My Mother

Why does she have to piss me off?!!
Why does she feel the need to belittle me?!!
Frig!

"it would be nice if you could have a job that paid you more money"

Why?

cause it would be nice for you?!!

FUCK OFF!!!!

didn't we do this?
Remeber? you started in on me 6 years ago. I then left the kind of work I Love a couple years later. Then I had that nervous break down thing! Remember that?!!! Piss-off!
I do fine. Maybe not as fine as other people. But fine enough all the same!
I am happy and Love my job. I don't have to worry about sitters all the friggin time. Don't have to work weekends so i can be here with The Queen on her days off too! Fuck you Mom. "Change careers." Get a clue! "maybe you could go back to school?" and work full-time and be a mom. "you are so good with children. Apply for a T.A. position" I don't want to!
Shift-work. Weekends. Nights. I am not built that way. I don't do well in a randomly scheduled atmosphere. It makes me crazy! Up too early to get C to school.
Morning daycare? 6AM are you Colonel Mustard in the Library with a Candlestick?
Stop pissing in my pot!
Do I embaress you?
I need a different job to make you happy?
Sister and Brother seem to have money? No Mom!!! They are so far into debt its not even funny. Add up actual money......I HAVE MORE!!! and that is not much!
my debt is this house. Thats it. I don't owe anyone else. Do you have a clue as to how much those couples owe in credit! Car payments? Credit cards? not including their 350 thousand dollar homes?

i could have lots too and be in that kind of debt. Not my deal. Don't want it. In debt to my little house.
Fuck she irritates me. If anyone can get under my skin its my mother.
Its no wonder everytime I go for counselling they ask about my mother. and then tell me to keep her at arms length. Counsellors. Boyfriends. Friends! all witness the same thing. Keep her out of the intimate parts of your life!!! I've even been told that she doens't live far enough away. First she is supportive, then BAM! she switches gears and she is on ther other side of the fence throwing eggs at me.
Today she is coming to my home to babysit while Mountain and I go to the Taboo show.
What a fuckin mistake. I know better. I haven't had her stay in my home alone for a few years now. And the second I am letting her in.......she pulls this crap!
Switching Gears.
Its like she feels that because she is doing me a favour...........UGH!!!
I fight my own judgmental attitude...that I learned from my mother....all the time!
Like when I talked to her about Sister doing Roller Derby and isn't it wonderful....my mom's response...."*sigh* I just wish she would do something nice. She could be trying for a baby. She has a yard now. She could garden. Why does she have to do this?" FUCK U MOM!! Just cause your priorities are and were different....
Get the picture?

well that is my vent for now. I could go on and on cause she just gets under my skin so badly. But I will vent to Mountain when he gets here and hopefully that will bring my feet back down to earth.

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