My Wedding

the day i have been waiting for, for 20 years.

my parents generously offering a budget to work with. yet holding it at arms length so we can not use it.

my mom suggesting today that we should just get married next month with only close family around. As Mntn's parents are aging rapidly ........

I am so frustrated.

Mntn and i spoke today and i told him that really i don't want to look or think or plan any kind of wedding till i have a job. Mom & Dad dangling a budget i am not allowed to utilize in front of me. So I am not able to take any steps forward with any plans, no matter which way we decide to go with it.

An intimate wedding with our closest friends and family will be 30 people. And I know there will be hurt feelings of, "why wasn't i invited? I thought we were close?"

I guess i could handle it. i guess cutting people out - they'll just have to understand.

So then what. We get married in a quiet little sappy ceremony and then dinner? A BBQ in my parents yard? Hardly seems worth dragging Mntn's mom here for. or going through the stress of getting Teaghan for the day. I still have to wear soemthing. So that stress isn't gone. Seems a bit much to put Mntn in a tux then. He is actaully really looking forward to it. he's never done anything before. He hasn't had the same milestones as other people his age.

- Babies - Graduation -

and then aren't we back up to financial carp again? not as much but..............

Although doing it taht way would be more financially clever............ where's the party?

People say you can have a party afterwards........you never do. And then, whats the point? might as well have done it all at once.

And Darn it if I don't want a Party!!!

I'm getting married for Eff's sake. Both of us want a party! this IS a big deal

So i think, well, tease me with a budget and get my mind thinking and then ......... to do soemthing halfway is really not my deal. The thought of not inviting some people that have been friends for eons....... i really want them there! and Mntn has friends from his many years that he wants there too.

So then we do it just us. Just us and Charley and his mom and dad ....... but once again ...... harldy seems worth the effort to get his mom here for .........

i would rather so it just the two of us hidden away in secret and No one is there

Damn it!

i really wish the Vegas thing could work out!