under-valued. I am under-valued. Dis-respected. being nice gts the same results as just letting my feelings fly. So why am I giving myself an ulcer? Why am I trying? Why did I bother getting a ticket to the Nutcracker for her? Why did I offer up a birthday party? Why am I putting myself in a position to make Christmas happen here, special? Whats the point? Why have i been working sooo hard at biting my tongue? Keeping my thoughts to myself? Choosing my words carefully? Why? it all gets me nowhere.
he doens't get why him, just him going is a problem. Spoke to her.....she doens't get it either. They are both Daft, deluded and delusional!
first he tells me he gets why and now all of a sudden he doens't. What part does he get and what part doen't he?
This not about me worrying about losing my boyfriend.
This is not about me being jealous in the old sense of the word.
jealous that she has soooo much control over him. Yah. Jealous that their feelings mean more than mine. Yah. Jealous taht he just can't seem to say no.......and stand up for me.......
sometiems being a prent is really really hard. and sometimes it means saying NO
I cna't even explain it any more. I've lost my words......feels like I've used them all up. Why don't they see it? Why does it not hit the, this is not normal, button for them? How do you explain somehting to someone that is just blind. "i feel like the whole world is against me" Cuz They Are!!! Cuz this is Wrong!!! Cuz she is Pulling your puppet Strings!!! She knows exactly what she is doing! and I know she is smug in herself knowing she's under my skin.
am i the blind one?
this is your family. Not them. Sucks that Tea is in the middle, but thats what happens when families split. So what if this was all in place before I came along. So the Fuck What! Apparently you used to fuck too. but things change when couples split! Things change when families come toghether. Traditions change when there are new people invloved. I am up against a wall. I[ve tried my damndest to go around the wall over it under it. My tummy is sick. I have anxiety. I am really really upset. He gives her the respect, he takes any validity i may have and tosses it out the window, in front of that Cunt!
So what am I going to do now?
not sure. Still thinking about it.'Split with him? I cna't do this. It makes me sick. Christmas is coming and its going to be hell. I am sick about it already. same as i am sick about this party taht isn't happening for another 10 days. Can i live like this? Constant anxiety? Constant disrespect? These are the things I am asking myself.
Forget taking the kid to the Nutcracker! Forget baking a cake for her! Forget a second Christmas! Forget coming here! If i am cut out and not included than I will sure as Hell be cut out!
I've been told I am selfish and a bitch. Oh yes and Jealous. Apparently i am worried that she is after my boyfriend. WoW! No that is not what this is about! I know you don't want to date him Leah. I know he wants nothing to do with you. its about control and right and wrong and mostly my ill feelings about it all regardless of the base of them! They are not being respected!
but selfish? am i being selfish and not know it? they say I am being selfish wanting mntn all to myself. Telling him what to do. ordering him around. Selfish? Do you think I am being selfish?
i suppose in the eyes of people that want somehting else to happen I could appear selfish in all this. Selfish? I have never been accused of that before and I don't know where to put it.
a Bitch? well yes. isn't that a given? i am a Bitch and have been for years. That I can accept.
this whole thing is eating me up inside.
this is how i am feeling right now.
that is how i feel
these ar my feelings. I also feel like i am losing me mind
i am a raging alcoholic too.
life is sucking the life out of me. so far 39 is sucking
5 comments:
Hate stupid people! The best way to explain it.... is what happens when you do get pregnant? Where does this family leave your family? Baby's daddy is going to run off to another girls Birthday without her/him? How does he explain this to his new child that he wants to have with you? Daddy's running off to be with his other family?
She should be a part of YOUR family... he LEFT that family. IF he wants to create a family with you...she either comes to you, or you all go to her as a FAMILY! Families don't leave eachother out to do other family stuff. He needs to choose... family with you or family with her because it's unfair to put a new baby through. IF you guys are at the point of talking about bringing a life into the world TOGETHER ... then you really need to talk about what together & family means. Because you two are going to define 'family' to this child.
She says its about Tea
He says its about Tea
Its what Tea wants. She wants him there. Once again, its about a child raising herself. Whatever Tea wants Tea gets.
if it was about Tea and her wanting Mintn .... how doe it matter to the mother if I am there or not? If its truly about Tea and this is a 'family' event than shouldn't Tea's family be there. that being Charlotte and I as we are part of Mntn????
am I the one thats deluded??
I agree! You guys are a part of Mountain and anyone who considers him as a friend or family should include you.
You can't have a division in your family!
spoke to Steph - looking for validation Seeking something new to bring to the table..........
thanks for validating me Stephie
still looking for something new to bring to the table
*sigh*
Time to tell Mountain that YOU did not choose to bring Tea into the family. He did and you undertook it willingly in an effort to be welcoming to his past and present. Now it's time to tell him that if he wants NOT for that to continue to be the case, then Tea is no longer welcome in your home and he has to respect that. Then pretend her and her Mother don't exist and do not invite Tea to anything and don't allow Charlotte to go there at all. End of story. It is his choice if there is to be no respectr for your feelings and or your child.
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