its so stuid to even be on my mind as much as it is. But it is and I can't stop thinking.
I don't know when my period is coming cuz my cycle has changed so much in the past couple months (going from 21 days to 29) At least Now i am Ovulating! YaY! So I could either be 3 days late or still have 5 days to wait.........
So then i get angry cause my boobs are not sore. than I get mad cuz if my boobs are not sore that means I'm 5 days waiting and I am Super Pissed with Mountain.
Than I think, no worries, you are still hazy on how to read the chart thingy, there's always next month. But then NO!!!! I don't want it next month. That would make me due close to mine and Charlottes Birthday again! Or that little bitch Teaghan! Or my brothers or my cousins........Ugh! Than December - January! I know I know at this point take what you can get. However, Maybe if Mountain was taking any steps. Any steps at all towards this.......don't wait for my doctors appointments make your own!!! Maybe had he done that we would be ............
never mind. I am just angry. and its dumb and I hate it. I hate feeling this way. Its so dumb. I jsut feel like I'm failing.
than the thoughts of what if I DO end up pregnant, and my Sister isn't. She will be devastated! So I am not pushing to get to my doctor as much as I could be. I want her to get it first! I am just a Ball of emotions. I am thinking of everything at every angle toooo much and its making me crazy inside!
I just want to know What The Hell than I can deal with it. Than we can make a plan for exactly a good time for us. Not this - we'll take what we can get shit that might take years. Its nearly been a year! We started having Careless sex last April. We only realy started to get in on "trying" since September. NOw the desparate trying.........i hate it. I am angry. I am not enjoying sex anymore. my mind is many other places. Thats right. I am not enjoying the sex. Can you believe it?!! Yes i do it. I even initiate it.
never mind....I am just ranting and venting and just angry. Its petty and dumb, but that jsut how I have been feeling for the last few weeks.
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6 comments:
Hugs!
Thanks FoF
then there's the whole thing running thru my brain.........do I want this so badly now because now it seems I can't.........?
does that make sense?
my mind is just not stopping and I have given up wine so I cant even medicate to make the noise stop!
than what if I am and then i've wasted perfectly good time thinking about this stupid thing! I hate wasting time!!
I think that panic has taken over. You know that most people get pregnant when they stop obsessing about it. Give yourself a break, make love when you want to and try to forget about all this, especially if the timing isn't 100% right.
I agree with Steph. If its meant to be it will happen - in spite of anything else. Relax and take it as it comes.
It is like those couple who cannot conceive and then they adopt a baby and get pregnant with twins! It will happen when it does... That is like telling you not think about a white elephant but your body needs to feel less stressed to be able to do it's thing.
yes but what if something REALLY is wrong
Like with my sister and Wood
they have Not been given good odds. Not good at all
if thats My case......i want to know. and I want to know soon so that I can do just that - relax
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