~Dreaming about a scary ex for the last while.
Suddenly they are becoming more frequent.
Ken Green.......Scares the shit out of me! What the fuck is he doing floating around in my subconcious all of a sudden?
Maybe if I talk about it the dreams will stop. The guy beat me. For far too long. GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU BASTARD!!!
~Mountain has dealt with drunk upset Kristi. Twice now, and for some reason still wants to be around me. That freaks me out 2!
He just accepts me for all my faults and weaknesses. Shit!
What is going on?
~I felt so comfortable with Mountain I actually went to the next level.....
I passed gas in front of him. Even Mr. Big and I never got to that far!
~I let him see me without ANY make-up on. I mean, not even foundation. There are VERY FEW that have seen that Kristi. you may think you have.......but No. you have not.
And he still wants to come back tonight for dinner. What The Hell!
Mine Eye is feeling much better. I still feel nautious,but I just have to stay focused on one thing at a time and not look around too much and I am fine. At least it doesn't hurt like it did anymore. I wore my eye patch last night when Mountain came over. Put make-up on one eye. The other.......totally naked. He'd been under some stupid impression that he's seen me without make-up before. He learned last night and this mroning how wrong he was.
"wow. you really don't have any eyelashes"
It was funny.
I put my patch up and he was looking at me out of one eye and then the other. Said it was like being with 2 different girls!
Okay off i go to make my surprise dinner for Mountain!
A Kristi Lasagna! Lotsa Veggies. Lots a Cheese! And Peperoni in the middle.
Blog On Dudes!
Oh and Hey........a Mighty Oooglenoth to you all!
4 comments:
I have those dreams sometimes... out of the blue, for no valid reason. It's not like I think about him during the day and if I do it's just to hope and pray that he was in the world trade centre when it was bombed.
The crazy thing is - I would love to see him just one last time - just to say - "Hey asshole - look at me now. You did not win."
hmmmm.
I do not want to see him.
Ever.
I don't wish him harm either.
Just want him away. Stay far, far away.
i know that what happened to me was part of what I did allowed to happen. My addictive personality. I have a have an adrenilin addiction. I was a junkie for it when i was with him. For as much as I tried to escape.....i made stupid, stupid choices that didn't allow me to escape as I could have.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I don't trust myself.
i am very aftaid of him.
He had control of me.
Best thing is for him to stay away.
Muck you were right.......Tall Dude did do the same thing to me. Not the violence part, but the Kristi part. The part where I needed the excitement. Where I needed the rush.
best to try and get that rush from work.
I am still on shaky ground.
I am still not fully healed from my nervous breakdown in the summer. I realized that a few weeks ago. And after Friday night.....it was very evident.
Frig. I think its time to double up Pinks with counselling
counselling is good... an outside source to talk to.
**mixed feelings about Ken**
Did counselling already, but I think it was too early........
nowI just don't have the time. Its all daytimestuff.
Mixed feelings? What mean?
Post a Comment