.....Mountain and his need to 'hang' out with his ex so he can be around her daughter???
I am so super pissed about it!
and I reminded myself this monring how pissed I am about this thing.
I am at a loss of what to do.
Do I break up with him over it?
Seems dumb to do such a thing. However, I feel as though i have compromised as far as I can.
Last saturday.....when he did 'the shop' with Tea; the ex went along. Then He drove them all the way from White Rock to Chilliwack and didn't get home till close to midnight!
Last I checked.....the malls close at 6!
We have not talked about it since I, as he said, got bent over it last Sunday monring.
Bent! Bent! Yah! I am a pretzel you Idiot!
No hanging with the Ex.
No dinner with the Ex.
No driving the Ex around.
No hanging with the Exes family.
No matter how I try to ignore it or justify it or talk my way around it......It pisses me off!
and if he has to play with the Ex and her family in order to stay in thei little girls life.....than maybe he shouldn't be there. Or maybe he should be there all the way!
he says no. He's says this is where he wants to be.
So when is it that my feelings get taken into consideration?
How do I handle this?
Seriously.
i am at a loss for what to do.
He is leaving for England in a few days. Our last time alone together will be tonight as long as he doesn't go spend time with his..blankity, blank, blank friend Robbi cause its her birthday today!
I think I am a little bitter today.
I need to get over that.
I will concentrate on Charlotte that she has a good day today and that her 'friends' include her in their play at lunch.
Poor little thing.
I friggin hate school
17 comments:
WANKER BOY! I don't know about you dude but my red flags are poppin' up all over! What is the deal???
I can't give you advise on this, all I can do is try to imagine myself in your shoes with this situation......and I keep coming up with there is NO WAY I could handle/ tolerate it.........I am a huge attention whore and I would flip the hell out and if it continued with no end in sight I'd have to end it.......
but thats ME.
I guess the question is..........CAN you continue to tolerate it?
You know..she will eventually get to busy for him..and who will be there to clean up that mess?????
You.
You are a very giving person, and when you love you do it big time.
Remember to love yourself more..hmmm..I heard that from an old friend..can't look after 2 if you can't look after 1....
Attention whore LMFAO!!!! That my friend, was awesome!
In a most honest moment, I would admit that I too would be extremely frustrated with that whole thing. I don't have a lot of experience in dealing with a love interest who spends time with an ex... I can only imagine how I would feel.
Avoid ultimatums.... never ever good. No matter how tempting it may be to throw out the "her or me" thing.
It all comes back to communication though. You need to keep being honest. But, being honest about how it makes you feel, now about how you think he should deal. so easy to say. But you know what I am getting at right? Keeping the "I feel" expressions. Avoiding the "You..." expressions. It is usually way easier to get your needs across to a person if they are not on the defense.
Hmmm... that's all I got. Not much really. Talk. Talk. Talk. To and with. Not at.
kinda funny coming from me. Haha.
He's a good guy. Worth taking the time to work this out.
right?!?!?!?
final thought...
love is always worth the time it takes to be on the same page at the same time!!
I have REd flags too.
The biggest one of them all.
Other than this "thing" we have a great relationship.
I['ve used the 'i feel' talks. Had a whole I feel conversation that put me in tears.
I really do figure this will blow over all on its own and I should just stick to my original plan of smothering both the ex and her mother with sweetness.
But its getting to the plans execution thats killing me.
I want to spit acid everytime he pulls this carp! And no matter how much I grit my teeth.
Although.....i must say.....on sunday. the only ones that knew how super pissed i was at him were Miss karen and Muck.
I'd blown at him earlier that day and decided to just ignore it the rest of the day.
I mean if I can't make it stop and I am sure as hell not gonna make a bluff happen than the next best thing is to ignore the problem????
I can jsut sit here and feel pissy and shitty about it???
no Muck you are right...no ultimatums. I will lose and i am not willing to lose him forever.
Just how so I make it stop?
I guess there is no answer.
it just has to happen for him.
Frig
Ask him how he would feel if you went out half the night with an ex boyfriend? If he don't like it ... it will give him a good idea of how you are feeling.
You can tell him he's free to do it, but that you do NOT like it and you are NOT obliged to like it.. as his EX pals are not your pals ... you only know them by default. Then be super cool about it and ignore all mention or reaction over it. If he tells you about an upcoming meeting shrug your shoulders and tell him its his choice and then totally ignore it. And make sure you DO go hang out with a few ex friends to prove your point.
Worth a try.
yah.
I did use that angle.
Firstly....i don't have their kids. I mean....I have not claimed their kids to be mine eventhough they are not and play a role in their little lives.
Second....i have burned most bridges with my exes. ASn when Mountain came along I stpped any communication with other men and made it known I was not on the market.
so in the end......I just do the part where I ignore it.
Its more of a teeth grinding turn my back thing.
I have to get into the habit of shutting him down though when he talks about it. Haven't done that yet. Full ignorance. Gotta work on it. I just think that would be so rude.
but when i think about it.......thats what he does when i talk about somehting or someone he doesn't want to hear about.
"good for so and so"
Really what needs to happen is that he hears it from a buddy. That hanging with the ex and her family is not cool.
Buddies! Where are You!!
I am with Muck on the ultimatums. My current situation has taught me that when kids are involved so are exes....so... when you figure this out let me know! I need the information!
invloved is one thing.
haning out having dinner and watching T.V. is a total NO-NO
I like Aggies appraoch...did he not get his back up when you even discussed clients from work showing interest..maybe you should be busy a few nights a week???
You know I am here untill at least 8:30-9...what if you were catching up with an old friend who wanted to......but didn't..less history there..he can't be mad at that???
Maybe you need to fight fire with fire
Well-I probably do need to do a little Fire~breathing...but I really hate games. Especially the kind that could potentially backfire.
I'd rather just......I don't know......the ignoring and then venting to everyone seems to work for me currently.
Maybe while his mummy is here I can somehow work it in the casual conversation while she and I are alone.....and then maybe.....she will parent him a bit in the right direction
Maybe.
Yes... a relationship can't be successful with ultimatums or head games! I think your mom idea is great! Another woman's perspective who has different investments. It is hard because he has taken her in and that is one of the hardest things about being with someone who has a child with someone else (I know he chooses to be involved). I DO think that you should be involved too (uncomfortable I know) but you are a part of his life... should be a part of his WHOLE life! You should be his partner.... and that means you suffer throgh the akwardness to be a part of his life.... but he needs to let you in to fully be a team! I mean really... you guys talk about having a baby together... what is that baby going to think!?! Where is daddy going? Out with his 'secret' child that we aren't allowed to be a part of! I know she isn't really a secret per say but not a part of your lives. It puts thing into a different perspective if you think of how it would make a birth child of his feel to know that he is off with another family playing daddy and you guys aren't included.
oh Yes. These are things I already know.
Tea does come hang with us. and thats all good.
Its where he hangs with Tea's mom and her gramma and gives the mother money and drives her all over the lower mainland and......the friggin list is endless!
CAuse then its not about Tea.
its about Leah using him and thats what I don't like.
i did talk to his mummy.
Turns out she doesn't like the bitch either. Feels EXACTLY the same way I do. See's her as using her son and wishes her boy would get his head out of his ass. So that part is cool.
I think she will be talking to him on the plane about it. :)
Yes I agree. Being a team is so very important. And with everythign we are. Its jsut this part where he feels he needs to cater to this woman and her needs.....I'm not in on the team with that one
You also have to remember that as difficult as this is for you.... it is difficult for him too. Many men are afraid to 'rock the boat' or piss off the ex. Unfortunately weather he fathered her or not... the law doesn't favor dads. There were many times in the past Mike went to pick up Lenore on his legal weekend to have her and the mom would slam the door in his face and say he couldn't see her just because. A power trip! No one really cares.... the advice he was given... take it to court.... yah because that helps get his visitations in! No one jumps when a dad is denied access. When I met his he was terrified that if he didn't jump through her hoops that he wouldn't be able to see his daughter. It is important for him to remind the mom what is in the best interest of the little girl and not get caught up in playing her games. Luv to you all... it's not easy!
yup, red flags here too.
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