Spiralling, swrling, all around me.
Emotions.
Confusion.
Decisions.
The Past.
Mis-information tops it.
Hurtful words.
Mis-placed love.
I am not in the eye of the storm. I am part of the storm. Part of the wind. Part of the crap that is swirling.
I need to run.
I want to run.
I don't want to blog
I want to delete everything, but I know I would regret it.
More keeps getting picked up by the winds underneath my feet.
I want to get lower down the spiral so that when it stops the landing isn't too hard. Or maybe I can climb higher inside and land on a cloud.
The cloud I want to land on a cloud.
I want to land on a cloud with Mountain right next to me.
He is in here with me.
We are holding hands, but there is so much in here with us. I don't know if we'll will survive the high wind chill and the rain.
I looked for a weather report, but there isn't one available in this area right now. They say to just hold on and don't close your eyes.
The Queen is up.
time to put this aside.
Peaches & Cream. Peaches & Cream.
10 comments:
Powerful! In all your disarry you describe and write so passionatly. What a great insight into what is happening in your head. Thanks for letting us in! :) You CAN do this! You can make it through this and each step will make you stronger!
This is a whole new thing for you. To be in a storm with the pinks. It is going to be sooo way different from before. Like you said, you are in it. Before, you created it.
Like fof said, you CAN do this. You have been through worse. Be patient. Every storm passes, and all leave behind debree. Be as solid as you can (and I know you can be, you have it in you to be the solid brick building that the others come to for protection).
Does Mountain read your blog? May I suggest that if he hasnt yet, that maybe you print off some of your posts and share them with him, or pull it up on the puter and let him peruse. Just a thought.
love ya girl. This too, will pass.
You have survived worse ... you'll get through this one too. We are cheering you on from the sidelines!
okay lady - time to put on your big girl panties - you can get thru this. But I am concerned - you seem to fall hard and fast. Are you sure that you are not mistaking lonlieness for love? Just a question... take care
Thanks FoF.
No Muck! remember Mr Big and his reading.
The pinks are what is messing with me.
Thanks Aggs.
Jewel-are you kidding me. This hasn't been fast at all! We started out back in June. Then back again in September. Just buddies and movie friends. Its taken months to get where we are now.
But yes-good point about lonliness and Love.....got me to thinking. How can anyone tell?
Isn't the fullfillment of not being lonely or companionship that draws us to others anyhow?
If you didn't have a partner or spouse wouild we be sitting night after night alone; content. Without anyone to share our thoughts with?
I am much much better!
I got on the Name Brand Pinks a couple days ago and Boyz o'Boyz the difference is amazing!
Mountain and I are fine.
alls well there.
Now my brain seems to be getting back to normal.
i was just dizzy and feeling drunk or hung-over all the time and each day that passed it got worse.
i should have known when I had that anxiety attack a few weeks ago at work......
and when Charlotte was pissing me off and I was feeling.........
well never mind.
i am good now. Friggin medication!
Once the warm weather comes and I can get outside again I'm gonna get off them. Being unbalanced was almost worse than not being on them at all!
that is why i suggested printing some off and letting him read them. i think he would like to see some of this side of you. just a thought.
besides.... he is NOT Big... not really anything like him.
oh I know he's not Big.
We've texted back and forth some pretty long very emotional messages.
He is a very sweet man with a Heart of Gold. I can't wait for you to meet him!
Apparently R. got my letter and was not happy. She has yet to confront me about it though. I kinda don't expect she will as my points were pretty Valid.
I'm sure, as you said Muck, she has a scheme and a ulterior motives.
She always does
if she is a true friend, she will eventually get back to you on it. (and, in my opinion, should apologize)
(((hugs)))
Yah...maybe.....
If I haven't heard from her this weekend I'll assume I won't
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