Yup, right back at it and trying again.
AF began late last monday so we called Thursday the 7th day 3. Just finished my last shot this AM. It has been a messy, messy AF. Reminded me of the one in September.
but this time something is different and making me very nervous and slightly upset with my body.
I am still bleeding. its a week later and still ........... i am trying to remember if it was like that in September and I can't remember. I was taking that course. I am scared that my body has gone back to what it did so long ago.................bleed for weeks on end. Frig! enter anxiety here ................
I am scared. This is our last shot, and it caves because of my body?
Friday we find out if i have follies I am praying that my body and its estrogen, testosterone arguments haven't stepped it up and crush everything. Husband is taking his One-a-day religiously as well as folic and Omega. I am down to half a cup of coffee in the AM and got all my vitamins happening. Primrose/E/folic/C/Calcium/Omega
I am not as body aware this time around. Sort of trying to ignore what the potential is this time. I am so, so scared that it is not going to happen. So scared that my meno-pause is rearing its ugly head. So scared that being scared will eff it up all on its own. I am my own worst enemy?
I so want a little one, an extension of husband and I. A bloodline for husband. Then I think, if we had the money, I would keep doing this till we got one! Yes - I would. You gotta remember, our meds have been covered by husbands extended medical through work. If it doesn't work this time, do we dive into my savings and try again? I am tempted, oh so tempted.
Now its become a challenge. A challenge I am determined to win! That can be very destructive. then that scares me. Do I want it so badly because I am being told I can't have it? Is my mind reverting back to childhood? Wanting something strictly because I can't have it? That is somehting I can't self analyze right now. I am to rooted in fear.
I dream about holding a littel fuzzy head under my nose and cuddling and being up all night and feeding and running and playing and teaching and disciplining ............. having my life consumed by a little person. Looking into its eyes and seeing the generations looking back. WAtching my husband with a genetic clone of himself and the joy it would fill his heart with. WAtching him feel what it is like to have that after never having it. His sister having it too .............
i pray that please body let us do this. Please God, i know I haven't been the best in the last years past, I have done this to myself, but please I pray that we are blessed
AF began late last monday so we called Thursday the 7th day 3. Just finished my last shot this AM. It has been a messy, messy AF. Reminded me of the one in September.
but this time something is different and making me very nervous and slightly upset with my body.
I am still bleeding. its a week later and still ........... i am trying to remember if it was like that in September and I can't remember. I was taking that course. I am scared that my body has gone back to what it did so long ago.................bleed for weeks on end. Frig! enter anxiety here ................
I am scared. This is our last shot, and it caves because of my body?
Friday we find out if i have follies I am praying that my body and its estrogen, testosterone arguments haven't stepped it up and crush everything. Husband is taking his One-a-day religiously as well as folic and Omega. I am down to half a cup of coffee in the AM and got all my vitamins happening. Primrose/E/folic/C/Calcium/Omega
I am not as body aware this time around. Sort of trying to ignore what the potential is this time. I am so, so scared that it is not going to happen. So scared that my meno-pause is rearing its ugly head. So scared that being scared will eff it up all on its own. I am my own worst enemy?
I so want a little one, an extension of husband and I. A bloodline for husband. Then I think, if we had the money, I would keep doing this till we got one! Yes - I would. You gotta remember, our meds have been covered by husbands extended medical through work. If it doesn't work this time, do we dive into my savings and try again? I am tempted, oh so tempted.
Now its become a challenge. A challenge I am determined to win! That can be very destructive. then that scares me. Do I want it so badly because I am being told I can't have it? Is my mind reverting back to childhood? Wanting something strictly because I can't have it? That is somehting I can't self analyze right now. I am to rooted in fear.
I dream about holding a littel fuzzy head under my nose and cuddling and being up all night and feeding and running and playing and teaching and disciplining ............. having my life consumed by a little person. Looking into its eyes and seeing the generations looking back. WAtching my husband with a genetic clone of himself and the joy it would fill his heart with. WAtching him feel what it is like to have that after never having it. His sister having it too .............
i pray that please body let us do this. Please God, i know I haven't been the best in the last years past, I have done this to myself, but please I pray that we are blessed
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