sore, depressed and beaten down emotionally i looked at her little face. I felt my mood change. That's exactly what I need!
So out we went. she had it all set-up. Quite comfy actually. Pillows everywhere. All the extra blankets were laid out on the floor so it acted like a cushion. So cozy! If my back and spine weren't so sore to start with it would have been a pretty almost decent sleep.
We chatted about stuff. and to my amazement I felt myself drifting off rather quickly.
I guess I was just exhausted from the HUGE adrenalin of the day.
I woke several times in the night. Boy my back friggin hurts! Maybe I should go in? Nope. My girl asked me to sleep out here with her! I will do just that! im not gonna let some accident ruin this special time. I mean - how often do you get asked on a date like this and she is growing so fast - it may be the last time! I'm staying and I am just gonna find a Way to deal with the pain!!
Charley and I haven't been or done any of the things we would normally have done this summer.
I keep saying 'no' scared of the pain or the repercussions -
so I stayed. I kept thinking I would hear Mountain get up and go to work and then i would go in and have coffee with him. I thought maybe he would come out.
I watched the sun stream through the windows and I watched as it moved as the morning went on. I would fall back to sleep and wake again the sun couldn't reach the window anymore. I better get up and see what time it is. Surely Mountain must be up. He has been staying more and more. Getting used to being here on more of a full-time basis. (but thats another post)
Yup! up and gone! Coffee in the pot. Bed made. Its 8:30AM! Holy Carp!
Auggy greeting me. So happy I am here! I took him out to the house to wake sleeping beauty.
so although i sit here typing and my spine is stupid painful - it was good. I needed that. I had funny, funny dreams. I was in England last night meeting Mntns Sister, my Nana was alive and there......Elaine from Seinfeld.....yah funny dreams.
As I lay there in the wakeful moments of the middle of the night and morning.
I will have to suck it up and swallow my pride as I did 11 years ago when I was pregnant with Charley. I will use my mortgage insurance. That's what its there for too! We will go to Barkerville and I will make it happen! not ridiculous plans.
Like i said before, its not a cruise or a trip to Disneyland - its a family road trip. Not PILES of dollars - just a hill. Just gas money and camp-site money, not the end of the world! and Mountain is footing half!
I spoke to ICBC They won't let me fall to the wolves. i will get the foamy my Dr suggested for the camping trip. I'm gonna need it. That was a good thing to learn now before the trip. I will get back on the phone today and see if I can save 10 dollars on my shaw - phone/internet/cable package. Perhaps cancel something???
Already cut off my cell phone last month
i will do my best to keep things going cut corners, but not so many that we are miserable. Mountain and The Queen don't deserve to be miserable too. Not taht I do either, but there are some things I get to do alone and misery is one of them. I won't bring them down anymore than I already have becasue of it!
and lots of Self - talk
lots of uplifting words from myself, friends.
positive.
it could be worse. It really could be much, much worse.
It will be ok. It will be ok. It will be ok
its just - I run a household. On my own. Mortgage, house insurance, life insurance ect. Lots of things I CAN'T cut back - to suddenly have 1/4 of my income -
Okay. Enough of that! Woa. almost went to the bad place again!
Blog On!
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