A window was opened last week.
I managed to pull the curtains over it and change rooms.
Just on Sunday, the door to the room where the window is opened.......
I can't seem to shut it. It seems to be stuck open or soemthing. I need to bolt it shut! I was trying really hard, but I think I need to jsut see if there's another room I can go into. I need to retreat. I can't look in the room any longer and I am unable to just stare at the open door. I turn my back and there's a mirror. I see myself with an open door behind me. A basement. Maybe there's a basement.
I can't find the door to outside.
That life is gone.
Its gone.
only I feel like I can't get away from it even when I try.
I hurt and I'm scared.
i'm scared i will feel like this forever.
Its too big.
its bigger than I am.
he's bigger than I am.
Hes' too big.
And I go back a step........
21 comments:
If you can't shut the door then you just need to walk away. exit the situation before it turns into something bad all over again.
~B
He's not big. He's little. He's puny. Keep telling yourself that.
what the hell!!! keep moving forward. sometimes it takes two steps back and one step forward
there is a button there, Kristi
push it
DELETE THIS BLOG
the window has nothing to do with the blog. Nor the door.
it has to do with life.
My life and his in this town and the surrounding town.
he's all over the place and going to be everywhere soon.
I've turned from the door. Its closed, but a wind from the open window could easily blow it open.
He is puny. Thanks Joanne.
hey Nick! glad you made it!
Okay. maybe y9ou don't understand.
he IS big.
i mean he really is.
he really is getting to be all over. I'm not being silly.
he is in Real Estate.
he signed a big subdivision deal.
This is jsut the beginning of him being all over.
Signs with his name on them.
Just popping up without warning.
in my Face!!!
unless you plan to move to a different town, or become blind and deaf, you are going to have to deal with his name and his face on things. its unavoidable considering what he does for a living. that doesnt make it easier, but its reality. you have to find a way to deal, cause you dont have a choice.
I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. You are a good person and you don't deserve to be feeling so bad. :)
There seems to be a lot of "snarky" floating around your blog here lately...I'm not really sure why, I think your issues are all valid. I almost drove off the Frs.hwy the other day because his name was like ten feet high...EGAD!
That is not something I would be very happy about if it was my ex. So as the supportive person in your life... keep it comin' because the more toxins you get rid of the better...love ya!!!
I couldj't be seen doing something like that.
However, if my good supportive friends did..............
i hope that "Snarky" comment isn't in reference to me, steph, cause i have known and loved kristi since we were 6, and nothing has changed. She is my sister.
So step off with your judgement.
Woa! Muck! Hold up!
I know you love me.
Steph loves me too!
However i did read some 'snarky' there as well. I was almost wondering if I'd rubbed you wrong at some point and we needed an airing or somehting.
Yeah hey wow...that was not judgement just a friendly reminder that this is really bothering her. I think in long-term friendships that things we would say out loud are just not typed the same way. It is hard to hear if there is an edge with out hearing the persons voice. Your friendship is sacred I am merely an outside observer...observing which is the whole point of the blog.
that was my comment that i deleted. I wrote it, then read it and thought, no, that is not what i want to say at all... sooo..
i reread the previously mentioned comment and still dont get "snarky" from it, but hey, sorry if read that way to you, kristi.
I know I can't be there to hang with you and be a shoulder. I know things aren't like they used to be for us. But that doesnt mean that I am unsupportive (seems steph is THE supportive one). I hope you never feel that I have made your feelings anything less than "valid" as steph implied. I would never do that. Basically all I was trying to say, that it sucks that his face is in your face all the time, and as you said, he is only getting 'bigger', so maybe there is some way you can find to deal with it when he pops up. Eventually, it won't bring up al lthe hurt every time you see him, or something connected with him, but in the meantime you could have some way to distract yourself or something. Like picture the billboards with horns and missing teeth, or a joke you can tell yourself, so that maybe you can just close that door, at least for the moment. It will get better eventually. But, it is going to suck for awhile.
Shari I hope you read the last comment I posted because in it I thought I clarified. Y'know the stuff about "sacred friendship" yadda yadda... maybe it's not me you are mad at. Maybe you wish you could be the person Kristi goes to...I don't know. All I know is when she reached out for help I did what I could. That's all. I don't know you, I think we met once, I don't know the stuff that's between you guys. It doesn't concern me either. I just thought your remark was a little cold and I said so in a way I thought was kinda funny. It wasn't funny to you point taken.
Sure wish I could be there for Kristi, but I can't and am very glad that she has you. You are obviously very protective of her. So am I. Can ya tell?
Anyways, Steph, truce. (is that how it is spelled?)
Okay.
i get home check up and
BAM!!!
all Heck has broken loose!
ummmm. yah.
I think I will take this to a private letter to both you ladies.
Thank you for loving me enough to fight. its really, really nice.
Crap! come to think of it.....i don't think thats ever happened before.
Fighting over me!
i am so flattered!!
However....Flattery aside....
Now lets take that anger to the person it should be for!!!
not each other.
We are all working in the same book.
lets jsut get into the same Chapter at least!
I am totally fine and as pretty as you are darlin' I do not think we were fighting...just disagreeing as adults. Great, now we gave her a big head Shari!lol
LOL... geesh STeph... guess its always about her, huh.
(((j/k muck, you know we both love ya)))
I want to fight joanne over kristi. Can it be arranged?
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