if he is going to push it with T's mom or just ensure T knows what the rules are in your (both of your) home.
to me, building we are building little adults.
i don't want the adult i am building to be a Bacon brother or think its cool to hang with Bacon brother types.
So everything I do with her or encourage her or limit her will build her into the kind of adult i can be friends with, and would like to be friends with.
not condoning things like - black shirts on children - helps to mold her in a positive way. Clothing and appearance desensitize children just the same as violence and sex on T.V and video games do.
and i am telling you, Teaghan..........well Mountain has said some things to me and I just shake my head cuz I said all that when I met the girl when she had jsut turned 6. Now she is 9 and Leah is only just starting to see it. Being right didn't have to happen. It could have been thwarted. Now its just a snowball and its picking up speed. I don't need it hitting the bottom at my doorstep
just to make it clear, the list wasn't directly for Leah.
It is for Mountain.
I expect him to let leah know, in his own words, once he has it in black and white in front of him.
what Leah does in her home is her own.
but what her kid does in MY home is my own.
and I treat EVERY kid the same when they come here.
Nobody is supposed to get special treatment. yet Teaghan does.........if she were any other kid, she would not be invited back
I don't disagree with the list but one of the things i learned is that you cannot control the "other" family. I hate how Jaden's mom dresses him so as soon as he arrives we change his clothes. He knows that is the routine, with older kids that will be tougher but establishing your expectations is completely fair. Plus I agree with your reasoning.
EXACTLY STEPH!!!
however, my expectations get voided when Tea comes here. To the point where if I discipline Charlotte while she is here the shit hits the fan.
If I could have the freedom to even speak to her.....things would be different. Changing her clothes.....not a chance......it would just like committing hairy-carrie!
What about approaching from a different perspective? Instead of limiting and setting expectations and trying to control.... about educating in a kind way... I talk to Lenore alot about yes, lots of kids dress a certain way... but this is how first impressions are seen. I've said to her a few times .... if you were presented with 2 men... one who is good looking, dresses well and looks friendly.... and a man filled with tattoos long unkept hair, torn and tattered clothes.... and I told you one was going to babysit you... which one would you feel more comfortable with? That is not to say that the man with all the tattoos isn't a better child care provider... or even not a really nice guy... but first impressions speak volumes! We talk a lot about how other girls dress and what guys think it means when you dress a certain way. You know... or saying, I think you look much prettier and your face looks brighter when you wear different colors.
Just a thought... bringing something like that up at a family dinner directing it to both girls about first impressions and what dressing a certain way leads people to think.
done it
totally there with you on that and thats how i have approached it. however......
I am not allowed to talk to the child........
as a matter of fact - if i discipline my own kid when Tea is here all hell breaks loose.
I walk on eggshells in my own home
Post a Comment