i just sat and listened while my Sister told me what a shithead i am after I shared with her what we did yesterday. That we had been invited out to mom's for a swim. Charlotte and her friend. Mntn had not confirmed any of his plans with Tea at that time so i accepted. Afterwards he told me he had confirmed to pick her up at noon.
Sure I could have said come along. yes I totally could have. my parents wouldn't have cared. However, Charlotte would have. She wanted to go with her friend that had been invited. She didn't want to have to be forced to include Tea. I don't blame her. If it were an instance where Tea was around all the time and there was a relationship of siblings there, it would be different. She'd have to do what any other older sister has to do. but its not like that here, something else my sister called me an Asshole for. Not to mention - the times did not work out for her pick up and getting to my mom's and stuff. Why should I wait. i made plans. Even at that - he was late leaving to be there to pick her up on time. UGH!
How do you build relatioships when the kid has been ripped out from under us twice now.
How do you build a relationship with a child you can't speak to.
I made up a rule for myself nearly a year ago now, I won't be alone with Tea. And if I am alone with her i need to leave, because she makes me out to be the dragon lady. so if there is always a witness - I feel i am protected. make sense. (this tactic has paid off a couple times now as Mntn has caught her in some twisted words about me)
Granted, i have not shared every sorted detail with my sister.
She feels that Charlotte and Tea are sisters and should be treated as such.
That she is now her Auntie too. That i am her stepmom.
Why should I put my daughter in a position to be emotionally vulnerable. She would desperately Love a sister. I allow Charley to feel that way and then something more happens. Tea is not allowed to come over again for a long time. Or Charlotte acts like a protective sister when this girl gets in over her head.
yes i am an Asshole, but haven't I been put in the position to become one in order to protect not only Charlotte's heart but my own.
or am I really making a mountain out of a mole hill?
4 comments:
can't say that I totally disagree with her on some aspects. You are a kind-of step-mom as Mountain has a heart relationship with Tea and as you are about to be his wife, there is a connection there. Step-mom is not quite the right word for it, but it is ... something.
as for swimming... I don't really think you were wrong. The plans were in place, and Charley already had a friend coming.
There is always a next time...
yeah, i agree. I am soemthing - but it isn't stepmom
You will be pretty soon. You also have to step UP here (sorry to say) and be the mom, change Tea's idea of who you are, nurture a new relationship despite what you think of HER mom. Something to think about for the future, not saying you have had your reasons (many many many) to feel the way you do, or been burned in the past. But move FORWARD from that is what I would encourage. This isn't just a wedding, it's a marriage, a partnership and a new opportunity to become a complete family.
she is not here enough for any of that to happen - once every 4 to 5 weeks?
a relationship that does not make.
The 3 of us are a complete family
i will and have and will continue to be as i have with her. I am polite, friendly, and include her when she is here. When she acts up - i walk away. preferrably out of earshot. Mntn deals with her.
Hopefully things will change and Mountain will have her more, maybe a routine, so that she CAN be part of this unit. But for now - she is a guest that shows up for a few hours every month that Charlotte and i have to entertain and watch what we say and do while she is here
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