before dinner he was reading the paper. There is a ski swap coming to tradex This Weekend. Fine. He wants to go. Ok. then he says ...... I'll see if I can get Tea this weekend and take her and Charlotte.
I said nothing. escept Uh-huh.
but I've been thinking about it ever since.
do I say no to this? or do i say fine go and take Charlotte? Use the time she is here to be honest with the kid? Ask her myself hat she is doing for her Birthday and see where it leads.........
it may lead into her asking if Charlotte and I are coming. If it does, do i say no cause your mom doens't want us there......
or am I just busy this weekend and Mntn is on his own?
I see this as a springboard opportunity to work from the inside. Is that evil?
I am also looking into counselling. I have yet to ask him. We did talk about it a long lopng time ago.....but that was just for him, as he has many things he has not dealt with ie. his brothers death. The conversation was short with the jist being he wasn't into it. So I dropped it. its his shit and if he's not 'ready' to deal with it its his choice. Now WE are in a situation where we need some help communicating about this topic in particular. i don't feel i am wrong and he doens't feel he is wrong. Maybe we Both need our eyes opened. Maybe i am wrong and dealing with this in a bad way. Maybe there are some tools, more tools that I need. Maybe this really is my fault and i am truly selfish and a the Bitch in this whole thing..........
Help!
7 comments:
I am without words.
Okay... the reality.... regardless if you like the other parent... would you want him to treat Charlie the way you are proposing to treat Tea? She is a child... like her or not she is his child. Being with him means being kind, accepting and a role model to her! You are a role model to her and if you are mean and unkind to her... she is a kid who will feel the brunt of it.
Some one said she isn't his... but she is. The reality is every parent has a choice to walk away or not (I know this because I have one who's mom walked away) ... we make a choice to stick with our kids through it....through the good, the bad and the ugly. We teach and role model to them not because we simply share dna... but because that is the role we chose to fill.
Maybe sitting down with him and saying here is what I need how do you think we can come up with a solution? I need to be included when it comes to Tea... the choice is your weather I am included at her moms or if we do something seperate for her here... but IF you want to have a baby and we are serious about bringing a child into this world.... it will need stability and daddy running off to another family isn't being a good role model as to positive family values. If THIS is your family, then we need to do things as a family. So bottom line I need to be included... what does that look like for you? How can I support you making that happen?
Don't play head games with the girl or the mom.
A sit down with an impartial party would be best. Someone who is friends with you both.
yes. Sister is that
Okay so FOF what do you do when those questions are asked and not answered? When the door is slammed in your face as he storms off? When you have exhausted yourself trying to include "his" child only to be told that you are only allowed to include her when the mother says you can? How do you release all of the control of your household to another woman???. The motivation to share Teagan is not for her to have a relationship with Mountain OR kristi or the family they are trying to create but to get rid of her so the mother can have her weekend to herself. Period. All the things you have suggested Kristi has tried, now what? Does she spend her life waiting for the mother to share her daughter with them, wait for the terms that they are allowed to see her under, wait for the other shoe to drop and Tea to be taken from mountain completely...Hmmmm.. wonder who would get the blame then??? Give Kristi some God damn credit! She has tried all of the let's sit down and talk it out bullshit! She even had the chick over for friggin' dinner! This lady is a head case who is playing games with her and mountain! The whole thing is ludicrous and I, for one, do not care that he is feeling pulled his obligation is to his family and the role he has CHOSEN to embark on with CHARLEY!!! Remember her? The little girl who has accepted this man as her father! So now he gets to walk away from her at Father's day, Christmas and go to his other family? By not making a choice he is making a choice. Kristi, it may be time for you to make yours.
I wasn't not giving Kristi credit. I know... just simply saying if she cuts Tea off then it's a recpie for disaster because mom and Tea will tear them apart (not that they aren't already)! I don't know what the next step is! Perhaps to decide what it is you want from life and a life partner. Not an easy choice and I don't envy it. But... the tearing apart I agree isn't fair to Charley... (I don't think it's fair to Tea either because her mom is a headcase) and I don't think it would be fair to a new baby either.... and it's certainly not fair to Kristi.
My point is simply I care about you Kristi.... if Mountain is not on your side it will only get worse as the kids get older and if you have a new baby to explain it to... Your feelings will only worsen at that point.
Perhaps counselling would be the best idea, if he is willing. Then you guys can come to some common ground. Find some healthy ways of discussing things without him always walking out on you! Hugs to you! See, you should make time for a MILF night.... get some venting out!
the next step is mine.
I have asked him about counselling or a mediator to sit with us. He is thinking about it.
I am not going to have Tea here this weekend.
I am too angry and it would not be good for anyone. Mntn is on his own. I honestly can't say that I won'ttear into the child.
I talked to Mntn the other night about when I used to work for Ray and how it was like walking into a wall. I had to learn how to go around the wall or under or over. There wa always a way. But in this......this wall that he is that Leah is I have tried everything i can think of to get around it. lots of suggestions and all i get back are empty words and broken promises. There is no time to alieviate the anger from the last episode. it jsut keeps piling up and piling up till I am where I've been for the last year with 1 foot out the door breaking my emotional ties with the kid and not encouraging Charlottes any longer in order to protect ourselves!
I Appreciate the comments. I really do. it helps me with me thoughts
I have to make a list.............
I've Got It!!!
a new thing to Bring to the Table!!!
his fear, his motivation for this whole Teaghan thing is taht he doens't want to be his father. (which he sooo isn't, but scars run deep) If he leaves here and chooses that family over this, he IS being his father to Charley!
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