How About, Let's Not talk about When our Relationship began

I was not well.
I was Not okay.
Lots had and was happening to me at that time.
I was making bad decisions. Rash decisions. Decisions way outside the box for me. Mistakes. I was flying by the seat of my pants and not at all well.

Flashback to a Conversation with Stef> I like him. But I want a summer fling! This guy I can;'t fling with. He's responsible. He said that thing about mortgage payments. The other guy is a fling. He just wants to party. Thats what I need right now. (whine, whine)

and here I am 2 years later wishing the "fling" hadn't EVER taken place.
I wish i could forget about it. I want him to too. He was the one I wanted, but I went for the flash, excitement and unhealthy toxic cause thats exactly what i was at that time.

*nervous breakdown*
*huge fight with my BF*
I sought help. I sought help Hard. I started listening to the voice inside instead of rebelling to it in my mid-thirties ......... i found the love of my life.

Why did you go with that guy?
Cause he was the one that called.
Cheap. Easy. Afraid. yah.
Not me? YAHHH!!!

I didn't and wasn't about to be alone anymore!
3 1/2 years with Big were over and that was heartbreaking and not all easy for me. The loss of the thought and dream of him worse than losing him. Than the whole Larry deal .... holy frig! What a nightmare that was. I was done with being wanted and not being wanted all at the same time.
A Trophy. Trophy wife. What a life...................

Lets just not bring up when we first hooked up.
Cause it was not good circumstance.
In the end it has proved to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I knew it then and I bucked it. and Sure as Hell know it now!

i love you. Leave it at that