So I had this nervous breakdown.
Y'all were present for it.
It had been coming for a few years.
I even know when it all started if you can believe it.
The downward spiral and how I desperatly kept my head above water for the past few years. Developing new coping skills along the way. You all watched as the tools I was using were faulty. You read as I crashed and crashed. As shit jsut happened to me. Sinking down further and further each time till I created my own drama. Finally landing at the bottom back in August.
I scraped along that bottom for a few weeks. Trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why am I so broken? Why can't I stop?
I reached out to people People reached out to me, but ultimatly I was alone.
I did some crazy fucked up shit during that time.
Then it happened.
I became "unsafe"
I knew then I needed serious help.
Its funny cause the day after I made the appointment I got a letter from Muck telling me to do that very thing Or Else!
Things didn't get good right away.
they actaully got worse before they got better.
I started on medication it was bad in the beginning. Real bad. Like I can barely function bad.
I announced I was never taking them again!
Got that fixed!
Now i feel Great!
I never really knew how sick I was until now that I'm better looking back at the last few years.......
Holy Carp!
Now don't get me wrong. I still have a bit to go. Not out of the trees yet. But I tell you.......my new best friend comes in the form of a little Pink Pill that I have to take each day. My mind has changed soooo much.
Anxiety? What The Hell was that!
I didn't realize how much I lived with each and every day of my life. I had no idea. So when something would happen.......my emotions would hit the ceiling cause I was already half way there!
So much makes sense all of a sudden to me now.
I've been really sick for a long long time.
I am excited for where I am at now.
i love that my mind is clear. Sometimes too clear. Lol!
But its quiet. My thoughts are quiet. My mind isn't racing. I feel so amazing!
So happy!
I am grateful to the Tall Dude for being the straw.
i lost a lot that day in August. I lost my best friend and my lover. But out of that loss came a wonderous thing.
My life. I found it. I found me.
Had the night of horrors not happened..........I'm sure I would still be floating. I needed to hit bottom.
for that I am thankful.
Happy Thanksgiving!!
Blog On Dudes!
11 comments:
hey. thought I'd jump in for a milli-minute. Good to see you're still around and kicking.
blah blah and the like.
keep on kicking ass!!!
-D
www.canary-yellow.blogspot.com
takes a big person to admit when they need help...
good for you!
PS - can any get those pink pills?
Holy Carp, I love your blog. You have a wonderful way with words.
Glad things are going better for you. Keep on keepin on.
That is an incredible thing you did. Alone without support and you got yourself the help you needed. That rarely happens. You are such a strong person.
Good for you - we knew you could do it. Little pink pills are a girl's (new) best friend.
I am so happy for you
It is better when one finds their own way to help as they feel that it was a choice and in no way forced
Its good you are getting better
just remember that the pills treat the symptoms not the 'disease' so they still need to be taken every day
again I am so happy
your blog is so happy these days
its not as interesting to read in a sick sense but as a friend it is good to see you doing so well
D!! Its great to see you. Its been so very long!
I'm sure anybody could get the Pink Pills with a presciption Lioness.
So yes, I am now dependent on meds. I have to take them, but I might not forever and that is cool too! We'll experiment, my doc and I, in a few months. I've been taking them for awhile now and the difference......wellI'm glad you can see it. Than I don't have to explain!
I keep waiting for the crash.
Habit I guess. Like whats going to happen next.
cause its been something every few weeks for the last year anyway.
maybe I'm fianlly in the clear for awhile
It's funny what we can get used to as "normal". Then we look back and think how unnormal it was.
I am so glad you are doing better!!
could you possibly pass the pink pills on to me............
lol
I would Love to pass the Pink Pills on to all.
they are wonderful!
Yes......Normal....What The Hell!
how 'bout stable. Level. Okay.
Normal is in the eye of the beholder. i will settle for Happy! And Void of Anxiety!
*HUG*
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