Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Bittersweet

i don't have much to say right now.
I see my stats have just blown the ceiling off!!!
you are all looking for answers.
i just can't go thru it right now.
The story will come. the everything.

here is the short version...........
Larry and I fell in love. We'd been mailing back and forth for months. Since the winter. Not knowing what to do with all this. Scared for what to do with all this. Embaressed with what to do with all this.
The phone calls came a couple months ago.
so many phone calls. his voice........
Beyond all this..........
we found each other. Something we both needed.
WE talked on the phone daily.
For months.

Larry was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer last tuesday.
he passed away Saturday evening.

i loved him and intended to be with him and he with me over the next few months, into forever. Circumstances sped that up......but not enough.
my grief is so much. But not unbearable for he loved me.
he truly, really did. That is soemthing i've never had.
he was a gift to me. To us all.

his love holds me up. For that i am eternally grateful. he is so awesome. For now I need to think and I need time and i.............

yes i do answer e-mails.

Thank you all during this time.

perspective. Amazing Perspective

Love ...............K.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kristi,

Wow dear I am soooo incredibly sorry!!! That is sooo fast. But I am soo glad that you have that love to hang on too.
I will talk with you soon.
Hugs to you! ~B

Stephen said...

i hope he is well, and that you are too.

Kristi said...

his pain was brief and it is done. thats all i can ask

sxuly yrs said...

K~
Sweetie..I am here if you need anything.

Hugs~
andi

Mandy said...

Kristi I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. I'm here if you need. Anything. Praying for all of you.

Michelle said...

Wow, I'm so very sorry.

((Hugs))

joanne said...

So sorry honey.

Gary said...

Life is a gift we should all value immensely. Because we neer know how long it will last.

Hang on to that love and let it be an inspiration to you.

Elaine Denning said...

Kristi, I don't know you, but I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am. Larry seemed like a wonderful person...and I'm so glad he got to feel love again in his life. Hold on to that. x

liz said...

sorry for your loss kristi.

Doo Dah said...

K-
I dont know what to say....
God spared a good man the pain.
Keep your faith.
Remember the promises.

Others may have thought I was making trouble with Larry, but I admired him and I know he admired me. They didnt think about what was said and why I said it.

Hold close to Charley.
I emailed you, reply when you can, no hurry.

I love you Kristi, and I appreciate what you did for me in the past. If I can do something, holla at me girl. ~~doo

Leah said...

I'm so sorry that you two couldn't have had more time. Hold onto that love that you shared. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

RobynB said...

My prayers are with you... I'm so sorry for your loss.

Larry was such a good man.

Hugs
~Robyn

Kristi said...

my eyes are so swollen from the tears.
I never knew I could cry so much.
My face has aged about 7 years in the last week.


Thank you for your prayers.
Myself and Larrys family need them.

He was more amazing than I'm sure you know. He helped me. he was such a Gift to me.
I loved him soooo very much.

I keep telling myself this is all a dream. I slept last night and drempt of his early morning call.......

Oh God. i miss him so much.

He Promised to take me fishing!!!
DAmn it!! He promised to get better and take me on his boat!

i'm just so fucking mad!!
My love was supposed to be strong enough to keep him. To heal him. To live with him forever.

I am so alone he kept me company.
oh larry.
you loved me.
you really truly did. It wasn't about sex. you jsut loved me for me. And I loved you for you.
For you Baby!!
For you

I just can't believe it........
I can't believe hes gone