Charley's school had a year end BBQ tonight.
larry loved BBQ. Told me he loved to cook out every night!
Although his ignitor wasn't working Again.
There was a petting zoo at the school deal. There were sheep.
Larry had sheep on his farm.
"I love how a flock of sheep look in the field. i shear em' Don't make money off em' i just like how they look"
I think I can honestly say.............that comment was the moment i fell in love with him. Now I know it sounds wierd.
But it was like......*Bing*
'so how many do you have then?'
...........
He told me. I can't remember. I can't remember what he said!!!
I remember talking about the coyotes and how he just shoots em'
"Just shoot em'!!!"
But damn! I can't remember what he told me. How many sheep he has. I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT HE SAID!!!!
I CAN'T REMEMBER!!!
SHIT AND FUCK!
What if i forget other things too?
Other stuff that he told me.
The sound of his voice!
Carp! What if I forget the sound of his voice!! i can't. I just can't. His voice........i am so scared!
i miss him sooo much!
I can't stand this.
I forgot something. I don't want to forget anything else.
he was so wise. he was wise to not let me come. Cause i would have clung to those memories. he told me I would. Of course at the time all i was thinking about was being there, not sleeping, and holding his hand thru everything.
But he was right. Those would be my memories now.
I'm glad I have the ones I do.
Although it seems I've drawn a blank..........
for something as trivial as how big his flock was.
Friggin tears!! They are pissing me off! do they Ever stop!
What The hell!!
now you know larry would be pleased right about now that he'd managed to get me riled up again about soemthing.
4 comments:
Sometimes you forget things as a way to help your mind cope with a trauma. One day out of the blue you will see sheep and say" wow larry had 40 sheep." Let your mind and spirit heal and try not to add another helping of trauma to that pretty full plate of yours.
I don't think you really need to remember every detail. Just be sure not to forget how he made you feel. :)
Trauma......yah......its friggin trauma when I realized I'd forgotten soemthing that I, actually at the time was making a point to remember!!!!
What The hell!
This was a very poignant conversation. So much so.....
remeber how I told you steph?
Gary~there is NOTHING in this world that can make me forget how he made me feel. he is going to be one tough act to follow
Memories of things said may come and go, but the feelings will last. Larry is probably looking down on you and smilin' right now.
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