The Queen's piano...

So she was of course amazing!
Like there was ever any doubt!

Things were obviusly strained with my parents.
But life is jsut too short for the anxiety between us. Can it be fixed???
yah probably. I have tried.
But i jsut can't put myself out there again. I keep hitting a wall. So I have to wait till they reach for me. Then the mending can begin. Until then they won't hear me if they are not ready.
So we go through the motions.....like strangers that are brought togehter by DNA.
But the last 2 weeks have taught me that life is far too short. I don't want to spend it arguing or having anxiety attacks. If civil strangers is how it ends.....than thats better than what its been.
in the end family is family.
I'm jsut waiting for my parents to hold that philosophy too.
I've also really owned the fact that i am not an object to be owned and controlled. That i am me. That I can be loved and accepted for me. i don't have to change or pretend or use props to get love.
These are treasures that I want to teach Charley.
Even though she was irritating the crap out of me today!
Only partly her fault.
PMS, being tired, and the other stuff that is on my mind.
The other part.....well her! she was bouncing off every wall. And if there wasn't a wall she bounced of random air particles I'm sure.
So wound up by her performance.
Wound from being up so super early.
She was so good!
She was told she should have competed she was so good!
i was so pleased.
She had so worked hard.

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