A Mess I am

I am depressed -

I don't want to put mak-up on, shower, do my hair, wear deodorant, go out of the house ...............

my back has a muscle spasm that happened New years eve and it still hurts. I couldn't move new years......now it just HURTS like a SOB

my house is getting in order and Christmas put away and i feel like I didn't spend enough time with Charlotte cuz I was soooo busy getting ready for Christmas .................

i can look for a job now, but now there aren't any out there.

My dotor wrote me a note for EI and did not leave the door open AT ALL for me to even try to work part-time at the restaurant ................... i miss my job - I love my job -

and my bak gos out and I'm not better. I am scared something else is wrong besides the FFF'd up vertabrae. My body seems to be rejecting movement. I am getting fatter and fatter by the day.

I'm scared I am going to die and leave Charlotte without me. Will Mountain keep her? Is that the best thing? or do I keep to my will? I am hopeful that now Christmas is over I can get my finances a littel more under control.

Mountain is packing his stuff and getting it into the shed.

he started yesterday. I am freaking out! this is really happening. I haven't lived with a man since I was 19. I mean I've had room mates .......... we had our own spaces. but lived with. I mean in the same space sharing everything, since I was 19-21 this is goofy and its really beginning to freak me out. My independence?

and Frig I gotta finish painting this room! How am I going to do that with a spasming back?! its gotta be doen in the next 3 weeks!

time to buy another lottery ticket and hope for the best.

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