Well. Mountain has stayed the night.
for the second time.
Nervous in the morning for Charlotte coming in for her morning cuddle.
Both of us dressed. I in my jammies he in his jeans.
Charlotte has never seen Mommy in bed with anyone before......EVER!!!
Charley and I continued our normal Saturday morning chat session in my bed as Mountain listened. Charlotte and I talked about the fun she had at my xmates house the night before. how much she enjoyed the puppy. We talked about school and things in her day that happen. Its our catch-up. Mountain eventually inputing his own bits to the conversation after ours was slowing down. he so respectful of our mother daughter time.
all of us giggling as Mommy does her morning......thing......
Time to get up!
I make coffee and do my mroning stuff. Charlotte does her morning thing by turning on Raven. Mountain gets up and brushes his teeth.
Breakfast. Eggs and toast. for us all.
Delicous coffee and paper reading as we all now sit in our prespective spots and take in the morning moments...........
And he's gone for the day!
gone to get his Girl and spend the day and night with her.
We start our chores. Laundry, washing, Dusting...then on to baking in awhile.
So what is going on here?
i'm not sure i know either. Is my gaurd that far down? I mean I have always lived by a lot of rules and decided last year to throw the book out the window. But........
Charley and I talked after he left about how she felt having Mountain here.
So far so good.
Am i doing the right thing? amd I doing the Wrong thing?
Mountain and I talked about some stuff last night that i don't talk about with just anybody.
i think he and I need to have the 'what are you doing ' with me talk again. Cause this is gone to the 'place' and I am letting it and that may be a very bad thing if he is not in the same place as me!
Only I can't put the brakes on anymore.
this has taken on a life of its own. Everything feels very natural and real. Which is all well and good.
but Charlotte.......
I worry.
But she is 8 now. Its not the same as when she was younger. And he has been coming around since september. so its not like they just met. He's been coming for dinner since November. Charlotte and I talk.
I guess I don't know. I mean. I'm not going to stop, cuase like i said....its taken on a life of its own.
i mean if I stop. I Stop everything. Not jsut parts of it.
I don't know. Its jsut all so wierd.
i guess I just needed to get it out. Vent. Thats it I'm venting. Not a bad vent. Its a very Good vent. But venting all the same. Tossing it around
25 comments:
follow your heart...she's a big girl.
if mommy is happy then baby is happy, maybe it;s time mom put herself first. I'm here now and if she is comfortable in my house maybe you and Mountain can explore more options....
Okay.... well no one take this the wrong way but... I totally disagree that Queen is a big girl and I disagree it's time for you to put yourself first. BUT.... I think when you and Mountain are ready to be serious or committed to eachother then I think you need to allow yourself to love and be loved. If your intentions are genuine and you are committed then Queen needs to be included in being loved and loving too! Once you guys decide as a couple where you are going to take things then you need to let him in fully for things to work....Queen too. You may both get hurt but you will be together.... and ya know what??? you may not get hurt!!! Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all! Do what is right for your family.... then do it with your whole heart!
Parents aren't first until the kid moves out? Or is that just me?
Dr.Laura would say the same thing Jewels.
It is quite a situation. I think finding him in the bed in the morning should FOLLOW a talk, first between you and the man, find out exactly what he is thinking, where he is at, so that you know for sure if he's in for the long haul. If he is, then have a chat with your daughter and see how she feels etc.
There are no gaurantees in life, but if the relationship can't be labeled, "short term/longterm" I would be careful not to have that scenario happen again.
You dont want it becoming normal for her to see that, after a few months of dating.
Well, there it is. I am an outsider, you don't know me, but you left it open for discussion, so I jumped in.
;)
I think what you are doing is ok, but I would try to guard against her feeling abandoned if thigs don't work out. Good luck.
Discuss
Discuss away.
Charley and I talked about it. she is more than okay.
Mountain and i talked about it and he is not going anywhere anytime soon.
YaY! Hooray!!
we spent the day with both our girls. Walking thru the mall.
Went to Sisters. He dropped Tee home while I visited with Sister and rubbed her muscle spasm out.
Than the 3 of us came home and I made us dinner. It was a day!
A day that I have never had with the few others in my past.
Mountain was surrounded by Scorpios and he lives to tell about it.
He says his Virgoness makes him immune. Yes his Tee is Scorpio too.
so yes discuss and toss it around!
If he isn't planning on going anywhere then I think it's time to let your guard down! Let Charlotte in... and you can teach her so much about trusting, loving, being loved, and positive relationships! Even if it isn't forever.... there is much that can come from displaying to her a committed relationship. I guess what I mean is if you had a different guy every few months or it was a casual thing then I see leaving Queen out.... but there is lots of good that can come from you guys venturing and trusting together! I see protecting her from casual stuff but this I think she needs to be a big part of! Enjoy eachother.... all of you!! You sound happy.... you will have ups and downs but if commited you can make it through! :)
I have always Kept Charlotte away from the men I was dating.
Didn't date with kid.
I've been very good at that.
but this is different somehow........
its just all so different
Yes, it is different... this guy genuinely cares about you and you about him.
My feelings are that if the relationship is genuine, then it is ok to also include Queen, but unless you are getting married, then you do need to keep her needs before your own.
I disagree about children being first, at least in a marriage relationship. If you dont make your marriage a priority, and sometimes that will mean your date night, or your coffee time with your spouse takes priority over the children. (obviously not their basic needs here) But, the relationship of the parents (or stepparents) is the model which your children will learn from. Put it on the back burner all the time so the kids can have everything they want, then they learn that relationships aren't that important. It's good for them to see the adults making time for each other and making each other a priority in their lives. So for me, I beleive that we model love and commitment for our children by showing them that sometimes they do not always come first.
Of course, this is a big topic, and I can't really explain my perspective within the context of a comment box. I hope I am not coming across as a "children are just children and aren't important" cuz that is not what I am saying. It's just that often times, in today's society, we have a hard time seperating our children's needs from their wants. They certainly can't do that, but we need to. We need to remember that we, as parents have needs as well. We must nurture our needs as well as those of our children and to do that sometimes we just have to tell them "no." Not everything they want to have or do, is what the need.
anyways... went off on a thing there... enjoy your time with mountain, keep making queen a priority and you will figure this thing out. You can't hold poeple back from your life for fear of Queen getting hurt. She may. she may not. This is the reality. You just need to be there for her and keep talking to her about everything, the way you do.
I think fruitloop girl made a very good point... something I was actually going to clarify last night.... I do still think kids come first but their 'needs' not their 'wants'! Yes society does muddle that sometimes these days! :)
Holy Carp!
I love this topic!!
ooh ooo, me too!
I know exactly what you mean Fruit Loop Girl.
In this scenario, Kristi's, I do believe The daughter comes first. But once their is a marriage, then you have your boundaries.
We started something new in the mornings, when he is home, we grab a coffee, and crawl back in bed and close our door, and tell the kids, they aren't allowed in, its OUR time. And its like a date! In our room. Next thing on the list? A blind for the door! Our little buggers can see right through them as they are french doors!!
lol@ french doors on your room!! What are you crazy? hehe... just teasing!!
I love discussions like this.
I think Kristi is totally on the right track with being concerned about the Queen. As long as she doesnt miss out on the opportunity of loving and being loved! You so deserve this Muck. Queen too. I am a true beleiver in anything worth having usually involves a little risk. In the sense of relationships and heart stuff. If it were all easy and puppies and butterflies, no one in this world would ever be lonely. But, that is not how we humans work. Your doing great Kristi. =)
What If I don't get married Lee
I guess I shouldn't say when you are "married". Rather, once you know that you two are serious and commited. You know, if you have feelings of uncertainty regarding the future of your relationship, I would put the brakes on what the Queenie sees.
Ofcourse no one can predict the future, but I am saying if you aren't sure whether you 2 are on the same page as far as what you both want/are looking for, then why bring that next level into it.
I am confusing myself!!!!
Blah blah blah.
You know what is right for you and your daughter, you are a good mom, you can't be perfect, and this is a major run-on-sentence!
oh, and what is it that is different this time?
look at all these comments!
Woot woot!
different...cause I am different.
different cause my guard is down.
different cause I am comfortable.
Diferent cause for the first time I am NOT worried about Charlotte. And maybe i should be, but for some reason I am not.
Maybe thats her age. Maybe thats the medication. Maybe its how he is and makes me feel. I don't know. i just know its different.
I have missed out on A LOT of things for Charlotte's sake. Many dates and Possibilities casue I wouldn't go for dinner with a man and take my kid along. Or meet at a park or any of that stuff people do all the time. McDonalds dates. Frig parties with friends. At friends homes! dAtes with girlfriends.....
I've dated here in my home, so carerully after Charlotte has gone to bed.
Mountain will come about 8:30 once a week during the week and have to be gone before 10 so he can get a good sleep for work the next day.
Big did the same thing.
For 8 years thats what I've been doing and for some reason now with Mountain.....I've made an exception to my rule.
Eventhough she rarely saw Big...about once every 7 to 10 weeks....she still managed to get attached to him and hurt when we split.
so keeping them from her doesn't matter.
Her seeing Mommy happy and excited does matter!
Bert was right when she said that.
Charlotte and I have always been able to talk about everything. WE are all each other has.
I'm just gonna do what I feel I think. I'll just have to trust my instincts to know when its time to put the brakes on. When and what its okay for her to see.
I don't have kids or girl friend or anything, but can i put a few words in?
if i did have a kid, i believe i would include him/her in any relationship i would have with someone. I'd find a balance of course. there would be alone time as well as together time.
I think it is important for kids to see relationships grow that way they can understand what happens. If the relationship doesn't work out, they learn that things don't always work out. you then get the opportunity to discuss with them why it didnt' work out. and maybe they would gain a better understanding as to what a relationship should be like.
i probably don't make much sense, but i don't really care haha
If i were the guy, i would want to get to know your girl. i'd want to make a relationship. and then i would be able to relate with mom and kid. maybe even do this with kid that involve working together to create or do something for mom. It would make me feel less of an outsider.
I do understand your want to protect your kids heart. Things however are not always wonderful. kind of like the song Wonderful by everclear. me and songs. bahh.
if i were the kid, i would probably feel more included if the couple actually did things with me. not for me. but with me.
but hey, i think differently. and i don't have a kid. so i probably don't know how kids think too well.
its very important for kids to see relationships.
Thats just it.
I was in one for 3 years and Charlotte didn't experience it.
I don't know what the right answer is.
there might not be one.
What effects one kid doen't effect another.
also different because you were friends for quite a long time before your feelings started to change. In the past you have seemed to be interested romantically far sooner than with mountain. or maybe i missed something along the way...
and there is a big difference in dating and relationship. Adults dating should not involve the children. But if it is serious enough to be a relationship, and feelings are involved, then yes... time to start including the children, slowly at first, because if there is a future... you all are in it.
I do not like the sneaking around aspect. I think you need to decide if what you are doing is right or wrong. If you feel what you are doing is wrong you should stop. If what you are doing is not wrong, you should not try to hide it from your daughter.
Just my opinion, since you seem to be wanting feedback. Not judging you one way or the other. Just hope everyone is happy.
there was no sneaking.
That was the issue. He was there and so was he and everyone knew.
she has been included.
thats the other issue
Never thought I was doing anything wrong. Just wanted to make sure I was doing it right
This is a little girl that has NO dad.
Not seen here mom in bed with a man.
Her Grandparents don't even sleep in the same bed!
She was 3 before she even knew men and women slept in the same bed!!
Even then she doens't see it that often.
I think she will show you how she is feeling about things in due course. If she is happy and normal ... you are moving along at a pace she can deal with. If the behaviou packs up and she starts to resent his being around ... then you may have to rethink your approach.
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